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| **The scene opens to find �The Nitemare� Rob Osbourne�s black Maserati parked in front of the Hindu Center for Cultural Understanding of Greater Orlando. The camera pans inside to find Osbourne being led around the great hall by his friend and Bali, India native Paramander Singh. Osbourne is being shown different deities of the Hindu religion by Mr. Singh**
SINGH: So you can see Robert, my very good friend, that the people of India are a peaceful society, wanting only to reach the proper stages of enlightenment. We do not condone violence or the use of force by any but our deities. NRO: So doc, what your telling me, in effect, is that the Hindu people are not violent, and leave all manner of revenge, retribution, anger, and hatred for your deities to settle for you and that to do so, they pray to an idolic representation of a sub-God??? SINGH: That is correct. NRO: Earlier you told me about Shiva�the Supreme form of God. Which of the deities handles the anger and retribution if Shiva is supreme? SINGH: Ah, this is a very question indeed. Many hours have spent among Hindu scholars debating this very question. Based on all research materials the council determined that Jagannath was the deity to perform such acts. NRO: Jaganath? Sounds awefully similar to Juggernaut doesn�t it? SINGH: Again Robert, you are a very attentive student. The British term �juggernaut� was derived from �Jagannath.� The word �Juggernaut� to the British means something, such as a belief or institution, that elicits blind and destructive devotion or to which people are ruthlessly sacrificed or an overwhelming, advancing force that crushes or seems to crush everything in its path. NRO: So, it has nothing to do with size then, but the destructive forces that the Jagannath exhibits? SINGH: PRECISELY! Jugannath does not refer to a size, shape, etc. Robert, I must admit, as much as I have enjoyed you being here today and the number of questions you have asked, there has to be a reason you are studying this subject. When Mr. Ohri called me and said you needed my assistance he did not know why. Can you tell me this now please? NRO: Oh, I would love to�.as Paulie told you, I am a professional wrestler and I am currently under contract to an organization known as the CWF. One of the roster members goes by the nick name �The Juggernaut� much the same as I have been referred to as �The Nitemare� for the better part of 20 years. Well, this fella, Jugs, happens to not only be one of my opponents this weekend in a 4 way match, but I will face him again next week in our monthly pay per view, where I will be challenging him for his National Championship. SINGH: But Robert, I still do not understand why you have been here all day listening to an aging Indian man telling you the history of Hindu deities. Please, make no mistake, I appreciate getting to tell any who will listen of my countries heritage and religion, but I still am not able to make the connection to our discussion and your opponent. NRO: Well Doc, I pride myself on living up to my monicker. Every time I have been matched up against someone, I have studied that person and every weakness and fault they have. I find a way to get inside of their head and take them out mentally. For the better part of two weeks I have had to listen to this behemoth spew what can only be labeled as unwarranted and ludicrous claims about the ease with which he plans on defeating me�. SINGH: So you are here to learn to find a way under his armor�a way to take him down other than the physical. I see. Well, hopefully this last bit of insight will give you the advantage you seek. You see Robert, the Jugannath is not an actual being. He is a particular form of Vishnu, or of Krishna, whose chief idol and worship are at Puri, in Orissa. The idol is considered to contain the bones of Krishna and to possess a soul. The principal festivals are the Snanayatra, when the idol is bathed, and the Rathayatra, when the image is drawn upon a car adorned with obscene paintings. Formerly it was erroneously supposed that devotees allowed themselves to be crushed beneath the wheels of this car. It is now known that any death within the temple of Jagannath is considered to render the place unclean, and any spilling of blood in the presence of the idol is a pollution. NRO: So in effect, the very reason he chooses this name is counteractive to what the name means?? Wild. Well Dr. Singh, I really do appreciate the time you have taken out of your very busy day to share your culture with me. I am not sure how much it will help me in the end though�. SINGH: Whatever do you mean Robert? That last bit of information should be, as you Americans like to say, the straw that breaks the camel�s back, is it not?? NRO: Under normal circumstances sir, yes it would. The thing about Jimmy Jugs is that, physically, he has no equal. SINGH: I understand this. This is why I tell you of Jagannath�s idolatry. You should be able to get inside his head and use this to your advantage. What is the problem? NRO: Doc, the problem is that he�s fucking stupid. I mean, a box of rocks can do simple match quicker than this guy. Think about it, he chose the name Juggernaut. Now, he either ripped off Marvel comics, which he claims is not the case, or he�s just fucking stupid. I�m goin with the latter. **Osbourne thanks Dr. Singh for his time and heads out of the building back into the warm Florida sun. The scene fades away to him pulling into his garage in Islesworth. As he walks through the inner door connecting his garage to his office he flips on his personal uplink to PWN and cuts a promo�.