AdultSwim

Teacher Debbie: "Lord, her clock went off. That sweet girl's about to embark on a magical journey. Most powerful thing in the world is the love of a woman for a child."
Dolphin Boy: (squeaks)
Teacher Debbie: "Listen Fatty, I told you once. You can either hold it, or you can just pee in that wet suit!"

Marco: "Well, Debbie thinks this is all about her biological clock."
Stormy: "She stopped screaming enough to tell you that?"
Marco: "No no no no, the other Debbie. Debbie the teacher."
Stormy: "Oh, you mean... black Debbie."
Sparks: "Woah woah woah, why is she... black Debbie?"
Stormy: "Not in a bad way, it's just to tell them apart because she's... black."
Sparks: "Well, why don't you call her Debbie, and call the other one... white Debbie."
Stormy: "White Debbie? That's stupid! I know she's white."
Marco: "Then why do you call the other Debbie "black Debbie?" You know she's black!"
Stormy: "Hey, first off, I really don't think we should be talking about this in front of Dr. Quinn."
Quinn: "Listen man, you're missing the point. What if everybody went around calling you "white Stormy?""
Stormy: "You mean there's a black Stormy?"
Quinn: "... No."

Captain Murphy: "Well, as long as the baby doesn't touch my stash."
Debbie: "Your what?"
Captain Murphy: "... Mustache."

Sparks: "Okay Debbie, forget about Hesch."
Debbie: "Okay."
Sparks: "I've got something for you."
Debbie: "What is it?"
Sparks: "A book."
Debbie: "What's the book?"
Sparks: "A Modest Proposal."
Debbie: "By whom?"
Sparks: "Jonathan Swift."
Debbie: "And what is the book about?"
Sparks: "Eating babies."
-----
Stormy: "Stupid Hesch. I'll show him what a pipe is."
Teacher Debbie: "Hey Stormy!"
Stormy: "Hey! Bla... Debbie! ... Hey, do you like rap?"
Teacher Debbie: "Now what in the hell is --"
-----
Debbie: "-- that supposed to mean?"
Sparks: "Like veal... only babies."
Debbie: "WHAT!?"
Sparks: "And I'm talking real baby back ribs. See, it all comes --"
-----
Stormy: "-- down to the fact that you all have far more fast-twitch muscle fiber."
Teacher Debbie: "Stormy Waters, I have heard some dumb theories in my time, but this is, without a doubt --"
-----
Debbie: "-- the foulest thing I have ever heard!"
Sparks: "Rrrriibs! Dripping with sauce!"
Debbie: "That's disgusting!"
Sparks: "Falling off the bone!"
Debbie: "You sick bastard!"
Sparks: "Just trying to help out a single mom."
Debbie: "I am surrounded by freaks!"
Stormy: (comes in) "Man, don't go out there, that black chick is crazy!"

Debbie: "If I want a steroid freak baby, I'll call you."

Director: "You have five seconds to be on your mark and in wardrobe, or I will personally climb inside your abdominal cavity and make a little house in there for my dogs to play in!"

Quinn (as a fish): "Hey man, did you know there's toxic waste like, right over there?"
Whale: "Uh... humans and their filthy ravenous machines... spewing out vile toxins..."
Quinn: "Might even be radioactive. I think we ought to get everybody out o-"
Whale: "Did you know that the average fish today contains more mercury than a rectal thermometer?"
Quinn: "Yeah, I think I read that someplace."
Whale: "Would you eat a rectal thermometer!? Answer me, damn you!"
Quinn: "Uh... no."
Whale: "Well, I would." (eats Quinn the fish)
Quinn: "HEY!"
Whale: "Ah, mercury. Sweetest of the transition metals."

Quinn: "That's not in the budget. How're we paying for all this?"
Sparks: "Selling pot... holders. Made of hemp."

Captain Murphy: "Woah! Hey! It's like a koala bear crapped a rainbow in my brain!"

