A season of fate's perfection.

The other side of a family

The one funny thing about a feud with Chris Reinhardt was similar to the one thing about a feud with Pledge. They were both so eager to just spoon feed you material to cut promo's on them about. But one thing I feel I have to do after watching the repackaged Reinbomb is actually fill you idiots out there in on the "other side" of my family tree.

You see Chris Reinhardt, while I may be no avid church goer, I am a Christian none the less and would gladly challenge you to a Live Biblical and Religious Game Show setting. In fact, that can be how you earn your re-match for the title belt I am going to claim from your near dead hands this Sunday at Heatwave in Hotlanta!

But I digress. I say to you Mr. Reinhardt, Mr. World Champion, Mr. Boston Pop, my mother's side of the family boasts some of the top theologians in the country. So indeed, if I am a sinner, then let he who is without sin, cast the first stone sir Reinhardt! And Jesus said he did not come to replace the law, but to enforce it. Thus stating the ten comandments back as law of the people of God. Now, if you are still following Chris, here comes the good part, I don't break commandments....just bones, and that my friend, damned sure ain't no sin.

And furthermore, there shall be no man on earth that may judge, only the son, who sits at the right hand of the Father may come to judge the quick, and the dead. So Chrissy poo, unless you are claiming to be Jesus incarnate, it's gonna be time to go back to see the nice men in the white coats. Remember the room Chris...so soft...the wallls...so soft....so white....so pretty...nite nite sleeping time mother fucker, show's over jack and the people don't want another curtain call by you're greasy five o'clock shadow having ass!

Return of a hero?!?

The following morning after my temper tantrum about Reinhardt and his little attempt at making me look bad, I got up and packed a bowl of some of God's finest Manna. I flipped the tube on to CNN and got my, what seems to be the ritual of all Americans these days, morning update and briefing from my friends Wolf Blitzer and Paula Zahn.

Nothing big is going on so I switch over to PWN and they are showing a clip of the IoA promo hour and all of a sudden the screen fills with these ridiculous computer enhanced effects, then some music that sounds like tunes from a gay 70's porno plays and the words "The IoA's Hero Returns" and out steps from this cloud of generated smoke in really bad campy 80's lighting and camera angles Trent Davidson, the guy that Pledge took on to be his "sloppy seconds getter" in the SAW.

Yeah, Pledge was priming that kid, whether the kid knew it or not to be his Pledge. And Pledge was finally , one day, going to get to play my part, as the guy that makes the other guy who sucks lose. It's a vicious cycle that comes with this business Trent. What you, and half of the IoA fail to realize is that it doesn't matter how big and how strong you are, of course it doesn't hurt if you are. Wrestling is 90% psychology, and when you are so feeble minded that Pledge can play seemingly Jedi mind fuck you, I get worried. I see you falling into that void that guys like my cousin Gravedigger get sucked into. The "Oh my God, I lost to Pledge Aligence?!?!" mode. Me personally, I've never been there; he's never beaten me! But you know the one, were you get foamy at the mouth everytime you see that freak smiling and talking about milk and vitamins! You don't get the sickness yet? You will, in time. I urge you young Trentwalker, while there is still time, before Captain America sucks the Force from your body, come over to the darkside. Together, we can take over the Force and rule for eternity! Mwahahahahaha!!!

About that time I realized how fucking good this Manna that I had found in a tomb in Israel with my Uncle on a dig was to smoke! God gets some good ass weed dog! I sat back as the MannaTHC kicked in and I just tripped balls. I stared at the walls in my living room for hours, listening to The Doors, just letting my mind go on a trip... on a journey...on a.....

Vision Quest

The room spun around me. I was having another one of those trips that El Pollo told me I would have if I did any more Peyote. But this was wilder shit. This was unlike any hallucinagenic I had ever had. And it was in a tomb marked by priests as the last resting place of the Holy Arc of the Covenant. Indiana Jones? Yeah, same Arc. I went on that dig with my Uncle Heimlech Von Streueseen, my mother is half German you know, anyhow, we were in Israel on this exploration and we discovered these ruins. There in the caverness tombs was where my body and mind had seemingly been transported as a reult of this trip I was on.

