by Ashton

The crisp night air caressed my skin as I stole out the back door of the Lyceum Theatre and into the crowded street. I couldn't perform in the state I was in. God, I couldn't breathe, let alone carry a tune. My hands shook nervously as I pressed my way through the hoard of teenagers milling around outside the Theatre. I kept my eyes averted and my head down, hoping the shock of blue hair atop my head would be dismissed as that of an over zealous fan.

I was pleasantly surprised at how easy it'd been for me to steal away into the darkness. Yet even as I put a marked distance between myself and the performance I'd just abandoned, I couldn't settle my nerves. I imagined that bypassers glared hatefully at me, but deep down I realized this was just another symptom of my drug induced paranoia. The only person that glowered at me was the vacant man I eyed with disgust in the mirror each morning.

I was perfectly aware of my steady and rapid decline. There were actually times I felt I was on the verge of going quite mad. Yet it was as if I watched all this from a distance, without emotion. Nothing mattered. Curt was gone. His abrupt departure had left an immense void inside me that nothing could satisfy. I had been a bloody bastard - it was true, but I'd loved him. The arrogant fool I'd been, I'd never truly believed that Curt would leave me. I'd wrongly assumed that he was too dependent on me to walk out - no matter how horrendously I behaved. I was paying for my arrogance now though, and paying dearly. I'd never imagined I could feel such loneliness, or that one man could mean cause me to feel it so profoundly. I'd been taking self-destructive delight in allowing myself to wallow in all the intricate details that were Curt. The sound of Curt's raspy voice as he whispered in my ear, the texture of his silken blond hair entwined in my fingers, the heat of his lithe form melting against mine as we curled up together in bed...it hurt me to realize I'd never know any of these particulars again. All that remained of Curt was the bitterness and pain he'd left me to contend with.

My legs began to tremble and I knew I should find somewhere to sit. I laughed hysterically at my condition, causing people to turn and stare my way. What a horrid joke I'd become that I couldn't manage to even *walk* by myself. Maxwell Demon...Space Age Fucking Super Star...what rubbish!

I noticed a pub up ahead and decided it might be best to make a brief stop, possibly snort some coke if the loo wasn't overcrowded.

I leaned against the weighty door at the entrance, giving it a shove with my frail body. People turned to take a gander at me as I sauntered into the dimly lit pub, but it was excusable...one couldn't expect to flounce about in bright garb and blue hair and not be noticed at all. I found myself a table in the farthest corner of the room and sank down into the chair with a heavy sigh. I dug a pack of cigarettes out of my blue leather jacket and slipped a cigarette between my lips. When I struck a match and lifted it to torch the end of my cigarette, I noticed how terribly my hand shook. God, my nerves were shot.

"Pardon...um..excuse me? May I have a drink please." I asked, catching the wrist of a waitress as she bustled by.

"What can I get you?" She asked absently.

"A bottle of whiskey?" I drew a wad of money from my pocket and stuffed it into her hand.

"Wow, sure." She smiled, leaving to fetch me my poison. I intended to drink myself into a blind stupor. Whiskey, I wanted to drink what Curt would have ordered himself had he been there. For a moment, I allowed myself to remember the flavor of Curt. His mouth often tasted of Jack Daniels as it moved languorously against mine. I was filled with a terrible longing to feel those lips move against me once more, but at the same time I felt such hatred for the man. How could he do this to me? Was his leaving just a way for him to exact revenge on me for my stubbornness? As long as I lived, I'd never forget the expression on Curt's face the morning he left. I'd been standing at my bedroom window, watching him in the driveway below. Right before he climbed into the waiting car, our eyes met...Curt's face was twisted with pain as he stared up at me. I knew what he wanted. He wanted me to submit completely, to lay everything on the line for the sake of his love. Yet that was just something I couldn't do, it wasn't my nature.

The waitress returned with my bottle of whiskey and a glass. I poured myself a shot and downed it quickly, relishing the sensation of the warm liquid as it burned like fire in my throat. As soon as I'd swallowed the first, I poured myself another shot and ingested it just as swiftly. I longed for the nothingness of insobriety, I was eager to obliterate all the memories and emotions that savagely ripped at my heart.

Suddenly, in the midst of my self-pity, a faint male voice called me back to reality.

"Hey now, aren't you supposed to be somewhere?" The lad inquired quietly, settling into a chair across from me.

I narrowed my icy blue eyes and shot him an insolent look.

"Piss off." I muttered pouring myself yet another drink. The bloke's dark eyes widened with surprise at my harsh tone.

"I'm not trying to be a bother. Just thought you might want some company." He took a swig from the bottle in his delicate hand. Amused at his discomfort, I watched his fair skin flush with embarrassment. He struggled to remain composed and forced a slight smile.

"Have I invited you to join me?" I asked haughtily.

