Editorial

Managing Anger

5/12/00 There have been several postings on the Forum in the past few days which  concern me. These suggest that some people's anger has turned to rage and they are having fantasies of retribution.

There are two totally wrong ways to express anger which has become rage, and those are to express it behaviorally  against people (obviously the worst), or to express it destructively against objects.  

There are two "right" ways to manage anger. One is to work it through by talking to others, and the other is to take constructive action to remedy the cause of the anger. Of course, in many situations, doing both of these together is the most beneficial. The only other acceptable way to handle anger besides these approaches is to "stuff it." In other words, it is better to hold your anger in than to act it out physically against a person or an object.

Legal consequences and morality aside, physically explosive expressions of anger only make the anger worse, and lead to detrimental biochemical changes in the body. Such anger outbursts can even cause heart attacks. They lead to a brief catharsis but ultimately make you feel worse. 

The cranberry crisis has caused some growers to feel angry at Ocean Spray management and board members. Such feelings should be addressed directly. Ignoring them won't make them go away. 

Normal people's anger can turn to expressed rage when they feel the following:

• I was terribly wronged by someone
• they are at fault for ruining my life
• I have no control of my life
• I have no recourse to remedy the situation
• I have nothing to lose

Being preoccupied with revenge fantasies is a danger sign. If you know of anyone who has gone beyond the fantasy stage and has told you they are actually making a plan, you should inform the intended victim. As a licensed clinical social worker, I have a legal "duty to warn" if I believe a patient is planning to harm another individual. Your duty is a moral and ethical one.

Managing anger constructively

First, you need to determine the cause of your anger. Are you mad at yourself? Did you make a mistake that made you feel foolish or inept? If that's the case, you need to put you anger in perspective. Everybody makes mistakes. 

However, if, as is the case here, your anger is at others and has developed because your livelihood is being jeopardized and you blame others for your plight, you need to step back and as dispassionately as possible analyze:

1. The true culpability of the person or persons you are angry at. 
   Were they really acting with malevolent indent or are you just looking for a scapegoat? Try to see things from their point of view. Usually things like this are never black and white. 

2. Is there a way to redress any wrongs that were done to you?
   There are many appropriate ways to seek justice, or even get revenge. These include taking legal action, writing a letter to the editor, or even organizing a protest.

3. Are there others who feel the same way you do?
   There is both strength and solace in numbers. You will feel better when you feel empowered. Even if you don't achieve your goals, you should feel better for having "fought the good fight."

Anger is a part of grief

Cranberry growers who are facing the loss of their farms are in the early stages of grieving. In the early days of the cranberry crisis when nobody wanted to admit how bad it was, we saw a lot of denial.  But now the impact has hit home and those without the resources to make it through the next two or three years are beginning to grieve. Anger is a normal part of the grief process in many instances, even when it is caused by the death of a loved one. It is worse when there are culprits to blame.

Cranberry farmers are used to handling the loss of income due to nature in a given year. You can feel sad about a poor harvest and be angry at nature. But that isn't grief. You know from past experience that you'll get over it. 

If you are going to lose the family farm, then you will be grieving and it is likely you will be angry. You'll get over this too, but it will take much longer. 

One of the factors which exacerbates anger is the actual or perceived lack of control over your future. If you aren't going to be in cranberries for the long haul, it is best for you to develop an exit plan that gives you options along the way, whether your goal is to be out in two years, five years or ten years. Meet with financial advisors, family members and other growers.

Getting back to the topic of anger and "getting even," as the saying has it "living well is the best revenge."

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