| **The scene opens to find Rob Osbourne sitting at his desk staring in awe at the e-mail he received from the CFO of Osbourne, Inc. As he sits there, trying to get a grip on reality, realizing his entire world has been turned upside down there comes a sudden and forceful knock at the door and the door bell begins ringing over and over. He goes to the door and glances out. The site would normally startle a person. But this IS Rob Osbourne. And he does know the two men standing in uniform outside his front door. Todd Brown and Larry Drake. Orange Country Sheriff�s deputies and huge wrestling fans. Rob opens the door and invites them in.**
Larry: Rob�.I�m sorry to have to be the one to do this, but we have to ask you to gather whatever personal effects you can load onto your Harley and vacate the premises. NRO: Are you fucking serious Larry? You can�t be serious. Todd? Come on guys, our kids went to high school together Larry, for God�s sakes. Todd: Rob, don�t make this any harder than it already it is. From what our orders say, you should be able to come back in a couple of weeks once the smoke clears from your companies seizure. NRO: Well, if you guys don�t mind, I�d rather load up the Stang. I can fit more in it. Larry: No can do Rob. You titled the Shelby to the company. It is theirs. As is your house, your beach house, your condo in Nashville, your night club in Nashville, and everything else other than the bike your father left you. Todd: Whatever you can carry is all we can let you take rob. We�re sure sorry about this. You should be okay though, right? I mean, Christina is loaded to, right? NRO: Yeah�but she�s out of the country on a business trip for PWN. Larry: It�s 2009 Rob. Call her, or text her or something. NRO: She�s out of cell range. I tried last night when I got the e-mail from Frost. Todd: I told you that son of a bitch was no good. Larry: Rob, you need to get your things together. We are only supposed to give you ten minutes to comply or arrest you. Somebody is pulling some shady shit and wants you locked up and unable to compete next week. Now, you know we aren�t going to do that, but you have to put a move on. We told the Sarge what we were doing, but Frost has people watching the property right now. Todd: Hey, worse case scenario man, we�ll tell him you hadn�t read the e-mail and weren�t aware and we had to explain everything to you. Then your 10 minute clock started. Just get a move on man. **Osbourne races through the house grabbing his essentials, filling three duffel bag�s in the process. Luckily he had not yet even unpacked his travel gear from when he got back from Showdown. He loads the bags onto the Harley as Drake and Brown escort him out of Isleworth. He throttles up and heads down Maguire to Old Winter Garden Road. He shoots down OWG to Kirkman, then up Kirkman to Major Blvd. Back to Universal Orlando Resort where his son has a hotel room on reserve. He parks and goes to the desk** Desk Attendant: Hello sir, welcome to The Palm. How can I be of service? NRO: My son has a room here, I was wondering if you could buzz him for me? Desk Attendant: No problem sir. What is his name? NRO: Bob Osbourne. Desk Attendant: Oh�.I�m sorry sir, a cab picked up Mr. Osbourne and took him to the airport this morning. And actually, if you are his father, can you let him know that he will not be able to check back in when he returns from Hawaii? NRO: Why is that? Desk Attendant: Well, he was paying with a corporate credit card that has since been declined. NRO: Mother fuckers!!! **Osbourne storms out of the hotel, hops back on his bike and throttles up, heading towards OIA. He parks his motorcycle in a secure spot and then heads to a ticket counter and pays cash for a coach flight to Honolulu. He checks his baggage and heads to the boarding station. Waiting in line, growing more and more furious with the debacle that is public transportation.** NRO: (to the overweight lady in the pink moo-moo in front of him) �Scuse me ma�am� Lady: What is it?!? NRO: Sorry�I was just wondering, does it always take this long? Lady: No. As a matter of fact it usually takes longer. Wait a minute. I�ve seen you before. Where do I know your face from? **Just then a 10 year old on a PSP walks by playing CWF Super Card and wearing a �Life is pain� shirt with a picture of Osbourne on it.** Lady: That�s you there on that boy�s shirt, isn�t it? Boy: Holy crap mom, look, it�s Rob Osbourne!!! **As the kid shouts his name, he is instantly mobbed by fans. He signs autographs for several people while waiting for the plane to board. As he settles into his window seat, an older couple sit down in front of him and the same fat lady in the pink moo-moo collapses into the seat next to him, her girth spilling over the arm rest and pressing into his side.