Inu Yasha MST: Episode 1

Inu Yasha is invading the village. Eventually, he reaches the shrine, where the Shikon Jewel is.

Inu Yasha (smiling): Hmph.

He takes the jewel. Men try to attack him, but Inu Yasha jumps through the roof and escapes.

Inu Yasha: Hee hee, too bad! With this, I can now become a true ghost!

He reaches the forest.

Kikyo: Inu Yasha!

She shoots Inu Yasha at a tree. Inu Yasha drops the Shikon Jewel. Kikyo keeps her stance, as leaves blow through her hair.

Inu Yasha: Ki.. Kikyo.. Bitch.. How dare you.. (falls asleep)

Kikyo staggers toward the jewel and bows down toward it.

Kaede: Sis! Kikyo-sama!

Man: This is a horrible wound!

Kaede: Sis! This horrible wound!

Oh dear, this horrible wound! The horrible wound that is this! This that is the horrible wound! This wound that is horrible! Horrible that this wound is!

Kikyo: My inexperience.. This is the result of that. (picks up jewel) All this because of the Shikon Jewel.

Kaede: Sis! Quickly, we need to treat..

Kikyo: It�s too late already. So, listen carefully Kaede.. This.. This Shikon Jewel, burn it with my remains so that it shall never fall into evil hands again. (begins to collapse)

Kaede: Sis! (Kikyo collapses) Sis!

Kikyo is on fire.

Kikyo: Shikon Jewel.. I will take you with me to another world.

Kikyo spins into the fire.

That�s kind of trippy.

Kagome is in the shrine with her grandpa.

Kagome: Shikon jewel?

Grandpa: That�s right! As long as one has this, your family will be secure and business will flourish!

It can also work as a substitute for Enzyte.

Kagome: You want to sell that kind of glass ball? This kind of key chain is not popular anymore.

Grandpa: You are making a big mistake if you think this is an ordinary key chain. When you go back in time, the glass ball Shikon Jewel was this temple�s..

Buyo starts to play with the key chain. Grandpa narrows his eyes.

Grandpa: Ahem! Listen carefully, Kagome. The story of the shikon jewel that has been spoken of for a long time..

Buyo is still playing with key chain, and once again steals the attention. He falls down.

You know it�s time to stop trying when the cat is stealing all of the attention..

Grandpa: This glass bead�s history is..

Kagome: Apart from that Grandpa, do you know what day is tomorrow?

Grandpa: Hehe, how could I forget about my cute grandchild�s birthday?

Kagome: Wow! Present?

Grandpa: It is a mummified Kappa�s hand for good luck.

Kagome has a very comical shocked look on her face.

Grandpa: It�s history is..

Kagome: Eat, Buyo.

Buyo chomps on it.

Are you even sure that�s edible?

Grandpa: Aa! What a waste!

Grandpa tries to grab hand and falls over.

Kagome (voice over): History.. Is that history. My house is a very old shrine.

Grandpa: Yes, these pickle�s history begins..

Kagome: Weren�t they from Ujiko-san?

Kagome (voice over): A 1000 year old compound.. And a concealed well that might be historical. Everything is supposed to have a story behind it. Several people asked about it, but I never thought of it much until today, my 15th birthday.

Kagome is in the city going to school.

Girl: Kagome, it�s from your friend.

Kagome: Rehearsal note? Alright, I�ll bring it today.

Girl: I got it!

Kagome leaves shrine.

Kagome: I�m leaving!

Runs across shrine.

Kagome: Sota?

Sota: Sis..

Kagome: You know you can�t play in there.

Sota: But Buyo is..

Kagome: ..inside the sealed well?

Ominous blow of wind. They go into the well.

Kagome: Buyo?

Sota: I thought I saw him down there.

Kagome: Let�s go down.

Sota: But this place feels creepy..

Kagome: What are you scared of..? Aren�t you a man?

