Admitting Defeat
By: Haruka-chan
Disclaimer: I don’t own them! After the 35000 CSI fan-fictions written if, I still have to make that clear then…wow…
AN: This is my VERY first CSI fan-fiction though this isn’t a case centered story it’s more of a Grissom/Sara romance annoying and pointless angst story. I don’t have a beta at the moment so sorry for all the errors! Enjoy! Thank you to ScullyAsTrinity for pointing out my mistakes and thank you Eric for being my beta, you are the best person in the world, I wish I could be like you and be loved as you are! (Not)
Rating: for now PG-13 for use of “Fuck”
Summary: Because there is a beginning to every story and their story never really started or ended, they were somewhere between those lines. But one thing was always certain they couldn’t control themselves, maybe it was meant to be a twisted fairy tale.
Chapter 1: Because There is a Beginning to Every Story
Some things you have control of, others come and go, and you feel as if you have some sort of control over the aspects of your life. Some people like to make sure they have complete control so they don’t set themselves up for disappointment, because they’ve seen enough of that to last them a lifetime. They try to make excuses for the reasons why they don’t want to live, why they must make sure everything is right and to their knowledge.
Gil Grissom was on of those people who liked to keep his life under his control as much as humanly possible. He knew what he was doing. He was doing this since he was eight years old, he had a routine, maybe not the sickly OCD kind but a routine in general where he knew had to work, eat, sleep, and merely exist. These plans didn’t include the many failed romances, and having to deal with people and their emotions. However after his thirty-sixth birthday did he really come to terms that some things are just beyond his control?
They called him a genius, but he was far from one, and he
would openly admit that even he made mistakes. And he made many more after that
trip to
He didn’t know that he was fighting a losing battle against his control, against his feelings, against so many damn things. He just never wanted to acknowledge that he needed people or that if that one person ever walked away from him he couldn’t survive, or how the mere thought of losing that person made him seem as if he was suffocating. No he didn’t know that he had fall in love with a woman even before he knew anything about her it was just moments that made him slowly open up years of resentment before he could finally say this is I and that was a shell.
II
Stepping out of his car he looked around the campus, it was Harvard after all and he didn’t expect it to be any less prestigious then it looked. He made his way towards the building where he was to give his lectures for the next couple of days. He usually had a couple of colleagues that he conversed with but other then that he liked to keep to himself. He wondered what the turn out was going to be, not that the out come usually hindered his lectures, but he, like all good teachers liked to enjoy the enthusiasm of the students. Once he made to the hall where he was to give his speech he was glad to see a couple of students already there, must be the truly interested students to be there on a Friday evening. But then again every night was a party night in college.
He walked towards the stage and saw a couple of his colleagues. One in particular stood-out, he was the tall middle-aged man with striking features named Jonathan Keane. He was the professor for the Forensics department there and of course he wasn’t surprised when he saw him grinning at him. Grissom walked with a smile of his own, “Well Jonathan it has been a while since I last saw you.”
Jonathan shrugged, “well were not all lucky to be traveling around like you Gil.” He showed him to the stage. “Let me call one of my students to help you.”
Grissom shook his head, “it’s fine, I’ll get it done faster if I do it, and I have my own short hands for everything.” He explained.
Jonathan laughed whole-heartedly, “You haven’t changed a bit since college. Have you Gil?”
Grissom grinned, “I should hope not, but then you haven’t changed much either.”
Jonathan shook his head, “no Gil I have, I have changed dramatically from when we we’re giving seminars together, and sometimes I dread it but most of the time I accept it, sometimes things happen that alter our present, and future views, it’s in desperation do we truly hold on to what he think is control.”
Something about the way he spoke told Grissom, that he did in fact change, but he could also tell that it was a conflicting change, something that maybe he didn’t want or he did want it but it was hard to grasp how he came to wanting it. He would have continued further if not for the voice in which broke his musing, that voice he didn’t know then will hunt him for the next ten years. He turned to the young and glowing girl who smiled at Jonathan and then turned towards him and did the same.
“Gil I like to introduce many professors protégée Sara Sidle,” stated Jonathan with a smile as he waved her forward.
He didn’t know it then but something within him changed, he didn’t acknowledge the feeling that over whelmed him when she grasped his offered hand and smiled, “Miss Sidle.”
“Dr. Grissom, wow this is a pleasure! I’ve heard so much form Professor Keane here, I’m anxious to hear your lectures later tonight.” She said with a bright smile, she didn’t think that he’d be this young or this good looking when she first heard about him, she did research some of his work but it was nothing like meeting him face to face.
“Yes, Sara here gave up her evening of usual partying for this seminar.” Stated Jonathan
He smiled at her, she was a young beauty with lustrous curly
espresso colored tresses that fall around her face to her shoulder and
expressive brown eyes, her features were soft and subtle, she was tall and lean
in a pair of jeans and a white sweater with a multicolored lengthy scarf around
her neck. From the way that some of the male students that were in their seats
gave a pensive look to her, and told him she was very much ‘liked’ among men.
“Your enthusiasm is very comforting
She grinned at him once more before turning towards Jonathan holding out a while piece of paper, “Professor Keane you have a call. I really don’t like to be you personal messenger so don’t get used to it, take it as an excuse to meet Dr. Grissom here.” She stated charmingly. “Well now that I did both, I should go get changed from my 16 hour clothes and be back for the seminar.”
“16 hour clothes?” Grissom couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at her.
She smiled, “I work for Physics department, and I’m always the librarian from time to time, I don’t get much sleep and sometimes run around in the same clothes for more then half a day.” She stated simply.
“Sounds a lot like me.” He said with a smile, “I understand your dread.” She laughed, it was musical, and good humor filled the gap between her - two spaced front teeth. He smiled at her.
“Thank you Dr. Grissom, see you guys later.” And with that, she was walking towards the door.
“Charming young girl.” Stated Jonathan looking from the door to Grissom who was still looking towards the door.
Grissom nodded as he turned his attention back to his papers, and samples. “She seems friendly and bright.”
“Yes she is extremely bright, but you’ll see that for yourself won’t you Gil.” Stated Jonathan with a small smile. “She fascinates you.”
Grissom looked towards the older man and saw something in his eyes, that look of fleeting longing but of course, he could be very wrong, there could be many reasons for that look on his face. Grissom was good when it came to reading people and what he read disturbed him for many reasons, but then again he did make mistakes. “I don’t go beyond what is necessary.”
“Of course you don’t Gil. Well I better get this call before my beautiful messenger gets news that she came all the way over here, even if for you and I didn’t get it then she will have my head.” He smiled and walked towards the door. “We should have dinner after the lecture.”
“I’ll hold you to that Jonathan.” Stated Grissom as he watched his go.
