Summary! But...why not just write the story?) (She’s such a silly person.) Ah Hyrule…a land where its inhabitants sometimes break into song! (Since when!?) (Ew, didn’t I try to write a Zelda musical once? I remember someone reviewed and said it sucked. But then the Great Script-Format Purging of ’04 happened and the musical was the first to go. I was secretly glad about it. GOOD RIDDANCE, MEDIOCRITY.) Link is currently still on his journey to defeat Ganon Ocarina of Time Style, only just defeating the Forest Temple when a girl, somewhere between the age 15 and 16 (So she’s fifteen.), literally drops out of the sky and lands on our beloved Fairy-Boy (and this greatly amuses Navi, by the way). (Honestly, I doubt it would amuse Navi. Midna, maybe. Tatl, perhaps. Navi, no. She’s less sadistic than they are.) (Yeah, Navi’s pretty normal. Granted she does scream “HEY LOOK LISTEN” which can get annoying, but she isn’t mean or anything.) Link is fine, but the girl was struck unconscious in the fall, and in her hand he noticed she had been holding a sword with a green gem in the hilt. (Who cares? She just fucking landed on his head.) (I would’ve laughed if the sword landed on his head. Oh, and tense change. Epic fail, Skie.)

He sets up camp and waits for her to wake up, but his curiosity compels him to (inspect her clothing and) look up her skirt and also look at the sword a bit closer, and as soon as he touches it, a strange feeling overwhelms him and he finds himself blacking out, the sword shining brightly as if the blade itself was glowing. (Well, yeah. If it’s shining, I’d assume it’s glowing.) (*snerk*)

Waking up he finds himself with the green-gem-hilted sword still in hand, but also finds three copies of himself, their tunics all different colors. (...WHAT? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK, SKIELOON? BABE, CROSSING OVER ZELDA GAMES ISN’T COOL. SORRY. So, which one are you gonna pair yourself up with, dear?) (She just single-handedly fucked up the whole timeline. Oh, if only Doctor Who were here.) There’s red, purple, and blue, and each one of his clones has a near-exact replica of the one he has (The one what?), only the gem color matches their tunics.

The girl that landed on him doesn’t seem bothered by this (Why would she be? She wasn’t the one who got cloned. Oh GOD, imagine of there were four Skies- askjfak I’d have a heart attack.), but doesn’t seem to know where she is, so Link decides to let her travel with him (and his new copies) to learn the geography and what-not of Hyrule (even though he was originally against it). (I would be, too. I’d be more interested in figuring out why there are now FOUR OF ME. This is why I liked the Four Swords manga. It was logical. Kind of.) (I still need to read that manga.)

So! Now you know how it starts! (Joy.) Read on, and enjoy! (That will be somewhat difficult. I mean, you wrote it, after all.) And yes, I was serious when I said that they occasionally break into song. Slightly musical. (Slightly? Like a dash of musical on this badfic? It’s either a musical or it’s not.) I love musicals. Just because they’re just so darn fun. And this is in the Ocarina of Time setting. (With a dash of Four Swords?) (That should showcase this on the Food Network. A dash of musical, a pinch of Four Sword, a smidgen of cheese, and folks, we have badfic!)

Enjoy! (Oh, I will.)

He sighed and started marching towards Lake Hylia (Marching? Is he wearing the Bremen Mask? I love that mask. Sorry, I’ve been playing a lot of Majora lately. D:), keeping to the road so when nighttime came no stalchilds would jump out of the earth and attack him. (THIS IS ADULT!LINK, GET IT RIGHT.) Looking up at the sky, he saw the sun was just above him, noontime.

Suddenly, a blue/white flash blinked high overhead. (Spirit Bomb?) He blinked, holding his hand over his eyes and squinted at a small black shape. (Gah! Verb forms! Keep them consistent!) Was it a Guay? (A what?) What were those blasted birds doing here? They usually stuck around Lake Hylia…(Oh. I guess I should catch up on my Zelda monster lore. D:) (I really need to get you to play those games again. Majora party? Anyone? We can get the Couple’s Mask. :D)

As he watched it, the shape got larger, and larger… (And yet he doesn’t think to MOVE?) (“Hurr, look at the purty object. It’s growin’ and ev’rything. :O”)

“GAH!” Link attempted to leap out of the way (There we go!), but the shape crashed into him, sending him into a face-plant into the dirt. (So the Hero of Time isn’t as agile as we all thought, huh?) He got onto his elbows, spitting a clump of rock and dirt out of his mouth. (Eew.) (Seconded.)

“Oh my gosh, Link! Are you okay?” Navi asked, flying around him. (LIKE, OH MY GOSH! What happened to her aforementioned amusement?) (Ew, when did Navi become a valley girl? Actually, I always imagined Navi to be middle-age. Then again, I used to think the Deku Tree was female. Maybe I should stop talking.)

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he grunted, sitting up and straightening his hat. Navi flew out a second later.

“Oh good!” the blue fairy grinned and started laughing, “That was hilarious! OH my GOSH that was just great!” she giggled. (There it is.) (She’s acting more like Tatl would. Tatl would definitely be laughing.)

Link glared at her, “What hit me?” he mumbled, turning to see. And what he saw shocked both of them (even Navi, surprisingly) into silence. (Are you another Navi basher, Skie?) (Ah, I remember my Navi bashing days. So baseless.)

A girl lay sprawled out on the road on her side. She looked around 15 or 16 or perhaps 15 ½ but there was also a possibility she was 14 or 17 or 14 ¾ and had brassy blond hair (What color is brassy blond hair?) that was about shoulder length with bangs that reached her nose. (...might want to cut those.) (As long as they don’t cover one eye and her eyebrows aren’t swirly, I’m ok with it.) She had on a thin white shirt with a thicker gray hooded shirt over it (Then why do we need to know about the thin white shirt? It’s covered! With a hoodie that doesn’t exist in the Zeldaverse!) (I hate her hoodie.) with long sleeves that buttoned closed at the front, along with a pair of gray leggings that were a bit too long for her, nearly covering up her black boots completely. (Her...her fashion sense...augh!) (Ugh, gag me with a spoon. D:) Link and Navi rushed over, Navi flying around her and checking for any cuts or blood, while Link bent her arms and broke them, which was ironic because he had been doing so to make sure nothing was broken. (He conveniently missed her legs, which were twisted and mangled beyond all reason.) Surprisingly, not a scratch was on her. (Of course not. The author is omnipotent in her own story, especially this girl – back in the good ol’ Trainwreck, she only took damage when it was necessary to the struggling, sickly plot.) Sighing in relief, he sat back, rubbing his right temple. (Where’s his wrong temple?)

“What now?” Navi asked, putting her hands on her hips (Navi? The ball of light?) and hovering in front of him.

“Guess we wait until she wakes up,” he said, “I mean, we can’t just leave her here.” (“Or bring her to a doctor, since she fell out of the sky. Or a sage, since she FELL OUT OF THE SKY.” How does he not question whether or not she’s one of Ganon’s minions? She FELL OUT OF THE SKY and isn’t hurt at all. I’d’ve ran for my life by then. Also, wouldn’t Link be in serious physical pain right now, seeing as a teenager fell on him from the atmosphere? Gravitational acceleration isn’t pretty. Oh, fic logic, you’re so deformed.) (9.8 m/s² :D)

“’Course not!” Navi said, shaking her head, her short blue hair (Navi? The ball of light?) going every which way thus rendering her bald. “Why don’t you set up some sorta camp?”

“But Navi, it’s noon-” (Big deal. It’s not you’re doing anything important, like, I dunno, saving the world.)

“No buts! Camp! Now! With a fire!” she said, crossing her arms. (My, so bossy. Isn’t she more prone to suggest than demand?) (Yeah, but she would suggest very often. Although, that isn’t so bossy, since she’s trying to help you, oh, I dunno, save the world.)

Link sighed. There was just no arguing with the little blue fairy. (Link? She’s a little blue fairy. Think about it. I’m sure you could stuff her in a bottle as easily as the little pink fairies.) “Ugh…’kay…” he groaned. “Well, better start getting camp ready ‘eh? Go pick out a spot.” he said, waving the fairy off. (... “’eh”?)