Kagome has fallen to society�s stereotypes of gender. God bless her soul.

There is a noise. Sota freaks out and hides behind Kagome.

Sota: There�s something there!

Kagome: Like.. Our cat? Really! (goes down steps) Wha? What�s this sound? From inside the well? Ah!

Sota falls down from fright. Buyo is purring against Kagome�s leg.

That cat�s meow sounds like a lawn mower. Maybe he ate one..?

Sota: That was scary! Don�t shout so loud!

Kagome: I found the cat for you!

Sota notices a sound coming from the well behind Kagome.

Sota: Sis..!

The well bursts open. Kagome is standing there with a bewildered look on her face. Whatever is coming from it grabs Kagome and drags her in. Kagome drops Buyo.

Sota: Sis!

The hands turn Kagome toward it. It is a naked woman with several arms.

Centipede Woman: Wonderful! I can feel my strength overflowing. My body is coming back!

The skeletal remains of her grow back in bulks.

Centipede Woman: You must have it! You have it!

Centipede Woman sticks her tongue out and licks Kagome.

Kagome: Let me go! This is gross! Let go!

I�m sure to a guy being licked by a naked woman would be heaven.

Kagome sticks her hand out, a light emits from it and forces the Centipede Woman off her.

Centipede Woman: You! I am not going to let you go! Shikon jewel!

Kagome falls, with a purple light glowing from her chest.

Kagome: Shi.. Shikon jewel?

She falls to the bottom of the well.

Kagome: This place.. Is inside the well? What was that? A dream..?

Looks at a limb that broke off from the Centipede Woman.

Kagome: It wasn�t a dream! I have to get out of here! Sota, aren�t you up there? Go get grandpa! (begins to climb) Darn! He must have ran away!

Climbs out of well. Sits on it.

Kagome: This place is.. (yells out) Grandpa? Mama? Sota.. Buyo.. (walks away) Our house must have vanished..

She stops when she sees the tree.

Kagome: The sacred tree!

She runs toward it.

Kagome: I am saved! Our house must be around here!

Smiling, she looks at the tree again. But she stops at what she sees, a boy pinned to the tree by an arrow.

Kagome: A boy..?

She jumps onto the tree.

Kagome: Uh.. What are you doing? This..(touches ear) Those aren�t human ears! I want to touch them.

She begins to feel the ears.

Dear god, she�s fondling his ears! Sexual harassment! Gah!

Kagome: Haa, I don�t have time for this.

That�s right Kagome, do not fall into the addiction..

Men with arrows: What are you doing there?

They shoot arrows at her. Kagome hides against the boy. Men run toward her. Kagome is then seen with her hands tied on her back, sitting on a mat.

Kagome: Wait a minute! You didn�t have to tie me up!

Man 1: It�s a girl wearing a strange kimono!

Man 2: Is she a foreigner?

Man 3: Could it be war again?

Man 4: We are already short of man power.

Woman 1: Perhaps she is a kitsune in disguise.

Woman 2: That is much better than war.

Woman 3: BURN HER ALIVE.

Kagome: Ma-ge.. Ma-ge ma-ge ma-ge ma-ge! What is this place?

Just so you know, Ma-ge is that hair do Japanese men back in the day. Just for some clarification.

Man: Clear the way! Kaede-san has arrived.

An old woman dressed in miko clothing arrives with a bow and arrow.

Kagome: Another weirdo has appeared..

The old woman throws dust at her.

Kagome: Why are you doing this?

Kaede: Since you were in Inu Yasha�s forest, I thought you might be a spector or mononoke.

That�s logical.

Man: Maybe she really is a spy from another country.

Kaede: There is no reason to attack this town. We are barely surviving ourselves.

Kaede gasps and looks at Kagome again. Kagome is glaring.

Kaede: You! Let me see your face clearly!

Grabs Kagome�s face and forces it side to side.

Kaede: Try to look more serious!