Marco: "I'll see what I can do about finding your little... toy."
Captain Murphy: "It's not a toy. It makes real cupcakes with a 40 watt bulb, and there's icing packets. But the secret ingredient is love... dammit."

Marco: "What kind of madman are you?"
Sparks: "Oh, you know, the regular kind. World domination, the usual. I've even got a secret mountain stronghold."
Marco: "You do not!"
Sparks: "Do to! Check this out, smart guy. Attention henchmen... this is Overlord."
Henchmen: "All hail the Overlord. All hail the Overlord."
Sparks: "Man, that kills me."

Captain Murphy: "Dr. Quinn, have you found my oven? Oh, and, uh, is Stormy dead yet?"

Captain Murphy: "Now, you people get that oven, or die trying. You hear that, Stormy? DIE."

Quinn: "What's the deal with this French guy?"
Stormy: "I think he's just here for atmosphere."
French Guy: "Fah me eet wahs lahk ah rahtahn to thah woommb. Ah wahs ahbsahbed bah mahthah oshahn een all her wahndrahs gloree."
Quinn: "What is he gibbering about?"
Stormy: "I don't know; it's French. It's crap."
French Guy: "Thah see ees ah seemphonee ahf cahlors, ahnd yet, thahre ees dahnger aht ehvree turn. She ees a fierce ahnd fickahl mahsstrahss.
Quinn: "Hey! Shut your fryhole!"
French Guy: "Oh, poop."

Quinn: "He wants the oven! If we just give him the oven --"
Captain Murphy: "NO! You are expendable; that oven is not."

Sparks: "That tears it! How many times do I have to hear the word "womb" today!?"

Guest: "We should get a big evil puppet behind us in the concert, man."
Moltar: "Yeah, man, and he's totally allergic to pollen! And he's got these big, like, oven mitts or something, man."
Guest: "That's not evil."
Moltar: "Yeah it is, because he's baking in the kitchen of darkness, a pie of lost souls until it's golden brown."
Zorak: "Golden brown?"
Moltar: "Yeah, but you can't eat it, even though you want to; you've gotta let it cool off on the window. The window sill to... TO HELL."
Space Ghost: "Kyle, asses don't exist. Everyone knows that."

Moltar: "Yeah, I had a room mate once... until I boiled him in his own juices."

Space Ghost: "Hello, little one. I shall name you Banjo. You are mighty small, little Banjo, and your flippers are tired. But one day, you will become Banjo, King of the Sea Monkeys!"

Space Ghost: "What's this pod doing here?"
Zorak: "Replicating."
Space Ghost: "Replicating what?"
Zorak: "Uh... us."
Space Ghost: "Oh no! Replicating pods! The kind that keep you up at night with their coughing!"
Moltar: "No, the kind that copy your DNA, kill you off, and take over while you're sleeping."
Space Ghost: "With their coughing."
Moltar: "Did you hear what I just said?"
Space Ghost: "No one sleeps with my grandmother!"

Zorak: "Hey. Touch it. Go on! See what happens."
Moltar: "Touch it. You know you want to."
Zorak: "Come on, man. Touch it."
Moltar: "Yes, feel its heat."
Zorak: "Touch it."
Moltar: "Stroke its supple contours."
Zorak: "Nothin'll happen. Just touch it. That's what you want to do. Touch it."
Moltar: "You know you want to. Touch it."
Zorak: "Touch it."
Moltar: "It's there for you to touch."
Zorak: "You know you wanna."
Space Ghost: (pretending to touch the pod) "There, I touched it. Now I have to leave."
Zorak: "Oh, you did not!"
Space Ghost: "Yes I did; I touched it."

Space Ghost: (screams like a girl) "The blob!" (screams again, then says in a high pitched girl's voice:) "Scary scary monster!" (regular voice) "Ahem. I'm back."

