writings

Ha not a day goes by and every day i see moments pass me up...like i've told friends the goo goo dols are one of my all time fav artist...y you say cuz johnny rzeznik, lead singer, has been writing about my life ever since the boy named goo record....yeah what a coincidence. well he's an amazing writer...musically and lyricaly...i dont know what it is he hits on the right buttons...i've contemplated suicide, like no one hasn't before, and his songs just reach me and grab me from that ledge...it lifts me up when im at the end of my ropes.....as you know im not like most guys im a thinker and sometimes tend to put too much thought into things as i have done now...thats y im writing this...lol i've found music to be my source for an outlet...instead of using someone..... ha some people like being used or just toyed with more like along for the ride....well im not that way....most gurls get shocked when they hear me speak or talk and listen to me cuz i have alot to say...yeah alots happen to me in my life time....im not a narrow minded person...they always judge me before they get to know the real me...yeah i hate that and im sure i speak for everyone.....i dont get it with gurls or kids as i should put it....they want something and then the next day its like they're the total opposite...y? i dont know if any gurls reading this plz tell me...i mean plz make up ur mind if yo uwanna be with a guy...play with my body not my mind! =) thank you...i've been in and out of relationships and im sorry to say thats not really me i've tryed to find myself through people not neccasrily use them but more like an experiment to see what the outcome will be....thats not using but everyone does have their own definitions....i do tend to talk to much but thats just me....yeah im not like most guys i always most of the time keep the convo going on whatever situation is where ever it is its always on....yeah like now 2002 will not be a yr to forget as long as i want to forget about it it will still be there to haunt me for the rest of my life....i guess i can look at it how it changed me and improved my life....but sometimes i can make the same mistake twice and thrice....lol kick me in the ass....anyways getting ur heart broken....lies and more lies....seeing who ur true friends really are and well just living each day as to see whats to come next! with a somewhat smile on my face and ready to face the world and its mighty obstacles.....its a big place but if you cant survive then step aside....lmao...hey whatever doesnt kill you will make you stronger right?! yeah these little proverbs and stuff that i make up just by being alone and thinking to myself sometimes out loud....lol but hey yeah thats me........its the stuff in life that makes you into what you are no matter what people say you are what you are and what you make out of ur life...getting bye well thats another story....its more like i get inspiration from people i see...signs i see out on bill boards...and movies i see...songs that i hear on the radio etc. most importantly you should look out for no one but urself....you think you no someone but then again you dont.....showers of lies that you want to believe but not true....yeah thats life i guess....no who you are dont let anyone else put you down they're just bullies and just haters! =P yeah envious of what you have and what they will never be....im half hispanic italian well more like a mut b/c i was adopted at the age of 2......so really i dont know what i am...people tell me i look italian and some people say i look hispanic....well i dont know all i do is that im just a white guy trapped inside this ugly body....yeah i hate it in this world people just aussme alot of things....i dont speak spanish nor do i understand it...if i were to go to mexico id be lost cuz i wouldnt be able to make it down there.....they call me daywalker.... i really dont like hispanics or "specks" whatever it is they dont know me....even though i look like it im not....i just tueshay them with the way i talk and my personality.....i've acutally been told that i sound like the male version of mailbu barbie! lol im not that shallow of a guy really im not im opened minded very...i see people everyday that i stare just for a moment and instantly i feel like i've known them....i analyze them and just figure them out....i see people that are too uptight....complacent....spoiled...soo jaded...like me....ummmm just soo freakin crazy as in like they dont wanna admitt that a 20 yr old knows what he's talking about....like im smarter than them or trying to out smart them...lol come on just chill the fuck out....thats the kind of inspiraction that leads me to be me right now...i want to stray in becoming one of those....i dont want to sell out...lol yeah in becoming a snob and a cocky mother fucker....i hate tucking in my shirt i've done it but only for occasions thats all i never tuck my shirt in for anything...lol i rarely even wear jeans....yeah im a pretty diverse person....if you ask me....when i got the mall or something im not sounding coincided or anything but more and more i see the boy band look alike cliches....im not one of those far from it....what really scares me is i was watching tv one day vh1 and was watching this program on how music was before in the 60's and 70's and how boy bands originated...lol well it scares me cuz i dont wanna grow old age is just a number but still it shows...lol age before beauty....anyways i was looking at the footage they had back then with bands like the monkeys, partridge family, lalal etc. and i saw the screaming teeny boppers....i see that more and more everyday and it scares me cuz then they'll be showing the 90's before you know and the fans then...lol dont get me wrong they are talented but come on write ur own music even country artist dont write theire own music....lol i do listen to anything and everything but i do have my limits to what i can tolerate! lol but anyways yeah thats pretty much the way i am....i have my likes and dislikes and i know what i want sometimes...i have my own opinion doesnt everyone?! i have a voice to be heard...i dont care who wants to hear it or if they do i'll still talk them to death...another this is what i want in gurl or woman...yeah i dont think she exists soo....i want a gurl that can make me laugh, take care of herself without having me there 24/7 i mean im there for her but im not there to babysitt, i want a gurl that is openminded, loving, honest, real, down to earth and non snob...etc etc...yeah i know she doenst exisist i thought she did but i was wrong...lol am i asking for too much???