When it appears that you
have killed a monster, NEVER check to see if it's dead.
Never read aloud from a
book that summons demons.
Do not search the
basement when the power is out.
If your child suddenly
speaks in an ancient demonic language or in another persons voice, shoot it immediately.
This will save you both a lot of grief in the long run. Use lots of bullets.
When you have the
benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go it alone.
Never stand in, on, or above
a grave, tomb, or crypt.
If you searched for something
that caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
Do not check for short
circuits in appliances that start operating by themselves, just get out of the house right
away!
Do not take anything from the
dead.
If a town looks deserted,
there is a good reason. Do NOT stop to look around.
Don't fool around with
recombinant DNA unless you know what you are doing.
Stay away from certain
geographical locations, some of which are: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, The
Bermuda Triangle and any small town in Maine.
If your house is built
upon an old cemetery, move in with the in-laws immediately. This also applies if the
previous inhabitants went mad, or died in some horrible fashion or have performed satanic
practices.
If you run out of gas at
night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby, deserted looking house to phone. If you
suspect the tank is still half full, shoot yourself immediately. You are going to die
anyway and will most likely be eaten.