“Right!” she nodded and flew off. Close up, she looked like a small blue human with a simple silver tunic and navy shorts, at a short distance she looked like a glowing ball of light. Oh, she had wings too. Being a fairy, she’d have to. (Now, why didn’t you inform us of this before?—hey, wait, who the hell wears shorts with a tunic!? Skie, you’re doing it wrong!)

Link looked back at the girl and picked her up (by the hair! By the hair!), heading after Navi, following the blue glow. She led them to a pond northwest of Lake Hylia and Kokiri Forest (There’s...a pond on Hyrule Field? Why not just keep going to the lake?) (I know, right? Just call Epona and have her carry Skie to the lake. Heck, maybe she can fall off and break her neck when Epona jumps over the gates. …What? I’m just saying.), which sort of ticked Link off because they were just backtracking. (LOL, he sounds like me when I play Tomb Raider. “The red room!? BUT I WAS JUST FUCKING THERE! AND THERE’S FORTY-SEVEN SAW TRAPS IN THE WAY! Fucking Lara Croft!”) But he didn’t complain, knowing that being close to water was the smart thing to do. (Maybe Skie sleepwalks!) (I’m sure you don’t need water. Just give her a bit of milk. Should work like brandy. SALKDAS;D BRING HER TO A MILK BAR.)

He placed the girl down by the water’s edge on a little bed of leaves that Navi had graciously made. (Navi can pick up leaves?) Link’s bed consisted of about one fourth the leaves she made for the girl. (Please, like he cares. He slept on a LOG back in the forest.) (All those twigs. No wonder the kid had nightmares.)

“Sorry, you got here before I could finish yours,” she shrugged.

“Well, could you maybe finish it now?” he asked.

“What?! You’re hear (!!!), you do it!” she shook her head and gave him a snobby look. (Oh my God. Hatred. So much hatred, Skieloon. I knew I disliked you for a reason, but DAMN. As if torturing Zoro wasn’t bad enough!) (This girl lives for torture.)

He could have sworn his eye twitched as he shoved the leaves all in one pile and using it as a pillow, his arms crossed behind his head. (No matter how much I hate Skie, I’ll always love to a certain extent how she writes Link. I’m sorry to say it, but it’s true.) “Hey Navi? Where do you think she came from? I mean, she fell out of the sky. That’s just weird. (She could be one of Ganondorf’s followers, too!)”

“Don’t know.” Navi said absent mindedly, teasing a fish in the pond. “Ask her when she wakes up, (if she doesn’t kill you for her evil overlord, of course.)”

“Oh gee, you’re so much help.” he muttered. He sat up and looked at the girl again, half expecting her to wake up right there. Instead, his eyes widened in surprise, “Hey Navi? Was that sword there before? Or is she just happy to see me?”

“Sword?” she hovered over, ditching the fish. “No,” she said, tilting her head to the side.

“Thought so.” Link said. Sure enough, the girl now held a sword in her right hand, gripping it tightly.

“Just leave it!” Navi said as Link reached for the blade, half wanting to hold it (bow wow chika bow) (HERE COME THE PHALLIC IMAGERY.), half wanting to keep her from stabbing herself while she slept. (Don’t be so kind, Link.) “It’s obviously enchanted (Really?) and you wouldn’t want to get zapped or anything.” she looked up at the quickly darkening sky, “Go to sleep, it’s getting late.” she said, and flew to her regular spot in his hat. (What, does time move as quickly as it does in-game? It was just noon!) (If time works the same, then is the field the same size? Because walking to Lake Hylia would not be a big deal, then.)

The moon shone brightly, no clouds obscuring its blue/white (You choose!) color. The stars were just as stunning. But Link wasn’t really thinking about that. His blue eyes drifted back to the girl and that sword. (He’s really into that phallic symbol.) He sat up slowly, as to not wake Navi and bring her wrath upon himself. (Personally, if I were Navi- not Skie!Navi, Real!Navi- I’d probably be pissed that Link is not SAVING THE WORLD.)

Slowly, he reached over and gently pulled the sword out of her grip, which had loosened quite a bit since it first appeared. It wasn’t as grand as his master sword (bow wow chika bow) (I have nothing to say. Too busy giggling.), but there was something about it that definitely was enchanted. His eyes rested on the end of the hilt, seeing the round green gem imbedded (EMBEDDED!) into it. He touched the gem curiously, and instantly felt strange. (Those are hormones, Link. I know you skipped puberty, but—) (Come to think of it, this IS older Link, right? I mean, Skie is notorious for setting herself up with her man of choice, and since the number of available men in Hyrule is... miniscule, Link seems to be the best slab of meat to torture.—hmm, I wonder if we’ll ever get to read her Thoughts on Sheik?) (Aha, that cutscene. “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE ACTUALLY A WOMAN? D:” That would be a great fic.) As if he was tired, energized, and dizzy at the same time. (Sounds like he’s horny to me! And maybe a little high.) A feeling that might be similar is waking up (With an erection?) in a Disney World. (A Disney World? You mean there’s more than one!? I missed the memo! And, dude, that is NOT what it feels like to wake up in Disney World. “Holy HELL, it’s hot here! Get me a Squeeze-Breeze!”) (Also: “Dammit, my feet are killing me. Do we have to go to Epcot right now?”) You’re excited to go on some rides, but you’re dead tired because you had to wake up at six AM, and when you sit up too fast you get dizzy. (That’s what you get for staying up for EPCOT’s late day, Link. D: Even I can’t handle that shit, and I love EPCOT. Off-Kilter FTW!) (Oh, Epcot. The food in China sucks, by the way. Just saying.) Now, multiply that by about six and that’s what Link is feeling. (Your prose kicks ass, Skie. No, really.) (Multiply that by six? I guess his feet are being amputated, then. I wanna go back to Disney. ;__;)

The blade started glowing brightly, light swirling up his arm and around his entire body. He tried keeping his eyes open, but failed horribly (LOL, METHINKS SOMEONE IS CHANNELING SANJI ATM) as they closed and he fell onto his back, unconscious like the girl next to him. (Well, yeah, he just had his feet amputated.)

Rootbeer and Rock! Which means to those of you who don't read my other stories (Those lucky, lucky bastards. Stay away from POTGM! Hell, stay away from them all!) (Yes, don’t be martyrs like us. D:)...Read and Review!

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Chapter 2

Well, it's long-ish, so yay:D (Glee!) (At least she can write long chapters. D: Mine are woefully short. “Um, yeah, this chapter’s only 3 pages long. Sorry!”)

So confused! (Don’t hurt yourself, dear.)

“Hey!” Navi’s all-too-familiar voice made him jump. “I told you not to touch the sword! But what did Hero-Boy have to do?! He had to touch the sword!” the furious little blue fairy barked angrily. (THE BARK LORD!)

“I was just curious!” Link said, flinching away from the mini-female’s fury. (Link. Just stuff her in a bottle. Better yet, why don’t you go to the Fire Temple?)

“Yeah? Curious huh? You know what, for that, you have to go find us breakfast.” Navi said. (“Find breakfast? But I got a three bottles of milk and fish. Oh, and this one is empty- oh, wait, I think I see something. Navi, how about you go in and look for me? All the way in the back, that’s right. Don’t mind this cork in my hand, just get in the bottle.”)

“Don’t I every morning though…?” (Well, Navi can’t exactly hunt beasts and slay them. Of course you do the hunting.)

Navi gave him a look that shut him up. (I miss when she didn’t have a face.)

Link groaned and stood up, “Fine! Fine, I’ll just go catch a stray chicken or something…jeez…” he brushed himself off and headed off towards the entrance to Zora’s River (Wait… waaaiiiit, you’re over there? For some reason I initially couldn’t place where the pond was but if it’s there then you really fucking backtracked. Lake Hylia would’ve been miles closer. Wtf, Navi.), but Navi flew over and yanked his ear back.

“Not yet, blockhead!” she said. (Call him polygonal head. :D That’s what I do.)

“What?! Make up your mind you little blue bug!” Link said, yet again surprised how strong she was as she almost yanked him onto the ground. (Hehe.)

“Turn around and deal with the mess you’ve created!” she huffed. (*sporfle*) (*screams with laughter*) And with another yank twirled the Hero of Time around.

He yelped in pain, a hand instantly shooting up to cover his ear, but quieted down a nanosecond later at what he saw. (Semen everywhere!)

