chapterthirtythree

�You know what?� Taylor said.

�I know what happened on your trip,� I said quickly.

�You�re gonna have to elaborate. It was a pretty busy trip,� he said.

His complete poise was making me angrier and angrier. �About the party��

�The one at the rich girls house? Dude, Zac did his first body shot. You shoulda seen it,� he told me.

�If the party at the rich girls house was the one where you nearly fucked some random girl named Gabby then yes, that�s the party I�m referring to,� I said matter-of-factly.

Taylor went silent. His shoulders fell and he just looked at me. �Who told you that?� he finally asked.

I remembered my promise to Zac to never tell Taylor my source of information. �It doesn�t matter who told me. What matters is whether or not you did it.�

�Whether or not I did what?�

�Don�t try and dodge the question. I�m not some stupid interviewer. Now tell me, did you screw around with her or not?�

�Natalie, I swear I didn�t mean�� he started.

�Answer the question, Taylor,� I said, tears that I refused to cry stinging my eyes.

�Yes.�

Never before had I experienced such a painful silence. We both just sat and stared at each other for what seemed like forever. He bit his bottom lip, a sure sign he�s upset, and my tears just started coming like a flood.

�How could you�?� I finally asked.

�Natalie I swear to God, I didn�t mean��

�You didn�t mean for me to find out?� I asked.

�No! Wait, yes! I mean, I didn�t want you to�shit! This is coming out wrong,� he said. �I didn�t mean for it to happen. I swear to you, I didn�t.�

�Did you sleep with her?�

�No! Natalie I didn�t have sex with her, I promise.�

�But you kissed her.�

�Yeah I kissed her. And I�m so sorry about it, you have no idea,� he said, trying to get himself back into my good graces.

�What about the other girl?�

�What other girl?� Taylor asked.

�Is there more than one other girl?� I asked him. He was silent.

�Taylor, you at least owe me the truth. The whole truth. So tell me.�

�Mara,� he said. �This girl Zac liked. I was such a shit�but nothing happened with her. No kiss, nothing.�

�Wow, you contained yourself. I�m completely proud. Anything else you need to 'fess up about?� I spat, tears flowing freely down my cheeks.

�The last time we went on tour�� he started. I sat up for this part. Zac never told me this.

�When we were in Boston, I met a girl, a fan actually,� he explained. He closed his eyes and rested his head in his hands. �Natalie I am such an asshole. I�m so sorry��

�Finish your story,� I told him.

�We went for coffee after the show and ended up back at her house�� his voice broke and when he looked up, I could see the trails of tears on his cheeks. �Natalie, you have to believe me�I have never been more sorry for anything in my life. I love you so much��

�How could you do this to me?� I whispered.

�Nat, I�m sorry,� he cried, grabbing for my hand.

�Don�t touch me! Don�t fucking touch me!� I yelled.

Taylor jerked his hand back and looked hurt.

�You had sex�� I said between sobs, �With someone else,� I paused. �Then came home and told me you loved me.�

�I do love you!� he pleaded.

�Bullshit! If you loved me, you wouldn�t even have thought about touching another girl! EVER! You don�t love anyone but yourself Taylor and that sucks, because I thought I was in love with you.� I grabbed a tissue off the table and wiped the mascara that was left on my lashes off.

�Taylor, before we ever did anything, you promised you�d never hurt me. And I believed you. You swore that you loved me, and I believed that too. I gave you everything. EVERYTHING Taylor! And now I�m ashamed to say I even know you. You don�t love me, or else you wouldn�t have done this. I can�t love someone who doesn�t love me back.�

�Natalie don�t say you don�t love me anymore. I need you.� He raked his fingers through his hair. �Nat, please don�t so this.�

�I didn�t do this, Taylor. You did.�

�Let me fix it�Natalie I can fix it,� he insisted.

�No,� I said quietly. �You can�t. You can�t give me back what you took from me. Taylor Hanson, pimp of the universe.� I was getting so angry at the idea of Taylor with another person that I was starting to feel sick. My voice was harsh and accusing now. �Tell me something�the girl in Boston�was she a virgin too? Cause I was thinking maybe we should start a club��

�Stop!� he yelled. I was quiet. �Nat please stop. I�m so sorry I hurt you. That�s all I can say. I can�t justify what I did. Hell, I don�t even know why I did it. But I wish I never had. If I could take it all back, I would in a second. I love you Natalie, and I promise it won�t happen again. Ever.�

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them. I sat like that for a few minutes, tears still rolling down my face and now pooling into dark patches on my jeans. I reached forward and grabbed Taylor�s scarf off the table and handed it to him.

�Leave,� I said, almost in a whisper.

�Natalie,� he pleaded, reaching for my hand. �Nat you have to believe me��

�Taylor please just go.�

He stood up and headed for the door. On his way, he tossed something onto the bottom stair. When he reached the door, he opened it than turned to me.

�I love you Natalie,� he said.

�Goodbye, Taylor.�

With that he walked out the door and closed it behind him. I heard his Mercedes start up in the driveway, then screech down the street. After the squeal of the tires faded, I heard nothing.