Spider Man
I'm usually a sucker for superhero movies, and, well, Kirsten Dunst in a wet t-shirt certainly didn't hurt, either. All in all, it was done pretty well. They managed to cram a whole lot of story, plot, and interaction into a decent movie and keep it all relatively coherent. I liked it. I probably won't be seeing it again, at least not in the theater, unless a really hot girl comes up to me and says "You wanna go see Spider Man?" which is unlikely. But if you haven't seen it, definately check it out. It's fun, at least once.
Tim's Rating : 91% Highly enjoyable.

Unbreakable
Pretty good, pretty good. At first I thought it was almost identical to The Sixth Sense, but my roommate told me this movie was completely different. I don't want to give too much away, but it takes your classic comic book premise (good superhero vs the exact opposite villain) and tosses the characters upon ordinary people. It's very interesting and has a decent amount of rewatch value. Bruce Willis has the role of the hero, but he really doesn't know or suspect it until he finds out he's pretty much indestructable. Good movie, watch it.
Tim's Rating : 87% Definately good, at least once.

Hollow Man
I have to say, I was very dissappointed. While Elizabeth Shue is really hot, and the special effects are spectacular, the movie lacked something. More specifically, it lacks plot or thought. There are plenty of titty shots, and sometimes that's all that holds the movie together. "When are we gonna see the next titty?" Basically, Kevin Bacon invents a magic serum that makes a person invisible. Despite the MANY technical errors associated with being invisible how they describe it, the plot still reeks. He becomes invisible by testing it on himself, and his team can't bring him back. So he goes wacko and starts first ripping girls shirts off (nobody seems to like wearing bras) and then he goes around killing a bunch of people. There's one explosion, and it's big, but it's not GOOD, ya know? And everything else is just stupid and way too predictable.
Tim's Rating : 52% Maybe once if you're bored, just to catch the effects. No more.

Bicentennial Man
Not too bad, not too bad. Nothing too special in the way of explosions or sex or anything like that, but not a bad movie. It's a thinker. Kind of like Being John Malkovich only a little less fucky with your mind. It's emotional, which doesn't hurt, but it's not a tear-jerker. Then again, it might be. I don't really cry at movies, they're movies. So with loved ones dying, it probably is a tear jerker. The basic story is as follows: This family gets an android (Robin Williams) and they treat him like a human, sort of. Over 200 years, the robot evolves and gets upgraded in a rather successful effort to become human. There are some pretty funny bits all along the whole thing, but nothing too gut busting. It's really not a very memorable movie, but it's worth a watch. If you have the time. It is a LONG movie.
Tim's Rating : 78% I reccommend it if you have time and want something mellow.

Vertical Limit
I have a theory on movies. Any movie that follows the format of "blank vs nature" sucks. There are no two ways about it. And Vertical Limit sucks. Even if you have never spoken or heard the English language, seen a mountain, or even know what a movie is, the plot up to the end is pretty much evident from about 6 seconds into the credits. A bunch of retarded people get stuck trying to climb up to the top of a mountain. Gosh! This movie has nothing. NOTHING. The characters suck. The story sucks. The setting sucks. It all sucks. It has explosions, but they're generic and contrived. Just big fireballs that don't hit anything, really. There are only two chicks in it grand total, and only one of them is hot, but don't worry, it's fine for the kiddies because she's never dressed in anything less than full cold-weather gear, and she never does anything but talk and fall down. There are some stunts, but I've done more exciting stuff 5 feet off the ground. I'm trying to think of some other things that might be redeeming qualities if they were good, but it doesn't even have any openings for "it would be good if..." Just stay away from this snow-infested piece of cinematic shit.
Tim's Rating : 28% Someone needs a fork in their eye for making this one.

X-Men
Ok, usually movies made after TV shows are bad. But X-Men was a comic book, then a cartoon, then action figures and all that shit. And it was really good. I was suprised. It's of course action-packed, with great special effects and some really cool characters. And a cast full of hot girls. Anna Paquin, Halle Berry, Famke Janssen and Rebecca Romijn. (She's pretty much naked, but not. Covered in weird blue makeup when you see her.) Although none of them appear naked or anything, it's good eye candy. And Ian McKellen makes a great Magneto, the villain. He's just that cool evil right to the core. And Patrick Stewart pretty much IS Professor X. All bald and English and crippled and telepathic and shit, that's him alright. The plot is also really good, with the whole war between humans and mutants, and the disgruntled mutant out to get us, and the good mutants fighting him AND society, it's all really good. So what can I say? Great casting, cool music, great effects and a good, deep, but not too twisting plot.
Tim's Rating : 96% Great everything, lots of rewatch value.

