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**The scene opens to find The Nitemare winding down the party that his son has just left from. As Rob helps Tiger Woods back up after Badd Dreaming him through the table (see Jr�s RP) he notices his phone is vibrating in his pocket�he had consumed so much Heineken, he had dismissed the initial vibrations as the desire to drain the lizard. Apparently the caller has left a voice mail. Osbourne pulls out his iPhone and attempts to check his voicemail. Finally he gets through and listens to the message. Upon hearing it he laughs out loud and hangs up.**
TW: Rob�why the hell did you just DDT me through that table man? NRO: Eldridge�settle down. You�ll be fine. The most I did was put a little hair on your sac. Don�t be a party pooper. To quote my boy Dave Chappelle�.IT�S A CELEBRATION BITCHES! TW: What exactly are we celebrating? NRO: WHAT?!? Do you live in your golf bag Woods? Not only did I successfully defend my National Title at Night of Champions 2, I also had the privelage of ridding the CWF of that menace known as The Juggernaut�.BITCH! Not to mention bobby boy made his big time debut�.and�..AND�.my boy Dwight showed King James who the man was last night and the Magic moved on to the finals and will face the Lakers. TW: Oh�you have a son old enough to wrestle professionally? How old are you?!? NRO: Listen here �Tiger� my boy is only 18. I�m only 34. TW: So you got your baby mama knocked up when you were 16?!?! NRO: (grabbing crotch) Osbourne seed is very potent my man. TW: So I was watching that network special you guys had Saturday. Your kid looked very impressive. So did you I might add. How is your leg by the way? NRO: It hurts like a mother fucker, but that my friend, is what Heineken is for! TW: Well, that guy you are wrestling this week, Sickboy�.is he ok? That was a nasty spill he took. NRO: Actually, I have a couple of people checking into that right now. Apparently Wilkes just made a statement from the hospital, and I am about to go check it out. Not that it matters what his condition is, I will put him down again Tiger. I can guarantee it. TW: How do you figure that? NRO: I beat Curtis Wilkes in his prime. This sad excuse we see before us today in the CWF fails in comparison to the Sickboy of the IoA. At least back then, he made me break a sweat when I beat him unmerciful, leaving him in a puddle of his own blood and piss. Now�now he can barely beat Blair. BLAIR FOR GOD�S SAKES!!! I have beaten Blair more times than Whitney beat Bobby ! TW: But every time you compete against someone it is different. I have beaten V.J. Singh multiple times, but if I slack up, he may beat me. Don�t you think you should have the same mantra? NRO: No. No I don�t. It�s counter-productive to fun. TW: But sometimes the fun should wait until the work is done, shouldn�t it? NRO: Not at all. Maybe when it�s Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden. But in the Classic Wrestling Federation Fun is a #1 priority. TW: Wow. Maybe I'm in the wrong profession.... NRO: Not at all. You wouldn't last ten minutes in a ring Eldridge, no offense. You keep swinging your stick (grabs crotch) and I'll keep swinging mine. **Osbourne shakes Tiger's hand as he gets on his golf cart and heads up the road to his own home within Isleworth. Osbourne heads back inside as bids farewell to the last few departing guests. He walks into his office and turns on the flat panel on the wall, which is set to PWN. He watches Sickboy's promo from the hospital and laughs in hysteria at the comments being made. He grins and flips on his digital uplink to PWN studios and begins his first promo of the week** NRO: Okay Wilkes, you proved your point....you're an idiot. You have a good memory, but you are just stupid. I feuded with the Unholy Alliance in the CWF. The CWF closed and the UA went to the IoA. My wife, Christina Danky, owner of PWN, started up her own promotion, the AIW, which you were correct, I was a member of and we had an invasion angle with the IoA when she dissolved the promotiona nd worked a deal for the talent to go over to the IoA. SO....THAT WAS MY FIRST IOA MATCH RETARD! Who has the shite memory now skippy? You take too many bumps on the noggin there fruitcake. But