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Another rushed one, I’m afraid, as evidenced by the horrible capital letters (I don’t know what I was thinking) and the kind of forced perspective that would have alarmed M C Escher. But I still like it, in part because of the tiny difficult-to-read label tied to the lead, but mostly because the tutor is a quite deliberate caricature of a genuine lecturer on my course who was, in fact, entirely useless. I don’t think he ever saw it himself, because at the time he was having his leg glued back on after being run over by a particularly annoyed student whose regularly-scheduled project meeting he’d forgotten about for the fifth bleeding week in a row (actually, it might just have been a completely random car, or a bus, or something. Look, I don’t know. The important thing was he was injured), and he certainly never made any comment to me about it. But then again, he probably wouldn’t have noticed it anyway, because he was useless.

Oh, and the story focused on a newly-opened rascally website where students could download ready-made essays to try and pass off as their own, but that’s not at all interesting and not nearly as important as the fact of that lecturer’s total uselessness. He really was useless, you know.

Matthew Smith

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