Dear Diary,

Hello! My name is Zelda! What’s your name, Diary? If you could talk, I would so ask you your name so I can know what your name is. I go to high school, Diary! I’m sixteen! Cool, right? I know, isn’t it? It is!

I had waffles for breakfast!

My school is called Hyrule High. Isn’t that neat, Diary? I never had a diary before. I have such a cool schedule.

Chemistry is first period. None of the omgsuperhawt guys are in that class. I sit next to Tingle. He is SO weird, he’s like, 35 and obsessed with fairies. I have a sneaking suspicion that he’s gay. He looks like he’s 35. Redundancy, lol. But really, he’s weird.

Then there’s History. My bestest friend ever, Malon, is in that class with me. We pass notes and don’t listen to our teacher, Mr. Darunia. Mr. Darunia is so huge that I feel small. Today we talked about stuff I don’t care about, teeheehee.

Then I have study hall with Tingle again, he’s so gay, roffles. I did my Chemistry homework!

Next I have my Christian Morality class. Haha, Mr. Deku Tree teaches that class, he’s so dumb. Today, he gave us a worksheet that was like, asking us about our personalities? I didn’t read it. Lol, we have a quiz on it tomorrow. I don’t care much about Humanism and Spiritualism or, uh, Machoism? Machineism? I dunno, some kinda ism. You probably know, Diary.

Then there’s English. I LOVE English because guess who’s in my class? LINK. He’s so sexy and he’s on the football team and basketball team and lacrosse team and swimming team and tennis team and golf team and baseball team and soccer team. Today we were learning about proper grammar but I didn’t paying attention ‘cause I be to busy staring at Links sexyness.

Lunch next period, Diary! I have lunch with my bestest friend omg ever Malon. Saria’s also there but she lives next door to Link so I hate her, that stupid bitch. She gets to see Link lots. And oh-em-gee, TINGLE sits with us! The fuck? No one likes him because he’s gay and 35 so he sits with us, what? LINK sits at the table next to us with that funny looking but kinda hawt Mikau kid and some other jocks. They have the sexiest table evah, biotch.

Then I have Latin. Link is in this class, too! I amare him! We were going over conjugating verbs and declining nouns, but I wasn’t paying attention ‘cause Link was sitting there paying attention and he was sexy and hawt. Diary, did I mention I amare him? It’s the verus! Haha, Latin in context, lol. Puer fatuus in fossam currit, rofflecoptors.

After that I have Algebra 2. Link isn’t in teh class, so I whine and angst about it. Mrs. Impa yells at me for it. I’m ready to cry because there’s nothing sexy to stare at, and she’s all, “Zelda, pay attention, you’re failing the class.” She just hates me ‘cause she’s married and don’t have a hawt classmate to crush on. Oh, I almost forgot, my bestest friend ever for serious Malon’s in that class. She don’t like Mrs. Impa much either, to, Diary.

Then there’s Introduction to Music. Apparently, “I like this song ‘cause the lead singer is sexy,” ain’t a good reason for liking the song. I’m confused. Some other kid said, “The melody was nice and the harmony was pleasing to the ear,” and Mr. Windmill Guy said that was a good answer! Hah! I bet he’s gay, lmao. OH, OH, OH, LINK IS IN MY CLASSSSS! HE SITS NEAR MEEEE. And he knew what a “arpeggio” is when he had to take notes and I didn‘t. But I ignored the notes and paid more attention to Link because he is so hawt. Really.

Oh, and every other day I have SAT prep in place of Music. What a stupid class. The book we use is WAY two big. And it’s dumb. It’s a dumb book. I got a Raw Score of .7 on my practice test, what a dumb test, making me look stoopid on purpose. And my teacher Mr. Talon is a dumb fag, ‘cause he says I gots the worst score he’s ever seen ever on a practice test. He says he hopes God has mercy on my soul. Or something. He’s dumb.

Enough about school, Diary! After school was also omgfunlol. I went home and ate pretzels while watching some show I hate ‘cause I don’t like it. My mom made tacos for dinner, Diary! I don’t like it none so I didn’t eat them. Then I did my homework while watching some show set in, like, the 1400’s. Maybe you heard about it Diary. It’s called Little House on the Prairie. Omg, everyone’s wearing dresses? Who DOES that anymore? Roffles all around.

Oh, and then mom gave me you, Diary! And I started writing in you! And now I’m finished since there’s nothing else I wanna write about, seriously!

That’s it for today, Diary! I can’t wait to write about every day for the rest of forever in you, Diary! You are my betterest friend evah in teh universe! Yay!

This is Zelda, signing off, lol.

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Diary’s Diary

Dear Diary,

If I had wrists, I would be slitting them right now.

~THE END~
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LATIN: