My eyes opened to see the ceiling of the 6^th year Boys� Dorm. Today was just another day I�d have to go through. It was still early and no one seemed to notice I was there. Draco Malfoy, the boy I hated, the man I loved, was lying contently on the silky Slytherin sheets. His face was calm and innocent, huddled against his dark green pillow. I wanted to hit him, hurt him, spit on him, anything! Why should he be allowed to sleep easy when he�s the cause of all this evil? It was unfair! I fought the urge to beat him as he had beaten me so many times before, and grabbed my robe. Wrapping it around my naked body, I left the room.

I knew my way well around the Slytherin Common Room. It was cold, even though it was kept at room temperature. The stone walls were draped in pictures of famous Slytherins, most of whom were locked up in Azkaban, if they were still alive.

It wouldn�t matter if anyone saw me. They wouldn�t care. Girls, and boys, from different houses often walked in the den of the Slytherins, or so I had learned. It was quite common to see a few hung over pupils (again, of any house) on the floor. Sometimes they were half naked on the couch, but no one cared. This was the norm.

I learned to ignore them a long time ago. All I wanted to do was leave.

I grabbed my shoes and other assorted clothing from wherever they laid and then made my way out through the portrait hole. The stone floor was even colder than inside the Common Room. Sliding into my slippers, I made my way to the Girl�s Lavatories.

When I got there, I checked to see if Moaning Myrtle or anyone else was in the stalls. I was alone. I got on my knees and found what I was looking for. Pressed up against the base of the sink was a small blade. Bitter thoughts invaded my head as I picked it up.

� ��ey, it�s Ickle Ginny. Eh, don�t she �ang aroun� wi� �arry Po�er an� the rest o� the Dream Team?� �Oh yeah� but that�s �bout it. Poor girl don�t have any other friends.��

The blade glinted in the sunlight that had started to poke through the grimy windows. The edge was a slightly lighter shade and even shinier. How beautiful a weapon this was. So thin, so light, yet it could cause so much damage.

�Just like me,� I said quietly.

�The messages written in blood in our first year; how little help I was when we tried to fight the Death Eaters last year; Draco Malfoy�I�m a bloody screwed up failure!�

I drew the sleeve of my robe to my elbow. There were thin pink lines popping out against my white skin. Some of the lines were a dark reddish-brown; congealed blood.

�My family� oh God! There�s so many of us in one small house! And I must be such a nuisance to mum! The youngest, and the only girl. I can�t wear the boys� hand-me-downs� so I only take up more money! I�m just another mouth to feed.�

The metal was cool against my skin. I was scared the first time, but now, this was so easy, it was practically routine. I pressed the blade almost flat against my skin, and pushed it slightly as I moved the edge downwards.

�I have no friends! All I do is hang around Ron and Hermione and Harry! My only date was with Neville for crying out loud! Sure, I had boyfriends� but they weren�t real. We never did anything! Besides, who would want me? I�m just an antisocial bitch!�

The blood slowly poured out from the thin slit. How � relaxing � it felt. It was flowing out of my skin, pulsing, and creating a small trickling stream on my arm. And I felt every single bit of it. I could hear � no, feel � my heartbeat, how familiar it�s become. Bump-bump-bump bump�bump bump�bump-bump. It seems to grow fainter every time.

�Malfoy�oh, Draco, you hurt me so much! That night he came to me� I was studying in the library one late night, and there he was. He started making wise cracks about my family�s financial situation� and the next thing I knew, he�s on top of me, kissing me. And I � I was enjoying it! It was probably my lack of intimate relationships� but oh! The next thing I knew, we were fucking, right there on the library floor! Now I cant even enter that room without tearing up inside!�

Now, both tears and blood were flowing freely. Thinking about Malfoy was the last straw. Taking the bloodstained blade, I dug it into my flesh. It stung so much that I bit my lip and tasted a coppery flavor on my tongue. I relished in the pain and wounded myself even deeper.