Being John Malkovich
"Holy shit, now I have issues," was the first thing I said after seeing this movie. And I was sober and I wasn't high or anything. Had I been high, I think my head would have exploded because there might be people in it. If that sounded fucked up, that's good, because that's what this movie was. Seriously fucked up. It's about this puppeteer guy (John Cusack, whom people say I bear a strong resemblance to) who gets a job in this place where the ceilings are only like 5 feet high, on the 7 1/2 floor of a building. In his office, he finds a hidden door leading to John Malkovich's (the actor, really John Malkovich) brain. He experiences EVERYTHING John Malkovich does for 15 minutes, then he's spit out onto the New Jersey turnpike. Weird. Anyway, it goes on so he and his partner/love interest sell tickets to John Malkovich, and his wife goes in and has sex as John Malkovich with his love interest and it just gets really really really weird. It raises questions about who he/she really had sex with, if at all. Oh, and his wife, played by Cameron Diaz is in it. But don't get your hopes up; she looks downright skanky and not at all sexy like in her other movies. That hurt it. I can't say a whole lot, it's just definately the oddest movie I've ever seen. This shit makes Stanley Kubrick look downright normal and sane and mediocre.
Tim's Rating : 76% You gotta see it one time, but be prepared. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Galaxy Quest
Tim Allen's movies usually tend to be childish and goofy, but funny. This movie shouldn't be good, but it is. The plot is definately creative. A bunch of washed up TV sci-fi actors from the 80s are recruited by real aliens to fight for them, all on the ship that was in their show. For some reason, Tim Allen and Sigourney Weaver do great jobs of playing washed up actors. The special effects are great, the ship is cool, the plot is fast and the acting and music are all very solid. There's very little cursing, going only so far as "hell" and "ass." But we do get to see a good helping of Sigourney Weaver's cleavage and some really neat violence. Tony Shalhoub plays an absolutely hilarious role, and his character is the most calm and cool and a little bit crazy.
Tim's Rating : 93% Very entertaining, a lot of re-watch value, fun to watch.

Wild Things
All I have to say is "holy shit." This movie was fucking incredible. Ok, it may be well known and considered "almost porno" for it's lesbian scene and a half. Now, I have to admit, seeing Denise Richards and Neve Campbell go at it was probably one of the greatest things in the history of everything, but there is much more to this movie. Let's start off with the plot. It was just incredible. It's a mystery-ish plot with a whodunit feel to it among the social elite of a beach town. All I can say without giving away the movie is that you can expect the unexpected. There were several points where I just went "Holy shit. I can't believe this is happening." Just incredible. I can't say much, you have to see it for yourself, but let me tell you that this movie has A LOT more to offer than just 1 and a half lesbian scenes. They're not even that long, either. However, other than the lesbo scenes, it doesn't hold much value for seeing it more than once, because you know how it's going to turn out. But you have to see it once, definately.
Tim's Rating : 96% So much more than just a movie, not much re-watch value.

The Ladies Man
Leon Phelps from the famous SNL series "The Ladies Man" has got his own movie. It has the same feel as all the SNL-based movies, the best known being Coneheads. It's very, very funny, in a lot of different ways. The plot is very good and well defined, and the characters motivations are all true to themselves and the plot. Leon has his own radio show, and it bears some similarities to Howard Stern's Private Parts in a few respects. There really isn't a whole lot to say about the movie, it's actually kind of predictable, but still very good.
Tim's Rating : 88% Great laughs throughout, quotable, but predictable.

Charlie's Angels
Usually, a movie made after a TV show sucks, although there are a few exceptions. The X-Files is a good example. Charlie's Angels is mostly one of the exceptions. Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, and Cameron Diaz doing all that...shit is just pretty fucking cool. Now, Lucy Liu is hot, but her character is just kinda creepy, and almost evil. Drew Barrymore is also hot, but she's got some meat on her for a sexy actress. And Cameron Diaz, mmmmmmm. I have no problems with Cameron Diaz at all. As for the plot, it's damn good, so is the writing and the characterization. The whole movie is like a combination of The Matrix with it's cool fights and neo-techie feel and Mission Impossible with it's, well, almost impossible mission and conspiratorial, twisting plot. That's pretty good right there. But they threw in three hot chicks in plenty of action scenes, and made it that much better.
Tim's Rating : 84% Good everything, fun to watch, just not that memorable.

Dogma
The fourth of the Kevin Smith movies, and the most controversial. (I haven't watched Chasing Amy, the third.) It's about two angels cast down from Heaven who find a loophole that would allow them to get back in, but if they do, it's the end of the universe. A range of mid-grade celebrities and actors come from Heaven and the Bible to help stop the renegade angels. It's a very unique and funny take on religion, but you have to understand that it's just a movie, and just because it's about religion, I don't think it's blasphemy. It's not meant to change your views or criticize your church, it's meant to entertain. The Matrix didn't motivate me to try to break out of this reality, and Dogma shouldn't be taken so literally. It's a hilarious movie, always entertaining, no slow points, and the characters are just great.
Tim's Rating : 92% Overall a series of great laughs and good thought, and it's JUST A MOVIE.

Mallrats
The second Kevin Smith movies, in color with more famous actors. While it loses some of the spirit of Clerks, it has all the laughs. It doesn't make you think as much, but the humor is all there. It's a good flick to catch just about any time, and the great Jay and Silent Bob have a larger and much funnier role. All in all, it's a lot like Clerks, but also different.
Tim's Rating : 85% Very funny, imaginative, and just cool.