** Lady: What a small, small world. We get to sit next to each other for 8 hours. Well. That is, if you are going to reconnect in California to head on to Honolulu. NRO: Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Lady: So, how does someone like yourself go from limousine riding, private jet flying, millionaire playboy to riding in the coach section on a trans-atlantic flight? NRO: I don�t want to talk about it. Lady: Suit yourself. I�m Rhoda by the way. Rhoda Daniels. NRO: Daniels? Any relation to the wrestler named Keith? Lady: As a matter of fact�.no. But he is a hunk of a man. It�s a good thing he isn�t any relation. Incest is aweful. NRO: Wait a minute�you fucked Keith Daniels? Lady: Oh no sugar. He fucked me. I don�t have the right equipment to fuck him. Of course, he did have me jam that dildo up his ass while I jerked him off and he came on my fat roll�. NRO: Ewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!! Lady: I�m only kidding. I don�t even know who Keith Daniels even is. But you should have seen the look on your face. NRO: Well, I can�t say that it surprises me that you don�t know who he is. HE doesn�t even know who he is. But he will know what he�s NOT very soon. Lady: Which is? NRO: CWF National Champion. Lady: And who would that be? NRO: Me. And he has about as much chance of beating me as a snow ball has of surviving in hell. Zero. Lady: Well�I'm sure that's very nice. However, I don�t even know what a CWF is. **Osbourne excuses himself and squeezes past her lard ass and heads to the bathroom. Feeling trapped and clostraphobic, he rushes to get done. When he steps out of the small washroom, he grabs a flight attendant by the elbow and spins her around to face him.** NRO: Listen babe. I need a different seat. We�re 10 minutes into an 8 hour flight. There is no fucking way I can make it sitting next to THAT thing. Stewardess: No problem sir. I can upgrade you to First class if you have a valid credit card� NRO: Damnit. How about cash? Stewardess: Wait a second�you�re Rob Osbourne aren�t you? NRO: Guilty as charged. Stewardess: I thought it was you, but honestly, I thought �Rob Osbourne would never be taking public transportation� because I�ve been a big fan my whole life and have seen you fly around on the Osbourne, Inc. jet. Why are you flying commercially�.and why are you in coach?!?!?! NRO: Long story. Look, if I can get you a pair of tickets to Summer Smash in Honolulu this Saturday, can you move me into an open spot in first class? Stewardess: Well�the only thing I have open in the rear section of first class is a window seat next to a one-legged midget with a drinking problem� NRO: Anything�s better than sitting next to Keith Daniel�s lover. Stewardess: THAT is Keith Daniels lover?!? NRO: No, not really. But it sounded good, huh? No�that lady isn�t his type. Stewardess: Because she�s a big fatty? NRO: No�it�s because she�s a she. He�s all in to muscle bound guys with long blonde hair and championship gold. That�s what gets him hot. Stewardess: He must really like you then, huh? NRO: Ewwwwwwwwww!!!! **The stewardess walks Rob up to the seat next to the midget. He slides past the man, who right now is out cold from a stiff bottle of gin. As Osbourne settles into the seat and stretches out, the midget next to him wakes up�** Midget: Who the fuck are you? NRO: I�m the guy sitting next to you that you don�t want to talk to. You want to lay down and go back to sleep little man. Midget: Is that right? How bout I shove this one good leg I have up your ass? All the way to the knee!!! NRO: God I hate public transportation. Midget: Well good, cause public transportation hates you. Now shut up before I smack that smug look off of your face! **Osbourne pulls his CWF National Title out of his carry on and cracks the little man across the head with it, splitting open his tiny forehead, but moreover, knocking him out for the whole flight. Osbourne is shaken awake by the friendly stewardess and de-boards the plane in L.A. for the 45 minute layover. As he steps off of the ramp into the LAX terminal he is once again mobbed by the paparazzi that loves to hang out in the terminals. After he makes his way through the hype and hoopla, he ducks into a small bar near the gate for his connecting flight to Hawaii. He saddles up to the bar and orders a Heineken. As he the barkeep sets it down and walks away Osbourne pops the top and takes a swig. A familiar face pops into the bar and sits down next to him.