�And every night after that, he sought me out. Soon, we were sharing regular nightly visits. He was so sweet� yet so evil at the same time. He would sweep me off my feet during our little gatherings� and he�d be such an ass, passing through halls. But when he was romantic, he could make me forget about all those horrible things he did, things he called my friends and I, and I was moaning his name� begging him not to go. But then� he got somewhat sick of me. I was just another one of his bitches� I always knew that� it was in the back of my mind� but I never really thought about it � I didn�t want to think about it. But he did. I was another one of his �objects � to take out frustration on. I became a human punching bag. At first, I thought it was one of his kinky little sex games� but a playful bite turned into an all out beating.

�He�s like a drug. He gets me into so much shit� but I crave him and I can�t let go because of this high that he gives me.�

Now, I let the blood flow, thinking bitter thoughts to pass the time. This is the Hell that I live in. Welcome to my world.

�Oh God, this really is Hell! I mean, I wake up every day, in the Slytherin Common Room, the Astronomy Tower, practically anyplace in Hogwarts except my own bed. My only friends are my brother, his best friends, and an owl. I�m barely passing my classes, which is a miracle considering I�m not paying attention in the slightest. I�m always alone during spare time. At night, I�m running around with none other than Draco Malfoy, woman beater extraordinaire. And once the jackass is asleep, I�m cutting myself and cussing at the world! What kind of life is this for a 15-year-old?�

The sun was growing steadily higher in the sky. I compressed a napkin to my open wound, washed off the blade and put it back in its hiding spot. Peeling the napkin off my skin, I disposed of it. No problem if anyone saw a bloody napkin in the waste� after all, this was a girls� washroom. I hastily put on my clothes and robed myself once more then left.

The halls were empty, but I heard footsteps growing steadily louder. I found myself face to face with a rather pink Ron and Hermione.

�Um� Ginny! Where have you been?� Hermione asked, sounding a lot like mother.

�In the loo. Where have you two been?� I asked, a slight grin spreading across my face.

Both faces blushed deeper.

�Looking for you�� Ron said, unconvincingly.

�Ahh yes� when you weren�t sucking each other�s faces I presume.�

Both of them turned their gaze downwards.

Hermione gasped. �Ginny! You�re arm! It�s bleeding!�

�Huh? Oh� it�s just a paper cut,� I said, a lot more convincingly than Ron.

�Oh��

There was an odd silence in the air and I decided I would break it. �Well, I�m off to breakfast. You two carry on with what you were doing,� I smiled as I walked away.

My smile quickly faded, however, as I entered the Great Hall. Sitting at the Slytherin table, as if he had no care in the world, was Draco Malfoy, showing off as usual.

Acting indifferent, I made my way to the Gryffindor table and sat down beside some fellow 5^th years. After eating maybe a spoonful of porridge and sitting for another half hour, I got up and left.

An arm reached out and grabbed me upon leaving the Hall. The arm belonged to � you guessed it � Draco Malfoy.

�Whaddya want, Draco?� I sighed.

�Using my first name out of the bedroom eh?� he bared his teeth in his trademark smirk. The light was glinting off the sharp pointy one.

�I�ve used it outside the bedroom� In the Astronomy Tower for instance,� I replied coolly.

Draco gave a short laugh. It was a genuine laugh. It made me smile. This was why I loved him. This was his true self; Laughing and happy � not narcissistic and cynical, but lovable and fun. I couldn�t fight the urge so I gently placed my lips on his. I could tell he was smiling as he attempted to kiss me back.

�What are you? Drunk?�

�Maybe,� he grinned, leading me up the stairs.

We stopped on a bare corridor and made our way to an empty classroom, stealing kisses and exchanging dirty banter as stumbled against the walls.

�Okay, time to cut the chit chat and get jiggy with it.� Draco proclaimed, his tongue entering and flickering throughout my mouth. I pushed him away. �Not out in the open.�

We went into the classroom, skipping the foreplay and moving straight into intercourse. I was so detached as he released inside of me that I almost forgot to pretend to enjoy it.

�Draco�� I moaned weakly. It was easy enough to pretend. All I felt was a pain between my thighs and I wanted it to go away as quickly as it could. That meant Draco had to leave. Or rather, I had to leave.

�Draco, I�ve got to go to class. Breakfast is almost over�� I started.

�Ginny, Ginny, Ginny. I�ve given you so much pleasure that you�ve practically forgotton,� �Oh God! He�s such a self-centered bastard!� �Today�s Saturday,� he continued, smiling.

My mouth hung slightly and I quickly let out an �Oh,� but inside, my heart had sunk.

�I want. To be. Alone!� I cried to myself.

Draco lied down on the hard desk and I laid myself on top of him, our bare chests heaving up and down rhythmicly. I closed my eyes. In a few minutes, his calm mood could change and I could be adding another bruise to my growing collection. But right now, he was pleasant, calm, tolerable. Times when he was like this were scarce, so I decided I may as well enjoy it while it lasts. I sighed, breathing out all the horrible things of my life, leaving my chest feeling light and free.

How long we stayed like that, I have no clue. When I�m with Draco, hours can seem like minutes and minutes can seem like hours � so I�m usually lost, suspended in time with him.

I picked myself up and stared into his face. He had fallen asleep. How gorgeous he looked with his hair tousled, his eyelashes sweeping his cheeks, his face looking content. Hate and resentment quickly replaced my adoring feelings towards the Malfoy.

I gathered my clothes once more and walked out the door.

Today was Saturday. I decided that I may as well just lock myself up in my room.

And that was exactly what I did.

I walked around the circular room. Five other beds occupied it, but today was sunny, no one would be locking themselves up with me. How wrong I was.

Martha Butchard stormed into the room, her eyes drowning in tears.

I sighed, knowing I had to play sympathetic roommate. �Martha! What is it?� I asked in a cheerful voice � forced, believe you me.

�Collin � Collin and I �� she stuttered.

�What?� I asked, trying to hide impatience from my tone.

�Broke up!� she wailed.

�Oh��

Martha didn�t hold back any longer and cried rivers.

�Well � well I�m sure you�ll get over him! He never deserved someone as pretty and smart as you,� I offered. �I�m giving you flattery! What more do you want? Just get out of my room bitch!� It wasn�t very nice, but I wanted to be alone. And this sobbing wreck was complaining about her stupid love life! �What about my life? Does any one bother to ask me what�s wrong? Or why I keep doing this to myself? No one notices me at all� except for Draco. But all he wants me for is sex. I don�t know why he keeps taking me� he can have any stupid girl in this school! Why me?�

Martha was still going on about her problems. Selfish bitch.

�It�s gonna be alright! You�ll be over him and dating someone new� someone way better than him. Than it�ll be his turn to cry because he lost you. And it was his own fault too.�

�If only it was that simple with me��

�Yes, I suppose�� Martha started, her chest shaking from the sobs she was choking back.

�Martha, do you want to be alone?� Anything to get me out of this conversation!

�Oh, I don�t know!� she wailed. �I think I need to talk about this, you know? But at the same time� all I want to do is cry!�

�Then cry it out. Get it all over and done with. We can talk later when you feel better.�

The sniffing girl nodded. �Thanks, Gin. You�re such a good friend.�

�Good friend my ass,� I thought as I walked out the door. �I�m a terrible friend, and a horrible, anti-social human � no, not even human� I�m a horrible anti-social scum!�  Now where was I to go to wallow in self pity? There was only one answer that came to me. The Room of Requirement.

After strolling past three times, I opened the door. Inside, the room was dark. There were a few blood red cushions on the ground and the furnishings were a dark crimson as well. I sat down on the dark sheets of the bed and grabbed my Mrs. Tulip doll. She was my old rag doll� I hadn�t seen her since I was eight! I used to cry into her soft hair whenever Fred and George � or any of my brothers for that matter � had upset me. The mixed emotions inside me mad me well up and I started to sob into the little doll.