Space Ghost: "We've got to get the blob to kill the pods!"
Moltar: "How are you going to do that?"
Space Ghost: "Hey, blob. You heard all the stuff the pods have been saying about your mother? People were laughing, man. So... you wanna come in here and... kill the pods? ... 'Cause of what they said? ... About your mother?"
Blob: (murmuring noises)
Space Ghost: "I'm sorry. I had no idea. ... What's that, pods? The blob is very fat?"

Zorak: "Any questions? Okay then. Move out, lock and load, happy birthday, and stay frosty!" (gun shots heard)

Space Ghost: "Gee, that's a great plan, Moltar, but if we could get to the beach, we wouldn't have to be metal plated!"

Space Ghost: "Unjustly? You vibro-shocked three galaxies out of existence! You stole fizzy-lifting grapes! And then you tried to steal my brain!"
Zorak: "Petty larceny."
Space Ghost: "Do you mind, Zorak? I'm getting sued here."

Jace: "Look at us! We're still teenagers! I'm stuck in a perpetual state of pre-pubescence, and it's all your fault!"

Space Ghost: "Oh boy, the Shatner's really hit the fan now."

Moltar: "Napalm... ah, to be young again."

Space Ghost: "Finally, a product for me. I believe every word that man just said, because it's exactly what I wanted to hear."

Zorak: "I'm buring a hole in your head with my mind."

Space Ghost: "It's like getting a scalp massage... from Lucifer."

Space Ghost: "Bob, everyone knows Green Bay is not in December."

Space Ghost: "If someone approached you about washing your hair, what would you say to them? I'll tell you what you should say. You'd say, 'Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need large brains to have a good time.'"

Space Ghost: "I've always been dead, Conan."
Conan O'Brian: "No one can always be dead, Space Ghost."
Space Ghost: "I was dead long before you were born, Conan, and I'll be dead long before you're dead."
Conan: "Space Ghost is obviously a Space Man who died and became a Space Ghost. I know you don't want the kids to know that you died, but you died, baby, and you gotta get down with that."
Space Ghost: "No."
Conan: "Face it, Space Ghost!"
Space Ghost: "No!"
Conan: "You're a Space Man that chocked on a muffin!"
Space Ghost: "That, sir, is impossible, because I am allergic to muffins!"
Conan: "Oh. I'm sorry."
Space Ghost: "Yeah. You're thinking of Muffin Hunter. He's different."

Space Ghost: "And would it kill you to wear some pants every once in a while?"
Zorak: "Are we there yet!?"

Moltar: "That is fascinating, Tom Yorke. You are very very interesting and very very perceptive."
Tom Yorke: "Really?"
Moltar: "So interesting and so perceptive that I think we will now fight with knives!"
Tom: "What?"
Zorak: "Yeah! To the death!"

Space Ghost: "I don't need intelligence drugs, Tom, because I don't know what they are, okay Tom?"
Tom: "Yeah."
Space Ghost: "But I will put anything into my mouth that is given to me, whether it's supposed to go there or not, because... I'm different."

Space Ghost: "Those aren't children; they're packets of cream cheese."

Space Ghost: "You handle the salads until you get killed."

Space Ghost: "Now, woodpile, did you or did you not masquerade as eels and shock Zorak with that wrench? Answer me! Now what about these beans?"
Moltar: "Those must have fallen out of my hair. (silence) Well, you're just makin' all this (beep) up! Oh, what, you're the only one that gets to make (beep) up? (sighs) Those are part of the dinner."
Space Ghost: "No, they're not. They're part of a plot."
Moltar: "They were on the menu."
Space Ghost: "Murder is on the menu."

Space Ghost: "Let's go back inside where the gas is!"

Space Ghost: "Do you think that Walt would be interested in that?"
Moltar: "Um, Walt Disney is dead."
Space Ghost: "Who killed Walt Disney!? ... With a wrench?"
Moltar: "No one!"
Space Ghost: "Walt Disney makes me sweat! Is he gonna sue us?"
Moltar: "Walt Disney is dead!"
Space Ghost: "I know! My god, how many times do I have to tell you that?"

Zorak: "You sucked all the lights out!"
Moltar: "No, man, I blew the fuse's mind."

