| Prelude **The day started of just fine, I was sitting aboard my big ole jet airliner, heading for the next arena for Heatwave to face Chris Reinhardt and Z-Pac with the Assassin as my partner. What I didn�t know was, how much I could trust him, and further more, what to expect from the Pain Killers Version 72.5. I decided I shouldn�t take this match too seriously, nor should I work myself up over it, as there is nothing more on the line that simple pride. Pride, I could give two shits less about pride. I�d sell my �pride� for a ninety nine-cent chicken sandwich from McDonalds if I was hungry enough. No, pride isn�t a factor for me, and neither was this match. No, my plans for Heatwave won�t be focused on the main event tag match, but rather, on the Holy Matrimony of Satan's minions going on that very night. Thus, we enter my story, were I find myself at a crossroads of perplexities. I have just smoked almost a half ounce of Jamaican Ganja, and eaten two peyote sticks, so I am now hallucinating and seeing myself not here, aboard a plane at 20,000 feet, but back in 1997, at the Nitemare club, with Edge, and Blast. I am not sure why my mind has decided to pick this setting to speak in, but I can tell it has something to do with me supposedly �living in the past.�** The Nitemare Club (The scene comes up from black to show flashes between reality and distortion. One moment the scene shows reality, Rob Osbourne wasted out of his mind on amphetamines and hallucinogenic sitting in a dark room, motionless, just talking to himself. The next moment we are transported to the plane of what Rob is seeing, 1997 Nashville Tennessee, The Nitemare club, suite office. Edge and Jimmy Blast doing lines of coke on the glass table in Osbourne�s office while Rob sits behind a desk smoking pot, looking out at the club goers. They are talking about the event that changed wrestling, MWWF Stayin Alive. They are discussing the top stars of circa 1997 wrestling.) Jimmy: Hey Edge, what�s next now that we shit canned the MWWF? Edge: With the EWA opening next week, the sky�s the limit Jimmy! Rob: But Edge, what if we don�t have enough guys jump ship, then what do we do to jump start the roster? Edge: I got scouts all over Robbie. I hear some rumblings out of this little piss ant promotion called the UWL about a few newbies to the business. I want you to go down there and check it out. Rob: Where�s it at? Edge: Boston. Rob: That�s up moron. We�re in the south right now. Edge: Hey, it�s your illusion bitch, I�m just here because you want me to be! Rob: True. So who�s his guy you want me to check out? Edge: Guys Robbie, guys. First one�s name is Jeff Jericho, his gimmick is he�s a Stone cold knockoff. Shaved head and all, check him out, he is gonna be big. Rob: Jeff Jericho? You gotta be kidding me. What a name! Edge: Hey, what�s in a name? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. Rob: Yeah yeah, Fucking Shakespeare, get on with it. Edge: Secondly we have this man. He�s already been there awhile, but somehow, as old as he is, he has never made it to main event status. I think he could be a good curtain jerker for us. His name is Paul Blair. Uses some gay finisher called the BlairKick... Rob: Oh, these guys sound like the cream of the crop boss man. Edge: Will you shut the fuck up and let me talk already? Third guy that caught my eye was The Gravedigger. Rob: WHO?!?!?!? Edge: The Gravedigger moron, clean the shit out your fucking ears an listen! Rob: I know what you said, but no way Edge. No way in hell. Edge: Unfortunately Rob, that isn�t your call. Rob: It�s Matt. My cousin Matt, the same Matt that you know.... Edge: Oh fuck. You�re right, nevermind, he can save the drama fo his mama! Black guy sweeping the floors: HEY! That sounded good, when I get my foot in the door down in WCW, I�ma use that ....sucka!!!!!!! Rob: Whatever Booker, just make sure you get those toilets before you leave! Edge: Anyway, like he�s ever gonna amount to shit...ok, I have an alternate in mind, but he�s greener than Dr. Seuss ham my brother! He just, literally, just started off, but I think he may be a natural....his name is Z-Pac. Rob: Oh my god, ....�Z� Pac? What the hell does that stand for? Edge: Just watch his match Rob, tell me how he works, will ya? Rob: Sure dude. Whatever. The Scouting Assignment (The scene changes now to Rob Osbourne sitting in a private suite at the Fleet Center in Boston as the UWL gets set to take to the air for a major PPV event. ) Scouting Notes **There I was, sitting in the Fleet Center, doing my scouting for Edge. I got out my notepad and wrote the following as the show began.** An announcer comes to the ring and announces that the next two matches will not be televised. The event starts and out walks this cocky kid to some wild music. His hair is a mess, and he has a shitty attitude about him. The ring announcer addresses him as Z-Pac. His opponent is a man that doesn�t even get announced, as the match is the Z mans shot at a UWL contract. The match lasts all of five minutes until this Z-Pac kid has crippled the hapless chump that the UWL suits threw at him. Moments later the cameras start rolling and the live show hits the airwaves. The fans are punished by a verbal diatribe by Oliver, the UWL CEO, and then the action is broken up by The Warriors Of Darkness, led by MOD and the Destroyer. They, along with their lackeys, Gravedigger, DO, and David Clay, surround Oliver and make way for JD, the owner of the company to come forward. She announces that the UWL has been signed to the ZOO TV Network, where they would, once a year, compete with three other promotions to crown