You Might Be a Liberal
It's getting harder and harder to identify those dastard evil doers known as liberals. In fact, they are able to infiltrate every day life. We can all fall prey to the methods used by this movement. To prevent any accidental conversion to the side of darkness, here is a list of signs to watch out for;

You might be a liberal if...

You believe that AIDS is spread by a lack of federal funding.

If you think polls should dictate morality.

You think that consenting adults can engage freely in every activity except capitalism.  

You believe that Clarence Thomas is corrupt, but Janet Reno is doing a good job.

You think the really alarming violence takes place outside the abortion clinic. 

You believe that global warming is caused by white Europeans and not a normal fluctuation of the Earth's weather patterns.

You pray to "The Woman Upstairs." 

You pale at the execution of child killers, but defend the killing of unborn children as an expression of choice... 

You think we never gave peace a chance.

You believe the National Rifle Associations helps criminals while the American Civil Liberties Union protects the innocent. 

You feel good about the MicroSoft court case.

You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia. 

You think the real evil is American oil and tobacco companies and not Cuba or China. 

You begin sentences with the words "I feel." 

Your driver's license has a hyphen because for you one last name just isn't enough. 

You don't think "All in the Family" is a very funny program, but watch it anyway because Meathead makes a lot of sense. 

You think OJ is out looking for the real killers. 

You think it takes a village. 

You think that the words "to promote the general welfare" in the Constitution mean to promote welfare generally. 

You think that, even though more people voted against him than for him in both the 1992 and the 1996 presidential elections, Bill Clinton had a mandate. 

You think that conservatives, like preservatives, ought to be federally regulated. 

You ever wore earth shoes.

You think sexual harassment is rampant, date rape pervasive, domestic violence common and Paula Jones is lying.

You believe Anita Hill, but think 

You can't figure out how Ronald Reagan won 49 states in 1984.

You have ever wondered out loud, "Why can't we all just get along?" 

You think the New York Times prints all the news that's fit. 

You think that Rush Limbaugh is just an entertainer. 

You think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community.

You spent Columbus Day reading Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. 

You reach the limits of your talent and then complain that you ran into a glass ceiling. 

You wear more ribbons on your lapel than in your hair. 

You think that the really dangerous McCarthy was Joe, not Eugene. 

You blame the Unabomber's parents. 

You fail to see the connection between Lenin and Lennon. 

You have ever agreed with Martin Sheen or Barbra Streisand...

Back