To the right of where he had just been laying a couple seconds before, lay three copies of himself, the only difference he noticed was their tunics were different colors than his green one. One had a dark blue one (Like the one you would have if you had gone to save the world?), one a maroon colored tunic (Like the one you would have if you had gone to save the world?),, and the other had a dark violet one (Like the one you would have if this was a Soul Caliber 2 fic?). (...hey. The other Links have bright tunics. Lavender, red, and blue. None of this dark color nonsense, you prat.) (Maroon always makes me think of Ron Weasley. D:)

“…” Link stared at his copies silently. “How could I have not noticed them ‘til now? And why is one purple?” (...why not? Would you rather he was yellow and clashed with his hair? Purple’s my favorite.) (Purple is love.)

“Surprising eh?” Navi said, “And that girl that fell on top of your head yesterday? She woke up early and ran off to find us all some breakfast.” (Then why were you going to send him to get some!?)

“What?” Link’s jaw dropped angrily, “But you were about to send me off to find breakfast!” (See?)

“I know. But I was hopping you’d take maybe an hour and when you got back here we’d all have finished eating. Thought that’d be funny,” she grinned. (...no. Give me back the real Navi.)

Link’s eye twitched, “I’m going to shove you in a bottle and chuck you in the lake when we get there!” (Fine, get rid of your only companion, you retard. I’m sure Skie will suffice.) (Ok, I know I’ve been telling you to shove her in a bottle, but you’re supposed to keep the bottle. I mean, she does tell you where to go next. For example: “HEY, LINK, HOW ‘BOUT THAT CLOUD OVER DEATH MOUNTAIN?”)

“Oh I doubt it.” She laughed. Link lunged for her, but she just giggled and flew up out of reach, sticking her tongue out at him from high above him as he spun around and around trying to grab her. (He must look ridiculous.)

“Oi!” A voice barked from behind Link. (IT’S THE BARK LORD. RUN, LINK!) He turned and jumped back when he saw his red clone only a couple inches away. “Leave ‘er alone. (“‘er?”) Hey, Navi. Which way did she go?”

Navi lazily landed on top of Link’s green hat and pointed off over a hill about a hundred feet away.

He grinned, “Thanks, be right back.” He said, turning and jogging off towards the hill. (Go, kill!)

“Uh, where are you going?” Navi called. “And is it rude of me to ask you to never come back? Maroon’s my least favorite color.”

The maroon (Sdfsdkdlfj) clone pointed to his head, “She took my hat,” he grinned, as if appreciating it as a joke. (...uh.)

When he was out of sight Link plucked Navi from the top of his head, “How’d he know your name?” he asked, opening his hand and letting her sit on his palm. (...because he’s you, you dumbass.) (What a twit.)

“And I should know how?”

“Well, you’re a fairy right?” Navi seemed offended by this question (????), (“Don’t call me an epithet for gay man, you freak!”) so Link hurried on, “So don’t you know all about this magical stuff?” (Of course! Normal Hylians would never have knowledge of this kind of thing. Only...they would. For example, Zelda.) (And why do Din’s Fire, Farore’s Wind, and Nayru’s Love suddenly not count?)

“You’re right. You’re too much of an idiot to get any of this.” She said, her wings fluttering up and down quickly.

(Navi is not a bitch.

I just felt like getting that out there.)

“I could squish you, you know.” Link half-whined, half-threatened. (Multitasking!)

“No ya couldn’t.” she grinned at him playfully, “But apparently they know my name because they’re you. Just…different…I dunno.” She shrugged her little blue shoulders. (The only noticeable difference so far is the color of their clothes! And Link’s worn other colors before! Goron Tunic, Zora Tunic...) (Well, he would’ve worn them if he had gone and saved the world. Just saying.)

“You are so helpful, I’m so glad the Deku Tree sent you with me.” Link muttered. (You should be, you ungrateful shit. She’s been looking out for you since the Deku Tree summoned you.) (Well, at least Real!Navi looked out for him. This one probably shoved him into holes.)

“Shut up about him Link.” Navi looked at him seriously, her arms crossed.

Link stayed silent for a couple of stubborn seconds before sighing, “Sorry, Navi. I miss him too.” (!? This was one hell of a twist in the dialogue!) (AAAANGST.)

“Yeah but you didn’t know him as well as I did.” She said, looking away from him and at the pond they rested by, watching the small fish under the crystal clear surface. She was still sensitive about her father-figure, the Deku Tree. (He was her father figure? Says who? Shouldn’t LINK think of it that way, since the Deku Tree is like a father to all the children of the forest?)

He sat down where he was, keeping his hand open and at the same angle so Navi didn’t have to move. (Huh?) “Now what?” he asked after a couple minutes of silence.

“Now what, what?”

“What do I do with this?” He held the green-gem-hillted sword in front of him. “I have the Master Sword, I don’t need this little thing.” (Haha, his sword is so much more phallic.) (He likes his swords big and manly.)

Navi shrugged, “You’ll find somewhere to keep it.” (Well, if this was SHAMfic I’d say his anus, but I won’t go there. Whoops, already did.) She said, “You probably got that blade for a reason.” (Oh God, the “there must be a reason for this waffle being burnt!” argument. NO.)

Link sighed. Curse fairies and their annoying riddling personalities that popped up every now and then. (Riddling? What riddle? “You got the blade for a reason.” “WHAT IS THIS, THE HOBBIT?”)

The red tunic garbed Link clone (If you say that EVERY TIME one of them does something, I’ll kill you.) (Red Link. See? Four words shorter. Try it, Skie.) looked over Hyrule field, when his eyes stopped on a thick, prickly looking bush that surrounded a tree that was placed close to the river. (Sounds very sexual to me.) (sajdsa; Damn you, Megan, now I’m thinking about the horned penis.) He saw something move in it and headed forward, raising a curious eyebrow. “Hello?” he called. (Is it a wild animal?)

Instantly, the girl that fell from the sky popped up, her face smeared in red. “Hi!” she chirped, grinning. (...did she gut a squirrel or something?)

Red clone ran forward, “Are you okay? You’re covered in-“

“Raspberry juice,” she laughed, “I know, it looks like blood. Sorry to scare you,” She said, “Oh…” she added slowly, “And sorry I took your hat. I needed something to carry these in and yours was read anyway…” (Do you mean red? And I thought it was maroon. Red. Maroon. It makes all the difference in whether or not he looks like a retard running around in daylight in dark colors or a retard running around in daylight in bright colors. That’s why Link and the other Kokiri wear GREEN. It blends in with the forest. Also, how do peasants afford the dyes to make MAROON clothes? They don’t, do they?) (And Link still needs to get a Goron Tunic and beat the Fire Temple. Just mentioning. Don’t mind me.)

He laughed, “Don’t worry about it.” He said, plucking a few berries off the bush and dropping them into his hat. “Aren’t you worried about dandruff though?” (Yuck, he has dandruff?) (Eeew.)

The girl made a face, “You have dandruff? Ew! Bleh!” she stuck her tongue out, “You better be joking!”

“I am!” he laughed. “My name’s Eric, by the way. (!!!?) Yours?” he asked, dropping a few more in. (Okay, no. Link’s clone is still LINK. You just HAVE to blast us with OCs, don’t you? Are you capable of anything else? Name ONE of your stories that doesn’t have a single OC. Seriously. Do it.)

The girl shook her head, grinning, “Don’t scare me like that. And my name’s Essence Felzana Skie.” She said. (Essence Fe...? WHAT? Just say you’re a self-insert and shut the fuck up. It’s not like we’re not used to it by now.) (ESSENCE. ESSENCE. “FILL ME WITH YOUR ESSENCE.” BWAHAHA.)

“Could I just call you Skie? It’s shorter than Felzana.” Eric asked. (“Felzana makes my brain hurt. D:”)

"No, I don’t mind. I actually prefer it,” she said, grinning, “It’s easier to say, you’re right. Plus, I like the sky, and my name is Skie, so it fits pretty well I think.” (Uuurgh.) (Why didn’t that fall kill- … wait. Wait. D: The fall not killing her. Isn’t that… logical for Zeldaverse? Link can fall five stories and only lose one heart, right? D: Or does that not count? My brain hurts. D:)

"Uh huh…that raspberry juice is leaking through my hat…” he said, watching it drip onto the grass. (Who cares? It blends in, doesn’t it?)

