Things of a Newness
12 December, 2005
See? Told you there’d be more than one update this year.
Cast your minds back to the last time we were here, and you may remember that we mentioned some interesting developments that were in development. You might also recall that we didn’t tell you what they were, for technical reasons. Well, the technicalities have been ironed out, and the developing things are now fully developed – and we can reveal that exciting comic-related things are afoot. What’s more, we can answer the question that you’ve probably been asking since you logged onto the home page and clicked on the What’s New? link by mistake, instead of the large and blindingly obvious purple-and-gold logo.
Specifically: Who are Ape Man and Monkey Boy?
Just let your mouse do the clicking, and all will be made clear to you.
Oh, and Happy Christmas, readers! We love you all.
7 March, 2005
Greetings, Earth-dwellers!
(Crowds cheer, trumpets trumpet, small children run gaily through the streets risking squelchy squashing beneath the wheels of heavy goods vehicles.)
Yes, at last, Crazy Lizard Studios is back in action. Happy New Year, everyone! In March. Marvellous.
So then, what can you expect to see in the first (but not - be assured - the last) update of 2005? Well, let’s have a quick peek. There’s a selection of various new odds and ends in the Finished Art department; also, if you’d care to pop into the Fan Art room, you’ll discover yet more delightful drawings by the frankly unstoppable BlueEyesWolf. Criminy. Plus, now arriving at Platform One (or, more accurately, the Presents section over in the ORCS! Encyclopedia) is a spiffing illustration by none other than the lovely Miss Sarah Jacotine. We spoil you, y’know.
Another thing you might like to know about, if you’re one of those people who never troubles to scroll down the intro page (which is a mistake, because you’re liable to miss things that way), is our shiny brand new Mailing List. Of course, it wouldn’t be terribly interesting if all it did was tell you when the website’s been updated (which it does, obviously, so you won’t have to keep checking back here every few days in the vain hope that something new will have appeared in the meantime), so all who join the list will receive a special e-letter containing behind-the-scenes info, links to extra artwork and clues to help you find the secret pages. Sign up, and BE ENLIGHTENED (though not if you’re a pillock, obv). It's completely free, and your details will not be passed on to kitten-drowningly evil spamblokes. Many thanks to Chris Zawadzki for running it on our behalf!
The one thing you won’t find in this update is any real explanation for the site’s six-month hiatus, because for the most part it’s all stuff you really don’t want to know about. However! There have also been one or two Things Happening that are leading in promising directions, but can’t currently be expanded upon, so look out for more news in the future...
That is all. Return to your homes, citizens.
31 August, 2004
Forget NBC, the BBC or QVC – CLS is back on the air for the new season, and we’re better than any of them, so ner. Yes, after a four-month absence, we have returnified with an extra-special update that should go some way to explaining why we were absent for four months – and in case you missed the stuff on the front page (how?), all the latest things are accessible here. As you will see, we’re now hosting a self-contained mini-site that’s all to do with the excellent indie comic Bubba the Redneck Werewolf, with which one of the zany funsters of Crazy Lizard Studios has become significantly involved. And that’s not all! If you would care to make your way to the Fan Art room, you’ll discover some superb new works adorning the walls by that invincible maestro BlueEyesWolf.
Pretty cool stuff, eh? And we don’t bombard you with adverts or trailers every five minutes, either. Execpt for the ones that get plonked on our pages automatically by the service provider, of course. Cheers, Geocities.
30 April, 2004
Right, we can’t hang around here too long, because we’ve all got a VirtualBus to catch. So then.
New things this update include: an illustration in the Orcs Encyclopedia, five pretty pictures in the Miscellaneous Fan Art department of The Looney Bin, an illustration of some evil mutant alien cow people, and a whole load of thoroughly marvellous fan art from both Scary Larry and BlueEyesWolf, who are brill. Now we’re off down to the InformationSuperMarket. Anyone want anything?
