| **The scene opens at the Osbourne family home in Antioch, Tennessee. Rob has just pulled up in his parents circular driveway and parked his purple Ferarri next to the bronze statue of his late father. He opens the front door of the house and walks in. All of the IMPORTANT Osbourne family members are present. Absent however are the degenerate fucks that dirty the name Osbourne; Matt Senior and Matt Junior. Those filthy fucking scumbags left elderly Grandmother Osbourne to live with a hood rat crack head that rides the chocolate staff. Because of their disheartening actions and the fact that they skipped town to Florida and haven't been heard from since, the rest of the family, Rob, Chris, Tim, Tom, David, and good old Uncle Ozzy. Yes, he is related, distant English cousin. Finally the truth of the Osbourne family will be revealed. Right here. Right now.** Rob: Ok, what the fuck is going on? Chris: Dude, Matt and Matt, and his mom, his sister, and the four little crumb snatcher's left grandma at some sex offender, crack head, black totem pole smoking nasty fat hairlip having biatches house and took off for Florida. The bitch is getting evicted, and THEY knew about it. What the fuck are we gonna do Rob? Rob: She'll have to go in a home man, Chrstina ain't taking care of her, and I'm on the road more than any of the rest of you cock suckers. Tim: We tried to get her to go to a home Rob, but she reuses, she won't even go to the doctor. She says if its her time to go then it'll just be the end. I would offer to stay with her but.... Rob: But you're a lazy fuck who can't even flush the toilet when you take a shit. You can't even take care of yourself, look at you, you're a disgusting pig.... Tim: I know Rob. I know.....HEY!!!! I can get my old man to stay with her... Rob: Please nigger, he's so fucking drunk all the time, his alcohol blood content is 0.1... Tim: But isn't 0.1 ok? Rob: I said alcohol blood content not blood alcohol content...you fucking moron! Tim: Same difference... Rob: No, you stupid fuck, it's not. With Alcohol Blood content that means how much blood you have in your alcohol. Whereas, Blood Alcohol Content measures how much alcohol you have in your blood!!!! Tim: Yeah, you just said that, same thing! David: Rob, it's a lost cause cousin. The lights are on, but no body has been home for a LONGGGGGGG time. Rob: Yeah, and what the fuck is your excuse? David: I have to take care of Tommy. Rob: Where is Tommy boy? I gotta burn him about those shitty ass Tarheels not making it to the final four... **At that moment a disfigured and burned Tom Osbourne steps around the corner and is nearly nose to nose with Rob.** Rob: BURN!!!!!! Tom: Excuse me? **Rob stares long and hard at the nasty melting flesh of Tom Osbourne, who was burned by Andu a few weeks back. Rob leans forward on his toes and falls back on his heels and then again to his toes, never breaking his gaze at the horrible Freddy Kreuger looking face of Tom Osbourne.** Rob: Abbbbbbbbbbbbuuuurrrnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. Tom: Yes, as I told you rbrother before you got here Rob, I realize I am burnt. I also realize that the irony that I myself am burnt about the Traheels not making it to the final four, and the fact that I am , well, fucking fried crispier than SickBoy will be after Lu Yen cooks his ass Sunday. Rob: Right......... Tim: Tom, shut up, Rob has to fight whoever wins that match... Rob: Yeah you fucking quitter, what of it? Tim: I'm just sayin you might not want to talk about it, you must be nervous seeing as its your first title defense. And, well, we all know what has happened the last few times you've tried to defend a title in the IoA, right? Am I right people? Rob: Who in the green bowels of a rotten three day old dead deer's belly do you think you are you fucking stooge? You fucking waste of life....what have you ever done that I hadn't already done when you were still in high school you limey little bastard? You want me to fuck you up right here , right now? Make you look like the ass you are right here in front of your entire family, you fucking moron? Tim: No Rob. I'm sorry Rob, I'm very sorry. Please, don't hit me Rob. Please! Rob: You whiney little bitch, Get the fuck outta here, go make yourself a ham samich. You fat freak! As I was saying. I'm on the road more than any of you, so I can't take her... **Just then Ozzy shuffles into the room from the kitchen eating a burrito.** Ozzy: What thefuck....Imeanreallyman.....likeIdontbelievewhat you saidman. I'm Ozzy fuck' ing Osbourneokman? I meanIknowyourontheroadalotman, but come on! Morethan me? I love you, I loveou all, but your all fuck'ing mad! **Suddenly, everyone realizes that Rob is so high, and none of this is real. Infact, he has passed out in the driver's seat of his car on a deserted Nagasaki, Japan highway. Quickly his head falls backwards and he wakes up. He looks around and the sun is setting behind the Budhist Temple that Lu Yen once called home. Master Sum Ting Wong greets Rob and speaks just as the screen fades to black.** Master Sum Ting Wong: Welcome Mista Osbown. We have many ting to talk abowt. Fowwo me! **TO BE CONTINUED** |
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