"Ack! I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have taken it, now it’s ruined…” she said guiltily. (She’s capable of feeling guilty? I suppose this is one of the less annoying incarnations of Skie.)

"Oh bah. Quit apologizing so much. You already said sorry. And I just have to rinse it off, so it’s no big deal.” (Wouldn’t juice stain? A lot?) He shrugged and emptied the handful of berries he’d picked into it. “I think that’s enough for everyone, huh? You don’t wanna fill up on fruit, you get sick.” (...no, you get sick from filling up on sugar. The author should keep that in mind.) (Chapter 16 of Trainwreck. D: Kill me.)

"Yeah, true..true…" Skie nodded, "Shall we head back?"

"Yep," he nodded and the two headed back towards Link, the other two clones, and the little blue fairy called Navi. (We know that she’s a fairy. No need to remind us.) And when they reached the top of the hill that overlooked the pond and everyone in it. “Hey, lemme have a berry really quick.” He said, holding his hand out for one as they headed down the hill.

“’Kay.” Skie said, dropping one in his hand. (Yup, if you thought you liked Eric think again, kids. He only deteriorates.)

He chucked it at Link, the berry smacking the Hero of Time in the side of his head. (Okay, this one is perfect for her. Sod off, you dumbass clone.) “HEY!” Link barked, spinning around to face them angrily. (THE BARK LORD!!)

“I didn’t know he was gonna do that!” Skie said, waving her free arm that wasn’t carrying Eric’s hat full of raspberries wildly.

Navi, however, burst into a fit of giggles.

Link growled angrily at Eric, who just grinned and stared back at him without a hint of regret or fright. (Because he’s a douchebag?)

“Well, we can’t just have raspberries for breakfast, that’ll get everyone sick,” Skie said, pushing Eric out of Link’s glare, she was half-possitive lasers were going to shoot out and zap Eric if she didn’t. (SHOOP DA WHOOP) (IMMA FIRIN’ MAH LAZER!)

Link wiped the berry juice off his face, “Yeah, before I left Kakariko for a quick stop, some people gave me some food…thing is I have no clue how to cook, but Navi’s a bit small…” (Link? Not know how to cook? I think not, seeing as he spends most of his time in the mountains and the lake and the forest and the desert...) (Personally, I don’t think he eats at all. Or he eats bugs. I dunno.)

“I can cook just fine!” she huffed, crossing her arms. She was still giggling a little bit, though. “I just don’t wanna cook for you.” (Navi is not a bitch.)

"Oh, well that’s nice." Link sighed.

“I can cook a little bit,” Skie said, “Someone just start up a fire and I can get started.” (Of course you can. You’re the amazing Skie. The one that I hate.)

“All done!” Skie said happily, holding a wooden plate over her head. (When did Link become Sam Gamgee? I doubt he carries a shitload of pots, pans, salt, herbs, lembas bread, plates, forks, knives, and all that. He probably roasts meat on a stick and eats with his hands.)

Eric, who had been taking a nap, instantly sat up, “Done?” he asked eagerly.

“Yup!”

“What’d you make?”

"Do you like waffles?" Skie tilted her head to the side. (...okay, ignoring the waffles comment, why are they speaking in italics?) (Oh, boy, it’s here.)

"Yeah we like waffles!" Eric and Navi said, both grinning widely. Link edged away from them. (Good boy.)

"Do you like pancakes?" She held the plate high over her head.

"Yeah we like pancakes!"

"Do you like French toast?"

"Yeah we like French toast!" (Oh God, they’re singing.) (They know of France?)

"Get-get-a-git can’t wait to get a mouthful-"

"WAFFLES!" Navi and Eric shouted. Link was hiding behind a nearby boulder, glaring at them and wishing they’d just shut up. (Link, you can come over here. I’m just watching in horror. Also, I have food that isn’t covered in fatty syrup.)

“WAFFLES!” Now Navi, Eric, and Skie were doing some weird sort of spazztic dancing. (Wait, hold on, they have a waffle iron? Where did they plug it in? D: Link’s anus?) Eric and Skie’s arm’s were linked, Skie holding the plate over her head with her free hand, and Navi was buzzing around the plate. (Sentence structure failing! Going critical!)

"WAFFLES!"

“Stop tha-“ The blue clone of Link sat up, looking grouchy.

“WAFFLES!” the singing trio surrounded him, and he understandably flinched away from them. (Yes, good boy, you should run while you can.)

“Get-get-a-git can’t wait to get a mouthful! Do you like waffles?”

The blue clone put an arm up in front of him protectively, “The hell are you-“ (This, my friends, is the Zoro Link.) (I like Zoro!Link. At least he’s normal.)

“Yeah we like waffles!”

The purple clone sat up now, eyes droopy. (Purple!)

“Do you like pancakes?” they all surrounded the purple clone now, who looked up at them blankly before suddenly bursting into song with Navi and Eric. (Never mind, then. I’ll stick with the one from the Four Swords manga. :/) (Just because he’s purple doesn’t mean he’s a sissy. D:)

"Yeah we like pancakes!"

“Do you like French toast?”

“Yeah we like French toast!"

“Get-get-a-git can’t wait to get a mouthful!” and their song ended suddenly.

“Well, does anyone like-"

“Don’t you dare say it again.” The blue clone growled, glaring at Skie.

She grinned obliviously, “Well? Do you?”

“I doo!” Eric, Navi, and the purple clone yelled, arms raised. (Freaks.)

“Now let’s ditch the grouches and dig in!” Eric said. He grabbed Skie’s arm and ran around to the other side of the pond, Navi and the purple clone following.

“Oh yeah. I’ll never be able to reach you on the other side of the pond.” The blue one yelled after them. “You’re a bunch of idiots!” (True.) he yelled, trying to get a reaction. All he got was Navi sticking her tongue out at him. But he couldn’t see that because from the distance he was from her now she only looked like a little glowing blue ball.

“Oh good. They stopped.” Link said, standing next to the blue clone, who had stood up. “So, what’s your name?”

"Ned." He said flatly, crossing his arms. (??? Can’t they have normal names? Or at least Hyrulian names!?) (NANCY DREW, I FOUND YOUR BOYFRIEND. HE DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE TO BE IN FANFIC.)

"Nice to meet you, I’m Li-"

“Link, I know. The Hero of Time and wielder of the Master Sword.” Ned sounded extremely unenthused. “Don’t look so surprised. I am your clone, you know.” (“And yet, my name is Ned.”)

“Ah...alright...” Link looked over the pond at the others, who were gorging themselves on the large batch of food. “Do you want something to eat?”

“Guess so. Haven’t eaten...at all.” He stated.

By the time they reached the others, most of the food was gone. “Hey! Save some for us!” Link barked. (THE BARK LORD!!)

Skie wrestled the plate from Eric, who didn’t seem too eager in sharing. She managed to get the plate to Link, only to have Eric start whining about how he didn’t get enough. (Shut the fuck up. I really hate this Red.) (Or do you mean Maroon?)

“You had more than half!” Skie said, “You’re the one with the inhuman appetite!” (Like you in Trainwreck? Didn’t you challenge Luffy to eating contests?)

“And my inhuman appetite needs to be satisfied or I might...” he grinned eerily at the purple clone, “Turn cannibalistic.” (I’m sure Link has some seasoning in his Sam Gamgee pack.)

The purple clone flinched and hid behind Skie, who sighed heavily. “Oh! Link, this is Jason.” (Ssdlkfjkdlfj.) She said, nodding her head at the purple version of the Hero who was still staring at Eric wide-eyed. (Jason’s like a scared puppy.) Eric’s grin widened.

“And this is Ned,” Link said, pointing at the blue him.

“Ned?” Eric laughed, “What kinda name is that?” (And what kind of name is Eric in this setting? You’re is practically the weirdest.) (Megan, your bad grammar is showing.) Ned’s name apparently amused enough to cause Eric to start rolling around on the grass laughing.

Navi giggled, “Blue you is cute, Link!” she said. (But they all look the same!)

Ned gave Navi a ‘stay away from me’ look.

The fairy stuck her tongue out and pulled down an eye lid in reply, which got Skie laughing. (You resort to taunts from SAILOR MOON? You loser.)

And poor Jason still looked a bit freaked out. (At least he’s a LITTLE sane.) (But, of course, since he’s purple he’s a sissy.)

