Completely Random Stories

The Origin of Cortana

The Pillar Of Autumn crash landed on a planet called Hyperspace. This planet was inhabited by AI Constructs, the Queen was named Tana. Her twin sister was Cortana. The Queen sent Cortana and some military assistance to deal with the perpetrators. They then boarded the ship and asked to speak with the Captain. Captain Keyes then appeared and said" Beware I have the strongest army and a needler." "You are on my planet now, and will go by my rules! So put the needler away!" "Well, I have the famous Spartan II's ShippoDeath and Nymph." "Oh Really now do you?" "Yes I do and they are sleeping right there." He points to the cryo tubes. Cortana walks over to them and looks them up and down. "This one has purple armor, what does purple armor blend into?" "Purple surroundings of course. I need to take a nap if you please." "That word is forbidden on this planet! We sat that we must refresh our brains." "fine i am going to refresh my brain. Good Night." Cortana leaves thinking that the Captain is an idiot. She returns to the palace and talks with Queen Tana. "This is bad he is the dreaded Captain Keyes AKA The Nap. He has ShippoDeath and Nymph at his command. We must give him what he wants or else he will kill us all!" "Your Majesty he is an idiot and could not kill us all! I will go and speak with him." Cortana snaps her fingers and the military general comes and follows her to The Pillar of Autumn. There the ask for Captain Keyes, but the subordinates tell her to come back later as he is refreshing his brain. But with all the commotion Keyes comes out and starts yelling at everybody for disrupting his nap. He then sees Cortana and says"What the devil are you doing here?!" At this statement the General who had been forgotten said"Don't you dare talk to Princess Cortana that way!" Cortana calmed him down and said what do you what?" "Isn't it obvious? I want an AI Construct to pilot my ship." A solider came up and said "Sir, there is a Covenant armada headed our way." "Wake up the Master Chiefs! You'll have to excuse me we have more company." The General who had been forgotten again said"Everybody run for your lives!" ShippoDeath and Nymph said "Relax we got it covered. Squirrels and Penguins Attack!!!!" ShippoDeath pulls out her assault rifle and Nymph her shotgun. With Cortana watching all of the Covenant were annihilated. Cortana says"Wow, they really are good." "Hey, Keyes where are we?" "ShippoDeath you idiot we are on Hyperspace," Nymph replies to ShippoDeath's stupid question. "Will you guys please stop?" "How do you know that they are guys?" asked Cortana. "Well of course they're guys! Listen to their voices!" "Well, acually," said ShippoDeath and Nymph," we are girls. We just use voice changing devices." "Told you so! What's up with the battle cry, anyway?" Nymph pulls out a baby squirrel and says "Because, it's fluffy!" ShippoDeath adds "It's fluffy too," while pulling out a baby penguin. Cortana raises one of her non-existent eyebrows and says "O-k-a-y..." The General, who had been forgotten once more, said "Princess, what are you going to do about their quest for an AI system to pilot their ship?" "Actually," said Nymph, "we only wanted something to help gather information. The piloting the ship thing was Keyes' idea, and we all know how he's idiotic." "Girls, huh? Girls. Girls I can stand." With the escort of the often General, Nymph, ShippoDeath, and Cortana went off to Queen Tana's court room. Keyes, finding that he is being left, cries out "Hey, what about me?" No one replies, except Nymph, who locks the door on the way out. Soon they arrived, and found a Cortana look-alike sitting on a throne. "Who are these strangers?" Asked Tana. "These are ShippoDeath and Nymph, the Spartans," replied Cortana. "Girls, don't worry." Tana said, "Oh. So, why are they here?" Both Spartans replied, "Just because we are searching for an information source to help us on our missions." The General who had been forgotten yet again said "Your majesty an army of grunts coming this way!" as he ran away screaming never to be forgotten again. ShippoDeath and Nymph got ready to take them down. They killed all of them except one and named him Billy Bob Joe and locked him away in a zoo. Just then another Captain Keyes appeared, but this one had no face. Queen Tana said "if you will lock both Captain Keyes in a zoo for all entirety I will give you an AI Construct to help with you missions." That is exactly just what ShippoDeath and Nymph did. "Sister I will go with them." "Your not going alone Cotana I'm coming with you." So they reparied the Pillar of Autumn and flew off on another mission.

