July 2002

July 30, 2002 || 10:43 am       Starting a good day makes a person happy. And I am happy today. Actually since yesterday pa. My life has never been as good as this one. If some people may hurt your feelings, well there are some people that makes your life worth living for. Yes I had my foolishness in LOVE but perhaps one reason why I am still alive is because there is one person out there and maybe longing for me too. It is nice to have friends around. I am indeed grateful for their time and they are such good listeners. But there are other so called "friends" whom I thought where my "friends". But life taught me some lessons and I have learned from it.

It has been four days since my last update. I went to Laguna together with the other Faculty Members to be part of the Team Building of ACOES committee last Saturday. Pero uwi din kami ng sunday. Manonood sana ako ng UAAP Volleyball games sa UP GYM kaya lang kulang ako sa tulog kaya I stayed na lang sa bahay. Natulog buong maghapon.

July 26, 2002 || 5:48 am       I woke so early today. This is a brand new day for me. I found contentment and I guess what I really want to do now is to take care of what GOD has given me. But I still have doubts on my next move. I should take extra care right now in choosing the right decision. I hope that by taking this action will never make me regret at all.

I will be attending a seminar at UP Diliman. That's why I can not hold my classes from 10:00 to 12:00 today. I still don't know if I can make it up on my 12:00 to 3:00 pm computer application lab class. But I really have to go to school I still have lots of things to do. MY THESIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

July 24, 2002 || 12:40 pm       I am not feeling well.

I really hate her. Why she has to call me? Why she has to say that she still cares? But I have told her not to send me SMS or call me anymore. It is not helping me at all. Is the HURT she gave me not enough for her to realize how CRUEL she is? Why I was born to be KIND? Why I am so damned fool about being KIND?

July 23, 2002 || 10:34 am       I would like to apologize to YOU for posting my comment here about my so called "FRIENDS". You will see some changes in me the way I handle people from now on. And thank you for opening my eyes to the reality that there are USERS in this world.

Anyway, I haven't and I will not confront them as what you have told me because I don't want you to drag into this mess. Baka ikaw ang balikan nila. I have high respect on you and I am thankful that you have told me everything they said about me. God will do the rest. They are nothing but a bunch of TERMITES ...

July 23, 2002 || 10:19 am       I asked all my students to go on line last sunday. Nakakatuwa na nakakalito na nakakalibang na napakasaya. Di ko akalain na mauubos ang oras ko sa kakasagot sa pag mack niyo sa akin. Hehehehehe... Di bale next time naman e by section ulit pero mas masaya nga pag lahat. Kaya lang ubos ang oras ko sa kakacheck ng attendance. Di na ako makasali sa usapan.

By the way, merong try out ng VOLLEYBALL sa Saturday July 27 sa Marian Court 9:00 AM. If you are interested to join the ACOES team this is your once in life time opportunity to be part of the unbeatable TEAM. Yabang ko no? I will be handling the try-out myself para naman mapagpawisan pati. Di naman ako marunong e. Hehehehehehe...

July 20, 2002 || 9:57 pm       Doon sa mga taong napasama sa akin humihingi po ako ng PAUMANHIN sa inyo. Pati po kayo nadamay sa mga pagba backfight nila sa akin. Pasensya na po kayo. God knows wala po akong masamang intention sa inyo. Kung pwede lang magmura dito... But I still have my pride. God knows I am not doing anything wrong. If they judge be that way that is their right but i know myself I am NOT what they think of me. "LOOK WHO'S TALKING. DO NOT JUDGE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE JUDGED. DO NOT DO UNTO OTHERS IF YOU DO NOT WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU".

July 20, 2002 || 12:00 pm       I thought I had good friends around. I thought they were my GOOD friends. But in fact I was very wrong. I thought... They were BACK FIGHTERS. I thought they were happy with my companionship. I thought they were sincere with thier actions. But I was wrong again.

You are very right to tell me that I dont have to explain to them about my side but I guess one day they will realize that what they are doing to me will get back to them a hundred fold. God forbids HE will get you back.

July 18, 2002 || 4:25 pm       I dont know if I would be happy or not but I guess it is really all up to me now. The decision will be based on me because they have high expectations on my capability. I still have doubts on it but all I have to do is pray. Bakit kaya we have to make a hard decision everytime an opportunity comes along?

July 18, 2002 || 1:29 am       I went to school early today and I thought I will be late but fortunately I was not. I also talked to Maam Santos and she told me a lot of things that changed my outlook in life specially in knowing myself. But I was not able to talk to Sir Miguel about my thesis because he was not around. And I really have to go back to school tommorow to submit my first three chapters. Anyway I was not so prepared to answer to some things he might ask me. So it would be better to do it tommorow.

My 6:00-7:00 Internet class was not able to take the Prelim Exam because I did not inform them that schedule was suppose to be that day. I don't know why I did not tell them about it. I just thought I DID. Nasira tuloy ang schedule ko. Pero ok lang. Akala ko lang pinagkaisahan nila ako. Sana mababait sila...

