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**The scene opens to find Rob Osbourne sitting at a table at Emeril�s at Universal Studios City Walk in Orlando, Florida. Seated with him at the table is his son Bob. They are making small talk and enjoying their meal, a
special course personally prepared by the celebrity chef, Emeril Legasse himself. As the waiter takes away the salad plates, Chef Legasse walks out from the kitchen and slaps The Nitemare on the back and pulls up a chair. He
spins it around and sits down in it backwards�**
Emeril: HEY!!! How�s my favorite rassler? NRO: Emeril, thank you so much for preparing this. It is delicious. I hope you didn�t go to too much trouble. Emeril: For you Robbie�anything. Hey Bobby�did you know that if it wasn�t for the old man here, there may not have been an Emeril�s? Bob: Really? An overindulgent story my Dad HASN�T told me? Awesome� Emeril: Ya see, I was just out of culinary school working in New Orleans as a pastry chef at the Caf� Du Monde� Bob: The beignet place? Emeril: One in the same. Anyway, here it is the middle of Mardi Gras. I had just closed down for the night and finished cleaning the kitchen. I walk outside to dump the trash and this band of hoods comes up to me in the alley. They jump me and start beatin� the snot out of me. I�m bleedin� and screamin� for them to stop and they just keep beatin� me unmerciful�and all of a sudden I hear some shoutin� and some noises. I pull myself up off of the ground and the goons are all laid out. I look up and there�s your old man and your uncle Chris. They beat the crap out of those guys. If they hadn�t come along when they did, I may have been just one more Mardi Gras Murder victim. Bob: Wow�Dad�you did something noble? NRO: Shut your yap skippy. I did it all for the beignets. Emeril: That�s the Nitemare I know and love. Listen, if you guys need anything, anything at all, you just tell Diane to come get me. NRO: Em, how much extra you going to charge me to cook me up some of them beignets? Hearing you talk about them brings back the memories. Emeril: Get outta here. Your monies no good here. You all have a Happy Father�s Day. **Legasse excuses himself and heads to the kitchen. The waitress sets down another round of Heineken on the table for The Nitemare and a rootbeer for Bob.** NRO: So kid, you looked pretty good out there last night. Damned fine job. Bob: Admit it. You were worried when Adams was getting the better of me, weren�t you? NRO: I�d be lying if I said no son. You�re my kid; my flesh and blood. Seeing you in pain is one of the biggest challenges I have ever had to endure. But it paid off. You held your own with the big boys kid and I am damned proud. Bob: Well�.I AM an Osbourne�. NRO: Well put. Bob: What�s going on with BJ? NRO: Nothing. Now�Drastic on the other hand. That�s a different story. I guess Chrissy Poppers little video pulled at the maniac�s heartstrings and has made the Drastic persona take over full force. For the time being it seems, Bryan Joseph Osbourne is officially a missing person again. Bob: Again?!?! NRO: You saw the video Chris played at Showdown for BJ right? Bob: Yeah�but he wasn�t missing, he was just with another family. NRO: Well your grandmother thought the kid was abducted. We ALL thought the kid had been abducted. That prick brother of mine faked the whole kidnapping just to get the ransom money to help cover BJ�s medical bills. He was on a milk carton and everything. Bob: No shit! Hmmmmm. I learned two things tonight. NRO: Which are�.? Bob: First�my uncle is a sadistic madman and the apple doesn�t fall far from the tree where my cousin is concerned. Second, my father DOES have a conscience. NRO: Fuck you. Now eat before I cram it down your throat! Bob: That�s what she said� NRO: Who? Bob: Jennifer Adams. NRO: NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICE! **The father and son finish their meal and head outside. They walk the shops at City Walk before parting ways at the parking garage. They mount their respective Harley�s. Bob heads to his nearby hotel while The Nitemare heads to his home in Windermere in the gated community of Isleworth to see the finished repairs to his home. He heads in the house and checks his e-mail, then grabs a Heineken and for the first time in what seems like forever, he turns on the TV, kicks off his boots and stretches out on the couch. The channel is set to the Lifetime network which is airing an episode of �Touched by an Angel.� He mashes the button on the remote but nothing happens. He tries to sit up and stand so he can change the channel manually, but some unseen force keeps him in place. The Nitemare struggles against the force to get up, slipping off of the bed and cracking his head on the coffee table. He lands flat on the hard wood floor and a small pool of blood forms around his forehead. He blinks eyes and stands. He feels the pain in his head but upon touching it there is no blood. He looks around and realizes what has happened�..