Desire is the Death of All Things

By: Haruka-chan

 

Chapter 2: Unwanted thoughts and paper works

 

A man, now that's something that she didn't see him as; she never thought of him as just a man. She knew even when he was a man he was great, just as he is now, as a monster out of one’s nightmare. It takes a strong character to make a strong what ever they may be. She stared at him. Perplexing as it was. She never thought if he would ever feel anything. Vampires can't feel that's what she was taught what was said, though for some reason in her case it's always different. Victoria was an example of that, and who was this man that was dancing with her right now? Integral compressed those thoughts before they leaked out.

 

"Why did you come here without permission?" she asked.

 

"I thought I would keep my master company just as the police girl does for me," said Alucard looking down at her, he was tempted to use her own phrase back at her by saying lover instead of police girl, but he didn’t want her to be anger right now, he knew what that would mean for him later.

 

"I hope she is going to be the only one, I don't want you to make anymore toys" she said.

 

"O but there is just one more toy which I would like to have," he said bringing his face close to hers.

 

"I warned you Alucard," she said narrowing her eyes.

 

"Have you ever wanted a man?" he asked suddenly.

 

"What? What garbage are you speaking now?" she asked knowing full well this was one of those very dangerous questions he would from time to time.

 

"Answer me, have you as a woman wanted a man; desired any man?" he asked.

 

"Of course not!" she exclaimed.

 

"It never disturbed you?" he asked.

 

"Why do you ask me these questions to which you know the answers?" she asked.

 

"I simply wanted to hear them from your lips, there is a different truth to what one says and what one thinks and you know that better then anyone" he said.

 

"Your speaking of that bastard aren't you?" she asked.

 

 

Anderson watched the two and gritted his teeth, what was that insolent woman thinking?! Didn't she realize that the only reason that vampire worked for her is so he could kill with right? Doesn't she understand it is she who is being used! What a foolish girl she is. He grabbed another wine glass and looked towards the two, engaged in a deep conversation. He chuckled what would her majesty think when she found out that a vampire was in her castle dancing with her trusted Hellsing? He watched the way her face formed emotions and the way she trust that vampire to touch her, to see her that way! What a bloody joke this little girl was playing with everyone.

 

Integral saw from the corner of her eyes Anderson watching. Alucard soon followed.

 

"I see the Catholic was invited here as well,” said Alucard.

 

Integral glared at the man. "What a damn bastard!" The very sight of a man such as him disgusted her, how could anyone become such trash? She understood why animals looked down upon humans; they were lowly and would crack under pressure, but then she was no better.

 

"I don't believe that is true" she heard inside her head, she looked up at him.

 

She chuckled. "What you think hardly matters in this order of life."

 

"Why you don't give me credit, do you really think that you could have made some of those choices without me?" he asked with his cocky smile.

 

"Don't get ahead of yourself!" she exclaimed.

 

Alucard chuckled "You amuse me, just as you did all those years ago."

 

"Don't dwell in the past," she said quietly. She hated to remember her father, the way he looked so pathetic on his deathbed, and the way he looked at her with hope yet there was doubt. She closed her eyes and pictured him just a few months earlier. She chuckled that's the Hellsing for you they were manipulative. No one could tell his pain, or his sorrow until it was too late. Damn it! Why didn't she see it before?

 

"Do I dwell? I suppose I dwell in time but I don't have a bound other then those with you. For me I have no religion, I have no nationalities; we the true vampires don't need false hope, we like our quite and peaceful lives" she heard him say to her.

 

"Alucard what will you do if I free you?" she asked.

 

It was his turn to be surprised and look down at her. His usual cocky smile gone limp almost as if he didn't agree with her. Integral looked on with self-assurance.

 

"I would make you part of me" he stated simply.

 

"Don't you mean suck me dry?" she asked.

 

He chuckled his grin coming back "I don't believe you shall ever let me be free."

 

"Your right I would let you rot in that dungeon than set you free." She said pulling her hand away from his and standing in front of him with a glare. "You are nothing but a servant to me," she stated simply as she turned to walk towards the table. “And a servant is all you will ever be…”

 

Integral felt rage fill her, why did he always bring out the worse in her? Why did the idea of freeing him bother her anyway? She could just lock him up again! She shook her head, she going to drive herself insane. She turned back to where they were just dancing moments ago. The floor filled with couples dancing and smiling. She turned away and looked down at her bag. She felt a hand on her arm and turned to face the impostor. "Anderson."