29 February, 2004
Fittingly, much leaping about has taken place today in order to get this update finished, as yet again there’s been absolutely oodles of new stuff to add; and curiously, most of it takes the form of art created by fans of things. Or, if you prefer, “fan art.” Although this shouldn’t be misconstrued as meaning we’ve got lots of new pictures of fans, like ceiling fans, or hand fans. It isn’t that.
To begin, we’ve reinstated the Fan Art section on the main page that we only got rid of a few months ago, but in a new format. It now contains artwork by other people based on our things, instead of the other way round (which makes rather more sense if you think about it, just like we didn’t the first time), and it gets off to a corking start thanks to some superlative contributions from Blue Eyes Wolf and Scary Larry.
Next, there’s a big batch of new additions to the Miscellaneous fan art department in the Looney Bin, including an alarming tribute to Rik Mayall and some jokes about serial killing. Wacom wizard Sarah Jacotine has also contributed another piece of fan art for the Orcs Encyclopedia, in the form of...well, it’s probably best if you just have a look for yourself, frankly.
Last, and by all means least, there’s are some old orc-related sketches and a drawing created solely for the purpose of making a monumentally dreadful pun. Neither of these things are fan art, unless you’re a fan of old sketches or monumentally dreadful puns; but if you are, then hey! Your luck’s in.
31 December, 2003
Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind? Yes, it should. So that’s the end of that then.
Welcome, one and all, to the final update of the year! And what a year it’s been, ladies and gentlepersons. We’ve had war, we’ve had political scandal, we’ve had J K Rowling turn into Stephen King for kids, and we’ve all had more than enough of TV shows about talentless proles competing to discover who can sing I Will Always Love You in the least recognisable key.
Here at Crazy Lizard Studios, however, we have had none of these things. Instead, we’ve had all kinds of artwork-orientated goodies springing up all over the place for you to look at with your collective faces, and as 2003 splutters to a halt just moments too late to avoid plunging over the cliff of eternity, we’ve got a whole lot more of them by way of a cheery “Hello!” to 2004.
We start with Miss Sarah Jacotine adding yet another string to her flute, in the form of the brand shiny new Fantasy Art room in the Looney Bin.
From notorious vampire-puncher Chris Christison, we have a further collection of excerpts from his overflowing sketchbooks of excellence.
Plus, in between researching the genetic structure of John Prescott (he’s at least 82% pies, apparently) and raising much-needed funds to have the Fast Food Rockers professionally killed, Matt Smith has found time to produce two more pictures with the core theme of injurious altercations, plus a nice drawing of some flowers, just for a change.
Finally, to reassure those of who who’ve been asking, Mat McGowan has not, in fact, been kidnapped by international terrorists to test the effects of experimental chemical weapons on small hairy people; he’s simply been extremely busy managing the comic shop in Nottingham (yes, managing; we’re slowly gaining control of you all, you know) and hasn’t had time to post lots of new art. All being well this should be remedied during the New Year, just as soon as we can track him down and force him at gunpoint to scan some of his bleeding drawings.
Cheerio for now, readers!
31 October, 2003
“Are you pondering what I’m pondering, Pinky?”
“I think so, Brain. But I don’t think dropping David Blaine’s box in the Thames would have made it that much more interesting.”
“No, Pinky. It’s two months since the cranially impoverished lackeys at Crazy Lizard Studios bothered to put anything new on their site, and that should mean there’s another update due any moment.”
“Egad, Brain! You’re right. Zort!”
“Quiet, Pinky. Here comes someone now.”
Is there anybody in here? I could have sworn I heard voices. Oh well.
Hello there, viewers! It’s time for another exciting update. Additions this bi-month include a new section in The Looney Bin; a scary gryphon bloke; some more stuff to do with wrestling, including a second piece of fan art from Kazuma that’s even better than the first; and nothing at all to do with Halloween, because it’ll be Christmas by the time of the next update, and it would just look ridiculous.
See you next time!
”Is that it? How anti-climactic.”
“Never mind, Brain. Say, why don’t I turn on the TV instead? There’s a documentary on the Discovery Channel about 15th century toenail clippers.”
