S-Hey Tommy, unpause it. Is the light flashing? What's up, this is Pat Sullivan. We got the camcorder out of loan today cuz my boy Tommy has full access to the AV closet. Me and my gal Denise here are taping ourselves in metal shop.
D-Don't film me when I got these queer goggles on!
S-You're wearing queer goggles, and I'm wearing beer goggles.
D-You're so retarded!
S-You are! (they make out)
H-Hey, hey, hey, what's going on down here? What's happening in the peanut gallery? Why is he taping, what are you doing?
S-This is our metal shop teacher, Verne Hilbert.
H-Oh, hi. (looks at Frank) Hey get away from that Lathe Franky! I told you, you need supervision over there!
S-Mr. Hilbert's the most awesome teacher in our school, cuz he grades based on effort, and he once got in a knife fight with Rick Ocasek.
D-The guy from The Cars! Tell the story Mr. Hilbert!
H-Oh, no no no. That was a long time ago in my roadie days, no. I don't want to....let me see your projects.
D-Alright, I'm doing the final polish on my minature Stanley Cup. I'm gonna give it to my mom for Christmas cuz she's a wicked big Burens fan, and she loves miniatures.
H-Well, that's an "A" project.
S-I'm getting my mom what I always get her-four lottery tickets and a carton of Merit Ultra-Lights. (looks at Denise) What are you getting me?
D-I ain't telling you! Cover your ears and I'll tell them, alright? (he covers his ears) I got him a book about Jim Morrison and a Tommy Hilfiger jersey. I got it on five finger discount.
H-I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
S-Cover your ears. (Denise covers her ears)
H-What are you getting her?
S-I got her a necklace with her name on a piece of rice, and I went over to Spencer Gifts and got her nipple warmers, it's wicked pisser!
H-That's very romantic...very nice.
D-Hey, I heard that!
S-You liar!
D-You are! (they make out)
H-Oh, look at this. This is really ridiculous. (Frank walks by) What did I tell you? Are you listening to me? Don't go near that lathe, you gotta wait for help!
F-But I gotta finish my birdhouse!
H-Well, safety first, you know that.
F-Come on, quit riding me, Dad.
H-Frankie, I ride ya because I love ya.
F-I don't think people should be required to take Shop if your dad's the teacher, cuz he can't be impartial about my aptitude.
S-Dude, I would hate it if I had my dad for a teacher.
D-I swear to God, I'm glad I never met my dad.
H-Look, I know you kids hate Industrial Arts, but there are alot of good-paying jobs out there for people who are good with their hands.
S-Yeah, she's pretty good with her hands!
D-Shut up!
S-You shut up! (they make out)
H-So quit goofing around. If you're done, finish your project or go polish your tools.
S-Tommy, please tell me you got him saying "polish your tools".
H-Alright, go ahead, laugh it up. Both of ya, laugh it up. Because when you graduate, then who's going to be laughing? What are you going to do when you graduate?
S-I'm going to be the first rapper to rap the National Anthem at a Red Sox World Series game. NOMAR!
D-I'm going to be a child care specialist and a lady wrestler, and I'm gonna call myself Zazoo!
H-Well I wanted to be a rock star, but you need something to fall back on. Crazy things happen in life.
D-Mr. Hilbert tell the Rick Ocasek story!
S-He was a roadie for The Cars!
H-Aw, nobody wants to hear that. Well back in those days, I had a real bad temper. Of course, now I'm fourteen years sober.
S-Sixteen years teaching, fourteen years sober, you do the algebra.
H-Well, let's just say Rik and I had a vicious fight and that's how I got my glass eye. Here, I'll show ya. Here look.
D-Awesome!
S-Tommy, did you get him popping his eye out? I'm gonna sell that to Real TV.
H-Thats why you always wear your safety goggles.
F-Ahhhh!
D-Oh my God! Frank got his hair stuck in the lathe!
H-Look, somebody get me my shears, here hold my eye.
F-Oh geez! Don't let him cut my hair, don't let him cut it!
(bell rings)
S-This is so funny, Frank's dad cutting his hair!
D-Sully, we gotta go, I'm gonna be late for Earth Science.
S-Whatever Zazoo. You may be late for Earth Science, but your jugs got there two minutes ago.
D-Shut up!
S-You shut up! (they make out)
F-Ahhhh!!!!!!
