Unit 3: Friendly Fire

Booklet 'Just Friends'
Copy of a title page for the unit
2 or 3 Basketballs or Soccer Balls
2 or 3 Old Jackets

This game involves a soccer ball or basketball, and can be a contest among any number of competing pairs.

Have the first pair stand facing each other, and place the ball between their stomachs. Explain that at your signal, they should turn around three times (each person making a 360 degree turn at the same time) as quickly as possible without touching the ball with their hands or having it fall out. The goal is to see which pair can do so the quickest.

This game is also a contest between competing pairs. Continue with the same pairs as before. Each member of each pair must be wearing a coat. At your signal, the members of each pair should exchange coats, but they should always have at leat one arm in one of the coats; a coat can never be completely off.

If you want to have real friendships, you will have to
� Resolve Conflicts
� Erase the hurt of conflicts
� Avoid some silly conflicts
� Learn from your conflichts

There is one verse that covers all these principles for a real friendship.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.

James 1:19
Ask what each element might mean.
'Quick to listen' - we will hear what we need to know to resolve the conflict, erase the hurt, avoid the conflict, and learn from it.
'Slow to speak' - we will think about what we say before saying it. We will give ourselves speak words of forgiveness; we avoid saying something that would increase a silly or minor conflict. And we will consider what we might learn from the conflict.
'Slow to become angry' - we will work towards resolving the issue rather than getting angry; we will have less to erase as we will resolve the issue rather than lashing out; we will give ourselves the space that will avoid silly conflicts. This extra space will allow us to learn from the conflict.

We have a look at some Bible verses that illustrate these R.E.A.L. conflict management principles.

Look up and discuss.

Proverbs 15:1 A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Resolve: With a gentle answer

Ephesians 4:26 In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.


Resolve: As soon as possible

Proverbs 10:12 Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all things.


Erase: With love, by not bringing up the problem after it's solved

Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.


Erase: By forgiving

Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out.


Avoid: By dropping the matter

Proverbs 11:12 A person who lacks judgment derides their neighbor, but a person of understanding holds their tongue.


Avoid: By keeping your mouth closed

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.


Learn: By helping each other grow

Proverbs 13:10 Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.


Learn: By heeding advice

Have students identify words that are most often used in conflict with a friend or family member. List the words on the board. Analyze the effect of each word. Discuss how the words we use add fuel to the conflict fire and how we can use other words to express ourselves.
Proverbs 15:4 The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 18:21 The tongue has the power of life and death, and those that love it will eat its fruit

To help teach the art of negotiation, call participants to the front of the room, one pair at a time, and give them copies of the following situations to act out. Don't tell them what you're after; just let them act. After the last role-play, discuss the experience. Ask the group how they can resolve the conflict. Walk through each situation, negotiating and compromising.

Role Play #1
Sally has been asked to Jane's party. She knows it won't end until around 1am, so she won't be able to be home before 2am. But her dad is insisting that 11pm is the curfew time, and he wants her home by then.

Role Play #2
Brett and Jeff are brothers in their upper teens, only a year apart in age. Because they are about the same size, they often wear each other's clothes. Sometimes they even forget who owns which clothes. Brett has been asked on a date with a girl and wants to wear a certain jacket. Jeff wants to wear it that night and insists that it belongs to him.

Role Play #3
Michelle and Cathy have been best friends for over a year. Cathy has promised to go on a weekend camp with Michelle, so Michelle made all the arrangements to get ready, such as paying the registration etc. They were really excited about the weekend coming up. Yesterday, however, Cathy heard that Jason is going to ask her out for Saturday night. Cathy has been dying to date Jason for weeks, so she wants to get out of going on the camp. She breaks the news to Michelle.