I was on the ground, in the dirt, naked. I sat up and there before me was 'one like a son of man' and his hair and his beard and his robes all shown bright. He knelt down and said "Get up my child."

I looked up at him and then immediately covered my nakedness. He said to me "Why are you ashamed?"

I immediately recalled the book of Genesis in the Old Testament...this is what God had said to Adam and Eve when He found them in the garden wearing fig leaves after they had eaten from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Then I felt His hand touch my head and He commanded me "Stand."

I immediately stood to attention, no not that way. You do have problems don't you? Anyway, I raised up as commanded and this 'one like a son of man' said to me "Why have you consumed the Manna from heaven? Do you intend to sin?"

I was puzzled. Was this who i thought it was, or was I that fucked up? I responded "Lord, I consumed the Manna for the strength and vitality of its nature. It was given to the peoples of Israel to sustain and provide sustenance and great overpowering strength against their adverseries when they were in the desert, and when I found it, I thought it would aid me in my quest."

"And what quest is this you are on my son?" He said with stearness, as if He already knew the answer.

"To slay a blasphemer Lord. I know of one who claims to pronounce judgement and to be like God in Heaven with his kingdom on earth. And I have chalklenegd him for his title as Champion. I was using the power of the Manna to gain victory in this battle against this false prophet, this lost sheep, this prodigal son, this black duck, this..." I had been cut off.

"Oh shit, for MY sake, will you please stop with the euphamisms?!?1 I get it already! Sure, I get it, go, kick his ass, and bring me bag some bagels and lockes will ya?" He said and I awoke once again sitting in my chair, with the walls spinning.

Wow that was some wacked out shit man. I laughed and said outloud "Call me Mr. Candle Recordopolis, cause I am WAXED!" and I looked down and there was a huge ziploc freezer bag on the table with a scroll attached. I unrolled the scroll and read it "Rob, take this, I am who you think I am, I am. And with that said, once you realize how good that Manna is, you're gonna smoke the shit put of it, so here's enough to last you until tomorrow night, thanks for all your help with the whole blaspehming thing, your Father in Heaven - J.C."

I dropped the note and stood there motionless, I was about to be the IoA World Champ...and I got some Heaven Weed from The Man! Life is so goooooooood!

Snap back to reality

"Rob? Hunny are you down there?" I heard Christina yelling from the top of the stairs of the clubs office.

"Yeah, I'll be up in a sec." I yelled. I was curious, what was the baby doingin that belly? I hadn't been home much when Rob Jr. was in utero. I was working all the time back then. Yeah, wrestling was a much more family friendly business in the new year, that was for sure, and with me just finding out I was going to have a kid with the hottest piece of ass on the IoA office payroll, hell, I wont lie, my dick got as hard a rock!

I got upstairs and she is fuming. I mean psycho bitch look in her eyes! "Did you see that little whore's promo?!?!?" She was foaming at the friggin mouth here!

"Who?" I asked her.

"Trixie Lee! That little cunt was saying bad aweful things about you Rob, I don't want you to go to Atlanta this weekend, reschedule the match with Reinhardt, I can pull some strings and get it done, but I have a bad feeling about that little cock monger." She was almost in tears. Fortunately for me, I had been through this before with Robbie's mom.

"Christina, listen to me. It is the hormones. You are pregnant. I get beat up and I beat people up for a living. I am going to Atlanta. You are not. You are staying here and getting the bookings done for May and June. I am bringng home dinner from Goldberg's Restaraunt in Atlanta Monday night...oh yeah, and a big gold belt, its about thirty two ppunds of gold, so clear off a spot on top of the dresser for it , ok?" I reassured her, but concerned with this odd, and specific premonition.

I kissed her and sent her home. Then I called Page Steele and had him bring the car around. It was time to make the doughnuts. We headed to the plane, and after a thourough, what the FBI officer claimed was "standard" inspection, we got off the runway and started in our two hour flight to Hotlanta! Bad Street, Atlanta GA, talkin about the baddest street in the whole USA!

See you after I have my freaking belt!