** NRO: You know, it has been a crazy couple of weeks in the CWF. We have seen the emergence of Axel and Keith Way and Drastic�.and we have seen the departure of M.u.H. and 42147 and his master. But I want to talk about my opponents for this Saturday�s epic main event at Showdown. I will face off against my brother and arch-rival, Pledge Alligence�as well as the two men who now hold the CWF Championships, Brian Adams and Jimmy Jugs. Pledge�..yeah��bro, I ain�t going there. We can agree to co-exist and make this un-Holy alliance serve both of our own means. After the match ends though Pledgie Wedgie, it�s back to La La Land and the world of Badd Dreams for you pal. Speaking of La La Land...and people with overly dilluted perceptions of themselvs....that leads me to our revered National Champion, Jimmy �The Juggernaut� Washington. Mr. Washington lost a dear friend and colleague this week when Johnny Gritz did the world a favor and instead of burning bridges with his mouth, he is no doubt burning his eternal soul in hell. Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy. When exactly did you buy your pass? What pass is that you say? The fucking buss pass that lets you ride the �Osbourne hasn�t won a CWF title� bandwagon that our esteemed World Chump has ignited. Do you really want to get down and dirty this week Jugs? I mean, come on, it �s a Showdown match�it�s non-title, and you have two other bad ass mother fuckers inside that ring besides myself to worry about. Don�t you think we can wait and play this back and forth game next week? I mean seriously�.we can talk about size if you want....do you want to do that Jugs? Do you want me to spend countless hours quoting greats of our sport and other sports legends about their monumental match-ups? How about the 2008 New York football Giants for starters? They were told there was no way they could beat the Patriots. They had just beaten them three weeks ago, they were perfect on the season, pre-season and mid-way through the prior year. Did eli and the boys take it with a grain of salt? Did they buckle and seize up at the Giant that was their opponent that Sunday? No. Just like I won't give two thoughts to your size. You think you are the first giant I have brought to his knees? Do you honestly think that I am intimidated by the men you have beaten thus far in the CWF? Not on your life. But let's look at another example, shall we? How about when Mugsy Bogues dunked on Manute Bol? Here comes little short ass 4'11" Mugsy driving the lane and there is big ole Manute standing 7'7" with a 12 foot wingspan....and Mugsy goes between his legs and with lightening quickness had dropped the ball through the hoop before Bol got fully turned towards the basket. You, you're Bol, and the me, I'll be Mugsy, and your balls will be the basket and the rock will be my foot. Then you come tumblin down and hit the mat twicw as hard as a normal sized man. Then I proceed to administering the biggest ass kicking you've taken since before you hit your growth spurt and still got beat up by all the black kids in your hood. Want another? Okay...how about when James "Buster" Douglas flew half way around the world from Colombus, Ohio all the way to Tokyo, Japan and got in the boxing ring across from Mike tyson, who had previously been a perfect unbeaten, 32-0....and what happened? Did Buster think abut the great boxers Tyson had knocked out in under one minute? Did he tell himself he should back down from the second biggest name in the history of their sport? No, he marched in there with raging fury and beat the baddest man on the planet by a Knock Out in 10 rounds. It won't take me ten rounds. I get one match with two other jack-offs in the ring with us, then i get you all to myself next week. YOU had better get ready you sily son of a bitch. You have absolutely NO idea what to expect when you get in the ring with me son, and that's a fact! Last but not least....the CWF World Heavyweight Champion who continues to drive the bandwagon of "Rob Osbourne has never held CWF gold." Bro�do you think anyone cares? I mean, since when is the CWF the measuring stick of professional wrestling Adams? Especially with YOU as the Champion. Honestly, with all due respect to Mark Xamin�how do you figure NOT holding a CWF title diminishes ANY of my accomplishments throughout my career you pompous dickhead? News flash skippy long bottom, I was busting heads and winning championships when there WAS NO CWF�.what was the measuring stick then? But you know what, like I said, it's been a cracy couple of weeks.... We have also seen the stock markets fall back down just when it looked like the economy was starting to turn around. We have also seen unemployment rise to a near National 9%. We have seen a massive bout of Tornados and thunderstorms rip apart the Tennessee Valley and we have had earthquakes from Idaho to Italy. People are saying it may even be the start f the end of the world. Why? Well, for one....Brian Adams is the CWF Champion, that�s why. But don't give up hope people....just like. Our country, and the entire world's economy will turn around....we only have to deal with Adams defiling the world title for a short time longer. Pledge will wipe the floor with him at Vendetta just like I'm gonna do to Jughead. In closing boys, I am serving notice to all three of you. I don't care about winning this match. I don't care if Adams makes it out alive...I just want to beat Jugs down to within an inch of his life so that next week, he shows me the mother fucking respect I'm due. And after next week, when he's looking up at my hoisting that CWF National Title high in the air above my head....then....then he will relaize that just like Mater Yoda said.....Size matters not. **Scene fades as Osbourne's slogan fills the screen....** |
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