II
As she had said, she came in just two minutes before the lectures, where going to start she took the front row seat, and smiled at him, something about the fact that she showed pleased him. He looked around the fairly full room, but he would have given his lectures whether or not this room was full of student or if it was when he arrived. He looked down at his watch and then up again. Sara sat ready with her notebook ready and pen in hand, the young man who sat next to her gave her arm a nudge, to which she looked at him almost broadly. He noticed little of their conversation.
“Kevin what are you doing here?” she asked.
“Come on baby you know I’m here for you. I’m here to show you that I support your geek ways.” The young jock stated with his bright green eyes and head of blonde hair. “Give me a chance.”
Sara rolled her eyes, “Kevin we’ve been through this if this your shitty way of pulling ‘she’s all that on me’ I would very much like it if you’d go find another poor soul to annoy. And what you mean support? Can you tell me that you’ll sit through the whole lecture about bugs and how to lift finger prints and remember enough so we can discuss it over coffee?” she asked as she stared down the boy.
“You know playing hard to get just makes you that much more sexy, and I don’t need to pull a ‘she’s all that on you’ you’re already sexy as it is, and your smart. What a bonus we can do homework together.” He grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.
Sara sighed, “Shut up then, the lecture is going to start.”
Grissom suppressed a smile, and cleared his throat, the noisy hall already coming to a halt. He introduced himself and started. Never in his life had he enjoyed giving a lecture then he did that very time. Sara Sidle was there to catch him with a difficult CSI level III question whenever he mentioned something that quirked her curiosity and he was glad that it was often. He smiled at her each time and she returned it.
II
When the lecture was finally over, he found himself surrounded by quite many girls asking him out to coffee to discuss further about entomology.
“Dr. Grissom would you like some help with your things, I would really like to know about the finger print lifts if you don’t mind.” Stated a pretty blonde girl with large breasts and a very short skirt even for spring.
“Ah no, I can take care it myself, and I’ll be here through next Wednesday if you have any questions just come by the Forensics department. “Thank you for the offer though.” He could see the disappointment, but dismissed it.
“Well I was going to ask you to coffee but seeing how you’re shooting down people even before they ask, I’ll with draw.” Stated Sara from behind him with a smile.
He smiled at her, “well I would accept your invitation if you asked, after all you actually know what you want to ask instead of luring me into the many fascinating stories of lip gloss and failed dates.”
Sara grinned and nodded, “the classic lip gloss stories, you know the right lip gloss can make or break a girl’s date. I hear guys prefer strawberry.” She stated with a mock seriousness.
Grissom chuckled, “So are you inviting me to coffee?” why he was even being this over friendly was beyond him, but he knew a great mind when he saw one. There was no other reason for why he wanted to have coffee with her.
Sara rubbed her chin, “hmm let’s see what flavor gloss I
should talk about, or better yet you can tell me what shade you’d prefer to see
me wear.” She laughed as Grissom gave her a horrific look. “
“Yes I am.” He said as he picked up his bag looking at the young man who was putting all his things away, “can you please just put all those in Professors Keane’s room, I’ll pick it up in the morning, thanks.” With that, he nodded towards the door.
They ended up at a diner called
Grissom smiled, this was the kind of place he saw her working on her term papers or just catching a meal. They sat down on the secluded corner of the diner, looking over the menu, when his phone rang. “Grissom.”
“I thought we were having dinner Gil, what happened, the boy who you sent to my office told me you left with Sara...I step out for a minute you already make you’re move.” He laughed.
Grissom cleared his throat, “Jonathan it’s really nothing, I’m sorry we were discussing my field of work further if I can take a rain check maybe for lunch tomorrow.”
“Sure, sure I know how over zeal Sara can be.” He stated as if he knew Sara forever, he spoke of her like a husband spoke of a wife, and Grissom found this annoying.
“Yes, well I will call you later.” He stated and ended the call.
Sara raised an eyebrow, “Professor Keane checking up on me already?”
Grissom smiled, “I had dinner plans with him, whom I completely forgot about.”
Sara placed a hand over her breast, “I’m touched Dr. Grissom. That you gave up a much better dinner then this just to discuss bugs with me.”
“Well bugs are my passion you know.” He laughed, when the waitress came he order a hamburger and fries, and watched as she smiled and ordered a chicken salad, and they both order coffee. He watched as she concentrated on how much cream and sugar went into her coffee.
“So tell me more about your bugs.” She stated with a smile.
“I’m surprised you don’t have your notebook out to write all that I’m about to say down.” He said between sips of his coffee.
“I’ll record everything you say, I have a pretty fast working mind, and great memory.” Stated Sara.
“Well pick a bug and tell you all I know about It.,” he stated.
“Ok Fireflies” stated Sara.
“The Photuris pyralis or commonly known as Lighting bug or Fireflies. Why do you want to
know about fireflies, I mean most women like hearing about butterflies?” He
said wanting to know why she asked about that particular insect.
Sara gave him a
small smile, “when I was a little girl I used to always watch them, and I don’t
know it’s a girly story about how I used to wish on a firefly…it’s silly.”
“On the contrary, I
used to do that all the time when I was a boy I mean I grew up in
“Thanks for sharing
must have been hard.” Stated Sara picking up her cup for another sip of coffee.
“Hard?” he asked
almost wondering what she meant.
“You seem like a
very private person, I think the only aspect of yourself that you share with
others is probably your passion for bugs and forensics. It’s you life isn’t
it?” she asked.
He stared at her
for a long while, a small smile lingering on his lips it’s as if someone gave
her a brief biography of him or she truly saw him already. “I guess you’re
disappointed.”
She shook her head,
“nope, I’m the same way, so I don’t except much from you.”
Their food came and
he drove into explaining all about fireflies, maybe if he saw one again, he
might make a wish. He was surprised she didn’t comment on his brining home dead
animals, instead diving into him too well to discover he was private and didn’t
like to share.
Once they stepped out, she let lose as loud sigh, “I love nights like these, where the breeze is cool and almost perfect before a slow almost lullaby rain covers the land.”
“Very poetic, I applaud you.” Stated Grissom clapping his hand.
Sara laughed as she slapped his arm lightly, “You’re making me fun of me Mr. lightening bugs makes me feel all giggly.”
Grissom smiled, “the correct name is actually is-”
“Photuris pyralis” Sara rolled her eyes, “What ever you say Dr. Grissom.”
“Just Grissom is fine.” He stated.
“I suppose it has a certain ring to it, Grissom.” She chatted with a smile. “Then you have to call me just Sara. I feel weird when people call me miss. Sidle.”
Her smile was infectious she was always smiling. And some how he found himself liking that fact that his presence made her smile and vice versa. She walked him to his car asking him where he was staying, he told her at the Fairmount Copley plaza. And she nodded and smiled.
“Well good night and thank you for four hours of great information.” She said sticking out her hand.
He took it and nodded, “I hope you’ll be there for the rest of my mind numbing lectures.”
