 |
| Breaking down the chemical make-up of Chemical X |
| By Rob Osbourne |
| **The scene opens to find Rob Osbourne at a Washington D.C. cable network studio. He is seated at a large table in the conference room. A network executive opens the door and walks in, accompanied by Barry Blaustein, the creator, director, and executive producer of the hit behind the scenes documentary on professional wrestling entitled 'Beyond The Mat.' The two men sit down on the opposite side of the table as Osbourne. They begin discussing a segment for an upcoming PWN show where wrestlers appear and "scout out" their peers, giving a break down of keys to victory if you were facing the person being discussed.** Barry Blaustein: Mr. Osbourne, allow me to introduce myself, I'm Barry Blaustein, the executive producer of 'Break Down'..... Rob Osbourne: Well, how bout you executive produce me a Heineken, decrackinated, Fucky! Barry Blaustein: It's Barry Rob Osbourne: No, it is FUCKY! Barry Blaustein: Fine, sure, call me Fucky then...whatever. Fred, can you get Mr. Osbourne a Heineken...uhm...'decrackinated' please! Now, Mr. Osbourne, we want you to appear on the pilot episode of Break Down, and we want you to give us your honest opinion, top to bottom, expert analysis on Chemical X. Rob Osbourne: So you want me to spend half an hour telling you how much this nimwitted, no talent having, Richard Pryor moustache havin', Angela Davis afro wearin', hamncheese samich eatin, buttermilk biscuit bakin', no acount havin', nothing doing ass mother fucker? You want me to tell you how idiotic this chuckleheaded rat bastard is? You want me to tell you how him and his hetero-lifemate Rufus said in his last promo... "Rufus: Now you know i've tought you never to underestimate your enemy but this is your time to show what you think of them. First one, Rob Osbourne. Chemical X: Hey rob, dont get in my way because i may just have to bring the golfclub and kick you ass again. How did that feel rob... hurt like a bitch... You know it did!" ...I just gotta know bitch, when exactly was it that you have beaten me? Mother fucker please, mother fucker please! You're not man enough to even carry my dirty laundry you fucking chump. You couldn't last five minutes in a singles match with me. Bottom line. I ain't hatin the game dog, I'm hatin tha playa, cause you ain't got no game, your skills are wizacked and every time you lose a match you dissappear for weeks on end, only to "make your triumphant eutrn" to the IoA, only to job, or worse, no show , when you get the push. You are a joke. You're fucking clown shoes holmes. Nobody else has the heart to tell ya, they fear the lawsuits from the NAACP, but me, I'm filthy fucking rich, and can get away with murder, even if it was a fake murder; regardless, I got off the hook. You have to understand....this ain't Townsville mother fucker, and I ain't Professor Plutonium. It doesn't matter if you are sugar, spice, everything nice, or the secret ingredient that makes up the Powerpuff Girls, Chemical X. I will pour a solvent on to Chemical X that will break down his composites to fine mineral bases, then I'll pour in Chemical "Oh shit, Rob Osbourne just fucked me up" and watch your failed, miserable excuse for existance lookin ass mother fucker finally fade into the nothingness that you have been, are, and will be. But seriously, I have to take you seriously right? Can you answer a question for me X-man? WHY should I take you seriously? Because you got pinned by Assassin so he could win Reinhardt's title that I would then win from him after he won back? What have you done in the IoA Chamical X? Have you held a title? Have you main evented a PPV and won? Have you beaten anyone I haven't? I can answer that, and any other question in which you would be asked by me...NO!!!! Is that what you want me to do Fucky? Barry Blaustein: Uhm, kind of. But be a bit more clinical. Maybe a bit more "attack oriented" and maybe put a little focs on the strong points of the opposition. List things that one would have to be on the look out for if they were facing Chemical X.... Rob Osbourne: Well, if I was being asked to 'Break Down' someone that a mother fucking iota of talent, then that may be an option, but this is Chemical X we're talking about. Barry Blaustein: Point taken. Rob Osbourne: Look Fucky, with all do respect, I think this idea....this show, from a business stand point, and from an inside the industry view...it ain't working, ya dig? I mean, the cocept is good, but too many of these guys nowadays are illiterate. Thy can't think for themselves. Yeah Fucky, I don't think this is gonna be my bag....try pitching to Van Pro, he may be able to give you what you want, because for years he has tld the world how great he is, but in all the research I have done on him recently, I haven't seen any evidence to support that claim. Sure, he may beat Pledge this week, because it took all of Pledge's resources to beat me, but I guarandamntee you if MVP faced me, MVP would stand for "Moist Vaginal Penetration" just short for what I would tdo to him...FUCK HIM UP! And with that I bid you gentlemen good day. **Osbourne kicks his chair back, stands up and walks out. As he does he shakes his head and mummbles "find a strong point about Chemical X...yeah mother fucking right"** FTB |
 |
 |