Zorak: "We have your guest!"
Space Ghost: "And my TV!"
Zorak: "And we have many demands that are very unreasonable!"
Moltar: "And disorganized! We have to sort them out and prioritize, 'cause some of the demands maybe aren't as strong as others... and still others aren't as outrageous, so they go in a separate box, and the ones from the... ah..."
Zorak: "Just give us two weeks."

Zorak: "Would you feel better if I jabbed you in the eyes?"

Brak: "Oh, I know what I like to eat!"
Moltar: "What?"
Brak: "Boogers."
Moltar: (sighs)
Brak: "I'm not a cook, I'm a villian."

Space Ghost: "Look, Zorak, look! Look!"
Zorak: "Ooh, an envelope."
Space Ghost: "Not just an envelope; it's the envelope. The envelope of goodness."
Zorak: "Igh! Keep it away from me!"
Space Ghost: "It gives me the power to get twelve CDs for a penny!"

Space Ghost: "I like that that happened. I'm gonna do that again."

Space Ghost: "Anybody else have any questions for Dennis? Any one? Any one? Any one?"
Moltar: "Try this one."
Space Ghost: "'Nice jacket, Fonzie.' Any you want me to say this? Out loud? To Dennis?"
Moltar: "Go on."

Space Ghost: "I beat up Charleton Heston once."
Dennis: "When?"
Space Ghost: "Over the holiday."
Dennis: "In your one-dimensional world, you beat up Charleton Heston."
Space Ghost: "Yeah, I hit him over the head with some books."
Dennis: "So, you're actually bragging about beating up a man who must be in his late 80s, is that correct?"
Space Ghost: "Eh, late 80s, early 90s."

Zorak: "I am the lone locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky."

Space Ghost: "What in the depths of your ignorance could you possibly want now?"

Space Ghost: "Moltar, give me Jeff Foxworthy or give me death!"
Moltar: "Uh... do I get to pick?"
Space Ghost: "You wanna go in the box, too?"
Moltar: "No! No!"

Space Ghost: "Listen Jeff, I don't like it when people patronize me. Moltar, harvest his skin."
Moltar: "Right on!"
Space Ghost: "Moltar, put the peeler away, or I'm gonna rip off your arm and beat you with it."

Space Ghost: "With freedom comes responsibility."
Zorak: "With freedom comes nudity."

Space Ghost: "I take an entire neighborhood, put it on my head, and dance around where the neighborhood used to be. The people who live in the neighborhood are terrified by my hopping, and some of them fall off my head and are trampled. It is then that the dance becomes a dance of sadness."

Dad: "He's like the baby duckling who grows up to be a tall majestic tree, that flies away with the other geese, never to be seen again."

Dad: "Ha! Loser! Tonight you sleep on the lawn with the other single celled organisms!"

Brak: "Hey, are you guys fighting?"
Mom: "No, dear, your father's just behaving like an ass."

Dad: "Get him out; he's a biohazard! He'll take us all with him!"
Mom: "Oh, now really-"
Dad: "Forget him, mother, he's already dead!"

Dad: "Brak, it's time for a dip into your old dad's pool of fanciful wisdom. Sometimes in life you must do what you don't want to do. Like sacrificing your precious freedom to get married and raise a family, or riding a moped to work. Look at me. I never get to do what I want to do. But do I cry about it? No."
Mom: "Dear-"
Dad: "Okay, yes. But not in front of anyone. The point is, occasionally you must dissect things with which you have recently fallen in love with."

Brak: "I guess it's goodbye Brak the happy-go-lucky man about town, and hello Brak the heartless clam slayer!"

Dad: "Life is not about the second chances. It's about a little mouse, and his voyage to an exciting new land. That, my friend, is what life is."
Brak: "But dad, I'm a growing boy! I need fish!"

Brak: "Hey, you should have done your homework, too, Bub. One more F and you're going right back to Grandma Prison."
(flashback)
Grandma: "Zorak, time to scrub my feet again!"
Other Grandma: "Scrub me, too, boy!"
Zorak: (shudders) "Ugh... I ain't goin' back there."

