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| Off the beaten path It had been a long couple of days with the negotiations to open a �Nitemare Club: East� in Orlando, Florida at Disney World�s Pleasure Island. I had been in Florida since mid day Tuesday. I was staying At Christina�s condo which she had recently listed on the real estate market. It was a nice place, and she should get the 300K she is asking for it too. It was 10:00 a.m. Florida time, so it was 9:00 a.m. central, and 7:00 a.m. pacific time. I flipped the flat screen TV on and there was Colin Powell, on every station, giving his briefing to the UN Security Council. I sat, enthralled at his words and his discoveries. Once he finished I heard a faint knock at the front door. As I opened the door in walked good old Ira Huffingpaint from PWN, with a camera crew of course. I asked Ira what I owed this pleasure and he said that some new producer at PWN decided it would be an interesting take on current events if PWN covered the UN session and gauged the very opinionated Sports Entertainers to give their take of the whole Iraq situation. He went on to add that I was their �test run.� They would interview me, and if the ratings looked right, they would continue to gauge the wrestling community�s responses. Ira played the presentation from Secretary of State Powell and then began firing away. Ira: Mr. Osbourne, first of all, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to discuss today�s report from Mr. Powell. We at PWN know first hand that the decision of the world�s lawmakers impacts each and every one of us. As not only an American Celebrity, but as a good old fashioned American, what are your thoughts on the entire Iraq/Saddam Hussein situation? Rob: Well Ira, to tell you the truth, I am appalled that this man is still able to breathe. I can tell you one thing, if Saddam ever laced up a pair of boots, I would gladly show him what it�s like to be tortured, what its like to be humiliated, and what it is like to be put through pain. What we should do about this problem as a nation and as a people of earth doesn�t take a rocket scientist to figure out. We should have finished the job that was started in the Gulf War. But we didn�t do that. Bush pulled out and Clinton was too much of a horse�s ass to even consider militant action against Saddam Hussein. So now, eight years later we have Bush�s punk kid doing exactly what analysts said he would do during his presidential campaign, and that is to finish what his daddy started. Ira: Well, that�s all fine and good, but where do you think we stand with an actual war with Iraq? Rob: Ira, babe, do me a favor, shut up. France, Germany, and Russia say they are waiting until Dr. Hans Blix gives the UN Security Council his briefing on Valentine�s Day before they decide whether militant action will be deemed necessary by the United Nations. But I think that the US will indeed strike REGARDLESS of UN support. The thing that the media and society in general is filing to realize is that these are not political motives that Saddam or Al Quaida for that matter has. They are religious, 100% and the only way Saddam and the rest of the Islamist Extremists will halt their terroristic ways is when all non-Muslims have been eliminated from the world�s population. Then and only then will they change their ways. Saddam has been planning this since the mid 80�s when he had his family tree �amended� and a new family tree secretly placed in Mosques around Europe and the Middle East citing him as a direct descendant of the prophet Mohammed. Now, how does that effect this particular situation you may be asking? When the International community is forced to either side with the US or Iraq, as inevitably it will become, then those Islamic countries will side with Saddam, as they will surely say �This man is a descendant of the prophet Mohammed; we must side with him or face the wrath of God just as the Jews and Gentiles shall� trust me on that note brother, I worked for Mo Shirazi, I know where Islamic peoples stand on defying their God. Ira: So you think Saddam is setting it all up? Rob: No ass, I know he is. Take also into account the fact that Saddam has business relationships, personal, lucrative business arrangements with Jacques Chirac of France. Also note that the United States will reach its 6.7 trillion dollar national deficit on February 20th. Now, the UN Weapons inspectors give their findings to the UN on Feb. 14, then the UN decides if they take military action or not. If they do, then the US led attacks will be without funding, in reality, a week into it. Within two years, and I think two years is a fair assessment as to how long a war with Iraq would at least last, as we have been battling the Afghans for almost two years now. Anyway, we get two years into a war with Iraq and we are broke as a joke, we only have Britain left as allies, and we have the rest of the world against us, and we are a sitting duck between two oceans for them to bang up. Ira: So you think that the US would be defeated and, in essence destroyed or overturned if we go to war with Iraq? Rob: No Ira, that is not at all what I am saying. I am saying that if we send in a full ledged good old fashioned war front we will be depleted of resources within 48 months, point blank, there isn�t any two ways about it! What we should do is blow that cock eating bastard out of the water NOW, fuck the UN, fuck the rest of the world, and just GET HIM!!!! Blow his houses up, blow his palaces up, blow the entire nation of Iraq to smithereens for all I care, just make sure you get him in the process! Ira: So you would be willing to endanger the welfare of innocent Iraqi people to bring down Saddam Hussein? Rob: Why not? That�s the problem with the leaders of this world right now. They are do strung up on morality, or at least the essence of it. How can a man like Gary Condit be in office deciding what is morally right when he can�t keep his dick in his pants? How can �Dubya� stand in front of all the families of the 9/11 victims, seeing the pain and suffering in their eyes and still give two rat cock fucks about Iraq, or the Iraqi people, or the Afghan people? Or the Palestinian people? FUCK THEM! There is an old saying I heard once that says �fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.