**Scene opens to downtown Nashville, Tennessee. The location? The Nitemare Club; the thirteen million dollar entertainment multiplex situated on the bank of the Cumberland River on historic 2nd Avenue. As the camera pans the club, which is full to capacity with a line rounding the block with news that the UA are partying in the house tonight. The camera finds, and locks on to the reserved UA corner booth. The table is filled with liquor bottles, beer bottles, as well as marijuana cigarette buts, also known as roaches. Too Xtreme, the current, reigning SAW All-Canadian Champion is seated across the table from soon to be SAW World Champion, the Jackass, Jack Mason. On the outside of the booth sits the Unholy Alliance "Enforcer" , former NCW World and IC Champ, T-Money. Also seated around the booth are wrestling "groupies." Young women that make it their lifestyle to chase around the millionaire superstars of entertainment. A very young appearing girl is licking the face of the Jackass. They all begin a conversation as the SAW Undisputed Champion heads to his office to take a call. Osbourne enters the office and tosses his jacket on the chair and sits down, switching on the sun light immitation lighting system that keeps his skin looking smooth and tanned year round. He picks up the cordless phone as the call is transfered.**
NRO: This is Osbourne....

VOICE: Robbie, how the hell are ya pal?

NRO: I know this voice....and there is NO WAY?!?!?

VOICE: In the flesh you sorry sack of shit...

NRO: But I thought you were lying low until the International Organization of Assholes folded?
VOICE: Yeah, well, they are on their last leg. Besides, i wanted to have taken care of it by now, Jesus Christ, th whole world thinks I'm dead. We were supposed to have let the proverbial cat out of the bag by now.

NRO: Speaking of which, you were right, that stupid fuck hasn't picked up on why we call ourselves what we do. They will get theirs soon enough.

VOICE: You said it. When they find out me staging my own death was just a ruse to get you ownership of that shitbox, they will all fall out.

NRO: I told you your boy would screw it up on Exhale, we had it sold on HeatWave brother...

VOICE: Hey, is SAW looking to add any talent? We could finally pull it off.

NRO: I don't know man, but if your interested, let me know and I'll give him the head's up. Listen man, i got a party to get back to, it was good hearing from you, stay in touch.
**Osbourne puts his jacket back on and heads back to he club. As he is sits down and opens a fresh Heineken, we catch the middle of Jack Mason and the Groupie's "adult oriented" conversation.**
JJM: So what do I have to do to get you to be more like Hillard's groupie's?

GROUPIE: What? You want me to gain thirty pounds, fart, belch, get tattoed, and snort coke off the tip of your cock?

JJM: Lose the gaining thirty pounds and it's a  deal honey...

GROUPIE: Cool, then I'm already what you're looking for **FART** see?

JJM: I like it already, but let's see if you can hit the sauce like a professional lush...
**As the young lady giggles, the Jackass fills a 32 oz. plastic SAW Undipsuted Champion Rob Osbourne 711 slurpee cup with Wild Turkey 12.00 bourbon. He mixes in a shot of Goldschlagger, two shots of Hot Damn, an ice cube and spinkles the top with liquid acid from Seattle. He hands it to the girl as he begins to speak ...**
JJM: You drink this and you're Hillard's kind of lady. Now, you chase it with a swig of Robbie's Heinken and you're the UA's kind of biatch!

NRO: Easy Jackoff, she's gonna shit all over herself and drop dead if she actually gets to be fucked by Jack Mason, the soon to be World Champion....

JJM: Well, she is kind of annoying, but damn I'd like to put in her butt...and Robbie, you know what I always say...It's a good day to die!!!
**The girl chugs the suicide drink and falls off of the table into the Jackasses lap as they begin a little PDA...Public Display of Ass Sex. The other members of the UA decide to head to Rob's office and burn a joint. Osbourne pulls out a bag with some dope and six pre rolled joints, three for each of them.**
T-MONEY: Hey yo, let's play this wicked ass game we used to play in O-Town back in the day.

NRO: What do you have in mind T-Dawg?

T-MONEY: Check this out,  each time we smoke a whole joint, we have to reveal a deep personal secret. Wacked out shit. It ensures that you trust one another with your secrets, and it loosens mother fuckers up that don't know a whole lot about some other mother fuckers, ya na'mean dawg?
NRO: Oh, I'm game, how about you Ricky, you have any skeletons in your closet brother?

TX: Oh, I got a few, haha!!

NRO: Well, I'll go first. Check this out, the world knows all about the legacy of my family, but what they don't know is that Chris and I have another brother, and he is in the wrestling business. Now how is that for a secret?

T-MONEY: No shit, another damned Osbourne? Jesus you guys are like the Von Erichs...who is it Rob man...

TX: Okay, okay, my turn. Let me light this bitch up haha...okay, check this out, my mom used to be a hooker in Toronto about 20 years ago, and my dad was one of her John's that frequented the brothel she worked at whenever he was in town...haha..now how is that for a secret...

