June 2002

June 28, 2002 || 2:45 pm       It has been a long while. Perhaps people have changed a lot. But for me I would still be the same person. I gave all my love but they just ignore it. Some people may have given their love to me but I was blind and never look back on the goodness and kindness they have shown to me. I am beginning to accept the fact that my life has never been good. But still God gave me the wrong person to love because they never appreciated my gestures and the way i feel for them. So I have to convince myselt that it is not my lose. Indeed God is so good to me because He still continue to bless me after my downfall. He carries me and lift my spirit high (AM NOT TAKING DRUGS HA?!?!?!) all the time. And to all my friends who still believe in me thank you very much. You are my inspiration.

"The brightest future will always be based on forgotten past, just can't go well in life until you go of your past failures and heartaches."

June 23, 2002 || 9:45 pm       The only consolation that I have right now are my students. New faces, new names and new attitude. I guess what they will learn from my subjects will be treasured. Of course not all of them will appreciate it but hey I CANNOT PLEASE EVERYONE. My teaching career is almost over. That's what I am thinking right now. But who knows I might change my plans. Life is full of surprises and life keeps on changing every minute. And what made me decide to go back in the academe? Mmmm that's a tough one. But I still have to finish my Master's degree. Second, I missed my friends here in school whom I abandoned when I fall in love because my life then revolves around one person. And I thought that was the right thing to do. Opppssss I've learned my lesson here.
I am teaching my students to make web sites of their own. I have made my own web site and they took a peek on what I did. Honestly, I don't like my web site because it is a simple text only. But I promise myself to make it lively, put some animation on it. When? Mmmm I can't possibly answer that right now.

June 20, 2002 || 2:08 am       I know it is very hard to pretend that you are happy where in fact you are NOT. People might be thinking that I am not affected by the problems that I am dealing with right now BUT I guess I can not do anything anymore. I should FACE the fact that I am alone and I have no one to turn to. I keep on telling myself that I HAVE TO MOVE ON. I guess going back to the LORD is the best thing that I could DO right now. GOD is so GREAT to me and I can feel HIS kindness. It's me who has been a FOOL all this time.

"Life is not about doing things right, but about doing the right things."

June 18, 2002 || 12:37 am       Sana di ka na lang tumawag sa bahay. Sabi mo di ka galit sa akin pero i can sense it in your actions. Sana di mali ang iniisip ko sa iyo.

I have talked to a new friend. She was introduced to me by Jing. We talked for about 2 hours over the phone. She's ok and I really appreciate her listening to my stories. Somehow gumaan ang pakiramdam ko dahil kahit papaano ay may kausap na rin ako. Thank you very much ALYN. I do hope I can talk to you again.

June 16, 2002 || 9:59 am       I have decided to move on. I have lots of good things to be thank for. I still have my LIFE. Perhaps the pain and memories will remain forever but somehow I have to accept the fact that I no longer have you. I wish you all the BEST in life. You still have in my prayers...

June 15, 2002 || 8:23 pm.       I never thought that until this day you would still communicate and tell me things I never did. Well things have change as what you have told me but not me. Kung ano ang pagkakakilala mo sa akin wala akong dapat baguhin sa aking sarili. At alam kong wala akong kasalanan. Thank God I never lost my faith in HIM. I should count my blessings.

"We continue to LOVE inspite of the PAIN, TEARS and HEARTBREAK ... Perhaps the PAIN makes us STRONGER, the TEARS makes us BRAVIER and the HEARTACHE makes us WISER..."

June 11, 2002 || 10:54 pm.       I do not know if I will be able to live to the fullest again. Perhaps the more I live everyday, the more I become obsessed with death. For sure God will never abandon me but... it is the other way around. I dont want to go on like this. I must move on... People might find me jolly but on the inside if they could only see the REAL me. Now that I have found my greatest WEAKNESS, life would never be the same again. Where did I go wrong?

"In life, GOD doesn't give me the people I want... instead HE gives me the people I need... to TEACH me, to HURT me, to LOVE me and to MAKE me exactly the way I should be..."

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