So now we know the names of the other clones. AND OMG WHUT KINDA MUSICAL IS THIS?! D: (A crappy one. It will never be on par with HEY, OCARINA! because that one was actually funny and didn’t have a legion of badly-dressed OCs.) (Actually, hers is slightly better than mine. Well… hm… is it? Mine had multiple Links, but not like Four Sword. Mine had Opposite Link, Missing Link, Weakest Link, uh… Chain Link, Sausage Link… I’m sorry, Skie wins by default. D:)

HONESTLY! GOSH! -sheepish scuffling away- It'll get better, promise! (Really? Really? Yeah, okay.)

Rootbeer and Rock!

--

Chapter 3

Finaly, huh? Sorry for the delay. I hate it when you temporarily lose interest in a story, don't you? I'll keep up now. (Good to know.) (I wish I could only lose temporary interest. D: Usually when I lose interest in something, it’s permanent.)

“I’m...pretty sure.” Link said. (“Or maybe not. I don’t know. Bah, let’s just have more waffles.”)

“I think we should go to back to the Temple of Time.” Ned stated. (Why? So you can sleep, Zorolink?)

“I say back to the castle. I bet Zelda’s all grown up.” Eric winked at Link (Somebody kill Eric. Please. What an annoying waste of oxygen. He’s like the asshole friend that everyone hates but keeps around without knowing why.), who turned a dark shade of red. (Or is it maroon?)

“Let’s vote on it.” Navi said. (This should be good.)

“I vote Lake Hylia.” Link said. (Really, stop being dumb. D: Why don’t you ask Saria, since Navi isn’t pointing out the HUGE NEON PINK CLOUD over Death Mountain? And yes, on my TV it is neon pink. Is it like that for anyone else?)

“Temple of Time.” Ned drummed his fingers on his arms in some unheard rhythm. (Mein Teil by Rammstein. It suits him well.)

“The Castle’s got my vote.” Eric grinned again.

“Uh...I don’t know. Whichever one wins I guess.” Jason said, staring at the ground. (:/) (You sissy puppy.)

“The Temple of Time sounds pretty neat. I’ve never heard of it before.” Skie said, smiling. (You never heard of Lake Hylia before, either. Or DEATH MOUNTAIN. Or KAKARIKO VILLAGE.)

“Hey, hey, hey! Who said you’d be coming with us?” Link asked. (LOL YES GO LINK)

“Uhm...”

“We can’t ditch her here by this stupid little pond,” Eric raised an irritated eyebrow. (Yes, we can.)

“I know that. But we’ll drop her off at Kakariko Village.” Link crossed his arms. (Poor Impa.)

“But I don’t know anyone there...” Skie trailed off. (You played the game. And you don’t know anyone anywhere. You fell from the sky.) (Really, why would being in Kakariko be any different? Granted, you need to find some minions to sing about waffles with, but who says Link and his clones aren’t insane rapists or anything?)

“Then tell us where you live so one of us can drop you off.”

“That’s just it.” Skie looked up at Link, “I don’t remember.” (Fanfic cliché #45: Amnesia!) (Didn’t I once try to write about a fic where Zelda hit Link over the head with a stick and he got amnesia? Ew, I made Zelda a bitch in that one. Thank God I only wrote a summary of it.)

“Don’t remember what? Your address? (They have addresses? You’re doing it wrong.) That’s fine. Just tell us what general area you live in so we can take you there.” Link had a semi-helpful, semi-impatient tone in his voice. (This Link is so bearable.)

Skie stared at him blankly. (“Area? What’s that?”)

“You don’t remember that either?” Link groaned.

“What do you remember?” Ned asked.” (Your mom. OOOOOHHHHH) (*sporfles water* dklfs;slkfh DON’T DO THAT. xD)

Skie was silent for a second, staring at the ground. “Um…” She cracked her knuckles (dgkjfhdd), something she did when she was on the spot or nervous. “My name?”

“That’s it?” Navi asked, landing lightly on Skie’s shoulder, “Nothing else?” (One would assume so.)

“That’s it. That’s all I remember about me.” she looked at Link, “I’m sorry.”

“Look, don’t appologize (! I’d love to tell her to run these chapters through spellcheck, but I just can’t muster up the desire to help her improve.) (At least I know she isn’t the sort to wage a flame war. I said something negative about one of her original fics and she didn’t attack my inbox or anything. :0), okay?” Link rubbed his forehead, feeling frustrated and stressed out. “Ugh...okay, we’ll take you with us to the temple, seeing how that won the vote anyway...” Link looked over his new little posse, making sure everyone agreed. Eric looked a bit disappointed, but he ignored that. (Yeah. Nobody likes this Eric prick.) “You’ll stay with us until I have to go to the next temple. Wherever it is. (The lake?) (Just ask Saria. D: You have an ocarina, use it!) I’ll drop you off at Kakariko Village then.”

Skie looked nervous at that. “But-”

“I’ll make sure I drop you off with someone trustworthy, alright?” (Poor Impa.) (Or is he thinking the Cucco Lady? “*ACHOO* Gee, I seem to be allergic to Skie. D:”)

Skie stayed silent, but nodded, “’Kay.”

“Alright then, let’s go off to the Temple then.”

They headed back around the pond, and cleaned up the mini camp, kicking the leaves around, scattering the charred branches, and leaving the spot looking like no one had been there. (“This meeting never happened.”) (What, is Ganondorf stalking him? Ganny is more the type to let Link walk into danger than have danger follow Link.)

“Now...” Link said, picking up the sword that had created the three new Heroes to come into existence. “What to do with this.”

“Give it to the girl for now.” Ned said.

“I have a name, you know.” Skie complained, but she was ignored. (Don’t worry. It's in Zorolink's nature to be curt and impolite. You’ll get used to it.)

“Can she even use a sword?” Link asked Ned, as if he would know.

Ned shrugged. “How would I know? All I do is sit around the phone and wait for Nancy to call me.”

“I can't use a sword,” Skie spoke up a bit louder. “I don’t know how.” (No doubt one of the boys will teach her.)

“There, see? She can't.” Link said, “She might hurt herself.”

“Just 'cuz I can't use it doesn't mean I'm going to trip and stab myself with the thing.” (Yes, it does.) Skie said, crossing her arms again and narrowing her eyes. She had to glare up at him since he (and the rest of the Heroes) were more than six inches taller than her. (HAHA.) (THAT MADE MY DAY.)

“Just let her hold onto it.” Navi said, “Did it come with a sheath?”

“No but you can stick it up my ass, I won’t mind.” Link said, in the same tone someone would say 'duh' with. (Valley Girl Link?)

“Then we’ll just grab one for her at Kakariko Village after we stop by the Temple.” Eric shrugged.

“Why can't we just drop her off there in the first place? We could just find someone-” Ned was cut off by an irritated looking Eric. (Screw you, Eric. Just leave the idiot with Impa, for God’s sake. She’ll do a much better job of caring for her than you guys will.)

“No.” Eric leveled him with a glare, “She's still coming with us to the Temple of Time. We already said we'd drop her off at the village after that.” (But it makes no senseeeee and why are you going there anyway? There’s nothing to do in the Temple of Time.) (Well, there is the Prelude of Light to be learned, but you really don't need to get it until the Shadow Temple. :/)

“Fine.” Ned muttered grudgingly.

Link and Jason had already started walking, and Ned, Eric and Skie had to jog to catch up to them.

“On my way,” Skie started singing quietly. “On my way, on my way, on my way,” (seklsjgsdgsfd) (I bet she sings off key.)

Eric joined in, “I would like to reach out my hands, I may see you, I may tell you to run.”

“You know what they say about the young,” Jason sang.

“Well pick me up with golden hands. I may see you, I may tell you to run,” Eric was moving around like he was dancing with an invisible partner, making Skie and Navi giggle.

Ned looked annoyed. Or maybe he was just constipated. (Or annoyed. He seems to be good at that.)

“You know what they say about the young,” Jason repeated.

“I would like to hold my little hand. How we will run we will, how we will crawl we will.” Navi sang, her voice a bit more practiced than any of them. “I would like to hold my little hand. How we will run we will, how we will craaawl,”

“Send me on my way,” Link hesitantly joined in, getting a glare from Ned that said 'fine. Be that way'. (LOL NO LINK RESIST RESIST) (LINK, STOP, YOU’LL BE DRIVEN TO INSANITY D:)

“On my way,” Skie started again, “On my way,”

Everyone but Ned started singing Skie’s line. “On my way. On my way. On my way.”