I digress. While you have shown the entire world how very borderline disturbing of a fetish you have for following the career of myself and my family. What can I say, we have a big family and we are all pretty talented wrestlers. My brother's Chris, Phillip, and Eric have all been in the CWF and the IoA. Of course you may know them better as "The Daydreamer" Chris Osbourne, Pledge Alleigence, and 2 Xtreme. Then there are my cousins. Matt Osbourne, who you knew as The Gravedigger. There is also Tim and Tom, they are twins, and second cousins. And now, this "squirt" you refer to is my SON. I can understand how you would be confused, with the very little amount of talent you truely have. You just get beat up and put your body through hell for the reaction of the fans. you eat it up for a Holy Shit chant.....the thing is this weke kid, you are in the ring with a man who has been doing those very things for YEARS. So I don't impress you, big fucking deal toolbag. Adams said the same thing....beat him. Juggernaut said that, beat him twice, put him out of the CWF. Blair still to this day says I don't impress him but he still couldn't beta me...but then again, he couldn't beat YOU. But I want to talk about what will happen this week for you Curt. I'm going to capitalize on your weakness. I will pound your ribs like they were gonna be going on my grill. That's what i do. NOT ONE PERSON in the CWF has betaen me yet. What makes you think you are different Sickboy? Because you miss frogsplashes? Because you get put through lighting rigs and shoved off of stages and get made to look a fool of my a jobber like Blair? My kid took out Blair at Night of Champions, and it nearly cost you your career to try and do the same. No Sickboy, it's not about the past and how many people I have beaten. It's not about who trains who. Scarletti never impressed me and neither did his "protege." I was quite proud to be the one to rid the CWF of the moron. I mean, wouldn't you leave if you got beat by a man half your size TWICE? Like I said before, you say I haven't impressed you. Like all the others have said all my life. What will it take to impress someone like you Wilkes? Would it be having a beautiful, and successful wife who is a millionaire in her own rights without me? Would it be having a son who, at 18, has more natural ability and raw talent than you ever had in your prime? Would it be running through everything Xamin has tossed at me to date? Cause I have done all of that. What more do you want Sicky? What more can I give you? I honselty don't give a rats ass what it takes to impress you. Who are you? Shall I pose the Brian Adams question to you my friend? Win a CWF title then talk to me. You have a chance to do it this week, but you and I both know, as well as Xamin and the fans at home know, this ain't the week that will happen my friend. I heard in the production meeting that Xamin was toying with adding a lesser midcard title. Seems the rest of the roster is pissed that Adams and I neither one can be beaten. It is not easy being me Sicky, not easy at all. You were right about one thing and one thing only. I will indeed crack the ribs on the other side of your chest. I'm also aiming at cracking both of your god damned legs as well, but hey, who's counting the broken bones in your matches, right? That's what you do. I do hope you are saving your money and bankrolling it. I also hope you signed up for some accidental death and dismemberment, because that's what is up next for you in the way you perform pal. With all of that being said, this Saturday night at Showdown, I intend to do one thing and one thing only. Beat your fucking head into a bloody pulp and retain my title. The fans will chant HOLY SHIT...but it's going to be because of the amount of blood pouring from about your face, chest, head, neck, and breast. I will put you down again. That is a fact. Another fact....Life is paiN. **Osbourne flips off the uplink and falls onto the leather sofa and passes out. The following morning his wife Christina "wakes him up" after arriving home from a three day PWN shoot in Europe. They finish having "Mommy Daddy Happy Fun Time" and take a shower. She heads off to the office and he heads to his appointment to see