�I don�t want to be with him� But I do� What the fuck is wrong with me? I want two different things. Just like how I want to be alone when I�m with people, but when I am alone, I get all mad because people are out there having the fun that I�m incapable of having. Why can�t I be happy with one thing? I always want to have it two different ways! And the two ways are complete opposites!  It�s one or the other, Gin. Can�t you get that through your thick head? No I fuckin can�t! And it�s driving me crazy! I want him, yet I don�t!

�It�s just that, sometimes, he�s so sweet. He knows exactly what to say to make a girl fall head over heels�He acts like a gentleman, he�s so soft� and then something snaps inside of him and he turns into a complete ass! He becomes a self-righteous woman beater � and he doesn�t seem to see that there�s something wrong with that! He just goes on his way as if this was completely normal� Maybe it was the way he was raised� growing up with Lucius Malfoy as your father can�t lead to a very healthy bringing up� being exposed to all those Dark Arts�� I shivered. Think of something else. Anything but Draco.

�Anything but Draco� Anything but Draco� How can I think of anything but him? He�s been plaguing my mind since that night in the library� actually, I didn�t mind� all until he started to get violent. But before that, I loved it! The pleasure was immense, doubled by the feeling of rebellion. Who would have thought Ginny Weasley would be capable of such naughty deeds?�  I smiled to myself, but my smile, however, quickly faded as new thoughts invaded my mind.

�But then� sweet Draco, the guy I had been infatuated with, changed. And rather suddenly too� I think it may have had something to do with his father�s death� No matter how much Draco resented his father, I could tell he was emotionally battered over it. And that night, he came to me, looking for comfort. And I tried my best to console him, really I did, but I guess it wasn�t good enough for him�He started saying horrible things � nasty things! He called me names, any name he could think of� And when he was at a loss for words� he used the first thing that came to his mind� his fists.

�I was scared. I didn�t want to meet him again � be alone with him again� but a Malfoy always gets what he wants. I was so relieved when he was the same old Draco I knew. He acted as if the previous night had never happened, and that was fine with me. But I just had to open my mouth didn�t I? I just had to know why he had acted the way he had last night�and then, he lashed out on me once more, this time skipping the verbal abuse and going straight into pummeling me.

�Once more I feared the Slytherin sixth year. I avoided him for a week, locking myself up in my dorm. Hermione came in regularly and asked me what was wrong. I know she meant well, but I couldn�t bring myself to tell her was troubling me� for revealing that would lead to me having to reveal the rest of my shameful doings. I just couldn�t bare to do that, so the resons to my strange behaviour remained a mystery.

�Unfortunately for me, anything enigmatic at Hogwarts automatically became the topic of interest. People whispered � about me, no doubt � as I walked to my classes. Some of the stories they had made up were completely absurd! The craziest one I had heard was that Collin had taken pictures of Harry, Hermione and I in the act of a threesome! As if! If that was true, Harry and Hermione wouldn�t have been asking me what was wrong so often� how slow some of the students were.

�Draco, however, knew exactly what was bothering me. He also knew that he was being avoided, and, being a Malfoy and all, he simply couldn�t take someone avoiding him.

�He trapped me in a corner and refused to let me leave until he had his way with me. He took me to his Common Room where he beat the crap out of me. It was a miracle that I was still conscious at the end of his outburst! What he did next made me so mad my blood started to boil. He kissed me! He kissed me as if everything would go away after this kiss, as if he would get to be intimate with me again! I slapped him with all the energy I had left after his excursion. What a mistake I had made. At least before, he was kissing me tenderly. Now he was outraged once more, and I had to pay.

