I was in Video Update the other day, and I glanced at that little rack that they have with the magazines. Guess who was gracing the cover of what I think was their own magazine? The fucking Olsen Twins. If you don't know who the Olsen twins are, consider yourself lucky. Stop reading right now and go do something else and never look them up. Go now. Trust me, you don't want to know they exist. You will be filled with a rage beyond that you have ever experienced before. If Mother Teresa knew who the Olsen twins are, she wouldn't have died of old age. She would have been brought down by snipers while she was attempting to blast the two of them and herself to tiny bits in what I'm sure would have just been her doing what she thought was right.

Never has evil come in such a disgustingly "cute" package, and to top it off, there are two of them. It is my personal belief that the Olsen twins have the power between them to singlehandedly ruin all of cinema, printed material, music and even theater forever. Ok, you probably know that the two of them got their start playing one person, I guess in alternating roles, on the most worthless piece of TV in the history of the media. That's right, Full House. Remember it? Don't. It hurts to remember Full House. Aw, hell, here goes. It was about a straight, normal family living in San Francisco. No, really, it was. I'm serious. I don't think there was a mother in this family. She probably committed suicide after realizing she was married to none other than host of "America's Most Contrived Self-Injury Videos" - Bob Saget, that worthless piece of shit. He had some kids, all girls. Don't worry, none of them ever were, are or ever will be hot. And I think they're permanantly out of the media. That's a good thing. There was also some other guy, Dave, I think. He tried to be funny, but obviously failed miserably. He later went on to host another America's Funnies People, which also makes flies on shit look like a circus. A damn fecal circus, with intestinal worms as sideshows. Yay. There was also John "Where He says 'Look at me, I'm cool' and everybody else in the world goes 'No you're not.'" Stamos.

Anyway, back to the Olsen twins. They made some movies that have good moral values, no nudity, cursing, violence, quality, or value. Most of them are new, censored Disney animated features brought into disgusting reality. They ALL suck. Everything the Olsen twins are involved in in any way immediately turns to shit.

I think they also have a series of home-video-only movies out. Rest assured, they suck. I saw part of one of them when my stepsister was watching it. It was something along the lines of Mary-Kate and Ashley Turn London to Shit or The Olsen Twins Make Everybody in London Vomit or something like that. Something with London and them making it very disgusting by means of some sort of bodily waste product. There was also a boat one, something like The Boat is Sinking Because Mary-Kate and Ashley Turned it to Shit. I also firmly believe that the Olsen twins, whether in unison or individually, give you cancer. Just a gut feeling.

I recently read something in Maxim that asked which Olsen twin, when they turn 18, would be the sexy one and which one would be the fat one. I'm not sure I agree with that. I think one is going to try to be a goody-goody type, while secretly addicted to cocaine or meth and kinky sex with homeless people. Then the other one is going to build a shack in the woods a-la-Ted Kaczynski and later be shot or blown up in a similar or related fashion as I mentiond above with Mother Teresa. As for what they'll look like, I have to say, they'll look like whores. Pretty much like they do now.

I was just informed that they have their own line of "hot fashion." Riiiight. The Olsen Twins are the epitome of teenie-boppers. I hate teenie-boppers. You know what's really funny about their "hot fashion" line? It's sold at Wal-Mart. Now, Wal-Mart is good for some stuff. Food cheap, cheap electronics cheap, cheap stuff cheap, college stuff, cheap clothes that just look ok, but nothing designer. And certainly nothing that can qualify as a "hot fashion."

I also heard that they had a failed ABC show. Not a big suprise, since most stuff on ABC as of the last few years has been a big failure. I blame it on being owned by Disney. However, they're apparently getting a NEW show on Fox Family. Regular Fox is such a good network, it's a shame they have their name soiled by Fox Family, and in turn the new Olsen twins show. Real Fox had better do the equivalent of amputating Fox Family before it consumes and destroys them. I can't believe it was even made. I don't see how some "families" in this day and age are too weak for the Simpsons and Futurama and the good shows on Fox. The real American cartoons. I just can't stand Fox Family. Talk about dilution of good TV, holy shit. The network used to have potential, being a spawn of the real Fox. It's like they took TV with potential and watered it down with piss from a retarded monkey. This is NOT saying that ANY show with the Olsen twins EVER had or will have or has potential of any kind.

Anyway, they have a failed TV show, a new TV show, their own clothes, videos and that cancerious vapor or radiation they give off. The marketing makes me sick, but not as much as they make me sick. I can't write anymore. I need to vomit. Maybe I'll go stick my head in the microwave to get rid of all these thoughts. One shouldn't think about the Olsen twins, no matter in what respect, for any length of time.