“I would advise against that, Pinky, as I would be forced to exact revenge upon you.”
31 August, 2003
Well folks, it's taken marginally longer than is necessary to terraform a planet, but The Looney Bin is finally open for business once again, after months of re-inflating the wallpaper and trying to untangle the mess of broken links and missing files left over from Yahoo!'s latest 'system upgrade' (which we think is a technical term for 'hitting the server with a big stick for a laugh'). There's loads to see in there, including stills from Miss Sarah Jacotine's top-notch animation work, and much more will be added in future updates, so be sure to call in for tea and straitjackets.
Elsewhere, other additions include a special section answering all the Questions Which Are Asked Frequently in the e-mails that crash regularly onto our VirtualDoormat, and if you'd care to cast your gaze towards The Zombie Collection at the bottom of the Sketches page, you'll discover that our resident console-mangler Chris Christison has redrawn all of our cadaverous counterparts, and created an entirely new piccy of Mat McGowan's girlfriend Zoe in an advanced state of decomposition. Zombification is clearly all the rage, which is presumably why so many people watch Pop Idol.
Oh, and there's also another secret thing concealed somewhere on the site. We'll be adding a new hidden bit with every update from now on, so it's worth looking for any peculiarities as you saunter merrily through our picturesque hallways; it'll either be a clue or something we've messed up by mistake, but it all adds to the mystery, doesn't it?
30 June, 2003
Yup, twice in one year! We're really cooking with dynamite now.
The latest update includes an awful lot of new drawings, including sketches, full-colour finished things and even (gasp!) a special secret bit (and not, for example, The Abridged Physics for Phools, as promised last time round. Tch, these artists, eh?), but before we get onto all that, I should like to draw your attention to the furtherly revamped Main Page. The observant among you will notice two things: first, a fine selection of Groovy Link Buttons so you can connect to our site in style; and second, a curious black-and-green banner promoting something called Orcy Worlde Championship Hurting (or OWCH for short).
Simply clicking on it and exploring the resultant site should explain things, but in brief, OWCH is a little spin-off thing set in the Orcs! universe. It’s a wrestling league for orcs, essentially the same as the WWF, except it’s all for real – and with the assistance of Grall, who has generously offered to act as webmaster, I’m in the process of turning it into a series of fun stories featuring a couple of familiar faces, and a full supporting cast of fighters dreamt up specially by various splendid people (Grall and Sarkaroth among them, in fact). It’s still massively incomplete, but I’m already working on further instalments of the story plus a whole bundle of new artwork, so be sure to pop back from time to time to see if anything new has appeared; notices will be posted here to inform you of new arrivals. Hurrah!
Staying with the wrestling theme, a whole bunch of grapple-related goodies have been added to the Orcs Encyclopedia – click here, here, here and here to be whisked straight to them. And as if that wasn’t enough, there’s a stonkingly stupendous piece of orcy fan art to enjoy as well, courtesy of Kazuma. We’re just too good to you sometimes.
And! If you’d care to examine the main Finished Art and Sketches pages, you’ll find some weight-training anthropomorphic animals, a humorous Star Wars-related item, and positively masses of new sketches by Chris Christison. Phew. That should be enough to keep you all going for a while.
"But hang on," you demand impetuously. "What about that special secret bit you mentioned at the beginning? Eh?"
Well, we could tell you where to find it. But then, of course, you’d know.
29 April, 2003
You see? Only 10 months this time. Much better.
As you might expect, there’s a veritable vanload of new artworkings to be viewed; and once again, they can all be accessed from this very page to save you the trouble of ploughing through all that old rubbish you’ve already seen. Aren’t we just lovely?
There are three bits in the main Finished Art section, consisting of a hairy chap brandishing outmoded farming implements, a grubby little molebloke and something rather special from champion games console-demolisher Chris Christison, which should be looked upon in a state of silent awe. So if you’re reading this in one of those dreadful inner-city internet cafés where a cup of hot chocolate costs roughly the same as a new house, don’t even think about clicking that mouse button.