�That was the first day I decided to cut myself. I was convinced that anything would be better than going through one of his rants again. I had removed the blade from one of my razors and locked myself in the washroom. I remembered the doubt that flooded my mind as I drew back my sleeve. I remembered how much I shook as I brought the blade closer and closer to my wrist. I remembered as I squeaked in pain when I made the first cut. I immediately dropped the blade and went to wash the blood away. I had decided to never do such a crazy stunt again� however, within a few days, Draco had beaten me once more after a would-be romantic rendezvous, and I was broken inside again. I went back to the washroom, picking up the blade where I had hidden it from the last time and started to repeat the process. It hurt as much as last time, but this time, I was driven with more hate and it was easier to ignore the throbbing ache of my wound. Once I felt that I had hurt myself sufficiently enough, I cleaned up after myself and left. And every night from then on, after Draco had his way with me, I would lock myself up and repeat the ritual over and over.�

My eyes stung and my cheeks felt itchy. What use was cryin? It wouldn�t change anything! All it could possibly do is put me into an even worse mood! Then a thought came to me, one that had come to me many times before. But for the second time in my life, I truly considered it.

�This is Hell. Anything would be better than this fuckin shit hole! The life I lead on earth isn�t worth living! Waking up every morning to be nice to people who don�t even know me! To live with myself after every encounter with Draco! This isn�t right! But I can�t get out of it. How am I suppose to? Tell Draco I hate his guts and want to leave? That wouldn�t work!�

My eyes rested on a silver object that had just appeared before me. I picked it up by its golden hilt. It was a knife. Did I dare? Well what other choice was there? But there was something I needed to do first. I searched around for a quill and some parchment, the items magically appearing as I wished for them. I started to write.

To my family:

I am SO sorry for all the pain I may have given to you. Please don�t cry for me� I don�t deserve it. I only brought this to myself. I hope you understand that I just couldn�t find a way out. I hate that I won�t be there to meet all of the guys�s girlfriends and watch them get married. I wish I could be there to see all my nieces and nephews.

Bill, you were always so kind to me. Keep doing what you want to do.

Charlie, please be careful with those dragons. Thank you for all that you�ve taught me.

Percy, try to lighten up a bit. I hope you�ve finally come to your senses about all the misjudgements you�ve made� and I forgive you. Please don�t give mum and dad a hard time.

Fred, George, I wish I could be there to see the successes of your business. I�m sure you�ll out do Zonko�s! Always be happy.

Ron, don�t be afraid to take the spotlight. You know you�re just as good as anyone and you deserve just as much as they do! Thanks for watching over me in Hogwarts. Never settle for less than you�re worth.

Mum, Dad, NONE of this is your fault. You�ve taught me well, and I just wish I could�ve been a better daughter to you. I wish I listened all those times I didn�t. You always turned out to be right. I know I didn�t say it or express it enough, but I love you.

To Harry, You�re an awesome person. Don�t let You-Know-Who bring you down. Always be your cheerful self. I know you�ll win the war.

To Hermione, You were my best friend� even if you didn�t know it. Never loose your wisdom� I know you�re going to be great one day � scratch that. You already are.

Finally, to Draco Malfoy,

I�ve wanted to tell you forever that I just can�t deal with you anymore. I can�t stand your split personalities. I hated it. Your abuse drove me this way Draco, but I want you to know that I�ve forgiven you for what you did to me. There�s a great person inside you, Draco � don�t be afraid to let him show. I�ll always love you.

Satisfied with the note, I left it on the table. I picked up the blade once more and examined it. There were dark ruby stones embedded in the hilt and the base of the knife. This was it.

I held the knife against my wrist and slashed at the wound that I had created earlier. It was as it always had been: routine. The blood flowed quickly, dropping down to the dark wooden floor.

As the blood trickled down my arm, I thought about my life. It had been okay up until I came to Hogwarts. Tom Riddle possessing me had changed me drastically. I carried a dark emptiness with me where ever I went. And then there was Draco� He tore my world apart, consoled me, confused me, used me. He hurt me so much� yet I loved him.

I was getting dizzy� probably from the lack of blood. My eyelids grew heavier and heavier. This was the last time I�d ever see any thing again. I knew it was. My eyes closed. I was still vaguely aware that there was a stinging sensation emanating from the wound. Then everything went away. There was nothing. I was not me, and all was dark. No� all was not dark � all was nothingness. I was nothingness. It was over. I felt a strange calmness overcome the nothingness. I was finally at peace with the world� with Draco� with myself. It was finally over.