ultimate champions. The next match on the card is a between a guy named Paladin and one of Edge�s prospects, Paul Blair. The two dance for awhile, then Paladin starts getting the upper hand, then Blair, Blair has it all but won and a run in by some jobber named Hudson occurs. Blair loses, even though Hudson was trying to help him. Next match is for the tag team titles with Power and Glory taking on MOD and Gravedigger. During this match I decided it was time to go. In my opinion, The Edge won�t be interested in any of these no talent hacks. The Report **I got back to Edge�s office in Auburn at 11:00 p.m. He was shocked to see I was there when he was watching the event on TV and it still wasn�t over yet. He told me to sit down, and we watched the main event, where MOD faced off with a man named Thunder. The match ends quickly with the WOD interfering to help MOD retain the world title. The fans boo as Edge switches off the show and turns to talk to me.** Edge: None of them were worth the trip Rob? Rob: To be honest, no. One kid looked hungry, but he had a shit attitude, and didn�t look like someone that wants to be in this business, but someone who wants to break all the rules and codes of the sport. Trust me Edge, we should take a look at the SAW instead, they are packed with talent, these guys in the UWL won�t be ready to compete at my level for years. Edge: You�re right, and I expected it would go like that, so I sent Jimmy to sign the SAW Champion, Pledge Alligence to a deal. I want to bring him in to work a program with you. Rob: You want to feed him to the wolves that quickly Edge? That�s cruel. Edge: Yeah, but it will show us if he has it or not. If he can take the mental stress you put on motherfuckers and not let it break him, then we may have the next big thing in our laps. Rob: Fuck you Edge, I�m the only thing you need to have. I bring in the talent; they all want a piece of me, but they all know in the pit of their stomachs, they can�t get it done. They never will be able to either, and do you know why Edge? Because I eat, breathe, sleep, live, die, and shit professional wrestling! It�s in my blood brother! Edge: Rob, with all due respect, money talks and bullshit stinks, ya know what I�m sayin�? Rob: No, no I don�t. Edge: Rob, I love you like a brother, and you are very talented in that ring and out. But the one thing I always have to keep in the back of my mind is, you are, and always will be the Super Heel, you will never be able to be trusted, and I know as well as you do that the first time some green rookie pisses in your Cheerios, you�ll be out the door like a herd of turtles. I know you Rob Osbourne; I know what makes you tick. While I am revolving this promotion around you and what you bring to the table, I am a businessman at heart, so don�t take anything that may or may not happen in the future to heart, ok? Rob: What? Edge: Hey dude, like I said, you are the one tripping and even seeing me say this shit. It�s 2003 for God�s sake. Get out of the 90�s. You�re the Super Heel, the Eternal Heel. Show those monkeys why you have been one of the most dominant, and at times pissy, superstars in this business, Take em on a walk down �I just whooped your ass� Street. Rob: ..... Edge: Right, back tot he flashback. Anyway, you are going to drop the title o Darklight in a few weeks... Rob: Hell no dude, it ain�t happening. Have me just get pissed and leave on camera, I ain�t laying down for Wes, he never even comes to TV anymore, and he rarely shows up for creative team meetings. Fuck him, you want to put the title on him, he�s gonna have an asterix by his name. Edge: fine, fine. You just get pissed when Pop starts , drop the title and lay low for a week or three. I�ll put it up and give it to Darklight. Then he�s gonna drop it to Pledge, but the night Pledge wins it, I want you to come in and test his meddle. I want you to �rain� on his parade and overshadow his big win. Then the following week you�re going to beat him senseless, and if he comes back the week after that, he�s getting pushed for IC. Rob: He�ll quit, that whole red white and blue gig mixed with the Mafioso shit, it ain�t working. Edge: Must I remind you that when you decided to play the part of pot smoking businessman/wrestler people said the same thing? Rob: Big difference, that was my personal life, not my gimmick. Edge: What is your gimmick Rob? Rob: Climb in the ring, and I�ll show ya pal! Edge: All right, all right, you got me. I�ll see you Wednesday. The Climax **The weeks passed. And finally the night to win back the Undisputed title was here. I went out, and in near record time, nailed the punk kid with the Badd Dream and got my belt back. He was bloodied, he was battered, he was broken, but most importantly, he was beaten. But he came back. Again, and again, he came back. I must have beaten him up five or six times over the next year. And we weren�t just having matches, it was personal, we got ugly man, plain ugly. One time he broke my nose and I knocked out one of his front teeth, yeah that�s right, Pledge where�s a falsie. Over the next few years, we would go back and forth until we would finally team up and put our differences behind us. Until the skeletons in the closet caught up with him, and he sought me out. This time, it was beyond revenge. This time, he was out for blood. But I duped him again, and in the process kidnapped his bitch, scared the beejesus out of her, and forced most of his allies into retirement. Now he is getting married. And I am once again, here to rain on the parade. But the Edge isn�t calling the shots anymore ......or is he?** To Be Continued.... |
 |
 |