After creating my masterpiece, I decided to go and make an even greater masterpiece in the bathroom. Hours of hard work made my bowels request a short break, as the children needed to be dropped off at the pool. As I began to push, something unusual happened. The fecal matter coming out of my anus was like none I had ever seen before. "A bumpy ride" is as best as I can describe the experience.
I soon realized that the turd was not only a pain to get out, but had human-like features. The poo was a mirror image of Crapdude. A scientific explanation follows.
I had spent so much time and energy coming up with the creation, that a select group of my chromosomes had begun to rapidly multiply. The Crapdude image had been implanted permanently in my memory, and as I began to poo, I crapped out an orgasnism created by the excess chromosomes produced. This rapid division and production was due to my nucleur blood, acquired in Chernobyl. My initial response to the poo became an even more surprised one when the poo began to speak in a language unknown to me. As I listened however, I realized that what the shit was communicating to me was merely my own voice, modified in a high pitch Chipmunks-like fashion. The poo then did an even stranger thing, as it began to dance on the toilet seat, retaining its smiling facial expression i nthe process. It was indeed apparent that while crapdude was ultimately derived from my genes, the poo had also quickly developed characteristics of its own upon creation and was its own unique individual. Crapdude and I became close friends, as we began to experience and share the world that is Crapnet.
Crapdude's strange mutated origins has led the mass to posess a few rather odd characteristics. Crapdude's favorite food and drink, for example, include pickled herring and crab juice. Other than the turd's interesting tastes in food, Crapdude is also quite the cocky fucker, constantly claiming that he is in one way or another better than me. Crapnet fans, as well as all the ladies loved Crapdude, as despite his natural you-know-what smell (masked nicely by cheap Calvin Klein Cologne), the fecal creation became quite a hit with the ladies. Crapdude even had a brief one week stint with famed hollywood whore Tara Reid, soon breaking off the relationship due to lack of things to talk about. Since then, Crapdude has left behind the wild life he once led, and has aimed at a new goal: brainwashing the world into following his lead. Crapdude currently resides in Alman's toilet located at beautiful British Columbia, Canada, coming out during the daytime to eat, drink, insult Alman and look at pornography. Strangely enough, Crapdude also takes the occasional dump, letting go of any wastes created from his consumption of herring and crab juice. From my above description of the creation and lifestyle of this living turd, I hope that I have taught you an important lesson to look over your droppings after leaving them. Too often do we simply flush our wastes away as if they are nothing, when in fact, they may have feelings too. Be sure to inspect your toilet after doing your thing, as you may just meet a new friend. |
