Sephiroth the Cheese God

Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
Setting: Who knows?
Main Characters: Sephiroth (Duh)

Note From the Authoress: I meant to leave this part how I ended it! It may look like I couldn’t be bothered to end it, but honestly, its part of my big plan!

Part 8

Sephiroth stood in front of a long mirror that stood in his cabin, critically examining his image. He pulled a couple of strands of his hair forward, examining them, before returning his gaze to his whole face. He was still debating on his hair. He loved his hair colour the way it was, but it would cause more publicity to him to dye it. The examination of his hair also took his mind off a more important question. Why hadn’t Cloud chased him down yet? His name had been in the paper enough, and, Sephiroth knew that Cloud would most probably love to foil his plans again. Yet he had seen neither hide nor hair of him. With a sigh he shook his hair back, just as a call was heard

“Land Ahoy” a smile split his face. At last. Now his plans could continue. He ran up to the deck, sparing a disgusted look for Cid as he ran past.

 

Sure enough, there, on the horizon, and drawing nearer by the second, was a vast chunk of land. Sephiroth frowned, it didn’t seem like his homeport. Still, land was land, anything to get of this stinking boat.

 

 

Tifa chased after Cloud, who had taken off once again as someone questioned his plans for defeating Sephiroth. He had avoided the question solidly, never answering, always running the opposite way.  Tifa was starting to get worried. She tracked him to a corner of the sector seven slums.

 

“Cloud?” Cloud jumped.

 

“Tifa? What are you doing here?” Tifa seated herself beside Cloud.

 

“You ran again. This doesn’t have something to do with Aeris, does it?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Only that last time you went against Sephiroth, he killed Aeris.” Cloud blinked and looked away.

 

“Its nothing like that.” Tifa shifted slightly.

 

“Then what is it?” Cloud swallowed. He would have to tell them sometime.

 

“Tifa, I can’t fight Sephiroth. I’m lactose intolerant.” Tifa gasped, jumping to her feet with a horrified look on her face.

 

“It’s not possible!” Sheesh, thought Cloud, the way she reacted anyone would think that I told her Sephiroth was my father or something. To Tifa, however, he merely said,

 

“It’s true. I cant face him while he is the Cheese God” Tifa backed away slightly, a look of betrayal on her face.

 

“I… I have to go back to the bar” With that she turned and ran.

 

 

Close too the island looked nothing like Sephiroth’s home. Perhaps it was because of the golden sand leading to dense jungle that he got this impression, or maybe it was the fact that none of the homes near him were mud huts. Cid came across the deck and stood beside Sephiroth.

 

“I don’t think we’re in Midgar any more,” he muttered. Sephiroth blinked. He turned and stared at Cid. He blinked again, before he spoke, or, more accurately, shouted.

“Not in Midgar anymore? What is that even supposed to mean? We haven’t been in Midgar for ages. What, have you only just noticed? I would of thought the days spent on board a pirate ship might have been a big clue. Did aliens actually come and remove your brain? Did you even have a brain in the first place? How could you even think something so dumb!” he paused for breath, then flicked his hair and stepped ashore, leaving Cid mouthing wordlessly, and pulling off a good impression of a goldfish.

 

 

Sephiroth strolled across the sand, stopping every so often to remove his boots and tip sand out. How is that even possible, He thought, I’m wearing boots! How does sand get in them? The sun was beating down. Sephiroth turned and headed for some shade. Why hadn’t he thought of bringing some rum ashore? He pulled some hair forward absentmindedly starting to plait it, and gazed out over the beach. Now what? As he thought, his subconscious brought to attention the black dot running towards him. He stared harder. It seemed to be Boris. He was waving something. As he drew closer Sephiroth realised it was a bottle. Ah, good man, he’s brought me rum! Boris skidded to a halt, spraying sand at Sephiroth. Sephiroth stood still for a moment, leaping to life. Spitting sand out he let out a rant.

 

“Really man! Was there any need for that! You got sand in my mouth” he paused to spit more sand out “and in my hair too…” Boris had the decency to look sheepish.

 

“I’m sorry sir” Sephiroth was pleased with the sir. It made him feel important. “Only, I found some hair dye in my room.” Sephiroth blinked again. He decided not to question why Boris had hair dye and instead took the bottle.

 

“Deep red hair dye” he read “apply generously and wash off for a superb colour.” he nodded. “Ok, I’ll try it then. Excuse me Boris!” Sephiroth turned and walked away. He stopped out of sight and took a few strands of his hair. “Better test it first.” He generously poured it over the strands he was holding, and then looked around. Only seawater nearby. Well, it didn’t specify water type. Sephiroth walked to the sea and rinsed the hair strands off.

 

END OF PART 8