** NRO: Fucking A. I�m dreaming again?!?!? God damn it. Tess: Mercy me! Oh honey child, you don�t kiss your mother with that mouth do you now? NRO: Della Reese?!?! Great�I REALLY DON�T need this right now. Tess: Now, I don�t know no Della Reese. My name is Tess baby. And you, you�re Mr. Osbourne, and sweetie, I think you need us more than you can imagine! NRO: Us? You got a fucking mouse in your pocket? Tess: Oh no baby. I have two assistants here that are going to help me save you Mr. Osbourne. NRO: Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. About that...this is dream, and you aren�t real. Monica: This is no dream, and it�s as real as the hell you will burn in if you don�t make the right choices. NRO: And who the hell are you? Tess: That�s Monica, she�s a little new to all of this and that man in the corner is Andrew. We�re here because you are at a pivotal juncture in your life Mr. Osbourne. NRO: (realization setting into his features) So this isn�t a bad dream where I think I�m stuck in a shitty episode of Touched by an Angel? Andrew: Oh, you�re going to be Touched by an Angel all right if you keep cursing around Ms. Tess. NRO: Oh yeah? You doing the leg work on that assignment dillhole? Andrew: You have NO IDEA what you have yourself in to do you? Tess: Now now baby. Andrew here is a little like you in that he is better known for his nickname. NRO: Oh yeah, and what�s that? Tess: The Angel of Death. NRO: WHAT?!?!?!?! This little pussy is the angel of death? Yeah, and I�m the man in the moon. Fuck off. I�m out of here. **Osbourne pinches himself and smirks. The three �angels� just look at him in awe and disbelief. He pinches himself two or three times and then bashes his head into the wall. Nothing happens.** NRO: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Tess: Now baby, you ready to calm down and listen to Ms. Tess? NRO: I�ll hear you out, but that doesn�t mean I�m buying into this shit. Tess: (flipping a switch on the wall, revealing a screen showing Osbourne unconscious on his living room floor with the blood pooling around his head) Your body is in your living room, bleeding out from your head. Your soul is YOU�right here, right now, with us. Monica: You find yourself in a very precarious situation Mr. Osbourne. I for one think you are a lost cause and don�t see why we have been given this assignment, but if Tess has taught me anything, it�s that you don�t question the boss�s calls. If God thinks you deserve a second chance, then so be it. Tess: Now Andrew here is just itching to take you away, but we have to follow the protocol and give you a chance to redeem yourself first. If you don�t make the right decisions, he WILL come for you. NRO: I�ll take my chances. Monica: See Tess, I told you a guy like him wouldn�t listen to reason. Tess: Oh ye of little faith. Mr. Osbourne�do you remember the time when you were seven and you got lost in the woods? You were lost for hours and you were so lonely and so cold. A nice lady came along and held your hand and walked you back home. When you went in to tell your mother, she didn�t believe you. When you brought her outside to introduce her to the nice lady, she was gone. Your mother ridiculed you and told you not to make things up. Do you remember that? NRO: Jesus Christ lady, that wasn�t me. That was my brother Chris Osbourne. Do you even have the right guy?!?! **They all look at each other in confusion. Andrew pulls out a datapad in his pocket and reviews it. He looks to Monica and Tess who are staring at their own datapads in disbelief.** Andrew: Monica�you took the wrong guy?!?! How could you get the wrong guy?!? Monica: Don�t blame this on me! I went where she told me to go. Tess: Oh no you didn't. You asked me to help you find him, so I Googled the name, it came up in the CWF. I went to that sit enad got the names of the roster members and the only listing I found was for C. Osbourne and that's where I sent you. It came up with that listing. It ain�t my fault you stupid white crackers can�t figure it out. NRO: My wife. Monica, Tess, Andrew: What? NRO: My wife. Her name is Christina Osbourne. She still uses her maiden name publicly. That's where you fucked up morons. My brother is Christopher Osbourne. You're not even in the right state. He's in Tennessee. Who know's where, and who cares? Andrew: What happened to checking to make sure it was the right person first Monica? Monica: Well, I was waiting for him in his house. I was invisible, so he didn�t see me. I saw the way