** Man: Ju don�t recognize me do ju? NRO: Roland?!?!? RRU: Ja! Fer sure! How are you doing Mr. Robby Nitemare? NRO: Wow�.Radiant Roland Ulvselius. It has been far too long mate. Shit�what�s it been, 10-12 years? My god man, how the hell are you? RRU: Good good. Vhen I retired from the ring, I opened a fermenting factory. NRO: Lemme guess�.pickled herring? RRU: JA! Sometimes ve do some gifiltifish as well. Don�t tell me ju are still wrestling? NRO: I am in fact. I came back about 6 months ago to the squared circle after being out for over four years. RRU: Vell�.vhere at? NRO: CWF RRU: For Xamin?!?!?! You hated Xamin!! NRO: I don�t exactly love him now. We have a love hate relationship. He hates me, but he loves what I do for ticket sales, PPV buy rates, and ratings. RRU: Vell�Ju must have settled down quite a bit to co-exist with the likes of Xamin. Vhat of your arch-nemesis, the Pledge Alligence guy? He still around? NRO: Yeah, actually. Funny story there. He�s my half brother. We�re actually not mortal enemies anymore. RRU: VHAT?!?! I drop out of the loop for a decade and people start getting dillusions of grandeur. So�vhat title belt do you have? NRO: What makes you think I have a title belt? RRU: Are ju breathing? NRO: HA! Good man�. **The two old friends catch up and exchange phone numbers and e-mail addresses. Roland goes to board his flight back to Sweden and Osbourne jumps on his connector to Honolulu. As he slides into his coach seat, a gay Hawaiian man sits down next to him.** GHM: Hello there!!! Is this your first trip to the big island? NRO: Yes, actually, it is. I�ve been to Maui in the past, but never to Honolulu. GHM: Well, you simply MUST come to the big Creations luau. It�s held indoors in a ballroom at the Sheraton Princess Kaiulani. It is FAB-U-LOUS!!!!!! NRO: I really don�t think eating pig on a spicket and dancing in a grass skirt is my thing man. GHM: Oh my. Another misinformed mainlander! NRO: Now that you mention it, it has been ten years since I was here last. What can you tell me about Honolulu? GHM: Lucky for you sailor, I am a tour guide for the Honolulu Conventiona nd Visitor�s Bureau!!! NRO: So�does that mean you�re going to tell me EVERYTHING you know about Honolulu? GHM: I thought you�d never ask!!! NRO: Greeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. GHM: Well�Honolulu is the capital of the state of Hawaii and seat of Honolulu County, on the southeast coast of the island of Oahu. The city and county are legally coextensive, and both are governed by the same mayor and council. With ship and air connections to the U.S. mainland, Asia, Australia, and New Zealand, Honolulu is the crossroads of the Pacific, as well as the economic center and principal port of the Hawaiian Islands. The city is famous for its beauty and the variety of its ethnic groups. It lies on a narrow plain between the sea and the Koolau Range and climbs the slopes of Punchbowl. Bypassed by Capt. James Cook when he explored the islands in 1778, Honolulu's harbor was entered in 1794 by William Brown, an English captain. Honolulu's history from 1820, when missionaries arrived on the islands, is much the same as that of Hawaii. Growing from a settlement of mud huts into the main residence of Hawaiian royalty and later of foreign consuls, Honolulu became the permanent capital of the kingdom of Hawaii in 1845. In the 19th cent., American and European whalers and sandalwood traders visited its port, and Honolulu was occupied successively by Russian, British, and French forces. It remained Hawaii's capital when the islands were annexed by the United States in 1898 and achieved statehood in 1959. The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, the naval base at Honolulu, on Dec. 7, 1941, and during World War II the port became a strategic naval base and a staging area for U.S. forces in the Pacific. Since the war, a rise in tourism, diversification of industry, and construction of luxury hotels and housing developments have made Honolulu the business and population center of Hawaii. Increased peacetime defense activity at the many military installations in the area (Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard, Schofield Barracks, and Camp H. M. Smith, headquarters of the U.S. Pacific Command), expansion of harbor facilities, and the completion of an international airport further aided the city's growth. Honolulu's other industries include jewelry, printing and publishing, clothing, food and beverages, rubber products, construction materials, and electronics and computer equipment. Major redevelopment of the Honolulu Harbor area was undertaken in the 1990s. The largest of Honolulu's parks is Kapiolani, containing a zoo, an aquarium, and Waikiki Shell, where the Honolulu Symphony gives concerts. The Honolulu Botanical Gardens consists of four gardens in and around the city. Also in Honolulu is the Arizona Memorial for the 1,100 who died during the bombing of Pearl Harbor. Notable institutions are the Univ. of Hawaii; the Bishop Museum, noted for its studies of Polynesia; the Honolulu Academy of Arts, known for its Asian and Hawaiian collections; and Kawaiahao Church (1841), where funerals for Hawaiian monarchs and nobility were held. Iolani Palace, the former home of Hawaii's kings, is the only royal palace in the United