Kagome: Gyahhhh!!

Kaede: You resemble.. Kikyo!

Dun dun dun

Inside Kaede�s hut, in which Kaede is making some kind of soup. She gives some to Kagome.

Kagome: This looks tasty! Thank you for the food.

Kaede: Sorry about earlier. There are a lot of wars going on recently and all of the young ones have left even though this town has nothing to do with the war.

Kagome: Isn�t this place Tokyo?

Kaede: Tokya? I haven�t heard of that before. Is that your country?

Kagome: Ummm.. Well, I kind of want to get back home. (thinks) Hmmm.. But how am I supposed to get back?

Kaede (fifty years earlier): Sis! We need to treat..

Kikyo: This.. This shikon jewel.. Burn it with my remains!

Kaede: It has been fifty years since..

Suddenly, the Centipede Woman attacks the village.

Kaede: What�s going on? It�s a mononoke!

The Centipede Woman whips out into view, eating a horse. She lets go of it, and it lands next to Kagome and Kaede.

Talk about a way to die.

Kagome: Ah! That wench!

Centipede Woman: Hand over the shikon jewel!

She knocks Kaede and Kagome down.

Kaede: Shikon jewel?! Do you have it?

Kagome: I don�t know! I don�t know anything about that kind of glass ball!

Centipede Woman: Give it to me! Give it to me!

If there�s something strange..

She kills more villagers.

..in your neighborhood.

Kagome: She must be targeting me!

Who you gonna call?

Man: Arrows and spears aren�t doing any damage!

Ghostbusters!

Kaede: We have to drive it back to the dry well.

If it�s something weird..

Kagome: Dry well?

..and it don�t look good.

Kaede: It�s in Inu Yasha�s forest.

Who you gonna call?

Kagome (thinking): The well I came from! (out loud) Where is the well? Is it toward the bright light?

Ghostbusters!

Kaede: What did you say?

Kagome runs off.

Kagome: That wench should follow me!

Kaede: That girl, she can see the forest aura that ordinary people cannot see!

Villagers: Kaede-sama!

Men and Kaede get on horses.

Kagome: Can I survive this..? Can I survive? Grandpa, Mama, save me! Please save me, anybody, help!

The boy pinned to the tree. An aura bounces off of him in heart beats. His hand moves.

Inu Yasha: I can smell it! I smell the girl who killed me! She is coming closer!

He tries to touch the arrow, but he can�t.

Ha ha ha, he can�t touch the arrow. What a looooo ser.

Inu Yasha: Shit!

Centipede Woman: Hand over the shikon jewel!

Kagome: I don�t have it!

The Centipede Woman attack Kagome, which sends Kagome flying. She lands right in front of the sacred tree.

Kagome: Owch.

Inu Yasha: Hey, Kikyo! What are you doing with that wimpy centipede?

Kagome (thinking): Did it just speak now? It�s alive?

Inu Yasha: Settle this with a single blow, Kikyo. Just like when you killed me. Why are you looking at me with that silly face, Kikyo? Have you lost your powers, Kikyo-san?

Kagome: Wait. Kikyo? What do you mean, Kikyo? My name is..

BATMAN.

Inu Yasha: It�s coming.

The Centipede Woman attack Kagome again. A spear lands on her.

Man: Right, now pull!

Kagome: Sa..saved..

Inu Yasha: Heh, what a disgrace Kikyo.

Kagome: Why, you! Don�t make a mistake! I am not Kikyo, as I said before!

Inu Yasha: Don�t be stupid! No girl smells this disgusting except you! Wha? (smells Kagome) Huh? You are.. not Kikyo?

Typical male. Can�t get anything right.

Kagome: Yes! My name is Kagome. Ka-go-me!

Inu Yasha: Kikyo was more feminine and beautiful..

Oh-ho-ho! Owchi-wa-wa!