he acted and assumed he was the guy. It�s not all bad. He is a bad person and he does need to be taught a lesson. Can�t we just change the name on the assignment to him? Tess: You�re going to try and lie to God? Are you serious? You have to be the single stupidest white girl I have ever met. Monica: To hell with you Tess, if that even IS your name. He may not be our assignment, but I�d bet his name is further down on the list. I say we let Andrew take him right here, right now. Andrew: No, Tess is right. We need to get him back to his home and erase this from his memories. NRO: HELLO!?!?!?! Am I not standing right fucking here? Andrew: Listen here Mr. Osbourne, we may have made a mistake, but we are trying to figure out how to make it right. I need you to be a little more respectful to us so I can think this through. Ok. Whose our next assignment Tess? Tess: Some crazy ass white boy named Keith Daniels. NRO: HEY! I know him. In fact, not only does he live in the same County as me, I will be busting his head open this coming Saturday at Summer Smash in the CWF. Tess: That could be our chance Andrew. We can take Mr. Osbourne back, wipe his slate, then case him all week until his match with Mr. Daniels. NRO: Listen lady, I don�t know if you get PWN here in�wherever we are�but if your assignment is to save Daniels, you may want to try and do it before Saturday. Tess: Why baby? NRO: Because, I plan on fucking killing him. There won�t be a soul left for you to save. He�ll be nothing more than an unrecognizable mass of flesh, broken bones, and blood. Lots and lots of blood. Monica: See. I told you this guy is bad news. Let me do him right here. Come on Tess. NRO: First off cunt, I�m married and second of all I wouldn�t fuck you (points to Andrew) with his dick. In fact, keep it up and I will straight up murder YOUR ass. You want to go bitch, let�s go. Come on. Tess: Now now baby, calm down. Angels don�t have�you know. We�re all smooth down there. I�ll be right back. I want to check on this Daniels character. **Tess leaves for a brief time, leaving the room with tension so thick you could cut it. Osbourne, Monica, and Andrew sit in complete silence. A few minutes later she returns with a file and hands it to Andrew.** Andrew: Holy crap, this Daniels guy IS a bad egg. I don�t know if we should even bother trying to save him. I say we just keep him from dying after this Osbourne fellow is done with him and talk to him then, see if a near death experience will change him. Tess: So we�re in agreement then. **She snaps her fingers and Rob opens his eyes and is face down on the floor of his living room. He glances up at the clock on the cable box � it tells him the answer to his question. An hour has passed since his accident. The blood that pooled up has matted and dried in his hair. He stands up and is greeted by a very intense headache. He heads into the bathroom and washes his hair and face. He grabs a handful of pain killers out of the medicine cabinet and tosses them back. He walks back into the living room and notices the TV is still on Touched by an Angel. As he does, the character of Tess, played by Della Reese turns and looks directly into the camera. He swallows hard and feels and odd sensation, but otherwise remembers nothing of what happened. He heads into his office. He sits down at the desk and logs in to PWN.com via the secure server his wife had installed and he flips on the digital uplink. He steps in front of the camera and cuts his first promo for Summer Smash�** NRO: Summer Smash. The CWF summer extravaganza. This show has historically been a thing of magic in the past, setting the tone for the remainder of the year ahead. My son will lay waste to the biggest Jobber this side of Gary, Indiana � one Paul Blair. Your better days have passed Blair and you are nothing more than a sad excuse for a man, and Junior�s going to prove that once and for all this Saturday. Then Magnus Thunder will decimate the �Champ� and restore some credibility to that title. Of course we know this time there WILL not be a screw job ending for Adams to retain. Not with Pledge as the ref. The Raving Lunatic will defend his title against Sickboy. Sickboy is in that match because my nephew took his ball and went home with daddykens. I should have know this family couldn�t depend on B.J. Osbourne. He�s so much like his old man, it was inevitable that he would piss and moan and go back to the dark side. Thank your lucky stars for my idiot brother�s inability to mind his own fucking business Wilkes. This is two times you owe him. First he handed you a second chance for the Lord of the Ring tourney. Now he gives you a title shot. You owe Chris Osbourne big Sickboy. Especially if you manage to beat the Lunatic. Speaking