| **The scene opens to find Rob Osbourne and Stan Lee sitting in a corner booth of a Mc Donald's in Los Angeles. They have obviously finished their lunch and are now just discussing good and evil, right and wrong. Let's join in and listen in on the conversation already in progress.** Rob Osbourne: So what you wanted to say with Thanos and the Gunatlets was that in due time, even those with absolute power will fall once the rest of the world grows tired of it? Stan Lee: Precisely. We are seeing it on a global level. Iraq. Michael Jackson. The Dallas Cowboys. The New York Tankees. Z-Pac... Rob Osbourne: What does Z-Pac have in common with the others mentioned? Stan Lee: All are entities that either were once great and are no more, or that are in denial to admit their better days have past. The former will be shown in due time I am sure; the latter, well, he's gonna find out this wekend, right..."Champ?" Rob Osbourne: Well, barring any unforseen difficulties, that would be the plan. But he has beaten me before. I haven't beaten him. Stan Lee: Hey, that's no way to talk! Did Wolverine back down from Sabretooth, a man who had been kicking his ass for the better half of the millenium? Did the Avengers give in to Hydra? Would the Fantastic Four let Dr. Doom keep on dominating the world, even thought theyknow he has defeated them before? NO! And you WILL take Z-Pac to the edge and back. And when you bring him back though to this plane, he will be a withered, wasted shell of his former self. Rob Osbourne: As if he wasn't already just a pale shadow of his former intensity already. Ya know Stan, the one thing I admire about Marvel is that when it is time for a character to die and leave the Marvel-verse, he stays dead; except for Mystique...what the fuck!?!?!? Stan Lee: Yes, I understand you completely Rob, the IoA is as bad as D.C. about "miraculous returns from the dead." The best thing D.C. could have done was to leave Clark Kent and Superman dead. But no, just like Z-Pac and his career, when they weren't the top dogs on the block anymore, they resurected the best thing they had to fight the competition with. Cal-El. Superman. Rob Osbourne: And where did that get D.C.? Stan Lee: Well, ironically, much like Z-Pac, they had a brief, albeit mediocre run back at the top when they first brought Superman back; but just like Z will do when he loses the International Champioship to you this weekend, Superman and D.C. faded back into the hole they were banished to. Funny thing is though, will Z try what they have recently tried after you beat him? Rob Osbourne: What's that? Stan Lee: Re-Invent himself and try and appeal to younger fans whose parents will buy merchandise? Rob Osbourne: When did D.C. do that? Stan Lee: They TRIED with relaunching 'The Justice League' but it's ratings were so lackluster it couldn't hang with X-Men Evolution so they had to move it to Sundays on Cartoon Network. Now they are just a joke. Rob Osbourne: Just like Z-Pac! Stan Lee: Exactly... **The two laugh as they stand and exit the fast food establishment. Stan hails a cab and Rob heads to the airport. Seemingly hours later Osbourne's Ferarri pulls up in front of a 'Quick Stop' market near downtown Trenton, New Jersey. He parks his customized Italian sports car and heads in. The clerk is wearing a badge that reads Dante'. Rob walks to the cooler in the back and grabs a few Heineken's and takes notice that Dante' and his buddy from the video store are watching his every move and whispering. Suddenly the video store guy breaks the silence as another customer walks in...** Randal: Hey dude, this idiot here is tring to tell me you're that wrestler guy, Rob Osbourne. Tell this piece of trash you're just some guy that looks like him so I can get my ten bucks, will ya? Rob Osbourne: Excuse me? Uhm, you better give him the ten spot, I am Rob Osbourne. Dante: Bam dumbass, hand it over! **The other customer in the store, a kid of about fifteen walks up to the counter.** Customer: Lemme get a pack of wraps... Dante: 2.50 little man. Customer: Hey, how was the service? Dante: What service? Customer: The one at the Libertarian Church where you two got married last weekend. Jay said you guys had a Star Wars themed wedding and that you tied the know dressed like storm troopers... Randal: That's it! I'm doin somehting about bongboy I should have done a long time ago! Dante: What's that? Randal: I'm calling the cops. Hey, wait a minute, are you even supposed to be here today? Dante: Don't get me started. **Rob pays for his goods and walks outside where he sees two men standing in front of the store checking out his ride...he walks up to them and introduces himself.** Rob Osbourne: Excuse me fellas, that's my car. I'm Rob Osbourne, can I help you? Man#1: ........ Man #2: I know who the fuck you are! I'm Jay, and this tubby bitch right here is Silent Bob. So what the fuck is a superpimp like yourself doing at our shitstop? Rob Osbourne: Well, I was headed to the arena and needed something to quench my thirst. Jay: Word. Cotton mouthin' like a mother fucker! You wanna buy some weed man? Rob Osbourne: Sure, gimme a dime bag... Jay: Fifteen dollars big man, put that money in my hand, if the money doesn't show, then you owe me owe me owe...my junle love...owie owie owe! Rob Osbourne: (to Silent Bob) Does he do this shit all the time? **Silent Bob nods yes as a police squd car pulls up. The officer steps out and approaches the three men.** Officer: Excuse me gentlemen, we had a report of two guys hanging out selling drugs in the parking lot. You boys know anything about that? Jay: Who? Us? Fuck no! We were just standin' here askin' ourselves 'what the fuck would a cop be doing in such an upstanding establishment such as this?' Officer: Right, I'm gonna have to search you... **The officer pads Jay down and reveals a pack of Zig Zags.** Officer: Not you eh? Well, what are these for then? Jay: What, those? I got a wipin' problem, so I take one of these and put it on my brown eye and BAM! No more shi stains in my undies! **Just as the officer is about to slap the cuffs on Ja and Silent Bob, Rob speaks up.** Rob Osbourne: Excuse me officer, but you can't take this guy to jail just because he has paraphenalia. You said you were looking for two guys hanging out. Well, there are tyhree of us, and we are about to get in my car here and leave. **The officer does a double take at the car and sees the license plate that says NRO and then realizes who he is talking to.** Officer: Excuse me Mr. Osbourne sir, I didn't realize it was you. In town early for the big match eh? Well good luck, i got twnety on you in the precinct betting pool. Rob Osbourne: Oh yeah? Officer: Yes sir, as long as you can keep from getting ZDT'd, you got it in the bag! Rob Osbourne: Everybody's a fucking critic huh? Officer: Oh no sir...I was only saying...nevermind. How about I give you gentlemen an official Trenton police escort to the arena? Rob Osbourne: Sounds good to me. **Rob, Jay, and Silent Bob all file into the Ferarri. The squad car activates its sirens and lights and pulls out in front of Osbourne. As he follows the car, the three men begin talking. Well, two of them anyway.** Jay: So what the fuck are we supposed to do when lawdog sees us get out of your car and walk the other way? Rob Osbourne: Oh chill uot man. I already saved your ass, you think I'm going to let you go down that easy now? You boys just got suite tickets for Heatwave. Jay: Yo did you hear that tons a fun? I'm about to mack on me some fine ass bitch! Silent Bob: ..... Jay: Yo Nitemare Robbie Rob, you gonna pound that fuckin stooge Z-Pac into a pulp or what? Rob Osbourne: No, I was thinking of letting him win... Jay: No shit? Rob Osbourne: Snoogans. Jay: Oh...damn, you got me, I thought you were for real for a second. I was gonna be all like, hey bitch you are the one that is the ball licker. I'd fuckin fuck his mom while he watched and cried like a little bitch. Then I'd make him eat my shit, then shit out my shit that I made him eat, then eat his shit that's made up of my shit that i made him eat... Rob Osbourne: Wait, I've used that line already , against Reinhardt I think.... Jay: Well did you tell him that he was a fucking monkey? And that he was probably the damned dirty ape responsible for the fallout of the human race? Yeah, I bet that little fuck recreates the world in his image, and that is when only those as super smart as I will be left to proclaim DAMN YOU DIRTY APES! DAMN YOU'S ALL TO HELL!! Rob Osbourne: No, I didn't...and I ain't going to either you little skeeby stoner fuck.. Jay: Takes one to know one,,, Rob Osbourne: (to Silent Bob) Look at this morous mother fucker right here, who pissed in his cheerios? BONG!!! Jay: Whatever. Look, you get that belt this weekend, and I'll hook you up with the phatest chronic in the tri-state area! How's that for some motha fuckin motivation? Rob Osbourne: That works. Look, once we get in the arena, you guys just follow me to my locker room. Jay: that's cool. But I gotta know one thing, WHAT THE FUCK is that dumbass thinking when he opens that mouth? Rob Osbourne: Is that a trick question? Jay: All I'm saying is the guy's a fucking tool. Beat that bitches ass yo! Rob Osbourne: Oh that's the plan. Z-Pac, the time for words ends now. Although I am sure you will give us all a ten point breakdown of each and every word i have said here today. But here's the clincher...nobody cares about Z-Pac anymore! The truth is brutal. While , yes, I may be on the last leg of my career, you my friend, are done. And I for one aim to show you just how over it is. **The scene fades to black as Jay,Silent Bob, and Rob all head in the building.** |
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