“Hardly mind numbing you haven’t been to one of Professor Barbette’s lectures, the woman was born to put people to sleep.” She stated.
“I’ll be sure to tell her that.” He smiled. “Good night.”
“Good night.” She waved once more before he crossed the street and walked slowly while the breeze played with her scent and hair, the multicolored scarf moving around her as she walked.
II
That night he had the most disturbing thoughts and dreams, maybe they weren’t disturbing as much as inappropriate. He shouldn’t be looking forward to seeing her again, he shouldn’t be thinking of her as much as he was period. But then again he was. Still it was probably because he enjoyed her company, her free and young spirit.
Then it was morning once more, he thought nothing of it and went about going over his notes, preparing for his next lectures, but Sara stayed somewhere in between all the things he thought of, he was a man who knew how to multitask, and keeping her out of the way long enough to get by with his things was simple, but it was the fact that she was even there that annoyed him. She was too young, too lively for him but god if he didn’t admit that when he was in the shower and thought of what it would be like to be with her.
To have her young body in his bed and his name fall from her lips. Yes, he was attracted to her youth, to her radiance, to her intellect and her subtle interests. He didn’t know if she was interested, he doubted that she would be after all she was young and curious. He didn’t want to think about it, but he was attracted to her he admitted silently to himself.
It was repetition of the same thing in his head, he was captivated but then he knew that it was like a fly being drawn to the blue light, it was a forbidden fruit god did that make him want it more then ever. He was never to break a rule unless he saw that it wasn’t a just rule, or he knew to be right. But this situation was more then that it was more of ethics then anything, he could be her very young father.
Grissom opt to thinking of his work again, but Sara Sidle occupied every aspect of his mind since the minute she walked into his life, he didn’t believe in destiny, he didn’t believe in fate, hell it was hard for him to believe in god considering his scientific black ground and of courses, he surly didn’t believe in people. So why trust emotions, which come with people? He didn’t trust himself and decided it was best if he didn’t meet Sara anymore. He believed in evidence and the evidence was piling up telling him to back off, she was of limits to him.
Sara Sidle was no better, she hadn’t felt that kick in her chest ever, but the moment charming Dr. Grissom opened his mouth her world just turned techno colored. She fell for his brilliance, his natural good looks were a bonus but god did she fall hard. The whole night while she was trying to type up her term paper, all she could think of was what it would have felt to hold his hand and walk down the street or how his lips would feel.
She didn’t realize that she was so very sexually attracted to Dr. Gil Grissom until she woke that morning very hot and in real need of a good shower and some serious masturbation.
II
It was around 11:30 in the morning that he got a call from Jonathan for lunch, they had yet to catch up on many things, so Grissom dressed and made his way down to meet his old friend, perhaps they would have a chance to ‘catch up’ as Catherine would put it.
Catherine, a friend he didn’t ask for but got, she wasn’t as bouncy as Sara was but she was once a stripper with sexual energy radiating off her, but now she was one of his loyal colleagues and friend. Was he attracted to her? Hell, she was a beautiful woman, and he was a man, though some times it was easier to forget that he was.
“So tell me Jonathan how is Shelly doing?” he asked about
his wife, who was very much pleased to meet him the last time he was in
“She and I separated last year.” Jonathan calmly stated while looking down at the table of the small café they were having lunch in. “She had enough of my ‘career’ as she put it. She said that it was driving her insane that she married a man who would rather spend time at his office with his students then at home with his wife.”
Grissom looked up at the man across from him, some how it was strange to see him this defeated. He wasn’t particularly supportive of marriage in his own personal life, but he didn’t think it was possible for Jonathan to have a failed marriage. “Well would have rather spend you time at your office?”
Jonathan looked out the window of the café and watched the people pass by; mostly students filled the streets at the moment. “I guess she was right about it, I did spend a lot of time in my office, not because I didn’t want to be home, but finally after all these years I found a spark, I felt excited to teach, it’s almost as if I was back in college myself eager to live. I did love Shelly, but maybe it was mistake to have married her.”
Grissom watched the man, his brown hair showed some graying, and his enigmatic hazel eyes seemed tired almost. He had to wonder if this was going to be how he would look once he got to his forties, which were around the corner. “I really don’t know what to tell you Jonathan. At least you enjoy what you do and that is the best thing to keep you up.”
Jonathan was still looking out the window when he spoke, “you know Gil I did change very much, and Shelly saw that. I did fall in love with an aspect of my job, but it’s wrong for me to even consider.”
Some how he knew this was the case, that his wife thought him to be cheating with a student, but he didn’t voice it. “So did you do it? Did you consider it? Or are you still fighting the battle.”
Jonathan laughed, “
“Who is she?” he finally asked, though a part of him didn’t want to know the obvious answer.
Jonathan looked him straight in the eye, “Gil how was dinner?” he asked almost bitterly.
That was his answer. “It was interesting, I mean I knew she was a quick learner, but she really has a brilliant mind.” He found himself say to Jonathan, of course there was a little side that wanted to know if there was anything going on between him and Sara Sidle. “Jonathan I want to ask you something personal.”
Jonathan looked at him from his cup of coffee, and nodded for him to continue, but before he could, he found himself rethinking the idea, but what to ask Jonathan instead, and in that moment it was Sidle to the rescue as she walked in through the door of the small café they were occupying. And he was glad in a sense that he wasn’t the only one who noticed the young girl in her need for coffee.
“Look at that there is Sara again, I have to wonder if she’s stalking you Gil.” Stated Jonathan.
“I don’t think that’s her intention though I have to ask if she had done that in the past, and if it was for any other reason than pure curiosity.”
Jonathan laughed and shook his head, “no, no Sara is very private she hardly talks about herself like these other girls, she’s very much in quest for knowledge and she wouldn’t stalk anyone even if someone held a gun to her head, she would claim it was too much for her to find out what others did with her time, unless she really had to like for an A on her term paper.”
Grissom smiled at the thought. “I see, sounds like her from what I gathered from talking to her, she hardly spoke anything about herself it was all questions, which is good for me.”
“You two are one of a kind; I had to wonder when I met her if she was related to you.” Stated Jonathan with a smile on his face, then he turned towards where Sara was waiting for what ever she order.
Grissom watched fascinated as Sara turned around and finally spotted them looking at her, she smiled and waved at them, he never liked a person’s smile so much. She grabbed her coffee and made her way to their table.
“Well what are you two doing on this fine spring day?” she asked, as luck would have it she did run into the bug man of her wet dream it seemed. She was overjoyed at the idea of seeing him again. Of course, she would attend his lecture later that afternoon but it was still exciting. She felt like a schoolgirl with a crush on her cute teacher.
Jonathan sighed comically, “I don’t have anyone to share it with you know my status so here I am with my ‘partner’ enjoying lunch.”