On the Sketches page, even more of Mr Christison’s work is available for your gazing pleasure. You can see a lady on a flying moped, or another lady with some serious firepower, or a couple of small people, or a large scary armour-clad psychopath, or even some preliminary doodlings of the folks featured in the very special picture mentioned above. These may be observed with mild background noise.
Finally, nestling cosily within the Orcs Encyclopedia, we find two big green fellows and a mighty fine new fan-drawing from the small but perfectly-formed Rakeesh. Top work, citizen!
Plus! As you stroll through our hallowed hyperlinks, you may notice that things have been tidied up, brushed down and generally made slightly groovier since last we updated. Among the various alterations are the shiny new logos on the title page, and the incorporation of the ancient Fan Art section into the main Sketches area. And every link is now 100 per cent guaranteed to take you to the right place! Probably.
There’s loads more to come in the next few weeks and months, including - oh yes - the first part of The Abridged Physics for Phools. All will be revealed very soon indeed (no, really), so stay tuned to this...er...internet.
24 June, 2002
Bless me, is that the time? I could have sworn it was 2001 a moment ago.
Hello there, viewers. Apologies to all of you out there who might have been wondering where the blithering heck everyone’s been for the last year (we, um, overslept. Yes, that’ll do), but to make up for the disgracefully long wait between updates, there now follows an extra-specially unusually big one, for the enjoyment of your brains. Join us for a quick tour, won’t you?
Just over here a bit we stumble surprisingly upon the largest of all the updates, a new section residing in the main Finished Art page, which contains searing social satire on the deficiencies of state education today, or some cartoons making jokes about students. Hovering nearby, you should also discover some more illustrations of the curiously-recurring Paul Maxted, plus the very nearly long-awaited version of that belligerent hamster in glorious Techno-colour.
Meandering electrically into the warming confines of the main Sketches area will also yield new things - specifically, a selection of new designs by our resident ant-victimiser Chris Christison (each examining an interesting alternative profession, which you might like to try), and a drawing of Mat McGowan as a primate, because we thought it was funny.
Last, but by no means first, we potter arthritically towards the Orcs Encyclopedia, which features so very many extra bits it should really be illegal, but it’s not, so you need not fear being narked by the rozzers and bundled into a sturdy van upon looking at them with your eyes. There’s this one, and this one, and this one as well.
There, wasn’t that interesting? And if you think this is good, just imagine what you’ll have in store this time next year!
Aha. Ha.
4 June, 2001
Another brace of sketches from Sir Chris of the Christison, plus a couple of super-specially fab items on the main Finished Art page, from him as well.
You couldn't e-mail him while you're around, could you? Only he's been wondering if anybody's actually looking at any of it.
4 May, 2001
A bit of a special update, this, as we've not only got a whole discount furniture warehouse-load of new artwork on display, but a whole brand new person supplying it. Say hello to Mr. Chris Christison, who has the lovely honour of being the fourth supreme entity to walk the Crazy Lizard corridors, or at least he would be if we had any.
Chris will eventually have his own little corner of the site to do with as he sees fit (it'll probably have something to do with his multifarious comic book projects, although he's not quite sure just yet. There'll definitely be some lazer guns and things blowing up, though), but for now, heading towards the Sketches section on the main page will reveal all manner of his aesthetic wonders. There's another little bit amongst the rest of the illustrations there as well, added in celebration of our new arrival's...er...arrival. You lucky people.
Also floating newly upon the net is the Art by Others gallery in the Crazy and Friends section, two new pieces in the Orcs Encyclopedia, one in Sketches and one in Presents, and a picture that makes no earthly sense whatsoever residing stealthily amongst the Finished Art on the main page. If you've ever wondered what would happen if complicated mathematical procedures were to become inexplicably merged with the consumer entertainment industry, now's your chance to find out. And if you haven't, you can find out anyway. Because we're nice like that.