They reached Hyrule Market by nightfall, and Link’s jaw nearly dropped at the sight of the broke drawbridge. (Where has he BEEN all this time? Did he wake up in the Temple of Time and FLY to the forest!? It’s been broken for ages! There’s no way he could’ve missed it or the Redeads!) (Good God, Link, you really are a silly bitch. :/)

“What happened here?” He asked no one quietly, “This is...” he ran forward, jumping over the dip in the caved in bridge and running into the Market.

“Link! Link, wait up!” Navi called, flying after him.

The four remaining people stood, not knowing whether to follow or wait for him. (derp a derp)

“Should we go in-” Jason was cut off by a high pitched, terrifying shriek.

“What was that?!” Skie jumped at the sound, holding her sword awkwardly at her side since she still had no sheath. (No shit?)

“AAAAAAGH!” Link was heard screaming from somewhere in the Market, and instantly the four of them kicked off and sprinted inside, Skie and Jason splashing through the water while Ned and Eric just leapt over the gap. (Hurry, guys! You’ll miss the surprise buttsex!!)

They ran into the Market, a place that used to be bustling with busy, happy people. (Happy? I dunno, the people at the stands seemed pissed off to me. :/ “GET AWAY, KID, I’M TRYING TO BUY SHIT.”) It was now a desserted (Yummy!) (Cake or ice cream?), empty, broken-down vision of what it used to be. And creatures that stood on two legs like they did, but were obviously not human, were scattered around the Market, just standing there. (derp a derp)

Eric was the first to see Link, with one of the monsters latched to his back. (It was obvious what they were doing. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH) Link staggered, trying to wrench its arms from around his neck. Eric drew his red-gem-hilted sword (Or he just drew his sword, that works too.) and charged, head lowered, and sliced at the creature, nearly cutting it in half. (Godmoding slut.)

It gave out a low moan and let go of Link, turning slowly to face him. (“But I wasn’t finished. D:”)

Navi was flying frantically around Link, asking repeatedly if he was okay. (But I thought Navi liked to see him suffer, Skie!)

“Careful!” Eric heard Skie yell, and then he heard the monster shriek again. It was walking towards him maddeningly slow, and he found he couldn’t move. His eyes only widened as it drew closer and closer, until he could have reached out and touched it. In a blur of movement, it was gone, but he felt it clinging to his back and wrap its arms around his neck, choking him. (That’s what they want you to think. Unf unf unf.) “Gck-!” he could move now, dropping his sword and reaching his arms up to pull it off.

Link sliced at Eric’s attacker, lopping its head off. (B-but it took, like, six hits with the Master Sword to kill it. D: Is this no longer following game logic? ... Haha. Logic. In Skiefic. That’s funny.) The body of the monster fell to the ground and slowly vanished into nothing. The one that had attacked Link had vanished as well. (But...I thought there was only one.)

“Thanks,” Eric rasped.

“Same to you.”

They backed up to a wall, the monsters not noticing them.

“What are those things?” Eric asked, rubbing his neck.

“Got me,” Ned mumbled.

Link was still staring around in wide eyed shock. If this had happened to Hyrule Market...what about Hyrule Castle? And what about (THE REST OF THE SENTENCE AAAH)

“Zelda!” Link gasped. He jumped from the wall and made a beeline for the castle, several of the monsters noticing him and letting out their horrid shrieks. But Link seemed to run fast enough by them to escape. (Lol)

“Link, get back here!” Skie yelled.

Navi flew after him, steering clear of the creatures as well. (I doubt they’d care for a little ball of light. They seem to prefer manly men. Mmm babay.)

“Stay here,” Eric ordered Skie, and ran off after Link, also dodging the monster’s freezing screams. (Dodging sound? HAHAHA)

Ned was next to follow, not saying anything to her.

Jason looked too frightened to move, eyes wide as he pressed his back against the wall behind him. “Am I supposed to go next?” he asked her without looking at her. (Grow balls, you pansy.)

“Probably,” she shrugged.

Jason shrugged, “Eric’s right. Stay here with the zombie rapists.” And with that, he sprinted off too, faster and more frantic than any of the others. (LOL)

“Stupid...boys...” Skie muttered, “Ditching me here with the zombie-people...” she took a deep breathe, and ran after them, covering her ears like that would stop herself from hearing them shriek at her. She ran up the dirt path, feeling safe now. She could see the tip of a black castle up ahead. (Black? Since when?) She’d never seen Castle before, so she thought that must’ve been normal. She ran a bit farther, off the slope and onto the flat surface the castle was put on, and saw something she really didn’t consider normal.

The castle was floating above a huge pit of hungry looking molten lava. (Oh, right. I forgot about Ganon’s Castle, haha.) The castle was all black, and intimidating. She gulped, looking around for Link and the rest of the boys. She saw Link on his knees holding his head in his hands at the edge of the pit. (Someone get that boy an aspirin!) She ran forward to stand next to the others, who looked completely immersed in jaw-dropped-shock.

“Zelda...” Skie heard Link whisper, “I’m so sorry,” (D'aw. That's cute, since LinkZelda is my pairing, but, um, they're not exactly biffles. “Get these stones for me.” “Sure thing.”)

Skie looked from Link, to the castle, and back to Link. She felt awkward here. She didn’t know who Zelda was, or what the castle used to look like…She just felt out of place. She backed up and sat on a rock, crossing her legs and resting her arms on her knees. The heat from the lava was getting annoying, she thought. (LOL) (I used to think jumping into the middle of the lava would unlock a hidden battle with a dragon. :D Then again, I used to think the claw marks on the tree in Lake Hylia allowed you to play as Sheik. ...What was wrong with me?)

“Link. Link c’mon, let’s go now.” Navi said softly, trying to coax Link up. “Link, please.”

Link stood up without a word and turned, heading back for the Market. (Wait. So, Link had no idea that Ganondorf had taken over? What the hell? Didn’t Rauru tell him? Or the Deku Sprout? Or Sheik? Or SOMEONE? ONCE AGAIN, DID HE TELEPORT FROM THE TEMPLE OF TIME TO THE FOREST?) (THIS IS SKIEFIC, ILLOGICALNESS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN.)

Skie watched him pass her, blinking twice. She looked at the other three boys. Ned started following Link, Eric was looking at her, and Jason was staring out over the lava. (Who cares?)

Eric walked over beside her, “I told you to stay where you were.” he said slowly.

“Uh-huh.” Skie said quietly, “I'm sorry,” she didn’t feel like arguing now.

Eric opened his mouth to say something, but a loud crack cut him off. They twirled their heads to see Link had punched a cliff wall, sending a huge crack up it and leaving a large crater where his fist was. (Uuuh. Dragonball Z this is not, you retard. Nor is this One Piece, where Luffy could do that with his pinky toe. Link is a scrawny human boy with ordinary strength and ordinary bones that would break under that strain, okay? Okay.) (Also, this isn’t Ranma 1/2. Sorry, wanted to add another fandom. D: Actually, if this was Ranma, the whole cliff would have fucking disintegrated or something. BREAKING POINT! Oh, Ryoga, I miss you.) He leaned his forehead against the cliff wall and didn’t move.

Skie stood up and jogged over to Link, “Link, let’s go. We’ll find her, okay?” she said, not knowing if that was true or not. She didn’t even know if Zelda, whoever she was, was supposed to be alive or not. (Ohoho. Wait till you meet Sheik, sweetie. SHEIK’S LIKE THE TOBIN OF OOT! *Tamir Triad reference. I doubt anyone will understand. .__.*)

Link’s only reply was a short cough. He pushed himself away from the wall and marched (Bremen’s Mask?), with frightening amount of determination, and back towards Hyrule Market, to the Temple of Time.

Drama, drama, drama. (Drama whore.)

Leave a Review, please! And any critique you think I need. (Link is out of character. Navi is out of character. You have the continuity of the game after Link wakes up completely skewed. You can’t count Redeads to save your life. You don’t use spellcheck. Your drama is pastede on yay. That’s ignoring the shitty OCs , the shitty prose, and the shitty song usage.