July 16, 2002 || 4:05 pm       This is a great day for me. GOD is so good to me. I can't believe that this is happening to me. I cannot question HIM anymore the way HE treats me. If I have to think about it, all I can say is "DO I REALLY DESERVE THIS?" After what I did to HIM, this is HIS price for my foolishness? Well I guess HE has other plans for me after losing a girlfriend. In fact, I have the greatest opportunity coming and I think I will grab it because it will never come back again. But I have to sacrifice a lot of people (FRIENDS) but I think they will understand my situation. If they will be given such opportunity I think they will have do the same. Anyway, I haven't said YES to it let's just wait and see...

July 16, 2002 || 11:50 am       I chatted with my students last sunday as part of our subject. I am pleased to know that some of them enjoyed it. I will definitely ask them to do it regularly. Do I have to check the attendance? Mmmmmm. I think so for everyone to be part of it. Masaya naman kasi e... Thank you guys!?!?!? Mam Liza sali po kayo!!! Hehehehehe

July 16, 2002 || 10:50 am       Is it really good that we don't have classes for two days? I think so. I guess we have been stressed from school work lately and we needed this rest. Right now I am thankful to Maricon, she is my student, for sending me some meaningful emails that uplift my spirits high. I will ask a very close friend to read it because she is experiencing the same situation. I hope she will recover soonner than she thinks. My only question right now is that "WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO BE SELFISH AND HURT SOMEBODY FOR THEIR OWN BENEFIT?" But never mind the hurt. Look out for tommorow becuase God will never abondon us.

July 11, 2002 || 2:02 pm       I still don't know why I feel this way. I can relate to a friend's agony in life. Is there anyway I can be of help? I can feel the pain and I can sense the hurt of being fooled. For how long I can be this way? I was DUPMED and perhaps the pain inside me will remain forever. But I really have to be STRONG. Is it not ironic that I can laugh and I'm at ease even though the pain in my heart is still there? I can't go on if I have to think of these things all the time. I should concentrate on my strong points and not on my weak points. ANG TANGA TANGA KO TALAGA!?!?!?!!??!!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?

I am very much happy when I am in school because time is so fast I couldn't hardly notice it. Besides I have other things to attend to and I have to devote my time to them instead.

July 10, 2002 || 2:40 pm       I'm here in school today. I was stunned this morning upon reading my phone inbox that you sent me an SMS. At first I was not really aware of the sender because I have already forgotten your number but the message was there and the past flashes back again like a time machine. My first reaction? *#^&@#^%$&#@* WHY? WHY? WHY? How I wish I'm already gone in this world. How could I not possibly terminate my thinking about the past. Still it hunts me even up to now. Please GOD help me in trying to forget my past. I want to get away from HELL!?!?!?!?!?!

July 9, 2002 || 9:55 pm       Two days we have no classes and I did nothing at all. I spent these days watching VDCs until my eyes were tired. I hate love stories. It is only a fairy tale for me. I had a difficulty in trying to appreciate LOVE and it is indeed not for me for now. I was trying to run Air Force One, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, The Patriot, Patch Adams, Dead Poets Society, Mission Impossible and Pearl Harbor!!!???? All in two days... Whew!!! That was not fun for me at all.

Anyway I was trying to make myself relieve after a hectic week. And perhaps trying to make myself more aware now that I am MOVING ON with my life. I think I should not mention her anymore. Perhaps not thinking her at all might likewise help me move my life. PAST is past and there is a bright future ahead of me. I just received another opportunity in my life and I guess I have to take this one step at a time. I have to finish my master's first and foremost. See how GOD is so good to me? I lost LOVE but I am receiving more LOVE from GOD. HE is just so WONDERFUL and I know HE will never abandon me.

July 6, 2002 || 12:48 pm       Seems there is a typhoon! Pero dito pa ako sa school. Mukhang ang hirap din umuwi. Kamusta na kaya ako? Nasa mabuti na siguro akong kalagayan. Bakit kelangan ko pang tanungin ang aking sarili? Naninigurado lang ako. What happened to me is indeed a big lesson to learn. There are so many things to thank for including all the challenges becuase somehow it made me a stronger person. Strong enough to face the reality that people really changed. People with no other have in mind but HURT other people. They are selfish. But I still have to be thankful kasi I am still alive.

July 2, 2002 || 6:21 pm       I can still manage to put on a smile inspite of what is happening in my life. I just wish I could vanish from this earth. Or be somewhere else instead of being here. Why do people have to challenge me? Why they just have to accept the fact that I am ME!?!?!? What can they ask for more? Be the other person that I am NOT? I can't take anybody take charge of myself. You just don't know exactly who am I. If you think that there is something in myself that you want to know SO BE IT. But I can't let other people control me and then please them. I have my dark moments in my life so if you just can't take it anymore then I am not forcing you to be part of my life as well. I just convinced myself that I am not ready YET for another relationship. (THE NORMAL WAY!)
It's raining so hard outside. I just wish it would stop soon. I want to go home now.

"Though we don't see each other or talk to each other, I never forget that I have you in my life... Somewhere, somehow, I remember you still... bear in mind I am always here... not so NEAR but not that FAR..." ===> Sent by a friend. Nasa malayo nga lang... :-)

HOME         Journals