Clerks
The first of the Kevin Smith movies, it's in black and white, but that doesn't hurt it at all. It's fucking hilarious, a must -see. It's just a day in the life of Dante and Randall, who work in a Quick-Stop convenience store and a crappy video rental place, respectively. Dante has many issues about his life and complains all the time, but does little to change it. He also gets a lot of shit that he doesn't deserve. Randall is fine with his position, but tells Dante that he needs to take charge. There are a slew of different incidents that occur, and there are a few plotlines tying a lot of them together. It's hard to describe, but despite the ultra-low budget, it's a great movie, although it does get a little slow at points.
Tim's Rating : 88% Classic, you can skip to any point and have a laugh, or watch it straight through.

Titan A.E.
For a cartoon, certainly not bad. Much better than anything Disney (those worthless, gay fucks) could ever put out. At least people actually BLEED when they get shot, and they do get shot. Some even die. Definatly a plus over other animated "We all love each other, and we never die and lets all sing." attitude of Disney movies. Anyway, the plot is lacking. It's a basic sci-fi plot, mostly taken from Star Wars and Star Trek II. The characters are voiced well, except for the girl, Akima, voiced by Drew Barrymore. It's just not right for her. Nathan Lane makes himself good for something for the first time ever. The music in this movie is decent at some points, terrible at others, and inappropriate all over. They should have used a symphonic orchestra instead of different no-name alternative bands to score the movie. Despite the thin plot, the mediocre at best voicing, the bad music, and the plucky comic relief, I watch this movie often. It's the CGI (Computer Generated Imaging) that's fucking awesome. The bad guys blow up a planet, and it's the best large-scale destruction I've ever seen. It's puts the Death Star to shame and even makes Lexx's planet-destroying capabilities look bad. And the bit with the awesome-looking ship flying in the nebula is great, and they have about a zillion reflective polygons in the end. They also have an incredible ending scene, rivalling the planet's destruction.
Tim's Rating : 75% Fun the first time, but if you get it, get it on DVD because you'll be skipping a LOT to the good parts.

3000 Miles to Graceland
Jesus H. Christ has given us a cinematic masterpiece the likes of no other. Actually, I don't know who directed it, but it was damn good, no it was fucking great. It had all the action and car chases and rampant destruction of Gone in 60 Seconds and more sex, too. Although a full frontal of Courtney Cox would have been nice, but nobody's perfect. A bunch of smoking and drinking and generally awesome badass ex-cons disguised as Elvis impersonators decide to rob about $3 million from a Vegas casino, and this tales the ensuing events. It's just fucking awesome. Car chases, shootouts galore, a hot chick, a wise-ass kid, a bunch of badasses and fucking $3 million dollars and a killer cast make this movie top notch for anyone, with the possible exception of little tiny kids, like under 8.
Tim's Rating: 99% All around excellent movie.

Gone in 60 Seconds
What can I say about this movie? I'm pretty sure I've never seen Nicholas Cage in a BAD role. This movie is no exception. It has just about everything. Fantastic car chases, plenty of explosions and other mass public destruction will be sure to delight the carnal masses. So the plot is lacking, the mass of material makes up for it. This movie is a conversation piece. This isn't a movie where people will say "Did you see the way Cage and Jolie had a deep-rooted sexual tension develop and then overcome throughout the plotline?" or "I love the way the brother-brother relationship was explored and advanced." No, this is a movie where people will say "Dude, did you see that fucking car jump at the end? That was fucking awesome!" and "God damn, that Angelina Jolie is soooo fucking hot." (And she is.) If you're looking for a movie to get you thinking (about something other than becoming a car theif or fucking Angelina Jolie) then look elsewhere. If you're looking for a regular kick-ass movie that can be talked about for years to come and that you'll want to see again and again, and that's just plain FUN, see this now.
Tim's Rating : 94% Definate must-see, but don't expect a thinker.

Cast Away
It's not often Tom Hanks makes a movie that sucks, but you have to start somewhere. Tom decided he would start with Cast Away and fuck it up all by himself, alone on an island. Being a guy, I didn't like it for a number of reasons. The star is Tom Hanks, and he's barely clothed for the majority of the movie. If it were Angelina Jolie or Catherine Zeta-Jones, it would have been different. But I'm not into the whole "rugged, shirtless Tom Hanks" thing, being not gay and all. Secondly, if a guy would have really been stranded on an island, I don't think it would be like that. I don't think he ever cursed. He's stranded on an island! Any real human would have been yelling fuck and shit the second the plane started to wobble. And some pretty nasty shit happened, too. Clean as a nun. Also, he did some stupid-ass stuff in the movie. He must have been an idiot. He has boxes of stuff, but he leaves some closed, this one box in particular (they're FedEx packages). The only good thing about this movie is Helen Hunt gets wet wearing a white shirt, and the jokes we can make about how bad it is. Frew said "You know, it would have been funny if that one box he had the whole time had a cell phone in it."
Tim's Rating : 39% Just plain bad, don't bother.