Oh, and Link cracked a cliff face with his bare hands. Yeah, right.)

--

Chapter 4

This was a quick update, huh? Sort of.

Navi was silent for a second as she hovered next to his ear, trying to think of what he would be thanking her for. “Oh,” the thought seemed too occur to her, “You’re welcome,” she landed on his shoulder.

“What for?” Skie asked curiously.

“I went to the Temple as a kid at first,” Link said after a pause. “I got into the chamber with the Master Sword, and turned into an adult.” (No, you slept for seven years and matured into an adult physically. There really isn’t anything mature about your mentality if you think about it.) (Exactly. D:)

Skie looked utterly confused, but Link ignored that.

“It was seven years later. Navi flew off ahead to see how things were. She came back and told me to close my eyes and follow her voice. I did, and when she navigated me out of the Market, she told me to run and not look back.” (Oh, is that how it happened? Navi, what the fuck is wrong with you? He’s destined to save the world, and you’re preventing him from seeing what’s been happening? What made you think that would do Hyrule any good? Also, if I were Link, I’d be fucking pissed at Navi, not thankful.) (This Navi is so irksome. D:)

Skie still looked confused, “So you’ve been here before, but-”

“But this is the first time he’s seen it.” Ned finished. “Can we get to the Temple?” (Thank you. Let’s not drag this out any more than we have to.)

Ned was glared down by everyone but Link, who started off at a slow, slow pace to the Temple, keeping close to the walls as to not attract the monsters’ attention.

Skie looked around at the crumbling buildings, wondering what they once looked like. While she was looking up at the roof of a stone structure that looked like it could cave in at any minute, she tripped. She stumbled into the line of vision of one the creatures (LOL SMURT), and with an ear-shattering shriek, Skie froze mid-step.

“Grab her and run!” Navi barked. (THE BARK LORD IS COMING!!!)

Jason grabbed her arm and yanked, half dragging Skie after the others as they sprinted into the Temple grounds. Skie shook her head and started running herself, but didn’t pull her arm out of Jason’s grip. She probably would have fallen if she did. (Failure.) (Pssh.)

They didn’t stop running until they were safe in the temple, panting from the adrenaline rush.

“Well, I’m here, now what?” Link said, staring at Ned. (Why are you asking him? YOU’RE the one who has to, oh, I dunno, SAVE THE FUCKING WORLD.)

“What? It was an idea. I thought would turn something up.” Ned said, staring back at Link. (LOL OH ZOROLINK)

“This is…unexpected.” a voice spoke out from inside the chamber where the Master Sword once rested.

They all squinted into the room.

“Sheik!” the four clones said, recognition dawning. (Oh, so he DID meet Sheik.)

“Neh?” Skie jumped at their sudden outburst. Navi hovered over and sat on her shoulder, annoyed because Link had almost head-butted her. (LOL REVENGE)

The four boys ran into the chamber, standing in a line a few paces away from Sheik, who looked at them with his ever red, ever unenthused eyes. (Thoughts on Sheik! So Skie thinks Sheik is a guy, huh? At least she has one redeeming feature.) (I really want Skie to fall in love with Sheik. It would make the end so much funnier. “Skie, I have something to tell you. *transforms*” “... OH MY GOD, I’M IN LOVE WITH A TRANSVESTITE.”)

“Told you something would happen.” Ned stated.

Link pretended not to hear him, “What is it, Sheik?” he asked.

“I’m here to teach you the Prelude of Light.” he said, eyeing the other three Link-Look-Alikes. “But I’d prefer to teach it to you and you alone.” (“IT’S A SEEECRET.” Or a Sheikret. ...skdljsdlgjsdgj sorry.)

“Oh come on! We’re him, basically!” Eric said, pointing from him to Link and back to himself, jabbing himself in the chest with his thumb. (No, Link isn’t a prick or a pansy or Zoro. D:)

Sheik stared, and Eric sighed. “Fine.”

They left Sheik and Link alone and headed back into the main room, hopping down the small case of stairs and rejoining a confused looking Skie.

“Who’s that?” Skie asked.

“No idea.” Jason answered. (LOL)

“He’s like some mystic voodoo guy or something.” Eric said. (SHAHHAAFHJKLX as opposed to “the last of the Sheikah tribe.”) (AHAHAHA, OH ERIC YOU DIRTY WHORE WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?)

“Ah.” Skie nodded, as if she understood what that meant.

“According to him, he's a Sheikah.” Ned clarified, “They're sworn to protect the Royal Family.” (Zorolink knows his stuff.)

“Okay.” was Skie’s reply.

Navi jumped off of Skie’s shoulder and flew up onto her head, “You’re pretty short.” she noted. Even standing on top of Skie’s head she was shorter than the boys. (LOL) (LOL)

“I’m not short! I’m just...vertically challenged.” Skie half whined. (You’re challenged, all right.)

“Which means you’re short.” Eric grinned, ducking a punch from Skie. (Was her punch like a pistol? ... I’m sorry.)

“Where do you think we’ll head to next?” Skie asked brightly, turning away from a still-laughing Eric.

“Kakariko Village, remember?” Ned said flatly, leveling her with a stare and destroying her cheerful mood. (Which they have to go to anyway in canon.)

“Oh…Right.” Skie sighed, “I don’t even remember where I’m from and you guys are going to drop me off at some town I’ve never been to before...nice.” she hung her head low. (Oh, noes. My life sucks. A bunch of strangers are gonna cart me off to another bunch of strangers who would probably take better care of me. My life is a pit of despair.)

“The guilt trip thing doesn’t work on me.” Ned said.

Skie looked up at him, eyes narrowed, “Why not?” (Because he’s apathetic, duh.)

“Hey, it worked on me. Why can’t she come with?” Eric asked. (Because if Eric likes something, you know you should get rid of it?)

Ned spun on him so fast Eric almost toppled over. “No.” he said. The tone in his voice told everyone that that was final, end of questions, game over, do not insert coin. (WHAT) (I’m thinking SHAM again.)

A flash of light caught their attention and they turned in the direction it came from; Sheik and Link. “Are you okay?” Jason called.

“Can’t see.” Link called, stumbling out of the room and leaning on the walls for support as he walked down the little stairs. “I hate it when he does that. Why can’t we have buttsex without me wearing a blindfold?” Link haphazardly walked over to them, blinking several times. “There we go.” he reported when his eyesight returned, for the most part.

“What’d he say?” Ned asked.

“He taught me a song that’ll transport me back here when I need to be here.” (Which is never, to be honest. Except after the Spirit Temple.)

“That sounds handy.” Skie scratched at her ear where Navi’s wings had tickled it.

“It is. Now, let’s get on to Mount Doom, and drop you off at Kakariko Village.” Link passed them quietly, heading outside into the dark. (But I thought they were going to the lake after the village.)

“Mount Doom? What’s Mount Doom?” Skie asked as she and the others paraded out after him. “Sounds intimidating.”

“It’s the mountain from the Lord of the Rings,” Link said. “I bought my Sam Gamgee pack there.”

Eric lead her away from the Temple a bit further, put a hand on her shoulder and spun her around, and pointed at the huge, ominous mountain in the distance, far behind the Temple of Time. What looked like red fire circled the peak. (Or, you know, a cloud of smoke, which is what actually circles the crater.) “That...is Mount Doom.” (...wait wait WAIT WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CALLED DEATH MOUNTAIN HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK DGSJKLHGLSDGJSJAAHAHHAHAA) (Someone’s slow on the uptake. :P)

“Wha-ha.” she exhaled, “You guys are going up there?”

“Yep.”

“Nuh-uh. As the eldest one here, I can’t allow you to go.” (But you’re fifteen.)

“Eldest? Look at you, you’re a shrimp!” Eric ducked another punch. (I just thought of FMA. D:)

“That’s got nothing to do with how old I am.”

“How old are you?”

“Fifteen.”

“Hah. Seventeen here.”

“Liar.”

“Shut up and catch up, will you two? I don’t want to have to rescue you from the zombie whatever-they-are.” Ned called in his grouchy tone.

“They’re called ReDeads.” Navi told them. (And you didn’t say so when they were fighting? Oh, I suppose Link was too busy being, ah, “choked” to press c.)

“Ah.” they all nodded.