"No, I guess not. Look, I'm sorry to have bothered you." The boy looked crestfallen as he stood to leave. I felt a pang of regret as he turned his back to me. I'd been a complete bitch to him for no apparent reason.

"Wait...You don't have to leave. Come back here lad." I commanded gently. He paused for a moment, then obediently returned to his seat at my table.

"All right." He said, glancing at me shyly.

"I've behaved rather poorly," I hesitated, stopping just short of a full apology, "What's your name?"

"Arthur." He replied.

"I'm Brian...but you already know that don't you?" I laughed sarcastically.

"Yeah, Brian Slade. I've been a big fan of yours for quite awhile now." Arthur smiled sweetly. The deep brown eyes that peered out at me from beneath his shaggy chestnut hair radiated kindness and warmth. I captured his smoldering dark eyes with my own and held his gaze until he looked away apprehensively. He was noticeably intimidated by my presence. I found myself strangely excited by the notion, it gave me a sense of renewed power.

"Thank you. I appreciate that. So tell me, are you here with someone?" I could feel myself begin to relax.

"Just some friends. Aren't you supposed to be performing tonight?" Arthur began toying nervously with the label on his beer bottle.

"Actually, yes...but I wasn't feeling quite up to it this evening. I believe I need a break from the whole bloody music industry." I sighed and reached for another cigarette.

"Why? What happened?" Arthur looked up, his dark eyes shining with interest.

"What happened? Everything just seems to be coming undone at the moment. Curt..." I trailed off, shaking my head and involuntarily clenching my teeth.

"Oh...um...you don't have to go into any details. I get it." The lad gazed at me intently. I was suddenly overcome by the desire to reach out and caress his youthful face, to feel his pale skin beneath my fingertips. He was so very lovely, so innocent...and I felt so terribly alone.

"No, it's quite all right. Really, there isn't much to tell anyway. The damn junkie up and left is all. I'm fine. I'll get over it now, won't I? Besides, he'll never make it without me." I stated, unsure if I was rambling on to convince Arthur or myself.

Arthur nodded his head thoughtfully.

"I'm going to the loo - care to join me?" I asked casually. Arthur's face blushed a bright red, the hint of a smile playing on his thin lips.

"Join you in the loo?" He asked incredulously.

"Sure, come along." I said standing up. I grabbed my bottle of whiskey and motioned with my hand that he should follow. Which of course, he did....and I was glad. I found myself surprisingly stimulated by his presence. It was exhilarating to be in the company of such a young, attractive fan who looked upon me with favor. I lived for the admiration of others, without it I felt worthless.

I tugged Arthur into a stall with me and dug the small vile of coke out of my pocket. Lately, I carried the vile with me everywhere, I could feel the grip of my drug habit tightening around me like a noose. At the same time, I had no desire to quit - the high had become all too important.

Without feeling a bit self-conscious, I snorted the white power then offered some to Arthur. We were standing so close together in the stall that our bodies brushed together. Arthur shook his head.

"You're sure?" I asked, raising my brows.

"Oh yes, very sure. I don't do anything that strong." Arthur said earnestly.

"All right then." I shrugged my shoulders and indulged myself with a bit more coke. The drug induced rush was euphoric. For the moment, I had no regrets about abandoning my concert, no sorrow for having lost Curt. The evening suddenly seemed quite promising.

I returned the vile to my pocket and leaned back against the stall door, catching Arthur's eyes with mine again. This time he didn't turn away. I bit my bottom lip and allowed my eyes to wander down the length of his slender boyish form. I did this deliberately slow, making certain that he knew I drinking in every inch of him. He blushed scarlet under my hungry gaze.

I inched forward and brushed my lips lightly against his youthful mouth, then drew back to take in the expression on his face. Arthur appeared to be a bit stunned. I touched my hand to his cheek, caressing his smooth ivory skin, reveling in how soft he was to touch. I brought my mouth down on his again. This time, I kissed him passionately, using my tongue to prod his lips apart so I could taste his sweet mouth. When Arthur's tongue first slid into my mouth, I had to stifle a soft moan against him. Each time our wet tongues slithered together, an electrical current shot through my entire body. I could feel my cock twinge as it began to swell and push against the taut fabric of my trousers. I pulled him full against my body, grinding my stiff cock into his abdomen. I wanted to fuck, I needed to fuck. If we didn't make our exit soon I'd have to shag him right in the loo.

"Perhaps we should find ourselves a room somewhere, mate? What'd you say?" I asked breathlessly as I pulled back.

"Uhm...yeah. Okay." Arthur nodded in a haze. I could almost feel the mixture of trepidation and excitement that coursed through him. Arthur was such an innocent. Everything he felt was easily read in his lovely dark eyes, they hadn't learned how to lie yet.

"We'd better go now then." I mumbled unlatching the door to the stall. I locked my arm through Arthur's and immediately went about calling for a taxi.

