She was lying curled in the hospital bed. Her eyes closed, her breathing even. They thought she slept, Maybe I am asleep, she thought, maybe I am dreaming. They say you relive your life at the end. Maybe���

She was 14 when she met him, 14 and bleeding, emotionally and physically. He was 28, an honorable man, a psychologist assigned to her case by the court that had taken her into protective custody. She was being protected from her family. The ones who were supposed to love her.

His job was to analyze her mental and emotional state. He had been shocked by the cases he had been exposed to. He, with his nice, normal home and his loving parents. He had a home of his own now, a good wife, three beautiful children. This case shocked him in a different way. The girl before him had tested at genius levels on all the intelligence tests. Their sessions were intense still, two hours daily for the first two weeks. There was a time factor, the judge wanted his reports soon.

It bothered him that he noticed her beauty. She was, after all, only 14, a child, but he sometimes felt he could see the woman she would become. She was damaged, of course,�.. vulnerable, but for the degree of physical abuse she had lived through, he was amazed at how seemingly healthy she was mentally. Sometimes people think the survival instinct is a purely physical thing. That is untrue. There is a survival instinct for the mind also. Hers was finely honed.

Thirteen years later, he saw her walking downtown with two children. He was surprised when he heard his voice call her name. She turned to him with surprise, also. "Dr. Jameson! How are you? It is so good to see you!" He laughed and started asking questions. They went into a coffee shop and talked for over two hours. Yes, she had been fine, she married a nice young man before her 20th birthday. Yes, the children were hers. Yes, she had done well after the court had awarded custody of her to an aunt in a distant state. No, she didn�t finish college. Laughing, she said she hadn�t done THAT well. She was in town visiting family. Yes, she answered the question in his eyes, she did still see her Mother. "There�s no good in hatred and fear", she said softly. They exchanged addresses.

Thus began a twenty three year correspondence. There were occasional phone calls, but no more personal meetings. Just letters����..long, detailed letters in which they discussed every topic one could think of. Well, no��they never talked about romance. They never used the word love about each other. They simply kept talking.

When she was 50 and he was 64, his wife died. He called her that night and they talked for six hours.

As the weeks went by, they discussed her marriage more intensely than they ever had before. A few months later, when she was visiting her home state again, they walked in a park, holding hands but saying very little. They sat on the bank and watched the river flowing by. She turned to him and he to her. Their faces were both wet with tears. She laughed and said "A lot of water!" His hand reached to touch the salt tears on her cheek. Her hand brushed the tears off his face. Slowly, they leaned to each other and kissed. A kiss that held all the years in it�s taste. When their lips were no longer touching, their faces were. Each still had a hand on the other�s cheek. They sat like that, it seemed, for a long time. His voice, when it came, was ragged and hoarse, �."I have always loved you."

"yes", she said��.."and I have always loved you."

They both had computers now. They both sat hours every day living life in a dream world that never would be lived for real. They shared music, they talked about philosophy and poets, alligators and aardvarks, God and ethics, education and politics, history and humanity���.and yes, they finally talked about love.

He told two of his grown children about her. She told her daughter about him. Five more years were added to their history. Five years when they learned all the details they were so hungry for. How they had coped with childhood illness with their babies, the broken washing machine, the short paycheck, taxes, devils, angels, ��life. They discussed their spouses with warmth and affection. They wondered at that, but conceded finally, they loved so much, they even loved the people who had shared each other�s lives. They talked six to 10 hours every day. Five times they met after love was declared and accepted. Five times when the very air around them vibrated with joy. Five times when strangers on the street smiled at the sight of them. Five times when they fought their way back into real life with tears and broken hearts. Five times that will live forever in memories too precious for words.

"Hello?", she said into the phone.

" This is Marie", came the troubled voice���"Daddy had a stroke, a very bad one.

"There is no hope, �..none at all. He was on his way into the computer room when he had the stroke. We found him in the floor by the door. I am standing by his bed. I am going to put the phone to his ear now. You talk to him, the Dr says that maybe he can hear us."

In a few minutes, Marie�s voice came back on the line��.she was crying. I will call you again tonight. The Dr�s are going to meet all of us here at noon tomorrow to unplug the respirator. Can you be with us then by phone? I want him to hear your voice. I want him to know we are all together with him in some sense."

"Of course, I will be with you", she sobbed. "Marie......."

"Yes?"

" Thank you."

The phone had not clicked into the cradle before a howl of pure, anguished grief ripped through her.

Three years later, it still rips through her, but it is usually silent now.

What did she say to him on the phone?

Some words are too sacred to repeat. Some sounds are too primal to bear hearing. Some emotions cannot ever be put into comprehensible language.

She felt her daughter lean over her hospital bed and she looked up into her eyes and smiled.

"Mom?", she whispered, "He�s here, isn�t he?"

"Yes", she smiled, "He�s here."

She looked for her husband and held out her hand to him. When he came near and his hand was in hers, she smiled into his eyes as she drew his hand to her lips. She kissed him goodbye.