They kept close to the walls in the Market again (You know, it’s easier to just cut through the middle. Really. It hasn’t failed me yet.), not drawing any attention from the ReDeads. They kept walking, keeping to the road and waiting for the castle’s dark aura to lift. When they reached the edge of the dark, they were met with shining stars and a bright happy moon high above them. It was night. (I wish this was a Majora’s Mask fic. That bright happy moon? Yeah, not a chance.) (The moon has a big nose. 8D)

They stayed on the road as they headed for the bridge that crossed over the river.

“Be careful to stay on the road,” Eric warned her.

“How come?” she asked, keeping her hands in her pockets to keep them warm. As if on queue (sdklfjsdgj CUE), she stumbled a few steps off the road.

“Crud.” Ned growled.

Suddenly, a skeleton clawed its way out of the ground, lurching towards her. Two more dug their way to the surface a second later. (You know, they do that even if you stay on the road.) (But it doesn’t matter since this is ADULT LINK. SKIE, PLAY THE GAME AGAIN.)

Skie yelped and fell backwards, flat on her back on the road, the sword in her hand falling out of her hand and laying useless at her side. (Then pick it up again? It’s not like it was flung twenty feet.)

The three skeletons halted at the edge of the dirt path, looked at each other, and disappeared back under the ground. She glared up at a single star that happened to be unfortunate enough to be in her line of sight. But, she switched her glare to Ned when the four boys and Navi leaned over her.

“You okay?” Link asked.

“You know, you could have maybe told me a bit sooner that there were skeletons under the ground.” (“Well, you could have tried being a little more coordinated, you dumbass.”)

“Only at night.” Eric grinned.

“And Eric did tell you. You just decided to be clumsy at the wrong time.” Ned said flatly.

Skie glared back up at the same star. “Hmph.” (Leave the poor star alone.)

“Come on, stand up,” Eric hoisted her up onto her feet, and she brushed herself off.

“That was a Stalchild.” Navi said, landing on her shoulder and kicking a bit of dirt off her shoulder.

“I see,” The four humans nodded. (...then wtf is Skie skdlfaaaaaaah)

It was still night when they reached the right spot on the road. (So it’s still in game!time?)

“All right, now we need to sprint to the bridge.” Link said, pointing at the distant stone arch. “Ready?”

“We have to do what now?” Skie looked from Link to the bridge with wide eyes. “Run? Across the big open skeleton-filled…place?” she finished lamely. (Oh, shut up, they’re easy to kill. And they leave rupees.)

“Yep.” Link nodded, “Ready?”

“I’m going to leave you all in the dust.” Eric cracked his neck from side to side and rolled his shoulders. (You run with your legs, honey.)

“Hah!” Skie barked (THE BARK LORD!!!), the adrenaline fueling a sudden competitive side. “You’re on.”

“Good.” Eric put himself in a running stance.

They all started at the same time. The four clones were running about the same speed, Jason speeding ahead of them bit by bit. Skie was falling behind, unable to run as fast as the Hero of time and his copies. Navi was in Link’s hat.

“If I get eaten, I’m gonna haunt all of you!” Skie yelled after them. (Then Link will catch you in a bottle and sell you to the Poe man.)

“Whoa-ho!” Jason stumbled and fell, the three other teens speeding past him.

“Up on your feet, Purple-Boy!” Eric yelled over his shoulder.

Jason winced, his ankle twisted. “Oww...” he grunted, stopping.

He didn’t notice the Stalchild climb out of the ground and slowly lurch towards the unsuspecting purple clone. (Aw, poor little sissy boy. I kinda liked him, too.)

“Jason, look out!” Skie yelled, only just catching up to him. She held her sword at her side with two hands, not really knowing what to do or how to even use the blade right.

The Stalchild swung at Jason, striking him on the shoulder and sending Jason to the ground.

That’s when Skie reached him. She swung the sword downwards towards the skeleton’s elbow. But, she ended up striking it with the flat side of the sword, sending vibrations up her arms. (FAILURE) The Stalchild looked at her as the sword continued to shake up and down. It raised an arm, preparing to strike her as well.

Jason was quicker. Still in a kneeling position, he threw the sword, the blade sliding into the Stalchild’s skull right between its eyes. (Wow.) It crumbled and vanished in a flare of green fire. (Aw, Jason does have some balls down there. :D)

“Thanks,” Skie said.

“Yeah,” Jason looked over at his sword, “Would you mind handing me that?”

“Oh. Sure, yeah.” She picked up the purple-gem-hilted sword and handed it to him. “Here ya go. I think we should get going, before any more pop out.”

“You don’t have to worry about that, the sun’s coming up.” Jason glanced up, and as soon as he did the dark of the night sky started ebbing away. Somewhere off in the distance a cuckoo crowed. (Jason is psychic!)

“Good.” Skie helped Jason up to his feet, “Is your ankle okay?” she asked when he tried to put his weight on it and almost toppled over again.

He nodded. “I just twisted it.” He took a couple ginger (and wasabi?) steps towards the bridge, where the others were waiting. “I just have to walk it off, that’s all.” He smiled at her.

“Need any help walking?” Skie asked, walking slowly in step with him. He opened his mouth, then closed it, thinking his answer over. (“Should I ask for help or suffer for the next few hours?”) He took another step and a large stab of pain shot up the center of his ankle. This seemed to change his mind. “Yes. Yes please.” he nodded. Skie had him put an arm around her shoulder and leaned on her for support. It was a bit awkward because Skie was so much shorter than he was. (I have a new respect for Purple.)

They reached the bridge and Skie would’ve kicked the smug looking Eric if she didn’t have to be a crutch for Jason.

“You’re never going to pull off the Hero of Time title if a twisted ankle weakens you that much. That, and you’re wearing a purple tunic.” (Bite me. You’re running around in a fucking maroon skirt.) (Really, fuck you Eric. YOU didn’t fight off a Stalchild while injured. You’d probably pee yourself and get killed.) Eric sidestepped to avoid a kick from Skie, who figured a kick wouldn’t endanger her or Jason of falling over. At least, just this once.

“Hey, I’m the Hero of Time here.” Link said, “I’m the only one with the Master Sword.” (Exactly.) (You tell ‘em, Link.)

“Well, you got us there.” Eric nodded. “But you’re sword is purple too.”

“It’s blue.” Link retorted.

“No, I think it’s purple.”

“It’s blue!”

“Nope.”

(

IT’S FUCKING INDIGO. BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.)

“Are you like, prejudice against the color purple or something?” (HE’S COLORIST OMG) Skie asked, “'Cuz it happens to be one of my favorite colors.” (Funny, I thought that was gray, since you wear so much of it.) (Purple’s one of my favorite colors, too. ;_; a;sfjas; Ugh, Skie makes me think of what I would be like if I hadn’t matured from the monstrosity I was in 8th grade.)

Nobody noticed, but Jason blushed. (D’aaw.) (<3)

Eric grinned and yanked on her bangs, “You need to work on your swordplay.”

“Oi! Leggo!” Skie complained. (And again with the waffles! Wait, she meant “let go.” I think I’m coming to realize why I want to smack J. K. Rowling on occasion. She made phrases like “geroff me” acceptable in prose.)

“Let's go.” Ned said. “Morons.” he added, almost, but not quite, to himself. (At least Ned realizes there’s shit to be done. Without them they'd still be next to the fucking pond.)

“I think I can walk the rest of the way,” Jason took his arm from around her shoulders, “Thanks.” He smiled at her and limped his way after Ned and Link.

“Gah. Now you made him feel embarrassed.” Skie said, waving a frustrated arm at Eric. (It's alright. He’s more likeable now.)

“Nah. I just questioned his manliness.” (Because you’re the epitome of masculinity here, you scrawny, immature little brat.)

“Yeah well...” Skie tried to think of something witty and clever to say. “You’re mean.” And with that she jogged after the others.

Updated! And it's off to Kakariko Village. (Took them long enough. Also, what bridge did they cross at the end there? I don’t remember a bridge. Over Zora River, maybe? How is that so far from the road? And why not just CAMP for a few minutes until the sun rises? Heroes you are not, you dumbasses.) (Well, they DO lack seven years of mental maturity. :/)

Read and make sure to Review!

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(Uuum. So she resubmitted this fic for some reason. I guess we’re starting over, then? Whenever she gets back to chapter...whatever, I’ll pick up again.) (Yayz?)