Before I accepted God into my life there were only two things that I knew to be true. One drugs the other, self-mutilation. I would spend my time watching cartoons eating cereal, or desperately fighting with myself in my head. Granted I needed to go on medication, a lot of what I was fighting was loneliness and confusion. Here I was on this earth without any goals or aspirations. Fighting with my family at the drop of a hat because I was so miserable and didn't know what to do. I was scared of meeting new people, facing situations by myself, trying new things. I was running in a big circle and I was digging a huge hole while I was at it. Come home from school, smoke some pot, sleep, wake up, burn myself, maybe take some pills, then go to bed. I'd wake up and do the same thing the next day. My grades were dropping and my world was falling apart. I probably could have continued on like that for the rest of my life, switching off to various drugs, and always finding something new to satisfy my need for distractions.
I'm not even sure how everything started. All I know is that I started talking to someone. She'd tell me about her life and she always seemed to have things together, even when she didn't she would come out of tough situations ok. She told me about her problems and how she came through them. She talked about her health problems and her family problems, and how she overcame them. I was fascinated. Here was a girl, not much older than me, the same problems I have, except she was working through them. How? She told me God. "PSSH." That's what went through my head and it's the sound that accompanied me writing them off as another hopeless person with hopes and dreams based on... God.
My problems didn't stop. They were reproducing and were getting to be too much for me to handle. She didn't stop talking though, when I'd ask her a question her answer would always have to do with God. "What do you think I should do?", her answer "I'm only human, God would know." She gave me the title of a book to read. I started reading it; the woman was also dealing with drugs. I felt like she was living my life. I asked my friend questions, trying to trap her, but also trying to stop this idea that somehow got planted into my head. God. Who is He? Why does everyone speak so highly of Him? Then finally the most important question came up; "How do I get to know Him?"
That question changed my life. I started noticing God everywhere I went. Finally I prayed to God and asked for his forgiveness, I asked for Him to send ME the Holy Spirit. I wanted to be able to experience the Joy that I saw around me. He didn't answer my prayers right away. You see God knew He had me. He knew that I would keep asking until I got what I wanted. I wasn't asking for the right reasons. I thought that God was going to be my quick fix. "Hey, once I have the Holy Spirit, my problems will disappear." Wrong.
I started to go to a Bible study. I would hear the word of God every Sunday at 7 o'clock. I was hooked. Finally I figured out what I was doing wrong. I realized that there is no quick fix for anything. I asked God into my heart without any hidden motives, I thanked Jesus for coming to earth and dying for my sins so that I would one day have eternal life with Him. And my prayers were answered.
The next few months flew by, I spent my days thinking about God, praying to God, reading about God, and reading the word of God. He brought things up in my life that I still needed to let go of. He showed me the way to a better life. I have done a complete 180 degrees. My life is nothing like it used to be. Although I still have a long way to go. I still don't know what I need to do with my future; I know I am on the right track. With my active relationship with God, I know that there is nothing that I cannot overcome. I will probably never be able to articulate how much God has changed my life and how much passion and love I have for Him. God is something that you have to experience for yourself, develop a relationship with Him for anybody to completely understand. I hope that one day you will ask God into your heart if you already haven't. You don't know love until you know God's love.
