Nick Burns (NB)-Jimmy Fallon Wang (W)-Jackie Chan
3-Darn it! My computer froze again! You know, it hasn't been the same since that virus attacked the system. Did anyone call Nick Burns?
1-I called about a half hour ago. He told me to go soak my head.
2-I don't like that guy.
3-Well I tried to run that Norton program to fix it but it didn't work, and I don't know-
NB-That's because the Norton Utilities can only detect a virus, it can't repair your hard drive after you've downloaded an infected program, Patch Adams! *jingle-Nick, the computer guy, he'll fix your computer, and then he's gonna make fun of you, cause he's Nick Burns, you're company's computer guy!*
NB-Okay blockheads, I'm getting ready to go on vacation. I'm training the new guy. If you need any help, you can call him this week, alright? Come on in here, Wang.
W-Hi everybody!
NB-Alright, who's having a problem? (all talk at once) Alright one at a time. My brain doesn't have a zip drive! What's your problem?
2-Well I just, um, I can't...
NB-Talk? What, my screen saver's about to kick in.
2-I'm doing the quarterly again and I copied the spreadsheets into this new file and this stupid computer screwed up all my columns.
NB-Oh, it's the computer that's stupid, not you, right? The computer screwed up.
2-Okay, alright. I tried to cut and paste it.
NB-Cut and paste. Didn't I tell you these guys were stupid? Go to your default font and change it to your spreadsheet font.
2-My spreadsheet has a font?
NB-MOVE! (types) Was that so hard?
2-I didn't know my spreadsheet had a font.
NB-Obviously! Hey, you know they're training monkeys down at the zoo to use computers, maybe I'll sign you up for a class.
1-Hey Nick. Hey Wang. How are things going today?
NB-About as fast as an LC-475 with a 32 bit processor.
W-Yeah, LC-475!
NB-Ah! I gotta remember that one in the chat rooms! What's your deal?
1-You know, the craziest thing's happening.
NB-What, you stopped thinking about pudding for ten seconds?
1-Come on! I want to open this file, but it says I don't have enough memory.
NB-Okay, drag your cursor up the right side of the menu.
1-Where's the menu?
NB-The last thing I expect you not to find is the menu.
1-Alright, you just show me where it is.
NB-MOVE! (types) Was that so hard? Wang, go help the Queen of Tetrus over there.
W-Okay, what's your problem, Einstien?
3-Wang, I'm trying to download an attachment from an e-mail, but when I try, it says that I need a file converter, so then I tried to save it into Word first, but then it wouldn't let me. So what can I do?
W-MOVE!
3-Did you fix it?
NB-Yeah he fixed it. I told you these flap jakcs are one meg short of a gig. (beeper goes off) Son of a-is that you? It's me. Oh. It's those idiots over at the R&D. I guess we gotta make like Microsoft.
W-And split!
NB-L-O-L! Oh, and by the way, you're WELCOME!
*jingle-Cause he's Nick Burns, you're companys computer guy!*
