Chapter 1

 

 

I knew I liked rain. It always makes me think of things that could have been. Funny how I always bring myself to this point in my mind and have no way back. Maybe all I really wanted was one moment. Just one moment where he was sitting across from me and smiling like he wanted me, like he really wanted me. Childish want and a rainy nights fantasy is all this is but I can’t help it. I can’t help that the man makes me want to feel. That me makes me feel so many things that I never let myself feel or better yet he taught me all these new feelings, some which I resented and some which I adored. Would I ever be happy without him? Only time will tell right?

 

New York

 

I woke up the usual way, my phone ringing Beethoven’s 5^th symphony. I don’t know why but I wanted to fall back asleep, I had nothing planned today. I have two months to myself yet I decided not to use the time like I planned to go to Europe for the summer studies program, I knew I was being lazy at that moment. Didn’t really know why this morning felt different from the ones that I spent here as a young teen, truth be told I was still in my teens…well not for long though, in a about seven months I’m going to be twenty years old in my third year college.

 

I stretched and looked at the clock and found it to be 11:30, already I over slept. I had rented a small apartment in upper east side for the summer, though I have been residing in Nevada for the past two years, UNLV dorm room my escape from New York the place where all and everything began for me. I was fortunate I suppose that I became a writer at eighteen and wrote a book that funded me wonderfully enough for me to pay for college and still have enough money to have a summer apartment, year before my book was published I would have been skeptical that I was ever here in this point in my life. Suddenly I didn’t feel like such a loser for over sleeping.

 

Pushing myself I turn on the TV where a woman was showing the basics for yoga, I push all thoughts aside as I get onto the floor and stretch my limbs. I have been doing yoga since seventeen, and been eating like any normal teenage college student. I laugh at my own thoughts sometimes, because they seem to idiotic even to me. My phone goes of and who should be but my long time friend Eric, the guy who stood by me even when I took his company for granted, and oh did we have some wild stories together.

 

“Hey” I answered as I watched Wai Ling roll her head back. “I’m up dude.” I explained as he snorted, he and I had so many nights of talking about nothing at all but some how it all made sense, at least it always did to me. “Come on over and I’ll make us a lame breakfast or you can grab some on your way here.”

 

“Yeah sure why not, then we can go out and buy you those subway cookies that you love so much.” he said, the subway cookies our private joke about my love for the double chocolate chip ones. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

 

I nod as I if he can see me, but I think he knows as he ends the call. I shut Wai Ling off and head towards the bathroom brushing my teeth and taking a shower. I think like crazy in the shower sometimes it drive me crazy just how much I think in the shower. I sing to stupid songs, make noise and wonder if anyone will ever find these little habits of mine endearing.

 

Nineteen and no steady relationship, not that I’m open to offers much, I have to focus, I need to make sure that I do all that I can to make my dreams come true so I can show them, so I can show my parents that I’m not some nothing that they once labeled me, that they shouldn’t have give up on me so fats when I wasn’t ready to give up on myself. I shook my head as I stepped out of the shower. Eric was already there, he had a key to my place and I had one to his.

 

“Hey, what did you bring?” I asked still in the towel, I mean what the hell this was my best friend I was talking to. “Any banana-chocolate chip muffins?” I asked seeing the Café 55 bag.

 

“Yeah here, and put some clothing on, not unless you want me to get turned on.” he grinned wiggling his eyebrows at me, he was still his usual self, he hasn‘t changed much other then the preppy look that he sported now, and his weight loss; he was still the same old reliable Eric. “I’ll get the coffee started.”

 

I nodded as I headed to my bedroom pulling out a pair of jeans and a white tank, my dream of finally not having to fold my jeans came true, that medication for height really worked. I dress quickly as I dried my dirty blonde hair, after trying about all the colors of the rainbow in my early teens I settled for this color which I think suited my tanned skin color, I still wore glasses though I have a couple of pairs of contacts hanging around, but I wear my glasses for Eric, he likes them better and I‘m used to them more. I really changed but not really.

 

Walking back to the dinning-living room I was greeted with the sweet smell of caffeine, and I smiled, one of life’s simple pleasures was a good cup of coffee. I grinned has Eric handed me a cup of coffee with his strange baboon face, but I found it both hilarious and cute. “Thanks.”

 

“It’s good to have you here again, I missed having you around with your monster eating ways.” he stated taking a sip out of his own mug. He was majoring in History like he always wanted, it was what he talked about when we finally had a chance to become friends in the beginning our junior year of high school. Damn time flies! “I’m off today so I’m up for anything that you want to do, and I know you’re busy working on your next book, but since you in town I want to make sure we get enough hang out time in-between our crazy busy lives.”

 

I smiled at him and nodded, “sure I have nothing planned for today, I’m all your. We can go by the park, go to my spot where you tried to give yourself a BJ. You can bring Jen, and I’ll bring my music.”

 

Eric looked at me with a mock disgust, “you really are a loser, come on we need to find you a boyfriend. And Jen can’t come with us today she has classes to go to, and plus it should be us day today another day could be all of us.” he said looking at her with a smile.

 

Old times, that’s what this reminded me of, when we had twenty to five dollars in our pockets and we came downtown for a few hours solace, but now this was our home and it sure as damn felt great that we made it so far. Now money wasn’t an issue for either one of us, now the only thing that was in our way was distance and time, and maybe ambition on my part. “Fine let me grab my purse.” I said. I thought about how crazy it all sounded to me, that now I cried a purse and I didn’t feel like a total girly girl.

 

Things change, and so do people, hearts call those that it never thought to call for, and mine was calling for the vibrancy of the city which was my home and heart. Suddenly I smelled the air and wanted to curl up in bed crying about how stupidly I gave up the one thing I could love without having to worry about it loving me back. New York or better known as my home.