by Ashton

I took another long drag of my cigarette and glanced impatiently at the clock on the wall of the coffee shop. It was already four o'clock....I'd been waiting for Curt since precisely three. I could feel my indignation escalating. I force myself to unclench my teeth. Curt was always pulling such stunts...missed appointments, disappearing acts and the like. The man was just so erratic it drove me half insane with agitation and hostility. I mean, he knew how much I worried when he pulled this kind of nonsense - we'd had words over his behavior in the past, obviously to no avail. I have this image of Curt that haunts me each time he's more than a few moments late...this vivid picture of Curt, sprawled out on some junkie's bathroom floor with a needle hanging from a vein in his limp arm. I push this haunting vision as far from my thoughts as I can possibly manage. I feel disconcerted - on the verge of tears...or perhaps a tantrum. Jesus. Why does he constantly do this to me? Could it be that I make too much out of theses instances? Maybe I'm too paranoid....although one would think Curt might have a bit of consideration for my feelings, being that he knew them so well.

"Well, fuck Curt Wilde then," I tell myself butting the cigarette and standing to leave. I shove the chair in forcefully, just for good measure. That's when I notice someone staring at me from across the the shop. I'm taken back for a moment as I make eye contact with the young man. He's actually quite handsome. His complexion is fair in contrast to his black hair...but what I find most intriguing is his obvious interest in ME. A slow smile plays at my lips and a wicked thought creeps into my mind. I know just how to damage Curt's fragile self-esteem.

I approach the man with graceful ease, smiling coyly as I near him. I toy with the purple scarf around my neck using my most feminine mannerisms and feigning trepidation.

"Hello there," I say softly, "I don't mean to be a bother, but I was hoping that you could give me directions to the Royal Crowne Hotel?"

"Um...yeah, I could give you directions...are you staying there?" the young man's voice is smooth and soft - like velvet. I feel sad for a moment when I stop to think of Curt's voice...and the raspy low sound of words sweetly whispered in my ear. I love his voice...for a moment there's a lump in my throat. I push past my emotions. Curt needs to know...needs to realize I won't be disregarded or tossed aside like one of his little groupies. I'm a goddamn star now....not the ambitious young lad in the audience mooning over Curt Wilde.

"Yes, I am actually. My name's Brian...Brian Slade." I toss my name out casually, offering up my hand for him to shake. I gaze at him through half-closed eyelids and bite my lower lip. I've perfected this look, and find it to be very effective on both men and women alike.

"Brian Slade? You're the singer then...Brian Slade? I thought you looked familiar. My name's Julian. I'm very honored to meet you Mr. Slade." Julian stares into my eyes and brings my hand up to his firm lips, he kisses it gently but instead of dropping it, he my hand in his own. I smile slyly.

"Yes, that would be me. The truth is Julien, I saw you watching me from across the room...and...well...you wouldn't want to accompany me back to my room would you?" I ask innocently as I run the tip of my tongue lightly over my lips to wet them. I see him watching my lips intently. He's a bit stunned, but there's no doubt that he will be escorting me back to my suite at the hotel. "That was just too easy," I think bitterly to myself, "here's to you Curt...I guess I DO just take what I desire."

I'm in my suite at the Royal Crowne Hotel with Julian and I almost feel like I can't follow through with this facade. My stomach feels slightly ill. I've never loved a person the way I love Curt. Not Mandy - not anyone. Curt's become the very center of my world...he means everything and I find that absolutely terrifying. "I've given my heart away to a mad man..." I think and sigh. I glance over at Julian, he's sitting patiently on the satin coverlet of the king size bed. I make my mind up to have this business done and over with...Julian is here with me and I'm not backing down. For all I know Curt could be entertaining his little groupies somewhere right this very moment! I walk over and grab Julian by the face and kiss him passionately.

I stand between Julian's legs and kiss him hotly. He untucks my shirt and I feel his warm hands sliding beneath my tight button-down shirt. He gently strokes my bare skin and I can't help but shiver with pleasure at his touch. I tease his lips with my tongue, he catches it expertly between his lips and gently sucks it - simulating fellatio. I feel my cock stiffen and I moan softly. I'm suddenly so engorged I feel uncomfortable in my tight purple trousers. Julian reaches down and caresses my cock through the stretched fabric. I press my crotch into his palm to show my submission.

"Take me Julian...I want you to give it to me," I whisper, holding on to his shoulders to steady myself.

"Remove your clothes Mr. Slade, let me see all of you." Julian commands against my mouth. I pull away from him and unbutton the wildly patterned shirt and let it fall to the floor. Then I remove my high-heeled boots and trousers. When I look up I see Julian has discarded his clothes as well. I smile seductively and stretch out on my back on top of the satin coverlet, the satin feels heavenly against my naked flesh. I beckon Julian with a slight motion of my finger. Julian is quite beautiful naked, I'm not disappointed in him at all.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" He asks, sprawling out next to me. He leans his head down and runs his wet tongue in a circular motion around each of my small erect nipples. He nips them gently with his teeth, biting down just hard enough to make them ache sweetly. I run my fingers though his thick black hair. I don't reply to his remark about beauty...if only he knew how ugly I felt.