a 2010 Ford Mustang Shelby GT 500. As he pulls the Maseratti into the parking lot of the local Ford Dealership he is greeted by several sleazy looking lot lizard car salesmen. One of them, a young black kid, makes a comment about his ride and he ignores him and walks inside. He tells the receptionist he is there to see one of the Internet guys and she points him in the right direction. He walks in the office and is greeted by a balding Arab man who asks him who he is there to see, he says "Kevin Stewert" and the guy says something about a toolbox and motions to a disgusting slovenly looking man sitting at a desk with a jar of pickled pigs feet and a bag of pork rinds. Drool drips from the mans mouth as he motions for Rob to have a seat.** Kevin Stewert: HEY THERE MR. OSBOURNE. HOW YOU BEEN SITTIN THERE DOIN'? NRO: Dude, do you have to yell? Kevin Stewert: OH, I'M SORRY BOUT THAT. I'M SITTIN HERE WITH A HEARIN PROBLEM. NRO: Are you now? Kevin Stewert: YEAH, EVER SINCE THAT TIME AFTER I GOT DONE BEIN A ARMY RANGER I WAS SITTIN THERE BEIN A MECHANIC FOR 16 YEARS, THEN I WAS SITIN THERE SELLIN CARS FOR BOUT 11 YEARS, THEN I WAS SITIN THERE RUNNIN A STORE. I BEEN SITTIN HERE SITTIN HERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS NOW. NRO: How old are you man? Kevin Stewert: 45 NRO: You need to lay off the sauce chief. Kevin Stewert: I AIN'T HAD A DRINK OF ALCOHOL IN OVER 16 YEARS. I'M SITTIN HERE SOBER. I DON'T EVEN DRINK. NRO: God damn man, have you ever looked in the mirror? You are a sickening disgusting looking mother fucker. Kevin Stewert: OH PLEASE MR. OSBOURNE SIR! I'M SITTIN HERE BEGGIN YA! YA SEE, IT'S THE LAST DAY OF THE MONTH AND THIS OTHER GUY I WORK WITH IS SITTIN THERE SELLIN MORE CARS THAN ME. I CAN'T BE SITTIN HERE TRYIN TO MAKE A PROFIT ON YA! I'LL GIVE IT TO YA FOR $100.00 OVER THE INVOICE! NRO: Oh yeah? Well gee man, I really have a soft spot for scumbag mother fuckers who can't admit they have a driking problem. You ai't had a drink in 16 minutes is more like it douche bag. Look her eman. Tell me which guy it is that selling all the cars. Is it that big Arab bald headed dude that brought me to you, or that quiet guy over there with all of the pictures of his wife and kids on his desk and wall? Kevin Stewert: YEAH, THAT'S DAVE LEE. THAT GUY'S SITTIN THERE SELLIN CARS LIKE THEIR BIBLES ON SUNDAY MORNIN! NRO: That makes no sense. Man, can you show me that car now, or what? **Stewert stands up and shuffles towards the door of the office. As they walk out into the main showroom, Osbourne stops the bumbling fool and ask him about the F-150 in the showroom. The first thing the guy does is lower the tail gate step and climb up into the bed of the truck. Osbourne follows.** NRO: You know what, first of all, I AM buying one of these cars. Second, I would never buy it from an idiot like you even if you were giving it away. You are about a sorry excuse for a car sales man. You are the Sickboy of car sales arentcha? Fuck you dumbass! **Osbourne kicks Stewert in the stomach and Badd Dreams him into the bed of the truck. He then walks into the office and sits down at the desk of David Lee.** NRO: Look here man. My neihbor referred me here and told me to see some guy named Ian. I went on-line and sent in this e-mail and this idiot calls me. Now, my neighbor said ian had a guy named david that sold him his Expedition. I am guessing that's you. Here's the deal. I ain't buying anything from him. I will pay you full sticker for it, jsut to piss him off more. The only thing is, I want retail for this Maseratti. David: Mr. Osbourne, I will get the deal lined up for you, and if the numbers aren't where you want them to be, I wouldn't expect you to buy the car. However, we both know, regardless of the numbers, you ARE buying that car from me today. NRO: See, while that other idiot is like the Sickboy of car salesmen, you would be The Nitemare of them. David: How fitting. NRO: What? David: Nothing.... **An hour later Osbourne peels out of the parking lot of the dealership in his new black 2010 Mustang Shelby GT 500. He pulls up into his driveway and takes a long look at the sleek automobile. A timeless classic refined. Just like him. FTB** |
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