Sara grinned at the mention of ‘partner’ they sounded like a happy gay couple to her. “Well then I guess I’m interrupting a date no?”
Grissom was the first to turn towards her, “excuse me?”
Sara laughed along with Jonathan who motioned for her to join them for lunch. She looked towards Grissom who also nodded in agreement, “Wow Grissom this is our second meal together, I’m growing on you aren’t I?” she asked as she slid next to him in the booth.
Grissom didn’t miss the accusation from Jonathan of when she started to call him ‘Grissom’ without a title or formalities, but he smiled at her, “yes you are, but I don’t think you want me for me, you’re probably here to pick my brain.”
Sara sighed, “If only I could.” If only she could pick so many other things about him, she really did want to get to know Gil Grissom, the boy who brought home dead animals.
In the easy banter, Grissom didn’t notice until now that Jonathan wasn’t enjoying this and that was then it was finally clear that Jonathan Keane indeed have a romantic interest in his student Sara Sidle. He did see it before just choose to ignore it, choose to see it as something that that could never happen perhaps. But then again he was no better if he was slowly falling for Sara’s charms.
“Tell us Miss. Sidle what party did you miss last night?” asked Jonathan sipping his coffee and looking at Sara almost accusingly as well as if she broke some sort of rule or better yet loyalty to him.
“Well I had a bug party with Grissom here, and then I went back to my dorm to sleep off all the things I learned yesterday, so I guess I made to the important party after all.” Sara stated looking at Grissom then back at Jonathan.
Jonathan Keane wasn’t stupid; he saw the sparkle in the girl’s eyes as she looked at his friend, the way she easily fell into calling him just Grissom, or the way that her lips would curve into a smile at anything that his friend would say. Their easy flirting. Everything was slowly eating at him; after all, she was the student that he waited in his office for, but he wasn’t going to be the one to light the way in to Sara Sidle’s glory.
II
This time after the seminar Jonathan was there to make sure they kept whatever plans they made, only they hadn’t made any plans, Sara asked him to coffee once more, and he accepted once again, he couldn’t turn down her down after the smile she gave him. Half way through coffee or more like dinner and explaining bug time line, he asked her one vital question. “Are there any roller coasters here?”
Sara looked up from her shake, “roller coaster?”
He nodded as he forked some more of the lasagna in to his mouth, his blue eyes almost anxious for her answer.
She laughed, “Six flags…they have a couple of good ones up
in
He seemed almost disappointed like a boy who wasn’t tall enough for the ride, “that’s too bad.”
Sara smiled at him, she called the waitress for the check, laying down what both their dinner cost much to his protest, she stood pulling her scarf around her neck and then pulling her coat on leaving it unbuttoned, it was spring but chilly.
He sat and watched her it was when she grabbed for his hand did that shiver ran down his spine. She motioned for him to rise, to which he did and grabbed his coat as she dragged him out of the restaurant and out into the cool evening breeze. “Sara, what are you doing where are you dragging me?”
She just smiled as she continued to lead him as he put his coat on, it was for a moment that she released his hand so he can put it through his coat, and than she took it again, they walked slowly towards a theater.
She stepped up and asked for two tickets, and dragged him in, “well since you seem so disappointed, and I know you probably already know this, but if you anything like me, a geek you’ll find this fascinating.” She explained.
What he found fascinating for the first time wasn’t a dead body or anything to do with bugs it was she. Sara. He nodded taking note of how wonderfully her hand fit his and how he had been denying his attraction to her from the moment she walked up that stage and smiled. Her slim hands where cupping his, he wondered what it would feel to weave his fingers with hers and automatically stopped knowing full well that he was going down a path he didn’t want to and that he still hand a chance to turn back.
She pulled him through the dark theater and sitting them somewhere in the middle usually where he’d pick to sit. She smiled as at her and finally released his hand. “Ok this is a documentary on how the dynamic of roller coasters work, you know the turns and speed, and of course the rush!”
He turned towards her it was probably at that moment Sara Sidle became a name he would repeat over and over again in his head. Because she knew him without knowing him, she didn’t even realize the thing she did for him. And that was also about the time that he found himself taking her hand and giving it a squeeze, “thank you.”
She gave him that one sided smile and turned towards the screen not taking her hand from him, and he held on. It was almost like ridding a roller coaster with her at his side. The rush was something that wouldn’t go away, because this was Sara Sidle.
II
He sat with Jonathan across from him, his old friend came to visit him at his hotel room, but it was more to question then to visit. Grissom watched as he paced around, he knew what he wanted to say to him, he also knew that he was outside that theater the night Sara took him to see that documentary. He was there when they had breakfast the next morning; he was there every time Sara was near him.
“Gil what are you playing at?” he finally asked.
“Playing at Jonathan?” asked Grissom almost confused.
“She’s twenty one Gil.” He almost stated more to himself then Grissom, of course he knew this but he also knew his attraction to the young girl. “She doesn’t need an older man hindering her.”
“Hindering her? Jonathan I hardly think that talking about insects and forensics over coffee is hindering, what’s this really about Jonathan? The fact that you have an obsession?”
“You don’t know me Gil, you don’t know anyone for that matter, and I hardly call her holding your hand and seeing a movie discussing anything educational.” He spat like a jealous boyfriend.
Grissom chuckled, “are you hearing yourself Jonathan?”
He turned towards him his eyes were so serious that it was for a moment that he didn’t recognize the man before him. Jonathan’s hazel eyes were almost green from his glare, “Obsession?”
Grissom stood his face was serious as well, “Yes Jonathan Obsession, you don’t let that girl out of your view. Is this how you acted when she dated? I have nothing to explain to you, and I certainly don’t have to stop enjoying her company.”
Jonathan heaved a noise that sounded like a spoiled child, “Why are you doing this to me Gil? Why her out of all the young beautiful girls you could have coffee with and enchant, why did you pick her?”
Grissom looked at his friend in the eyes and shook his head, “I didn’t pick her Jonathan she picked me, she asked me to coffee and I enjoyed it.” that was the truth it wasn’t his fault that he fell for her charms.
Jonathan looked out the window. “I gave up my marriage for her Gil, I thought after this year I could finally tell her that I cared for her, that she meant something to me.”
Grissom should have felt guilty, hell there was even a feeling in the back of his throat. But could he have truly stayed away even if Sara didn’t come to him? Yes, he could have. But this friend couldn’t. “Jonathan there is nothing going on between Sara and me.”
He shook his head violently, “you don’t get it Gil, I see the way she looks at you, the smiles she gives you, she can easily fall into calling you names that a significant other would call you. She gave her full attention to you the minute she walked into the room, and I had to have her for a whole term before she even started to acknowledge me.”
Grissom tucked his hands into his pocket, he felt good that
Sara was so willing to spend time with him, it was an ego booster, but then
here was a man who thought he could be everything for this young girl and she
turned away from him. How long until Sara lost interest in him, he was going to
be in
“I’ve become a pitiful man haven’t I Gil.” Jonathan stated running his hand through his hair.