Zorak: "So here's what we do... we go back to Friday..."
Brak: "And we make a kite out of squirrels and fly it to the moon!"

Brak: "Hey Zorak, can I ask you a question?"
Zorak: "Yeah, what?"
Brak: "Where're we gonna find enough squirrels to make a kite?"
Zorak: "Are you really that stupid?"
Brak: "Oh! I dare you to say that again, only this time say 'Brak, I love you.'"

Brak: "Hey, Zorak, he sounds just like you!"
Zorak: "Yeah, I was just noticing that."
Brak: "And you have a beautiful man voice!"
Zorak: "What the hell is going on?"

Zorak: "Why don't you bite me?"

Brak: "Go ahead and sing something, Zorak. 'Course you won't be as good as me, but then... who is?"

Brak: "You gotta be kiddin' me! My potato song has won this contest every year! This is an outrage..."
Carmine: "Look, Zorak, he's gonna cry."
Zorak: "Yeah, why doesn't he go cry to his mommy?"
Brak: "That's exactly what I intend to do!"

Mom: "Honey, maybe people just don't want their vegetables to sing."

Dad: "I thought we agreed to stop encouraging him."

Brak: "Oh, look who's here. Mr. Wins the talent show, deserts his best friend to be a famous singer, only to find that he's unhappy making people happy... (sobs) ... and not gettin' paid, so he quits the music business and comes back beggin' for my forgiveness, which I will happily give... (sobs) I love you, Zorak!"

Zorak, speaking while Brak lip-synchs: "Greetings. I have recently been told that I have a beautiful man voice."

Dad: "No more of this! You need to get your feet off your head, and your pants to your ears, and go help someone who has no feet! Because the footless animals cannot walk over here on their little non-footed areas and tell us how hungry they are, now can they?"

Brak: "Alright, I guess I'll get going, if going is what I need to get."

Brak: "Hey, what's that over there?"
Thundercleese: "The Sword of Slaughter!"
Brak: "Oh boy, what's that over there?"
Thundercleese: "The Canon of Fear!"
Brak: "How 'bout that?"
Thundercleese: "Missiles of Unmentionable Terror!"
Brak: "What's that; is that a beach ball?"
Thundercleese: "No! It is a Battle Sphere of Doom!"
Brak: "What d'ya think that thing is?"
Thundercleese: "That's a light switch."
Brak: "Uh huh."
Thundercleese: "Of Total Devastation!"
Brak: "You don't say."

Dad: "I like the spandex because it makes each behind muscle look like a glorious small television."

Zorak: "Hey! Why are you all still alive!? Oh, that's right. It's only Tuesday."

Brak: "But I love my arms! That's where my hands live!"

Zorak: "Welcome to the Painful Acres Motel, where our motto is... "Watch Your Freakin' Back!"
Brak: (singing) "Danger! Danger! Watch your freakin' back!"
Zorak: "Can I help you... to die? Mwahahahahaha!"
Mom: "I need a room for the evening."
Brak: "I'll put you in number 1, because one stands for murder!"

Space Ghost: "Look at me. I have a big head. My head is huge!"

Zorak: "Must watch more of... the TV..."
Space Ghost: "And you should, too, kids! TV is good for you!"

Brak: "When I eat beans, I sit in my own little cloud. Nobody comes to visit me... in my little cloud... I don't know why. Maybe 'cause I'm cuttin' muffins!"

Brak: "One time I hired a monkey to take notes for me in class. I would just sit there with my mind a complete blank while the monkey scribbled on little pieces of paper. At the end of the week, the teacher said, 'Guys, I want you to write a paper using your notes.' So I wrote a paper that said, 'Hello, my name is Bingo! I like to climb on things! Can I have a banana? Eek eek!' I got an F! When I told my mom about it, she said, 'I told you, never trust a monkey!' The End."

