Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an imasculated, infantile complain-ee. this note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true.I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. i feel guilty beyond words for these things.
For example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin.,it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for freddie mercury,who seemed to love,relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something i envy and tottaly admire.The fact is, i can't fool you, any of you. it simply isn't fair to you or me.The worst crime i can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if i'm having 100% fun. Sometimes i feel as if i should have a punch-in time clock before i walk out on stage. i've tried everything within my power to appreciate it and i do,god,believe me i do,but it's not enough.I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people.It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone.I'm to sensitive.I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm's i once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music,but i still cant get over the frustration,the guilt and the empathy i have for everyone.there's good in all of us and i think i simply love people too much,so much that it makes me feel to fucking sad.The sad little,sensitive,unappreciative,pisces,jesus man.why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me to much of what i use to be,full of love and joy,kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm.And that terrifies me to the point i can barely function.I can't stand the thought of frances becoming the miserable,self-destructive,death rocker that i've become.
I have it good, very good,and i'm grateful,but since the age of seven,I've become hateful towards all humans in general.only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy.only because i love and feel sorry for people too much i guess
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years.I'm to much of an erratic,moody baby! I dont have the passion anymore,and so remember,it's better to burnout then to fade away.
Peace,Love,Empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life,which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!