“No Jonathan you haven’t sometimes we lose sight because of something we want, but sooner or later we either let ourselves have it or move on.” Stated Grissom like a true man with objective.
“You’re still seeing her?” Jonathan asked looking at Grissom, “What will it be for you Gil. I see that you’re interested in her.”
“My interest in her is purely platonic, she’s an eager
student and I like discussing my line of work with her, if she ever considered
it she’d make a great CSI.” Grissom knew he lied, there was nothing platonic
about his dreams or the cold showers he took since his visit to
“You’re a fool Gil.” Jonathan picked up his coat and made his way towards the door. “To throw away something as beautiful as her.”
“Maybe I am, but I never wanted her.” Again, he lied but the need to protect his self was all he could think of.
“I’ll see you at your lecture tomorrow Gil.” And with that, he was gone.
Grissom sighed and ran a hand through his own hair and
looked at the clock, which read
II
They sat at the park that evening, watching the sunset slowly. Grissom watched as she sat still with her eyes closed and lips turned up, there was something sad about her look, yet it was calming. It was wonderfully beautiful as well. He sighed; this was becoming too close for comfort. He wasn’t going to let himself start something with someone so young. He couldn’t risk it.
“You should relax I’m not going to bite.” She stated.
‘If only you knew just how much you bite.’ He thought and sighed again this time he let his body relax next to hers. “Sara why are you spending all your free time with me?”
she turned towards him her hair was in two braids on each side of her head, she smiled at him, “I don’t know Grissom, maybe your just alluring to me, I mean the way you talk about what you do with such a passion, I’m…I guess I’m trying to be your star pupil. But that’s not really why I like having coffee with you, it’s just easy to be with someone who doesn’t expect me to talk about myself, we talk about safe topics and still enjoy ourselves.”
“So you enjoy spending time with an old guy like me huh?” he asked looking at her with his easy smile. It was so much easier to smile and flirt then it was to actually admit that there was anything there.
Sara looked at him her face serious, “you’re not old.”
For the first time he realized that she was interested and it scared him, god did it mortify him to the bone. “I’m thirty six I’ll be forty in four years and in another ten I’ll be fifty.”
Sara looked at him her eyes softening, “some how I didn’t picture the great Dr. Gil Grissom to be worried about his age, or to have so much angst over it. I mean you have fourteen years before your fifty that’s a long time, I’ll be almost forty by then, but I’m not worried.”
“Why aren’t you worried?” he asked watching her, he liked doing that. Could have been his favorite past time if he actually had given it a chance.
“Because sometimes it’s about knowing what you want. When your fast set on something and you know that it’s so right for you that even in your sleep you can see it and there is no such thing as a dream of doing that, then age, or time, or boundaries shouldn’t matter. If it did we wouldn’t have women’s right, a freed nation, or Gandhi.” She laughed but it was one where she meant what she had said.
“Is it hard?” he asked suddenly.
She looked to him puzzled, he did that to her a lot. “Hard?”
“To live with such ideals and high standards for yourself.”
“This is coming from the guy who was the youngest coroner’s assistant?”
“It isn’t a career for me you know, it’s who I am. What I do, it’s almost like the need to breathe.”
“Then your set I suppose, you can marry your job and be happy by having lots of sex with random women.”
“You make it sound almost pathetic.” He laughed.
She didn’t laugh, “It is, but then I shouldn’t make comments on your ideals and the way you live your life. It shouldn’t matter; no it doesn’t matter because you made up your mind.” She stood slowly stretching her limps. “Well it’s about time I headed in for some sleep I have an early morning. It was nice to have coffee with you Dr. Grissom.”
Dr. Grissom. “You’re angry. Why?”
She stopped looking down at her black converse and then at him, “that’s not a life, but I’m not angry, because I understand that it’s your life.” And with that, she was slowly walking away.
Grissom stood as well watching her slowly walk away, it bothered him that she can walk so easily away from him, yet he couldn’t drift away from her words or the way her body moved or the fact that he would’ve liked to shown her, just how much a he resented that she thought he was a casual sleeper. But maybe it was best that she walk away from him, that she didn’t tempt him to want her as much as she did.
She was angry for having to wipe at the tears, which ran down her face, god she was stupid, what in hell was she doing? Why was she even putting herself through this? She was going to be a physics major, in about a couple of weeks she was going to be a Harvard graduate and she should be excited as hell that she had three jobs lined up, but her heart wasn’t in just physics anymore, no it was somewhere with Gil Grissom, his magical Forensic science, and the wonders of being a CSI.
II
It was sunny and beautiful that Monday morning, he had left his hotel early that morning, needing to clear his mind; he didn’t like it that there were all these thoughts just floating around like cobwebs on an abandoned window. Why was he a mess anyway? He hadn’t done anything wrong. But he knew he didn’t like the way things ended between him and Sara.
Entering the coffee shop which he had been spending a lot of time in with a certain brunette, he scanned the almost empty shop, when his eyes caught the object of his discomfort, she sat with a textbook open and a notebook under her hand making notations and references, she was busy working what probably was a term paper. He made his way slowly towards her booth, not knowing if he was welcomed. “I’m sorry.”
Her head shot up and blue met chestnut brown, her lips were a thin line, and she looked as if she hardly had any sleep last night, so he wasn’t the only one annoyed. She sighed, “Hey.”
“Hi”
“What are you doing here, you know it’s early. They’re not even officially open it,” she said motioning her head towards the counter.
“I couldn’t sleep and I wanted to at least have a cup of coffee and a fresh clear mind when I give my last lecture.” He stood unsure if she would welcome him.
She looked at him for a second more before dropping her head towards her book, he still stood then she looked up and her lips turned just slightly, “what are you going to stand there? It’s a bit unsettling you know.”
He smiled and slid across into the booth. “I really am sorry about last night.”
She looked at him again, then at the young boy who was by the counter, “hey Bobby can we get two cups of your best coffee, and some French toast with that fruit salad. Thanks.”
“You got it Sara.” He called back.
“I see that your charms work everywhere.” He stated.
“Hardly Bobby and I are pals, when I first came to
“So you’re not from here?” he asked.
She shook her head looking down at her book, “Nope, I’m from
“I see. You still haven’t accepted my apology.” He brought back.
“Grissom you have nothing to apology for, I mean like I said I know I understand that that’s how you live your life.” She shrugged.
“I don’t sleep with random women.” He stated.
“Of course not.” She muttered.
“Here ya go Sara, Dr. Grissom your coffee, the breakfast should right along in a couple of minutes.” Said Bobby as he smiled setting the cups down.
Sara beamed at the young boy. “Thanks a lot Bobs.”
He watched as she slowly drank down her coffee, her small lips covering the top of the large orange bowl like cup. “I don’t.”
