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Article 2

During the Tour de France last year, the French media snooped through your hotel trash for evidence of performance-enhancing drugs. Is a French Ken Starr-like figure after you?
There's actually a whole group of Ken Starr types going after the entire sport of cycling. And the most logical person to get is me. That's why I want to win again. And I want to do it with the exact same exact training. If I ride as fast as I did the past two years, I can win again - and I expect even more criticism and skepticism.
But if you're testing clean , why would there be any skepticism?
Our system is different here in the US. in France you are guilty untill proven innocent. It's tough when you are accused of something. It's very though to appeal your case. When I talk to my attorneys in France and say "that doesn't make sense", they say "that's the way it is". France is just old and inefficient. Lance Armstrong and the Tour de France are not going to change anything.
Why bother? Why not just move the Tour to a different country?
Look , it is where it is , it's almost a 100 years old, it has a fantastic history and tradition. When I said , "It's unfortunate that the biggest bike race in the world is in France", that was only half the quote. But France is where all the doping hysteria exists. The most beautiful race in the world exists is the middle of cynicism. Plus , it's a downtime for French cycling in general - they haven't produced a Tour winner in 15 years.
The French are still testing your 2000 Tour urine and blood samples. Will they ever believe you're riding clean?
It will take years to biuld back trust. There will always be this part of some people that says that winning year after year is not possible. but in a few years , this will be the newt guy's problem.
OK , enough about drugs. Is there any rider in the world who can beat you this year?
The biggest threat is from Germany's Jan Ullrich. But if we can do our job and prepare properly, we have a real good chance. There's a lot of shit that can go wrong , but I think we'll be there.
Do you get along with the other riders on the Tour?
I get along with most of them , some better than others. I'll leave the names up to you.
What about trash talking? We've hears it's worse than the NBA out there - is that true?
Guys talk all the time , but there are a lot of different languages , so it's hard when you're speaking English or French and the other guy is from Kazakhstan.
How has your training been going - any good wipeouts?
The most embarrassing spill of my career was 3 months ago in Spain. I was eating a PowerBar, cruising along , when the group in front of me just stopped. I tried to hit the brakes , but I was really hungry and i just couldn't let go of that PowerBar. I rammed right into the back of the group , head over the handdlebars , the works. And the PowerBar was lying right next to me. i was still hungry , so I just picked it up and ate it.
Hmm , maybe you should wear your helmet more regularly.
I always wear my helmet when I'm training. That's when it seems to me that you really want to wear it , when you're out on the road with traffic. In races they close down the roads. I won't wear one when it's scorching hot and there's a lot on the line. And i think there are scenarios when a helmet won't help.
Last fall in Nice a truck hit you and broke one of your vertebrae. What did that feel like?
I felt like I broke my back , like something was sticking in there - not a knife , but a sharp stick right in the back. I told one of my teammates to take a closer look at it. But there was no road rash , nothing. The bike was in 4 pieces , though , and my helmet was shattered.
Last year , 20 million people lined the roads of the Tour. How many were Euro cycling groupies?
A few , but they're really bad , just plain ugly - you would not be impressed. Let's just say those girls are far from tempting.
So having testicular cancer has not affected your sex life?
No , not at all. 1 testicle does the same job as 2.
What's it like having the netire world knowing you're missing a nut?
Most people think everything is only half as good , but 1 makes up for the other. Trust me.
Are guys allowed conjugal visits during the Tour? After 10 hours on a bike , can you even perform?
Sure. I see my wife 5 or 6 times over the 3-week period , but during the Tour , the Sean Kelly school of cycling rules applies - total abstinence.
Wow , that's dedication. No drugs , no sex. What about partying?
No way. You can't party during a stage race. you'd get your ass kicked the next day. But in the wintertime , I definitely like to drink a beer now and then , and more than that. I love margaritas , and I drink a lot of Shiner Bock.
Life on the road sounds tough. Is there anything to do for fun?
Right now I'm in a place with one plate , a few broken forks , and stacks of Maxims. I called my wife and said , " I can't believe this place. I'm just bach'ing it."