How Penguins, Wolves, and The Armored Man Became Friends

Once upon a time , in South Africa , a stranger was among the penguin flock. A black wolf with dark red markings had found it's prey. The king penguins however wouldn't let their young go to such a stranger, and the Empress was not pleased. She stepped up to the wolf and poked it. Poked it again. And again. And again. And again. Finally, the wolf had finally had enough of being poked and howled "Who are you and what are you doing here?" The penguin Empress Sesshomaru answered haughtily " I am the Empress and shall do as I-" suddenly a young penguin came up and handing her a banana said "Your banana Your Majesty." "Thank you Monkey. Now as I was saying, I shall do what I please!" "You wish don't you, now let me through or die!" "Hold up there," said a stranger "I have an assault rifle." A stranger in bright purple armor was approaching, holding as stated, an assault rifle. All of the sudden, the black wolf was not there, and was replaced by what looked like a human girl. Well, she would have been human, minus the red eyes, black tail, and wolf ears on top of her head. The 'girl' said "let me pass of I will send millions of squirrels upon you." The Empress replied "how nice, now we have more to contend with. Leave this place if you wish to fight. We are peaceful." At these words the 'girl' mumbled something and quickly pushed a sheathed katana behind her back. By this time, the stranger with the assault rifle had been forgotten, regained everyone's attention by.....eating a banana from the Empress's royal stash of bananas! (author's note by Kat: GASP!) He said "I am ShippoDeath and we will do battle in my world, which isn't real." The wolf-girl picked up a long sword and called up Monkey. "Here, you can help. Use this." The penguin Monkey attempted to to pick it up, held it for a moment, and then collapsed from the weight. the penguin Monkey was squished with a loud splat. She bounced back up again and said "Ouch. That didn't hurt.' "Umm...," the wolf-girl replied, "Okay." "Then we're off, come with me wolf-person." "Hold up now, I'm coming as well. Yes, me the best warrior here......Miso!" The girl raised a single eyebrow, "And your weapon is...Miso? No, don't tell me. I don't want to know." The girl swished her tail slightly as she turned to ShippoDeath. " Well, I Chickadee am ready," then she added under her breath "and let's hope that weirdo penguin-warrior-thingie is.." "No worries here mate. Uhhh..how do we get there?" Chickadee sighed, muttering "Now I'm stuck with a purple armored crazy person with an assault rifle and or an Australian Warrior Penguin..." out loud she said "Ask him," making a jerky motion with one sharp nailed hand toward ShippoDeath. "Umm..... with this tele-porter." ShippoDeath pulls out a shotgun. "This is my partner's and she's the smart one. She said that we just have to press this button with a ship on it." "Not much to top in the way of intelligence there," Chickadee said under her breath. She took the katana off her back and holding the unsheathed blade at her side, she waited for Miso to do the same. Miso took a book off her back and sat down and began reading. The cover of the book said BAKAS. Chickadee with her mouth hanging open stammered, "A book! She's reading a book! She's reading a book before we go to a land that doesn't exist. Ugh!" So said, she hit herself on her head with the palm of her hand, but she reluctantly pressed the button on the shot gun. All three were zoomed away in a whirl of dark colors, Miso still reading her book and looking utterly unimpressed by the fact that color and sound were zooming away to take her to a world that didn't exist. Once there she said something that sounded like Bla Bla Bha Bla and started floating. For the real title of that book that she was reading was Sorcery for Me. Meanwhile Chickadee's red eyes had moved off the floating penguin. She had spotted a well camouflaged other hiding in the rocks and wearing a gray suit of armor exactly like the one ShippoDeath was wearing. Except well- it was gray. The other was holding a sniper rifle, unmistakably pointed at the penguin. Right as she started to fire, Chickadee ran, and blocked the bullet with a skilled move of her katana. Miso didn't look the least bit surprised but on the other hand Chickadee did. That was because Miso took control of Chickadee's body and made her stop the bullet. She then sent a bolt of lighting and a stream of fire at her attacker. "BAKA!" Chickadee screamed (Note from Kat: this is going to be a battle between the authors for a little while...) She shoved her katana at the hovering penguins wing, hoping to make contact... Miso however threw a stream of lighting and water at the katana. The katana was deflected and Chickadee let out a yelp of pain as waves of electricity coursed through the metal sword. She growled, first in a human voice, and then more and more canine-like as her body shape changed- the black wolf was back. Chickadee opened her mouth and charged once again attempting to bite Miso. Her charge was interrupted midway by the gray armored man and ShippoDeath. 'You aren't the only two fighting. Don't forget it either," they said in unison. Chickadee growled but returned to demon form. All of the sudden, there was a bright flash of light as a grenade blew up. Suddenly they reappeared in a boat, without the gray armored man. (Kat: Whoo...he went poof!) "Where are we?" Miso asked, Chickadee looked around, then her eyes landed on the pilot of the ship. A long cloak over a skeleton-thin frame-"The River Styx..." she whispered, "The River of lost souls..." ShippoDeath still angry at the gray armored man said "I say we unite and give that bakarou a run for his money. When he dies we make his after life miserable." Miso and Chickadee agreed and they soon became friends while plotting for revenge. (Author's note Shippo: me and Kat would like to take this time to dance on water and shout for joy.) (Kat: and we all live happily ever after. Except the gray armored dude. Bad dude!)
Created by Kat and Shippo

The Great Sock Heist

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a great king with his great stash of socks.� For this king believed that the value of�socks�were going to shoot up one day, and he would be rich.� So, the king spent�much his great fortune on socks. ��� One day, two sneaky looking individuals came into the palace.� They had heard of the great sock stash, and since they also believed socks to be of great value, they decided to steal them all.� So, they did.� The king, finding his great stash of socks to be gone, promptly decided that socks were to much of a risk to be kept around the castle, and started investing his money in more stable places- like lip gloss. The End.
Created by Kat