“Why are you even explaining that to me, it’s not like it matters really if I’m corrected on that fact or not.” She said looking down at her book. “I’m not anyone special that you need to impress with a clean slate.”
Grissom watched her, she was trying as hard he was. “That’s not entirely true.”
“Sure it is I am just a student who is blown away by your great intellect and that’s all I am to you. I don’t expect you to rethink of your ways of life just because of me.” She shrugged.
“You’re a special person to me, its not everyday I spend all my time drinking coffee with all my students, and I did question my life because of you, but that doesn’t mean that I going to let you assume that I have casual sex with women and go back to my job at night.” He didn’t mean to say all that but around her, he felt as if he needed explain all his actions.
Sara looked at him surprised by his admission, and hurt by it as well. She sighed and closed her book. “Look Dr. Grissom-“
“Stop that, you see I know that you’re made because you keep calling me Dr. really I thought we moved past that the first time we sat down to have coffee. I don’t know how to handle this sort of situation Sara.” He stated.
She looked at him for a moment and laughed, he looked up at her puzzled, she did that to him a lot. But he liked hearing her laugh; her openness was one of the things that attracted him to her in the first place.
“What?”
“You sound like you’re in a normal relationship, and you’re explaining to your girlfriend why you did or said what you did or said.” She explained, though deep down the idea of being his girlfriend excited her.
Grissom smiled, Bobby took this time to place their breakfast in front of them and wink at Sara. He looked at her the morning sun filtering into the booth where they sat and illuminating her, making her look almost angelic. He wondered what it would be like to have her wake up next to him even for once. “I supposed that I do.”
Sara who was already eating her breakfast nodded and gave him a wink, “We’re fine Grissom, really.”
Grissom nodded as he started on his plate, “good to know, I wouldn’t want to leave in a bad foot, who knows when we ran into each other you might still hold a grudge.”
Sara smiled at him sweetly and shook her head, “No Grissom I won’t hold a grudge, but it will be something that I will hold for you.”
He looked her in her eyes all the answers he wanted to know and didn’t want to know. He gave her a nod and continued to eat, they were one of a kind, yet opposites like night and day.
II
Sara didn’t particularly like tutoring people, but sometimes it came in handy, like when she needed a favor of some sort. But she had to ask herself why she agreed to tutor Kevin. She sighed and looked down at her watch, she was supposed to meet Grissom for coffee in about half an hour, he had a meeting to attend after his lecture so they couldn’t leave right away as they always did so she decided that she’d take Kevin up on his offer to tutor him. It was going to take a couple of minutes to get to the café, but no worries, Kevin was almost done.
“Ok Kevin I have to go.” She stated as she started to put her things away slowly.
Kevin looked up at her from where he was laying on his stomach on the grass on campus. “Go? Where? Didn’t we just start?”
Sara rolled her eyes, “No it’s been two hours, and I have some place I need to be.”
“Oh yeah? Where?” he asked sitting up and looking at her waiting for her to answer his question. She liked him that’s why she kept running off; why else would she leave him? Thought like a true arrogant jerk.
“I’m meeting someone for coffee, now hurry up, and finish up the last question so I can get going.” She stated annoyed. She had no interest in him at all what so ever, there was a time in high school when she would have been excited to meet someone like him and have them ask her out, but she decided that she liked charming geeks like Grissom better.
“Who?”
“Someone now stop wasting time.”
“And I asked you who he was.” He asked again narrowing his eyes at her, the way his face changed, scared her, and brought back memories she’d rather not think of.
“Dr. Grissom, I’m having coffee with him, not that I have to tell you who I have coffee with, but there does that help bay your curiosity?” she asked trying to appear strong and calm the beating of her heart, something in the back of her mind told her that it wasn’t a good idea to stick around anymore, so she picked up her bag and was about to walk away when she felt the strong hand grabbing her arm.
Kevin was temperamental was an understatement, he didn’t like it when one of his ‘toys’ didn’t pay attention to him, who in the hell did she think she was any way? “So you like old guys like him? Huh Sara?”
“Let go of me, your hurting me.” She said as she tried to pry out of his grip. “Let go Kevin.”
“No because you’re not going anywhere near that old freak again.” He said pulling her near him.
Sara struggled, and finally she used her free hand to slap him hard, “Don’t you ever tell me what to do!”
Kevin looked at her with shock then the angry flooded into his eyes, and at that very moment she realized that she should have stayed far away from him as possible, god she was stupid. “You bitch!” and with that he slapped her across the face, and would have continued if it weren’t for the iron grip around his wrist.
Sara looked up from her place on the ground to see Grissom holding Kevin’s hand away from him, god how embarrassing was this, but there was something in his eyes that made her heart swell.
“Sara are you okay?” he asked looking at her, and after watching her nod, he released the bastard’s hand.
“Who the hell do you think you are old man!” asked Kevin as swung at Grissom, punching him in the right cheek. With a smug smile, he approached him again, “she’s mine, and even if she wasn’t why would she want someone like you.”
Grissom stood slowly and look at him with a burning glare that she didn’t think he was capable of making, but then again this was Grissom, he slowly neared Kevin before grabbing him by the shirt collar and pushing him against the tree, “Listen to me you punk if you think that hitting women will get you their attention then your dead wrong, grow a back bone and be a man, maybe then a woman might look at you and consider having you!”
Sara stood there and watched, as Kevin looked shocked and scared, as soon as Grissom let him go he ran, leaving them alone in the darkening sky. He looked at her, the breeze playing with her hair, her cheek was slowly turning red, and it made him angry to see her on the hitting end of anything. He slowly neared her, took her hand, and led her towards his car. “Come on.”
She said nothing as she followed, holding his hand tightly and wanting nothing more to be in his embrace, but she knew she was asking for too much, it was good enough that he rescued her before anything more happened.
They went back to his hotel room; she rang up room service for ice. As he sat on his bed watching her, she stood by the window looking down at the streets that were slowly becoming wet from the rain. When the knock on the door came the young bellboy smiled at her and handed her the ice bucket, she thanked him and handed him a tip.
She slowly made her way towards him putting the ice in a paper towel and slowly she stood between his knees and turned his face up, and slowly began to press the ice to his red cheek. “God Grissom I’m so sorry.” She whispered as she traced her fingers along the angles of his face, she might not get the chance again; this could be the only moment when she has to touch him.
He said nothing as he looked up at her, his blue eyes burning into her face, the feel of her hands on him was hot, god did it feel good, but he couldn’t, no wouldn’t let himself fall…that was until he saw the small bruising coming onto her own skin. “Sara.” He whispered slowly raising his hand to her left cheek and caressing it, he didn’t know if her sharp intake of breath was because of his touch or the pain from were that bastard slapped her.
