Sephiroth the Cheese God

Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy
Setting: Who knows?
Main Characters: Sephiroth (Duh)

Note from the Authoress: firstly, I would like to thank my good friend light for giving me this idea. Secondly, events and things in this story have no necessary link to FF7. Also, I’m not entirely to sure why I had Sephiroth drinking brandy, he just seems like a brandy type of guy

Part 2

Groaning, Sephiroth stood up. He had the worst cramp in the back of his neck. He gazed down at the floor, his head throbbing. No wonder he was sore. It seemed that he had collapsed on the floor. Sephiroth’s floor was not the softest thing in the world at the best of time, but when you collapsed on it in a drunken stupor it tended to be even worse. He stared around the room, his head still throbbing. How much did he drink last night? Holding his head he staggered through to his kitchen. What the hell had happened to that bread? Groaning he pulled back the curtains. And wince. Who knew that light could be that painful. Just great. Now on top of everything else, Sephiroth had a hangover. He weaved his way through the empty brandy bottles to a drawer; he paused before taking an aspirin out of it. He was vaguely recalling something. He had had an idea. It had been a brilliant idea, he was sure of it. He just couldn’t quite remember what it was. Damn! The one original idea he had had for ages, and it had slipped away from him like sand through the giant sieve of time. He swallowed the aspirin and choked as it got lodged in his throat. Dammit! There was no water nearby so he took a swig of the brandy still on the side to help him swallow the aspirin. When he had stopped choking it occurred to him that swallowing an aspirin with brandy probably wasn’t the best idea in the world. Dejected, he staggered to his bed and collapsed, drifting into a deep sleep.

The sun was well into the sky by the time Sephiroth finally came around. He felt a little better, and, vowing never to drink that much brandy again, he decided to go down to the nearby newsagents, as a craving for chocolate had sprung up out of nowhere. He left his home, and wandered down the street, slowly heading towards the newsagents. He stopped for a minute to scare some kids that were playing football in the streets. With a slight feeling of satisfaction he watched as they ran away. At least some people still shivered in fear at his presence. Ok, so they were 6 year olds, but still, they fact he still had the ability to terrify little children held a small flame of self satisfaction in his mind. A slight smile in his face he sauntered onwards with a small amount of his self confidence adding a slight spring in his step. He entered the newsagents. There were 3 other people in there. He cast the other customers a small evil and haughty glance. The reaction wasn’t quite what he had expected. He had expected them to back away, or to at least ignore him. What he didn’t expect was that they would start laughing. But that was exactly what they did. He stared at them in a faint surprise. Then, scowling, he turned to the sweets, and picked up a bar of chocolate. Turning to the counter he caught sight of the newspapers. His picture was on the front page. Odd. He hadn’t made the front page for ages, not even when he was sued by that Yevon dude. Curious, he also picked up the paper. He glanced at the article. It contained details about him claiming to rule the world by becoming the cheese god. He heard the other customers burst out laughing; they had been trying to stifle their laughter up to this point. They were now laughing so much they staggered out of the shop, still laughing. Sephiroth couldn’t believe it. As if his defeat wasn’t humiliating enough, now this had made him the laughing stock of the entire town. How could he have been foolish enough to announce it to the world? He would definitely never drink that much brandy again.

But, if he pulled something like this off, maybe, just maybe, his name could be restored. Perhaps this was the plan to give him domination once again. It was worth a shot. If only he could find a way to pull it off. There must be some way. He brought the chocolate and the paper, and wandered back out into the street, still thinking. How could he do this. It just needed careful planning. Yes, just planning. Then he, Sephiroth, would once again be the most feared man alive. He was so absorbed in planning out his scheme that he didn’t even notice the laughter that followed him home.

END OF PART 2