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I had the driver deposit us at the nearest hotel. It wasn't quite what I was accustomed to, but under the circumstances I felt it'd do quite nicely. Certainly, the room was more suitable than the stall back at the pub. It was meticulously clean but sparsely outfitted. The only furniture in the room was a sofa, a table, a queen size bed, and a bureau.

I locked the door behind us and slid my jacket off. Arthur stood a few paces away from me, appearing ill at ease. He watched me attentively, but seemed confused as to what he should say or do.

"Come here." I instructed gently as I unbuttoned my shirt.

Arthur stepped closer to me, his eyes downcast. I reached out and brushed the shaggy bangs from his eyes.

"Have you ever been with a man before?" I asked, tracing over his lips lightly with my finger.

"No..no..I haven't." Arthur grinned sheepishly, still afraid to meet my eyes. I grasped him lightly under his chin and tilted his face up to mine. Inwardly, I was quite pleased to discover that I would be the first man to have him. I ran my tongue over his thin rose colored lips and began unbuttoning his shirt. He was breathing heavily by the time his shirt slid to the floor. I inclined my head to tenderly kiss the curve of his white shoulder as my hands wandered over his hairless chest. My fingertips grazed one of his erect nipples, then pinched it lightly. Arthur gasped involuntarily as I continued to toy with him, stroking the hard nub then plucking and twisting it with my fingers.

"Try to relax, luv. Let yourself enjoy this." I grinned at him naughtily. Arthur gazed up at me shyly and I found myself genuinely touched.

I embraced Arthur, pressing him against my bare torso. I imagined I could feel the rapid beat of his heart against my chest. The feel of his warm, naked flesh against me was exhilarating. I was overcome by my desire to feel every inch of him. My mouth covered his hungrily, moving with demand as I sought desperately to possess him. When his tongue wandered into my mouth, I caught it between my lips and sucked at it gently. My hand traveled down between his legs to the protrusion where his rigid cock was nestled.Arthur whimpered softly as I cupped and fondled him. I slid my tongue along his jaw line to his neck where I bit into his delicate white flesh. Still nuzzling his neck, I unfastened his trousers and released his swollen cock. Once his stiff organ had been freed from it's confines, I dropped down to my knees and eyed his thick shaft lustfully. Grasping his cock with my hand, I teased it mercilessly with my flicking tongue. A husky groan escaped his throat as I lapped at the head of his dripping member ever-so-lightly. I proceeded to run my tongue up and down the underside of his shaft in long forceful strokes, causing pre-cum to trickle heavily from its tip. Gazing up into his blissful face, I rubbed the head of his cock over my full lips, coating them generously in his glossy fluid.

"You're so lovely." I murmured as I continued to lick him. I returned to a standing position and noticed Arthur's deep blush. He appeared to be lost in a haze of extreme pleasure.

"Now I want you to touch me, Arthur...here." I grasped Arthur's hand and pressed his palm to my painfully swollen dick. He attempted to help me remove my snug trousers, modestly shifting his eyes away once my cock was exposed.

"Arthur, look at me. You *do* want me don't you?" I asked coyly, pulling him down onto the sofa with me. . "Yes, I do - it's just that I'm not very experienced." Arthur stumbled over his words, his feelings of inadequacy evident.

"I'll make it very easy for you then," I teased, fluttering my lashes at him. I laid back against the arm of the sofa and spread my legs wide, giving Arthur a delicious view.

"You can start by taking me in your mouth." I purred seductively, becoming even more aroused for speaking the words.

"Oh..." Arthur hesitated and looked at me rather skeptically. Timidly, he lowered his angelic face between my legs. emulating what I'd just done for him, Arthur licked the tip of my cock and rubbed it back and forth against his warm silken lips.

"Yes...do that, that feels splendid." I whispered, closing my eyes. Arthur's tongue moved lower to massage the sensitive area just beneath the head of my cock. I gasped in surprise, not expecting him to become inventive. His lips wrapped around my shaft and slid down the entire length of my dick in one smooth, easy stroke. I tangled my long fingers in his hair and lifted my hips to fuck his hot little mouth better.

"Oh yes...good Arthur...you feel so good.." I muttered my approval, as I thrust up into him. Listening to the faint slurping noises that Arthur made as he fucked me with his mouth sent shivers of arousal down my spine. He easily made me forget that he was a novice. My thrusts grew swifter and more vigorous as he continued to suck me. I began to molest his mouth quite brutally, bringing myself to the brink of an orgasm more quickly than I'd expected. Afraid that I'd cum down his throat and cause him to gag, I yanked his head away roughly.

"Ow..' Arthur winced.

"Sorry," I snickered breathlessly. He smiled at me fetchingly and lowered his lips to my stomach, placing feather-light kisses over my quivering skin.

