| A Hero For Earth |
| Well, this comic issue is based right off the first episode (see the Episode Guide), but I'm going to look though it anyway to see if there's anything special worth noting. I know! I'll note the differences! Okay, to start out, when Wheeler gets his ring, the guy he was protecting is down on the ground, and as he's helping the guy up, he notices the ring balanced on the edge of the trash can. When Linka gets hers, the ring is dropped from the talons of some huge bird that, by looking at the silhouette, is larger than she is. And Suchi just looks plain creepy. Now we have an ad for some Game Boy game called "Bill & Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure." That's a long title if you ask me. Oh, it's primarily for the NES. Pardon me. The Game Boy version "sends our two most excellent compatriots, Bill and Ted, on a 'Bogus Journey' against evil versions of themselves and the Grim Reaper." Wow, didn't know the Grim Reaper *could* have an evil version of himself. Maybe they should have worded that better. Well, back to the story, the Planeteers put their rings on, and Suchi looks like he just wet himself with the shock. Also, the sun is pink and the Crystal Chamber's roof is purple, but that's comics for ya. Another ad. This time for the Sega Genesis with some Spider-Man (R) game that they never give the title of. "Even the bad guys look up to him." Cute. In the story again, the editors translate "Chort vozmi!" (actually transliterated as "Chyort voz'mi!") to "Drat it!" I guess even the mildest version, the literal "Devil take it," is too much for kids comics. Heck, it can even be translated as "F*** it." So they're testing out their rings, and Wheeler is smiling when he sets fire to the floor and then demands someone get him a towel after getting soaked like the rest of them. Some extra dialogue is added in, and some is switched around, but it's still basically the same. Suddenly, Suchi goes all rabies on the reader! Either that or he's posing for some Muscle Monkey contest or something. Fortunately, though, Ma-Ti calms him down, and the editors translate "Bozhe moi!" (actually transliterated as "Bozhe moy!" since "moi" is plural and "moy" is singular) as "Oh, my goodness." That really translates to "My God." So Kwame initiates some sort of high five thing with a closed fist, which Gi, Wheeler, and Linka successfully imitate. Poor Ma-Ti is left to cling pathetically to Linka's arm in an attempt to reach the hand huddle but can't even get past Linka's jacket cuff, even though his arm has mysteriously extended a good deal to be able to be shown behind Linka's head. Even Suchi joins in on the Nazi-like signaling Ma-Ti's doing. Ad time! "Krunch!" "Oomph!" "Wham!" Just some of the exciting onomatopoeias you can read while looking at six "radical new limited-edition" football trading cards "available in wax, rack, and cello packs," whatever that means! "Fleer. Better than ever." And we're back from yet another "commercial" break, and the Planeteers are flying off to stop Greedly. Instead of appearing outside the Geo-Cruiser when Ma-Ti calls her in a size large enough so that the Planeteers can count every single nose hair of hers, Gaia appears inside the Geo-Cruiser from Ma-Ti's' ring, very pink. When Wheeler sets fire to the dashboard, Gi is able to put it out with her ring directly, as in the comics it can apparently shoot water. That or the hacks drawing it didn't want to add the extra panels to show the funky spray thingy. So after the GC is shot down, the Planeteers call Captain Planet directly from the makeshift island Kwame made so that they wouldn't die, but I don't see any handy-dandy boat thingy being constructed. And the action is interrupted by a two-page centerfold of a 1-900 number to... play some stupid X-Men game. What did you think I was going to say? Seriously, though, the number is 1-900-288-XMEN, and you press buttons between so many seconds or something to use specific X-Men, two of which I've never heard of before and don't really care about, to defeat bad guys. The cost is $1.75 for the first minute and $.75 for every additional minute. You can win coupons and covers and junk or something. Well, you could, if this hadn't been over and done with over a decade ago. So action resumes, and Captain Planet blasts out of the ground, saying, "By your powers combined... I am Captain Planet!" but the "Captain Planet" part is a logo, leading one to wonder just how anybody can make it clear they're using a logo in their speech. Sigh, yet another ad. "Discover the New DUNGEONS & DRAGONS (R) Game and have some *real* fun!" So the usual stuff happens, and there's that boat thing, except when Cap throws Rigger into the trashcan it's a freestanding one amidst grass. Say, where did all this grass come from? I only remember a rocky beach from the show, but maybe I'm just forgetting for some reason. And now we have the Bullpen Bulletins with handy August COOLometer. Things that are cool, in order of coolness: Terminator 2, James Brown, Jeeps, The Adventures of Captain America, billiards, Kim Basinger, Mondo Marvel: the Talk Show, bagels, global warming. Things that are moderately cool to moderately not cool: Robin Hood, Star Trek: the Next Generation, Laser Kiroke, Polo shirts, flossing, bungee jumping, the metric system, Andrew Dice Clay, TV talk shows. Things that are not cool: yuppies, Hudson Hawk, skateboards, political correctness, record albums, Day-Glo clothes, The Cosby Show, nuclear winter, McLean Stevenson. Enough about that. Cap's been shot with the oil, and the Planeteers rush to rescue him, and Ma-Ti quickly applies some makeup and looks more like a girl than ever. Spam it all! More advertisements! This time it's Marvel Maxi-Prints, which are T-shirts with Marvel heroes on them, like the Hulk, Spider-Man, Captain America, and the Beast. "Spidey says order now!" Hmm, why was I thinking that DC did Captain Planet instead of Marvel? While Gi and Linka go to get water, Kwame, Wheeler, and Ma-Ti go to roll a rock that is easily a few tons and many times bigger than them by Cap to protect him, even though the leg of Greedly's vehicle apparently wouldn't have touched Cap. Since the hacks have apparently run out of pages, Cap gets up, picks up the land blaster, and promptly throws it into the distance for no good reason, and somehow Greedly survives. The Planeteers and Cap talk for a frame, and it wraps up. The entire climax and falling action takes up one page out of thirty. Wow. Finally, there's a Planeteer Alert about turning out lights, walking and/or biking short distances, car pooling, and the like. The end. But wait, there's one last ad! Summer Specials! Get 3 titles for the price of 2! Captain Planet's not on there, so there's no point talking about it. |