Space Ghost: "Okay, who let a fluffy?"
Zorak: "A fluffy?"
Space Ghost: "It's mighty smelly in here. Zorak, did you let a fluffy?"
Zorak: "What are you talking about?"
Space Ghost: "Come on, you know what fluffies are."
Zorak: "Is that like a pootie?"
Space Ghost: "What's a pootie?"
Zorak: "You know, pootie. Poo-tie."
Space Ghost: "No, I don't think so. I swear, somebody let a fluffy."
Brak: "Phew!! What died in here!??"

Brak: "My name is Brak, and in Hawaiian, that means 'fish food!'"

Zorak: "Attention Libra! I'm sorry to report that in the next few months, you will discover a large, ugly lump on your neck. It's your head! Mwahahahahaha! So don't pick at it, it'll just make it worse. Muhuahahahahahaha! Hey, does your head hurt? Well, it's killing me! Mwahahahaha!"

Brak: "Hey listen, Zorak, I'm gonna do a rap about you! Oh, who's that out there floatin' in space?"
Space Ghost: "Brr! Stick 'em!"
Brak: "It's my buddy Zorak, an evil disgrace!"
Zorak: "Word to your mother."
Brak: "He's got a cavity in his face!"
Space Ghost: "Tell 'em, mack daddy!"
Brak: "He's in pain all over the place. He is evil; I'll say it again. He's my bestest buddy, my friend. He flies through space with all his henchmen! Then he conquers planets and makes demands!"
Space Ghost: "Wiggedy, wiggedy, wiggedy, wiggedy wack!"
Zorak: "I am Zorak!"
Space Ghost: "Alrighty."
Brak: "He's the big bug that everybody knows!"
Zorak: "What up!?"
Brak: "Just look at the tantrums that he throws!"
Space Ghost: "I love you, Brak!"
Brak: "He's got a beak instead of a nose!"
Zorak: "Yeah! My leg is cramped!"
Brak: "When he lies, it grows and grows!"
Zorak: "That's Pinocchio, you dork!"
Brak: "I'm not a dork, you jerkhead!"
Zorak: "Dork!"
Brak: "Jerkhead!"
Zorak: "Shutup, and finish your rap!"
Brak: "Okay. Zorak's mean, but you know what?"
Zorak: "Cry baby."
Brak: "I bet Space Ghost could kick his butt!"
Space Ghost: "Exactly!"
Brak: "So be real good, with all your might."
Space Ghost: "You hearing me, son!?"
Brak: "'Cause Santy Claus is comin' tonight!"
Zorak: "What does that have to do with anything!?"
Brak: "I like Santy Claus!"

Brak: "I don't like coffee. It makes me jittery. Here's an impression of me on coffee: 'I've had some coffee, oh, ubuduubububububububububu, abuduabababababa! Hey! Hey hey hey hey! What're you doin' what're you doin' what're you doin' what're you doin' what're you doin' what're you doin'!? I don't know what you're doin' 'cause I've had too much coffee!! I don't know!!' Don't drink too much coffee, kids."

Brak: "Zorak! Hey, hey Zorak, why do seagulls fly over the sea?"
Zorak: "Eh, I'll bite. Why?"
Brak: "Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be baygulls! See, get it? Baygulls! I don't get it. Do you get it?"

Zorak: "Here's another story from the Cartoon Planet storybook. It's called, 'Little Helping Hands.' It was written by Cricket and Khaki. They're best friends."
Brak: "Isn't that just too cuuute!"
Zorak: "Isn't it just? Well, here we go. Many people don't know this, but roaches are our friends. They come out when it's dark to help us. They're awfully tiny, so there's not much they can do. But they water the plants when you're out, and center the soap on the soapdish, and when they run at you, they're just coming over for a little kiss. Roaches are our friends. So they next time you see one, tell them thanks... for taking care of things... while you were asleep. The End."

Adult Swim Quotes

Sealab2021, Space Ghost: Coast To Coast, and The Brak Show

Swedish Fish Main