Kagome gasps angrily. The Centipede Woman grabs her, so Kagome grabs Inu Yasha�s hair.

Kagome: Help me!

Inu Yasha: Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! Let go of me!

Man: Kaede-sama! Inu Yasha has..

Kaede: Inu Yasha has awaken? How did the eternal seal get broken?

Centipede Woman: Shikon jewel!

Inu Yasha: Shikon jewel?

Centipede Woman opens her mouth to attack Kagome.

Kagome: Stop it!

Puts her hand out, a light emits from it and hits the Centipede Woman.

I wish I could do that. Could be useful trying to get through large crowds.. heh heh heh.

Kagome: This also happened in the well. How? How can I do this? Something is shining.

The side of her torso glows. The Centipede Woman bites her there and flings her into the air, the shikon jewel following her.

Kagome: Shikon jewel.. came from my body? Is that it?

It could be an ulcer, but I don�t think they�re that round.

She lands on the ground hard.

Inu Yasha: The glass ball! Give it to me! Hurry!

The Centipede Woman circles the sacred tree and Kagome and tightens, making Kagome fly against Inu Yasha.

Inu Yasha: I heard that half demon brat has been searching for the shikon jewel. Is that you?

Kagome: Half-demon? Who is this guy?

Inu Yasha: Don�t take me lightly, centipede. A small fish like you, when I use my true power..

Kagome: You! You have been talking big since earlier! Are you strong?

Inu Yasha: Wha?

Kagome: Are you strong?

Centipede Woman: What can you be wanting, staked up like that?! That is a nice seal. Ho ho, stay there, suck your finger and enjoy the show.

Suck your finger? What kind of show is she going to do, anyway?!

She sticks her tongue out and slurps up the jewel.

And what�s up with the tongue thing? Is it supposed to be sexy? Because it is so not.

Inu Yasha: Shit! It ate the glass ball!

Man: What�s going to happen, Kaede-sama?

Centipede woman transforms into a very ugly monster.

Centipede Woman: Yes! My power is back!

Kagome: I can�t take it any..

Inu Yasha: Hey. Can you pull this arrow out? I am asking if you can pull this arrow out.

Pull this arrow can you? Arrow you can pull out? Out this arrow you pull? This arrow pull you can?

Kagome: This arrow. (reaches for it) This arrow..

Kaede: Don�t pull it out! It is Inu Yasha�s seal! You must not free him!

Inu Yasha: You�re talking nonsense, old lady! Do you want to become centipede food? If that thing completely absorbs the shikon jewel, it�s the end! How about it?! Do you want to die here also?!

Just stop the centipede from doing the �show�.. please, for Pete�s sake..

Kagome: This place.. This place I don�t even know! (grabs arrow ) To die!

She pulls it out. It disintegrates.

Kaede: The arrow! It�s vanished!

Inu Yasha again has an aura beating from him in heart beats.

Kagome: Inu.. ya.. sha!

Inu Yasha begins to laugh, but then it transforms into a long evil guffaw. Inu Yasha kills the Centipede Woman by chopping her in half.

Another thing that would be useful in large crowds.

Kagome: He.. He is really strong. (the remains move) Ack! It�s moving!

It�s alliiiiiiiiive! (That was a Dr. Frankenstein impression for all of you uncultured people.)

Kaede: Do you see a glowing lump of flesh? The shikon jewel should be inside of that! If you don�t get that ball out the thing will revive.

Kagome: S-s-s-s-s-s-stop joking! (looks around) I see it! There!

Kaede pulls it out. The flesh disintegrates from the bones. She hands it to Kagome.

Kaede: You are the only one who can use this glass ball.

Kagome: Why was this inside my body? This kind of.. glass that will make ghosts strong..

Inu Yasha: That�s right! It�s useless to a human being! If you don�t want to die from my claw, hand it over!

Kagome: Eee! Isn�t this guy the hero?

I would guess not, since he is trying to kill you. Go figure.