“It’s fine, just burns a bit.” She whispered, why they were whispering could be explained as involuntary response to the fact that she was technically his student and they shouldn’t be touching each other this way, no matter what the situation is.
He took the ice wrapped in the paper towel from her hand and slowly brought her down to sit on his lap not thinking at the moment of what it could do to him, he just wanted to make sure she was ok, she gasped once more wrapping her arms around his neck, as he held her back with one hand and held the ice with another. It was so natural for him to want to protect her. “You okay?”
Sara looked into his blues and gave him a small smile, “better then ever.” She whispered.
This moment could have happened much differently but secretly they were both glad that it did happen, because now they each had a feel for the other’s flesh. She relaxed as his hand slowly rubbed circles into her back. She closed her eyes and slowly leaned her head against his. He didn’t protest. Nothing was happening here, nothing. Turning his head slowly into her neck and inhaling that sensual scent of lavender. Must be her soap. God did he want to taste her skin, but bit back on his lips, this was getting dangerous.
“Sara I don’t think-“
She cupped his face then slowly placed a finger to his lips, “than don’t think.” She whispered slowly letting her fingers slowly ran across his face, then lock behind his neck, she slowly angled her head and brushed her lips against his.
God he knew it was wrong, he did but just a taste is all he wanted, and that’s what he said when he opened his mouth and kissed her the right way this time, it was electrifying the feel of her lips against his, those sort of one time deal where kissing someone could be as arousing as a blow job. Slowly she turned her body so it pressed against his, his hands already dropped the ice and was in her soft curls cupping her neck. He pushed apart her lips with his tongue and entered her hot and cold mouth. She tasted of green apples, maybe she had one of those candies, he wasn’t sure but he didn’t care at the moment, it felt too good to think of anything else. He loved the feeling of her hands in his hair.
Slowly she pushed his body into the bed, while hers lingered over his, slowly breaking the kiss, and breathing hard; she kissed his jaw and then made her way slowly down his neck.
“Sara.” His voice was husky and labored; she loved the sound of her name falling from his lips this way.
The sweater which she had one, had fall of the shoulder close to his lips, and he moved forward and kissed the smooth skin, her gasp sent a shiver down his body, no woman ever aroused him this way. She slowly rose a bit and kissed him again, this time he rolled them so he was on top and she was underneath him, so ready for him.
“Ah god Grissom…” she whispered as he kissed her neck while his hands went under her sweater gliding over her stomach.
“God Sara this is wrong on so many levels,” he said slowly pushing himself to hover above her, and she never looked so lovely. He slowly dip down to brush his lips against her.
“Why? Why do you need to stop?” she asked knowing all his answers.
Grissom finally pushed himself up and away from her reach, “Sara I’m fifteen years older then you, I’m your teacher even if for this week, and god Sara your only twenty-one you have your whole life ahead of you.”
Sara sat up, “And you don’t? Grissom…I should go, it’s clear you don’t want me. I guess I was wrong.”
Grissom looked at her surprised, of course he wanted her, but hell he was her teacher, and an old man for gods sake, but he knew it was better to let her think that was the case. “Sara I’m sorry.”
“No umm, let’s pretend like this didn’t happen. Umm keep putting ice on that and it should be better by morning, and I’m really sorry about what happened, bye.” She rambled as she grabbed her coat and left the room.
He ran a hand through his hair, he fucked up royally now,
and the crude word was called for. He slowly made his way to the shower, maybe
it was a bad idea to come to
She cried the whole time that she was alone, getting under her covers and just crying her heart out always helped in the past, maybe later she might do the wallowing by going to see Bobby and getting her fix of Ben and Jerry. But nothing hurt as much as this. But she was going to pretend nothing happened, that was the best thing to do; at the very least, they could be friends.
II
She did just that the next morning, going back her job, her papers and avoiding Dr. Grissom until the last lecture, where she was going to sit the corner. Somewhere around finishing her round dropping of files and such she ran into Professor Keane who asked her if she’d join him for lunch and she agreed. There was always this feel she had whenever professor Keane was around, as if he had a motive for being around her, but she pushed it side, he was nice man and a good professor.
He insisted that they stop by his office because he needed something, she smiled and followed, but that was a bad idea once she saw Dr. Grissom sitting at his desk looking over his notes for his last lecture.
“Gil do we want us to pick something up for you?” asked Jonathan as he put his suitcase down next to the desk.
Grissom looked at Sara who stood stiff looking everywhere but him, “Whose we?”
“Sara and I of course, I know you wanted to review your notes so I asked Sara if she’d like to have lunch before the lecture and she agreed, do you want us to bring you back something?” Jonathan explained a smile on his face.
Grissom stared at Sara who finally looked at him and offered him a smile, “No, I’ll be ok. I’ll eat after the lecture.”
Sara looked around the books to keep from looking at him, “That’s not healthy you know.”
“I’m aware of what’s healthy for me and what’s not.” He said a little harsher then he truly meant.
Sara looked at him and nodded, scratch the friends, he didn’t want to have anything to do with her. “Ok well professor Keane I’ll meet you outside once you’re ready.”
Jonathan nodded curious as to what happed to the two, they seemed so open around each other, and now suddenly Gil was snapping at her, maybe he did the friend thing and told her to stay away. “Well Gil I’m off I’ll see you in an hour.”
“Don’t take advantage of her Jonathan, she thinks of you as a good guidance, don’t ruin that.” Grissom spoke softly angry that she had agreed to have lunch with Jonathan, but then again he screwed up so it made sense for her to want to avoid him. ‘God damn it!’
“Is everything okay with you and Gil?” asked Jonathan.
Sara nodded, “we’re ok, I guess he’s finally had enough of the over excited boney girl following him around.”
Jonathan nodded, “Ah Sara do you have a boyfriend?”
Sara looked at her professor and sighed, “No, I haven’t been interested in anyone for a while, maybe because I just stumble upon jerks.”
“No all men are jerks Sara.”
“I know that but I think being single at least for now is a
good move, in a few weeks I’m leaving
“You’re leaving? Where?” Jonathan thought this was it, finally he could voice his affections, and she was moving away. Where? Why?
“
Jonathan smiled, “I see Gil has stirred you away from physics and pulled you into the dark side.”
Sara laughed, “Dr. Grissom was a reason, he was like a complimentary packet to try and see if I like it, and I have to say I like it and maybe who knows I’ll get a job as coroners assistant and then move on to becoming a CSI.”
“All this change in a matter of couple of days. Gil certainly did cast his come become a CSI spell on you.” Laughed Jonathan.
“I guess he did, but it was for good, I enjoyed his visit here, it was life changing at least for me.” She answered as she thought about the heart-pounding kiss, the best kiss she ever had, too bad, it was a mistake on his part. “We should head back, the lecture starts in about fifteen minutes.”
“Yes, let’s go. Oh and Sara I do hope you won’t mind me
visiting you sometimes in
Sara however just nodded, “that would be nice, thank you for lunch.”