� To me, in this particular situation means, at 9L19 a.m. when the first plane hit the first tower on September 11th, 2001 all morality for the attacking countries represented by each terrorist was thrown out the window. Where was the morality when they flew those planes in to those buildings and killed OUR innocent people? Fuck Saddam, fuck Osama, nuke that ass and be done with it. Ira: But what if he really doesn�t have the weapons of mass destruction that our government claims he has? Do we still wipe out an entire body of people over an assumption? Rob: Are you deaf monkeyfuck? Yes, fuck it, Ira, you have to stop thinking real world and start thinking playstation�blow shit up! What if he does have the weapons hidden Ira? What if he does keep them hidden well enough for the UN inspectors to say �nope, no breaking of resolution 1441 here.� And they leave and go home, the rest of the world laughs at George W. Bush and then in 2007�.BAM!!! A-Bomb dropped on the US. Ira: Are you saying people can�t change over time Mr. Osbourne? Are you saying that the very thought of Saddam Hussein changing is that out of range that we should blow up him and his country just to be on the safe side? Rob: No, I don�t think people can change that quickly. Look at the IoA World Champion, Chris Reinhardt. Just the other day he claimed to have changed and now be sin free. Well, guess what, he�s full of shit, and the second that smack head gets beaten next week, I guarandamntee you he will revert to his sinful ways. I say he�ll have a syringe in his forearm by mid-day of next Monday. Just as I feel whatever Saddam says is nothing more than a lie to by himself more time, just like Reinhardt. And, just like Reinhardt, Saddam WILL show his true colors and his true power if we let him. Is that what you want Ira? Do you want to gamble that Saddam has changed that much? Ira: I can�t say that I would make that kind of wager, no. I see your point completely, but don�t you think there is a better way to resolve this issue that with deadly force? Rob: No, just as there is no way to resolve the conflict I have with Chris Reinhardt other than deadly force. In fact, Saddam and Reinhardt aren�t that much different. Saddam hides from the press, and sends out look-a-likes to do his dirty work. He rambles endlessly about nothing and spews so many lies from his lying mouth that no one under the sun believes anything he ever says anymore. Yes, Chris Reinhardt, just like his Iraqi counterpart, shall be dealt with swiftly and powerfully. I, like my governmental counterpart, President Bush, refuse to continue listening to the shit and the lies flowing from the horse trough that is the mouth of my adversary. Just as the United States will be viewed as the champion o the world when they cleanse the planet of this wretched filth, so shall I be the World Champion when I finally rid the IoA of its dictator, Chris Reinhardt, and his terrorist cell that he claims to have no ties to, the Boston Pops. Ira: Final comments on the subject? Rob: Yeah, Life is pain, so fuck em and feed em fish, then kill em all and let God sort m out! Ira: Well ladies and gentlemen; there you have it, strong words and an even stronger opinion from the mouth of �The Eternal Heel� Rob Osbourne. This is Ira Huffingpaint reporting for PWN World News. Back to the subject at hand Ira left as quickly as he had come in. I was comfortable with my response, especially since it was off the cuff. I hoped that it would go over well, because there are some brilliant minds in wrestling that could shed the light in a different fashion on the whole Iraq subject. But does our opinion matter really? Should it? Do wrestlers know what is best for this nation? No, and neither do actors and singers. They are always talking about peace and love and morality and humanity. Gimme a fucking bus pass. These same ass clowns that speak of reaching out to the Iraqi people and telling them to stand up for themselves and saying we should all just help the people are the same fucksticks that get paid 1.25 mil to do a movie or get paid 7 mil a year to play a child�s game, or that make tens of thousands just to sing songs somebody else wrote. Do we see them taking money out of their personal accounts and giving it to the Iraqi people do we? No, because then it would be personal. God forbid the UN says no military action, because then it will be personal for those ingrates that pushed for peace. Let�s see how worried they are for the well being of the Iraqi people when their own families are dying off because of Anthrax or Small Pox. But, for the time being, none of that was going to deter me from my path. Nothing short of a nuke hitting Atlanta was going to stop me from winning the most elusive prize of my career, the IoA World Heavyweight Championship. There are now only days left before the once thought impossible becomes the very possible reality. Rob Osbourne, IoA World Champ. That�s got a nice ring to it, doesn�t it? To be continued� |
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