of my two faced nephew who can't decide who HE is long enough to decide WHOSE team he wants to be on. Effective immediately, The Osbourne Family Stabel is down to three. Me, my kid, and Pledge. If Brastic excuse me, D.J. Osbourne...Oops. I did it agian. you know, the one who is crazier than a shit house rat. Yeah, he can go fight the same father who "saved" him last night. It doesn't make a fuck to me. Me and Pledgie Wedgie, we may be getting long in the tooth, but we can still hand these cats their asses. Well....I can. Pledge tries. Damn he tries. And Bobby? We all saw how he hung with the World Champ and the Hall of Famer at Showdown. I think we can hold our own, the three of us, against any three CWFers you put in front of us. Speaking of having some one put before you. Keith Daniels. That's all you are to me. One more obstacle Xamin sets before me as a stumbling block to keep me from the World Title. For all their talking lately, god love em, Magnus and Pledge aren't the ones to beat Brian Adams. I have been. Every time in every way he has been against me, or as was the case when Pledge and I tagged up against him and his wife and then Blair jumped Bobby. Save for that single solitary time, Adams hasn't beaten me. It doesn't matter if it was the Blair-Jericho wrestling Hour Rumble for the #1 contendorship to the World title 8 years ago this month Yes...I should be the one in that match with him at Summer Smash. But instead, I get stuck building up for that match and getting the crowd all jacked off. Oh....did I say jacked off? Sorry, I just can't get the image of you idiots covered in spunk out of my mind. Implied spunk or not, the looks on your faces were priceless. No, justice is not yet served. My world title shot has to wait for now. Instead I get stuck beating up his little guinea pig. His hired help. When the smoke clears and the dust settles next Saturday night, you Keith Daniels will be left laying in the gutter. Not that laying in the gutter would be that out of the ordinary for him. No, you see ladies and gentlemen of the CWF, I plan to expose Keith Daniels for what he really in fact is. A scared, lonely, lost little girl. He has been looking for an answer to the missing things in his life. He sustains the yearning he has be being in the presence of Brian Adams. I think Magnus hit the nail on the head when he said you were denying your true self. Nevertheless, I WILL put you in your place. Your place is at the bottom of the food chain. You're a stepping stone, and I'm gonna keeping on stepping, right past you and on to your life partner. I will destroy everything you all know to be true. I will show you that no matter what you do....your Life....is.....paiN **Osbourne switches off the uplink and once again checks his e-mail. As he reads a letter from his CFO at Osbourne Inc he gasps and Heineken sprays all over the screen. As the scene fades to black, the e-mail fills the screen...** To: Rob Osbourne Rob Osbourne <[email protected]> From: Donald Frost <[email protected]> Mr. Osbourne, This past Friday, the 19th of June, 2009 a meeting was held by the Board of Directors for Osbourne Inc. You were not present at that meeting, nor have you been present for any of the last 5 meetings of the board that have been held. In fact, the only contribution you have made in the past 5 months since your return to proffesional wrestling, was the acquisition of the MGM Grand Complex in Las Vegas. We have hereby voted. You have been voted off of the board Mr. Osbourne. We have decided we are going in a different direction than you are Mr. Osbourne. While you may be unhappy with this decision, as you are only a 49% shareholder, you do not have majority say over the holdings of the company. Your use of the Osbourne Inc. private jet is hereby revoked as well. We will be freezing all assets of yours until the board has selected a new CEO. At that time, we will determine base don the companies continued profitability how we will compensate you for the relinquishment of your remaining 49% of the shares. However, until that time comes, Mr. Osbourne, aside from any cash on hand you may have and the separate assets of your wife, you are in effect penniless until those assets become unfrozen. Please do not reply to this message, as it will likely not send as your server access will also be removed effective as of the sending of this email. All security have been instructed to exercise extreme prejudice if you are seen on property. Your action as of laste have been an embarrassment to the company and we hope to come away still in tact after publicly parting ways with you. Regards, Donald Frost Chief Financial Officer - Osbourne, Inc. **FTB** |
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