Employee (E)-Chris Kattan
P-Hey, did you see the cover of Mac-User Magazine?
R-Oh, the one with the G-Form-2 on it?
P-Next to the Silicon Graphics ZX-10, it's got to be the coolest computer in the world!
NB-Yeah, if by "cool" you mean a computer that doesn't have an expansion bay, extra-SIM slots, then yeah, I guess it's the fondue of computers, Dilbert! *jingle-Nick, the computer guy, he'll fix your computer, and then he's gonna make fun of you, cause he's Nick Burns, your company's computer guy!*
NB-Hey Rhonda. You're not letting Parker corrupt your hard drive with that crap about the Q-Bar, are you?
R-Oh don't worry. This guy's not getting anywhere NEAR my hard drive!
P-I was just saying that the Qube looks better than the present G-4 Tower.
NB-Oh yeah, so does Cindy Margolis, but I can't run Quicken on her.
P-(laughs) Touche! I would have said Danni Ashe, because she shows her melons. But still a good one Nick!
R-Really good one Nick. Where ya been?
NB-Oh jeepers creepers...I was trying to help out those morons on the 3rd floor. They're trying to run a RealPlayer behind a firewall without the proxy set. Can you believe that?
P-You should take away their internet. Those guys are dense!
E-Hey Nick.
R-Here's one of Jerry's kids now.
E-What was that?
NB-She said you're one of Jerry's kids. Now what do you want?
E-Uh, my laptops messed up. I was sending a file, and it broke.
NB-Geez Louise, where did you get that, the "Antiques Road Show"?
P-Yeah, uh, we could take a look at that, and then I could take a look at your copy of "Tron" on BetaMax!
R-I remember that model. It comes bundeled with Frogger!
E-You guys gonna help me?
NB-Show me what you're doing...
E-Well I'm trying to save it...so I downloaded it...
NB-Uh huh...
E-...and then I pushed...
NB-Yeah
E-...this button, and I...
NB-Uh huh, yeah. MOVE! God, do you run the Internet on this thing? It looks like it's got a 28.8 or something!
(everyone laughs except for Employee)
R-We could upgrade your modem to a 56.6!
E-Can you...can you do that?
P-Oh sure. If we had a time machine to 1998!
E-(fake laughs) Can you please help me? It just froze up. I need an e-mail, it's very important. It's for a report I'm doing today.
NB-Did you make a backup file?
E-No
NB-Never do. Just leave it here-we'll do some carbon-dating on it!
E-I don't like you guys. (leaves)
R-Wow...if we need any replacement parts, we'll use an Atari 2600!
NB-That's a good one Rhonda!
R-You know what irks me? Those buffoons never back-up their files.
P-Oh. I don't havce to worry about that. I set up my Retrospect remote to back up my hard drive every Saturday at 3 AM.
NB-(laughs) Retrospect only works with your documents, not your third-party software!
R-Say good bye to your system resources! (laughs)
P-Well, hey, can you guys cover for me? I better go home and back that stuff up. Are you gonna be on-line later?
NB_Yeah...hey, yeah. What's your screen name again?
P-You know what it is...don't do this to me.
NB-No no no...I can't remember. What is it?
P-(sighs) Sexyman48
NB-(laughs) What?
P-Sexyman48
R-Okay, see you later, Sexyman! (Parker leaves)
NB-That guy's a real geek. He gives us computer technicians a bad name, you know?
R-You know, that worm probably lives in his mom's basement.
NB-Hey, cut the guy some slack. Rent's high, rent's high, rent's high.
R-Nick, I know that you live with your mom, but I do like you...and I also like the way you make fun of people who know less than you do about computers. I think it's...sexy.
NB-You do? I was thinking, maybe you could come over to my Mom's crib later on...we could play Playstation 2 or something...look at some games....
(they awkwardly lean in for a kiss, their beepers go off)
R-Oh damn!
NB-You?
R-It's me. It's those idiots in marketing. They probably need grief counseling because Pets.com went under. I gotta go. (starts walking away) I thought I was going to get my first kiss.
NB-Me too.
(she leans up to kiss him, and then walks away)
R-Oh, by the way, you're WELCOME!
(Nick is left dazed by the kiss)