“I’m glad you joined me.”
Grissom was setting up when Jonathan walked towards him with a smile. He figured that lunch went well. “So how was lunch?”
Jonathan smiled, “wonderful, she told me of her plans after
her graduation and we have agreed to stay in touch. I will visit her in
Grissom nodded, “that’s good Jonathan. It is.” But he wasn’t glad what she just moved to Jonathan without a thought about what almost happened last night, what could have happened.
She came in and sat down at her usual spot, but then suddenly she stood and moved towards the back corner, Grissom how ever picked her out and spoke as if he was speaking only to her, their eyes were locked the whole time, no matter how much she wanted to look away she couldn’t, he held such a power over her. It was then it all became clear, she was never going to forget this man.
He finished his lectures few student came up to him and told him how much they enjoyed the lectures and then went about their ways, some asked him to join them for drinks but he declined, the hall was empty and he was alone he took one last sweep at the hall where his life changed, where he met Sara Sidle, then his eyes caught her standing by the door.
“Hi.” She said.
“Hi, what are you still doing here?” He asked.
“I wanted to know if Dr. Grissom wanted to have a drink with his student.”
“Coffee or something very hard and numbing?”
“Hard and numbing.”
“Then he agrees.”
“Good.”
II
The sat at a small bar called the ‘mermaids abyss’ damn what a fitting name for a bar. She asked for tequila and he for a scotch. They sat and said nothing for a while, before he took her hand absently.
“I’m sorry about last night I was an idiot.” He whispered slowly.
“No I guess it was my fault I did initiate It.” she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“Sara-“
“No it’s best if we pretend like nothing happened, I think I embarrassed myself enough, don’t you.” She asked taking another shot.
“No I kissed you back. I shouldn’t have but I did.” He stated, “I want us to be friends.”
“We’re friends, did I tell you I’m thinking of becoming a CSI?” she asked.
“No that’s good I guess that’s why you’re moving back to
“I see professor Keane told you; yeah he said you brought me to the dark side, I think he was referring to me becoming a CSI.” She laughed.
“What happened at lunch?” he suddenly asked looking down at the table.
“Nothing he just asked about what I was going to do and if he could come and see me. He asked me what was wrong with us, I told him nothing. I did learn a lot from you and now I’m probably going to do something that I’ll enjoy more then anything.” Sara smiled again at him.
Grissom couldn’t get the idea of how much he wished he hadn’t stopped the night before, of how much he’d rather have made love to her, but that was in the past. “I hope you the best and you’ll be a great CSI someday.”
“Well then here is to us and our futures.” She smiled raising a toast.
“To us and our futures” he repeated.
That night they went back to their easy talk about bugs and serial profiling it was when she walked him to his car that he made a mistake by grabbing the back of her neck and kissing her like he wanted to since the night before, she responded just as feverishly. He slowly let her go running his hand from her cheek to her neck before dropping his hand and getting into his rented car, soon he was going back to Vegas and away from her.
Sara really thought perhaps he did want something, this night she was glad when she went back to her dorm, sleeping and dreaming of her science geek, Gil Grissom. Hoping for a chance to be all that he wanted from her. But those sorts of things only happen in fairy tale and her life was far from being a fair tale.
II
“So this is it huh?” she asked as they stood on the bridge over looking the small body of water. “You know I pictured this in at least a thousand different scenarios but some how this didn’t come to mind, but then I guess I was setting myself up for a disappointment from the start.”
Grissom placed a hand on her shoulder to which she looked at him, her damn expressive eyes, which already haunted him in his sleep, those eyes that he wanted to, see filled with desire for only him…he wasn’t thinking, he just wanted her, and that was why he kissed her again. But he had control, and he wouldn’t break his ethics for anyone. “Sara, I’m sorry you know this can’t be anything more then what it is.”
She nodded, pushing her hair out of her face, “yeah I guess I do.” Then she did what he thought she’d do, she smiled and nodded once more, “I’m really glad I met you Dr. Grissom, and it was great fun running around town with you, hope to pick your brain some day if I have the chance.”
She was going to run from him, but he wouldn’t let her. He dropped his hand from her shoulder slowly down her arm to her hand taking it slowly and pulling her close to him, bringing her body towards his, into an embrace, into good-bye, yet he wouldn’t let himself become Dr. Grissom to her.
“This isn’t the end, we’re friends, and we’ll keep in touch.”
“Yeah that would be nice.” She agreed as she hugged him. “I…I umm should go you know I have papers to write, I have a graduation to attend.”
“Sara I would like to see you again before I go tomorrow is
my last day in
“I’ll see if I can, you have my number.” She said and walked slowly away from him.
It took all he had to stand there and not embrace her, and it took all she had for her to not run back and kiss him good-bye. But neither could do it. They were too stubborn.
II
He had called her, but she didn’t answer her phone, she didn’t come to the office to see if he wanted to have lunch and she wasn’t there as he checked out of the hotel. Damn he had messed up, he could have said something later, but what he did was the right thing to do, he knew this yet there was that dread, that feeling as if he was leaving once more only this time there was a part of him that he was leaving behind.
“Gil Grissom flight to Vegas.” He said as he check in, the woman smiled at him, but he hardly noticed, he turned and then he saw her she was breathing hard, as if she ran. And then her eyes found his and time sort of stopped for Gil Grissom the scientist thought time stopped as she heaved for air and looked at him, her cheeks flushed and she was beautiful. He turned towards the woman who smiled at him once more; she was attractive but his eyes where looking towards someone else at the moment, “Thank you.”
“Your welcome…sir.” She slowly realized that he had someone he wanted to run, that it was probably because of that young girl that he didn’t look at her. Maybe she could go back to hating young girls or wishing she were one.
Grissom rushed at her side, she met him half way. “You came?” he was surprised that she did, that she would see him off.
She smiled, “didn’t think you could leave without saying good-bye to a friend did you?” she asked.
He smiled, “no I was hoping my friend would see me off.” He pulled out the piece of paper that he wrote his address and number on. “Here if you ever need anything give me call.”
Sara looked at it and nodded, “Thanks, I guess this will be it.”
He nodded, he wanted to say sorry, and he wanted to let her know that she made a dent in his life, but of course, Gil Grissom never gave out more information then needed. They called his flight number and he looked at her one last time, this will be the last time he’ll see her. “Be careful and take care. Good-bye”
“Bye” she whispered before she threw her arms around him neck and gave him a hug.
He wrapped his arms around her, her hair smelled wonderful just like that last time he hugged her. Before he could say anything she stepped away from him, smiled her full smile, and nodded at him, “Good luck Dr. Grissom.”
“Good Luck Sara Sidle.” He said and turned, he walked away from her, thinking that this was going to be the only time. He tuned once more and she was still watching him. But he had control.
TBC
AN: Please be nice!