I gasp when he runs his tongue down my chest and stomach to my cock. I watch as he licks at the pre-cum that's beginning to drip from it's head. I gasp when he takes me into his hot mouth and begins moving up and down on the entire length of my swollen member. I begin thrusting my hips in accordance to the rhythm and pace he sets. At the moment, I don't think of gagging or hurting him, I just fuck his mouth with abandon.

"Oh, y-yeah," I'm breathless and panting. Although Julian feels wonderful, I just want to cum and be done with this whole episode. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Fuck! I don't want to cry...no, I can't let myself do that.

"Oh God...you're so..good....fuck.." I grab him roughly by his hair, thrusting into his mouth as I cum hard and fast down his throat. Hungrily, Julian swallows as I cry out.

I'm still panting when the bedroom door is thrown open forcefully.

"Brian!! What the FUCK??!!" Curt yells from the threshold. Julian immediately releases my cock from the grip of his mouth and sits up. His eyes are wide with fear. I just lay there, too sickened to move. I can feel the tears stinging my eyes as I look over at Curt. His face is a fierce scowl, but he still looks beautiful to me. His long blond hair seems to glisten against the black leather jacket. He's holding what appears to be flowers...he throws them across the room.

"You!!" Curt points his finger at Julien, "you get the FUCK out of here right now Mother Fucker!! Before I hurt you, man...NOW!!" I can see that Curt is struggling not to loose it.

Julien grabs at his clothes and makes a quick exit, he leaves without ever looking back at me. I don't care. Good riddance.

Curt stares at me, he's absolutely fuming. He goes over to the vanity where my makeup and things are laid out and clears it off with a sweep of his arm...he picks the small stool up and throws it at the mirror. I watch as the mirror shatters into a thousand little pieces and falls to the floor.

"Where were you this afternoon Curt?" I asked him softly, still laying naked on the bed. He just glares at me.

"Brian, you fucking slut! What?...why?" He stomps over to the bed in a fury. He looks at me and I see rage in his grey eyes...for a brief moment, I fear he might actually hit me. He softens when he realizes my face is wet with tears.

I shake my head at him and bring a hand to cover my face. I'm too disgusted to bicker right now.

"Don't cover up your fucking face Brian." Curt demands harshly.

"Fuck off Curt...let me be." My voice is weak, but I refuse to remove my hand.

Curt straddles me, grabs my arm forcefully and tears it away from my face. His fingers grip my delicate flesh tightly and his nails dig into my skin, I know there will be bruises tomorrow.

"Let go." I whine. Curt twists my arm mercilessly, making me cry out, "That fucking hurts Curt - stop!!"

"You were going to let that guy fuck you Brian? Is that it? Was that what you wanted?" Curt looks hurt and astounded. It was more than just mere anger that ignited his temper. I'd wounded him. I'd assumed it would give me pleasure to crush his ego, but at present all I feel is an enormous sense of self-loathing.

"Curt...stop...It was..was..just to get back at you." I sob, and try to loosen his grip on my arm. I look up pleadingly into Curt's eyes, willing him to understand. The expression on his face has changed slightly. He's struggling to understand.

"What?" he asks, sounding a bit calmer. He frees my arm and looks down at me.

I stare up into his face and with my heart in my eyes. I can hardly speak. I need Curt. I love him beyond reason. He's all I'll ever want, no matter what the future might hold. He's the one. I can't imagine my life without him.

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Staring down into Brian's angelic face, I can feel the anger drain from me. I don't understand how Brian's mind works most of the time. I mean, he's a smart guy, you can tell the wheels are always turning somewhere in his head - but I'll be damned if I have much of a clue as to what he's really thinking or feeling half the time. Coming back here...finding him with some fucking guy...I felt like my heart was ripped from my chest. I knew he was going to be pissed off �cause I pulled a no-show this afternoon. That's why I'd picked up the fucking flowers. Jesus though, I never expected this...

"Curt?" Brian's voice pleads softly. I look down at him. God, he's so fucking beautiful he stops my heart. I've never seen a man with beauty as elegant as Brian's.

"What?" I ask gruffly. I was overwhelmed by a sudden weariness.

"Just kiss me, okay? Come here." He whispers, "please Curt?" I lean down slowly, taking in his features - his glistening blue eyes, the rose colored tint of his pouty lips, the soft ivory skin. He's so bewitching...and I'm completely lost in the spell he's cast over me.

Our lips touch gently. I feel his tongue brush my lips, seeking entry. I part my lips and let him slide his tongue into my mouth. Reluctantly, I give in. I can't help but return the kiss, he's too sweet to refuse. I hear him moan and remember he's completely undressed beneath me. I let my hands travel down to his nipples. I pinch them between my fingers and twist them gently. Brian gasps. I pause to strip off my leather jacket and t-shirt. Brian's watching me patiently, his big blue eyes an intoxicating mixture of sorrow and desire. He sits up and presses his tear dampened cheek to my bare chest, his slender arms enfold me. He doesn't have to speak a word, I know he feels wretched..I know he's sorry. I might be incapable of understanding some aspects of Brian's personality, some of his motives...but I understand this.

"Shh..hey, it's okay." I hold him tightly. I can't understand why he loves me. I'm just grateful that, for some unknown reason, he does. I wish he could read my heart...I wish he could read it and know how much I love him...how much I'll always love him. I owe him my life.