T-MONEY: Aight, one time bitch, T-Money is about to spill, this one time, when i was with the MWWF, that crazy cat Maniac bet this other cat named Steve Dart a hundred thousand dollars that he wouldn't shove a banana up his ass, and that mother fucker did it! He paid us all five hundred a piece to never tell anybody about that shit....Maniac was a pervert man.

NRO: You said it, that dude swung both ways, or at least that's what this dude I know said....look, my turn again. All right, check this out, my dad tells me and my rbother on his death bed about this other son he has, this kid he fathered with a hooker in Canada. Our dad tells us to find him and take care of him, his second, previously unreported second dying wish.

T-MONEY: Whoa now you crazy white bastards...this mother fucker right here just said his mom was a whore in toronto, this mother fucker right here just said his dad fathered a child with a whore from Canada, you moher fuckers have been tighter than hell....am I stoned, or are you trying to tell me something?

TX: Boy Robbie, he's quick...haha!!!

NRO: T, check this out...read my new book, "When Nitemare's bcome reality" , available on a book shelf in all fine retail outlets. You'll understand it all....right Ricky?

TX: Right.
**The three head back to the table where the girl is realy getting on Jack's nerves with her moaning and crying. He decides to pull  it out of her butt and send her packing. She complains of the pain and asks him for an Advil. He reaches in his pocket and tosses her a bag of pills as he exclaims" take twenty of these and fogrget you ever saw me.". In a drunken stupor she empties the bag in her mouth and chases them down with a Milwaukee's Best. Mason grabs Osbourne, money, and Badger...uhm...for now, and they rush out and hop in the Nitemare's limo. As they peel out Osbourne asks Mason what is going on.**
NRO: So why the hell did we just leave the party?

JJM: Well, you know that little slut I was slipping the tube steak to? She just took a whole bag of qualudes, and that was with a Hellstone's favorite Milwaukee's best no less. Not to mention she just drank a suicide drink laced with liquid acid. So my guess is , in about ten minutes she's gonna be in the bathroom next door at Hooter's, puking her guts out, looking for her boyfriend. Then she's gonna convulse, foam at the mouth, then her heart will pobably stop and she'll die. That, or she's going to have one hell of a hang over tomorrow. Either way, I figured it was best if we got the hell out of dodge.

NRO: Good call, and next time, wait til we leave my club to start killing people, ok?

JJM: You got it champ....
**Osbourne decides that now, in a pot and alcohol induces haze, in his limo with the All Canadian champ, the Enforcer, and the soon to be world champ, that he will cut a promo for SAW. He switches on his digital satelite link up and begins to speak at the camera.**
NRO: You know, for weeks now Jimmy Blast has been running his mouth about me and my brothers here. Well Blast, let me let you in on a little secret. These three men, they are the most lethal, most decadent, dominating, complacent, did I say lethel yet? Group of men ever assembled in this sport. No Elites or Horsemen could even begin to compare. Not even the original Unholy Alliance compares to my present day concerto of pain!!!

Ya know Jimbo, i remember you saying "Diamonds are forever...." well this weekend when i make you....
**Too Xtreme taps Osbourne on ths hsoulder and whispers something in his ear. NRO looks shocked and continues.**
NRO: Well, as pointed out to me by my little bro...err, friend, yeah, that's it, friend...I don't get Blast until next week, after he "defeats" Snotty Deville cleanly **WINK WINK** I forgot I had to waste my time and show up for that match with the invisible man, Auslese. Conspicuous by his absence since fidning out all the shit he has been talking has now officially gotten him thrown into the mouth of madness. He finally gets the chance to lay it on the line, and he is no where to be found. I bet he plans on using the old "card subject to change" rule , in conjuntion with that giant walking Penis, Pledge Alligence, finding a new, more creative way as, the Jackass said it earlier, to "stick it my butt."

What will their methodology be this week? I've got it by jove! That cum bubble Tige' will take his place. Wow...Tige'...the Real thing!!! But Tige' old man, as your fellow one named celebrity Bono says "I'm even better than the real thing!"

My guess is Tige' will jab the stick up the Italian Elite's cornhole too hard and he'll slip a disk. Then they will cut some sorry ass promo where they stage yet another gay ass skiing accident.

JJM: Oh god, not another skiing accident....oh jesus h. christ....

NRO: Yeah, what's next, a pc getting stolen, and or blowing up? Dude, sounds like you have gotten  a Dell...So bring your A game to Defiance, whoever bothers to show up for me to pummle. If it's you Aussie, if you actually have the sac to show up, have your mother on stand by, because she is the only one that wil be able to identify the body when I'm done , and with that said, always remember Tige', Auslese, Jimmy Blast, Snotty Deville, and that beer swilling redneck with the Ass obsession, Shawn Hillard.....
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