"God, Arthur - I want to fuck you. You're just too sweet." I whined, giving his tousled hair a firm jerk. I drew him up to my face for an ardent kiss, my excitement building when I tasted my pre-cum on lips and inside his mouth. I smoothed my hands down over Arthur's back and grabbed his ass with both hands. I began to grind my obscenely engorged cock against his as I dug my nails into his yielding skin.

"I want you to...take me." Arthur groaned against my mouth.

"You're sure?" I asked, searching his face. Arthur nodded his consent. I gently pushed his body off me and crawled down to the carpeted floor. I got on my knees and extended my hand to him.

"Come down here in front of me." I directed anxiously. Arthur gave me his hand and lowered himself to the floor. He positioned himself on his hands and knees, offering himself up to me. Seeing him prone and waiting made my cock throb. It struck my how vulnerable he was allowing himself to be. I ran my hand over his smooth ass and gave it a gentle slap. When he didn't protest, I gave his ass another smack and watched as the red blotches appeared over his alabaster skin. I flicked my tongue out over the splotches and nipped at his sensitive flesh.

"Oh Brian, please...I want you," Arthur moaned.

I pressed my index finger against his tight hole and began to prod it carefully inside.

"Jesus, you're so hot...so fucking tight." I mumbled, forcing my finger past his resistant muscles until it was buried deep within him.

I could hear Arthur whimper as I brushed his prostate. I deliberately stroked the gland each time my finger plunged into him, taking great pleasure in watching as Arthur writhed. After a few moments of fucking him with one finger, I inserted a second, hoping to stretch his hole and ready him for the girth of my cock. I stabbed my two fingers deep inside his ass, then drew them out again. Arthur began to rock back against my hand I as finger-fucked him in a steady rhythm. When I felt he was ready to take me, I grabbed my cock and rubbed it against his hole, using my pre-cum to lubricate his tight opening before I speared my way inside him.

Arthur cried out in pain as my ample cock impaled him. I stayed buried inside him for a moment, letting him adjust to the agonizing intrusion before I continued.

"Relax Arthur, it'll feel better in a minute." I whispered hoarsely. I could barely stand the tight grip of his virgin muscles around my thick shaft, they clamped around me like a vice threatening to squeeze the cum from me. I held onto his narrow hips and began to fuck him very slowly.

"Brian, oh...oh God..."Arthur gasped.

"Does it feel good?" I groaned, driving into him harder.

"Yes...yes.."Arthur moved rhythmically on my cock, pushing back against me each time I thrust forward.

"Oh...God yeah...I'm going to fuck you hard now..." I groaned, finding it too difficult to restrain myself. I began ramming into him viciously, sinking my cock so deep inside him that my balls slapped against his ass. I looked down and watched in ecstasy as my cock slide in and out of his constrained pucker.

I reached around Arthur to take his rigid shaft in my hand, it was wet and slick with his leaking pre-cum. I jerked on him roughly, as I continued to fuck him from behind.

"Oh bloody Jesus..yes..."Arthur groaned and I felt his hot cum spill out over my fingers and onto the floor. I continued to stroke him until he was completely spent. I released his member and grabbed him by both hips again. I thrust into him ruthlessly, my breath caught in my chest as the first spasms of my orgasm clenched my cock. I closed my eyes and felt my cum pump in thick streams deep into Arthur's ass.

"Oh fuck..yeah..." I cried out in release, letting my body go limp over his.

"Are you all right?" I asked catching my breath.

"I think so...just a little sore." Arthur collapsed on the floor with me still draped over his back.

I kissed his neck tenderly.

"You felt incredible." I whispered against his sweat dampened skin. I wrapped my arms around his lean body and gave him a slight squeeze.

"I never knew it would be like that."Arthur sighed, "Hey, are you falling asleep on my back?"

"Hmm? Oh..sleep...no. I think we need to do this again before we consider sleep, don't you?" I snuggled against him.

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I dressed in darkness, afraid to turn on the light and wake Arthur. Part of me felt terribly guilty to be slinking away in the middle of the night while he slept, it seemed to cheapen our night together somehow. Still, I knew I had to leave before morning. I wasn't very keen on good-byes, I'd probably say something dreadful and hurt him. I seemed to have a knack for doing such things. No, I couldn't risk marring the perfect night we'd shared. I wanted to leave him with only fond memories of me.

Quietly, I tiptoed over to where Arthur slept on the bed. For the longest time, I stared down at him, trying to memorize every last detail of his enchanting young face. I bent forward and kissed him lightly on the forehead. I regretted that I lacked the skill to thank him properly for the gift he'd bestowed upon me. In giving himself to me, he'd granted me a brief reprieve from my loneliness - had made me forget for a short while that I exhisted in a waking nightmare. Arthur would never realize just how much the night we spent together meant to me. Which was quite unfortunate because I knew I'd never forget him.