 

"Hellsing how about that dance?" he asked.

 

Integral smiled and looked at him "I suppose I didn't make myself clear the last time you asked Me."

 

"Why do you insist on being enemies?" he asked.

 

"There is no need or room for you here" she stated.

 

"I see, but there is room for a grime such as that vampire of yers?" he asked.

 

What more could she say he did get her there, she was more then willing to state her reasons as to why she supported Alucard but then people wouldn't understand. They were small minded and cared only for their own egotistical needs. Integral glared at him and pulled herself free. "Don't you dare touch me again!" she hissed. "And he has more right then you ever will!"

 

"Your setting yourself up for a disillusionment, he is no better then the ones ye claim to kill!" Anderson replied back.

 

He watched as the priest affronted his master, his blood was boiling from the simple fact that he was touching her, filth such as a priest who gave up his body for experiments was no better then a ghoul. He how ever watched as his master berated the priest; he stood smiling as he watched her grab her bag and bow before the court and walk towards the exit.

 

"You won't run that easily, life isn't exactly simple for you" she heard him say.

 

She smiling she thought "No it certainly isn't."

 

II

 

The drive home was quite almost as if she was the only one breathing. She ignored the Sharpe pain in the back of the head and looked forward.

 

"Miss. Hellsing we are here" stated the driver.

 

"Yes thank you" she said as she got of the car and made her way to the room in which she spent all her life in. Her office. It was a bit tiring to always sit and do the same things over and over again she'll admit but she didn't have much of a choice, she had pride. Integral walked behind the desk and on to the chair and sighed in relief and perhaps desolation. She looked down at the paper work left on the table. She pulled out her cigar and lit it. She let out the smoke and watched as the smoke dance around before disappearing. Was this to be her life till death?

 

She looked down at the drawer she opened to take out her cigar from, there laid the picture of a woman holding a baby. She reached in and pulled out the frame and looked at it. It was quite strange yet it wasn't. It was said that India shall forever hold a small grudge against Britain for colonizing it, and yet it was a woman from India that fell in love with her father. She looked at the tanned woman holding her as a baby; she wore an elegant sari and a bindi (it's that dot or jewel on the forehead of Indian women) on her forehead. She was beautiful in an exotic way, yet she didn't remember much about her. She put the frame back into the drawer and closed it, just as she closed that chapter of her life.

 

"Twenty-three and yet I feel as if I have done nothing," she stated looking up at the dark ceiling.

She wondered back to where she was just dancing with Alucard. "A man?" she asked as if skeptical.

 

She was slowly giving into that feeling within. That longing for someone to hold. She closed her eyes what was it that she was going to tell her father that she was sorry she was falling in love with her pet vampire? But it was almost a twisted fairy tale; her knight in shining armor was a vampire who could scare you in your sleep. But he did save her countless times and proved his loyalty to her. Then why did she still feel unsure of what she felt? Sometimes her subconscious emotions float to the surface and drove her mad just as it was doing this very moment.

 

"I see your back doing your valuable paper work," stated the walls that surrounded her.

 

Integral rubbed the space between her eyes, "I see your back as well. What do you want now?"

 

"Why do you always shoo me away?" he asked.

 

She looked at him before she looked at the papers on her desk.

 

"What did that priest say to you?" he asked.

 

"Why bother asking, I'm sure you know already," she said not looking up.

 

"Do you agree with him?" he asked.

 

"Agree with him?" she asked looking up as if she was slightly taken back.

 

"About what he said about me," he said.

 

"Alucard when did you become a hurt insecure teenager who can't take a bad insult?" asked Integral.

 

He moved around the table and next to her, she moved to look at him. "You don't seem to understand..." he said as he placed his arms around her chair so she couldn't escape and leaned into her, nose to nose.”...I would do anything to reside liberated, I will never go back to that dungeon."

 

She glared at the red orbs that stared down at her, "first of all you will keep your distance, and second you don't have a say in what I do with you!"

 

He grinned and leaned in further. "Oh but I do, ask yourself this my master if you can really stand to be apart from me?" he asked as he faded slowly.

 

Was he serious did he just challenge her? Of course she could be part from him. He was hardly anything significant! She thought with rage yet she knew this to be wrong...now the question was why did it feel as if someone stabbed her? Of course the matter of her heart never mattered to her.