States. The beach at Waikiki is especially noted for bathing and surfing. The famous Diamond Head crater is nearby. We annually host such major events as the NFL All Star game, among other things. Oh my, look at that. We�re already landing!!! How quickly 3 hours pass by when you are talking about something you love!!!! NRO: I fucking hate public transportation. **The plane touches down and Osbourne races down the ramp, past the mobs of on-lookers and down to the baggage claim. He grabs his bags off of the turnstyle and hails a cab outside. He jumps in and the driver asks where to and Osbourne tells him Aloha Stadium. They arrive and Osbourne gets out and tips the driver and heads inside. As he walks in the entrance, he is greeted by Kodiak Winters, who seems to travel with the stage hands and ring techs. He walks past them and to his dressing room. He pulls out his laptop and plugs it in. He switches on the digital uplink to PWN.com and cuts his next promo for Summer Smash.** NRO: Crickets have made more noise than Shock Value has this week. What�s wrong Keith, cat got your tongue? Or was it Jennifer Adams? HA! That joke never gets old!! But seriously, what�s going on with you Keith? You talked such a good game all month leading up to this match. Now your Missing In Action?!? The last time the CWF fans saw any of the members of Shock Value for that matter, they were standing in the middle of the ring at Showdown covered in splooge. Well, at least those guys night ended the way it always does�only difference it was the stuff of strangers and not one another courtesy of their nightly circle jerk. What I think is the question on everyone�s minds Keith is this: How do you expect to win on Saturday in a one on one encounter against the only man in this organization in the last 3 months to get a win over your buddy Adams? Do you think you are better than Brian? Do you think you can pull off the �w� against someone he couldn�t get the job done against? I very seriously doubt it. But come this Saturday night right here in the friendly confines of Aloha Stadium, I plan on showing you fuckholes just who the dominant force in this company�nay�in this industry�is the same man it has been for over 15 years. ME. The bottom line is, when the smoke clears and the dust settles, I will still be standing there, National title over my shoulder, basking in glory. You�you�ll be laying in a heaping mass on the mat realizing that your life is passing you by much faster than you ever thought possible Keith. It�s okay�it�s just a little pain. That�s part of life. Because as I have been telling you all for a very long time�Life is paiN. **Osbourne flips off the uplink and stretches out on the sofa in the dressing room and drifts off to sleep. An hour or so later a pounding comes at the door. He jumps up startled. Once reality sets back in and he realizes where he is at and that the last 3 days have been real and not a terrible bad dream, he answers the knocking at the door. Standing there in front of him is his wife, Christina Danky** Christina: Honey�.what the hell is going on? NRO: Frost and the board of directors voted me out. Until they name a new CEO, my assets are frozen, anything I ever put in the company name is now their property and they will determine a buyout for my remaining 49% of stock in the company. In a nutshell, until this all gets cleared up, I�m broke as a joke. Christina: Damn. Bobby called me when he was about to leave Orlando-Sanford airport and said they declined his card. Good thing the kid had cash on him. How the hell did you get here with no money? NRO: Granny Osbourne taught all of us kids along time ago to keep as much as we could tucked in a coffee can and to bury the can for a rainy day. I had to remember where I put it when we moved from Nashville to Windermere, but I had a few grand in it. Booked my flight all on my own, boarded the commercial craft and everything. I fucking hate public transportation - almost as much as I hate Keith fucking Daniels and Brian fucking Adams. Wouldn�t surprise me to find out they had something to do with this whole thing with Frost and the board. Christina: Wow. You must REALLLLLLLLY hate public transportation then. I have already called my lawyers, they are all over this. You�ll have resolution of some sort before the next pay per view event. A World Champion can�t be penniless after all. I tell you what, while those two ass maggots probably did have something to do with it�even if we find out they didn�t�just pretend they did. That�ll be motivation enough to pound them into oblivion. NRO: I missed you so fucking much. Speaking of �pounded into oblivion� that�s what�s about to happen to your hot little ass. Shut that door and get over here. **Christina shuts the door a the scene fades to black.** |
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