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After a day in the fields, he always looked forward to an hour on the porch in his old wicker rocking chair.
'Thirteen wives' he thought to himself as he rocked back and forth. Thirteen wives buried out in that field. He wasn't necessarily a superstitious man, but the number thirteen bothered him. Maybe he ought to use that online dating service one more time. Fourteen would be a better number. Yessir, that's what he would do this very evening. Sitting down to his computer, he signed onto AOL. A few clicks later, he was composing an ad for "Men looking for women". "Wealthy old geezer looking for middle aged woman who is financially secure.". He stopped and studied what he had written so far. He thought about wife # eleven and how he had aggravated his arthritis, dragging her heavy carcass from the house to the fields. He started typing again. "No heavyset women need apply". He sat back and wondered if he needed to add anything else to the ad. He remembered wife # nine. She had been an inch over six feet. He's had a devil of a time, folding her in half finally to get her to fit in the grave. "Not interested in tall women either" he added. Satisfied that he had listed all his requirements, he turned off his computer and went to bed. The following morning, there were six replies to his ad. As he read through the replies, he muttered to himself "Maybe I should start using another screen name? I been using this Lazerus59 for more'n a year now."
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