I just received a letter from a new friend commenting on nurses losing their licence for various reasons. I started to reply to just her, then I thought perhaps others might be interested in learning about some of the hazards of being a male nurse.

When I was in nursing school, I still vividly remember a class that talked about ways nurses often got into trouble. A list of nurses who had lost their licences that past year was even posted for all to read.

For females, the reasons were varied. Drunk at work, stealing narcotics, ineptitude on the job, etc., etc. . For males (only four per cent of nurses), the reason was always the same, some sort of impropriety with a female patient. Some eight or ten males had done something sexually improper that previous year and had lost their licence. I never forgot that lesson.

I swear, it wasn't a week later that my nursing instructor chewed me out for not doing a thorough enough exam on female patients. She said I was too timid with women patients. An hour later, she stood in the doorway to watch as I walked into a room to introduce myself as a student nurse. The patient was a friendly and attractive lady in her early thirties.

She had been hospitalized with pneumonia. I explained the need for my examining her. She said "No problem" and folded her hands over her abdomen and closed her eyes. "Go ahead" was all she said. I looked at my instructor standing impatiently in the doorway. I started with checking the woman's pulses (wrists and feet). I had her open her eyes and checked her pupils. I asked questions about her health and checked her reflexes with that little rubber hammer you have all seen. I even checked in her ears.

I turned and started for the door. My instructor was standing there pointing at her stethescope. Then, she pointed back to the patient. I walked back to the lady's bed. "Uh...........Ma'am, I need to listen to your lungs" I stammered. She just murmered something and kept her eyes closed. I fumbled the stethescope from around my neck and managed to get the ends in my ears. Well..........in one ear. The other prong or whatever they call it, wouldn't fit right. My hands were shaking and all I could think about was how male nurses lost their licence.

I put on my most professional face........looked up at the ceiling and pushed the stethescope down the top of her hospital gown. SHE SCREAMED! EEEEIIIIIIIIIEEEEE! I almost knocked my instructor down getting out of the door. I stood there in the hallway shaking and thinking about how three years of study had just gone up in smoke.

My instructor took my arm and led me back into the room. The woman's eyes were open now. She was glaring at me. I just stood there wishing I was dead. My mind was going a hundred miles an hour. A plumber.......I could be a plumber..............A truck driver maybe. Maybe a cross country driving truck driver. I had heard they made pretty good money. My mind suddenly froze. Maybe this would be worse than just getting kicked out of school. Maybe, I had broken some law. Maybe I was going to jail for attempted breast touching or something. I don't remember ever being so terrified in my life!

Now the woman was glaring at my instructor. "Don't you teach these students anything?"

Now this patient who had just scared me out of my wits asked "Don't you teach them about warming that thing first?" The two women grinned at one another. I just lowered myself into a chair and sat there hyperventilating.

It's been fourteen years since that incident. During the last thirteen years, I pride myself on the fact that only ONE female patient has ever asked that she be assigned a female nurse instead of me. I think I know why!

I think it might have something to do with the fact that I always approach my newly assigned female patients in the same way. "Uh..........My name is Loyal. I am an RN. I will be your nurse this evening. I.....uh........need to.........uh........ask you a few questions and uh...........listen to your lungs with this..............uh......this stethescope here (I then proceed to vigorously rub the darn thing till it fairly glows). So.....if you don't mind....uh....I ..........you know.......I'll listen now".

The vast majority answer "For God's sake.......get on with it so I can finish watching my program". A few ask "Are you blushing, or do you have a sunburn?" Occasionally, one will say "You aren't one of the maintainance men are you?" When this happens, I immediately bolt from the room and give my stethescope to a female nurse and promise to change the dressings on the guy in 417-2 for the next month if she will finish my assessment for me.

I guess you get the picture. I still have my licence. No one has sued me, and I have yet to spend a day in jail. Oh............and I NEVER...........EVER........look at anything but the ceiling. Honest! I swear!