A few days ago, an online friend of mine took umbrage at a comment of mine. I was just rambling on about stuff and had made light of tree huggers. She chided me about not being sensitive enough toward trees! She went on to say that trees needed love too.

Well! I pride myself on being a sensitive man. Anyone who has read my story about this subject knows THAT! I asked her to tell me more. She told me things that made my blood run cold!

She started with the fact that trees might be male or female. Not in a reproductive sense. Just their spirit or essence. She went on to say that unloved trees didn't do as well as loved ones. She told me how important it was to let trees know you loved them.

Is there a woman alive that doesn't know that men harbor strong feelings of guilt? It don't have to be nuthin' specific. It just lies there in the back of our heads. Just waiting for some woman to nudge it awake. "What were you DOING all day dear?"

That's all it takes to make a strong man's eyeballs roll back into his head. She has done woke up the guilt and he will spend the next few minutes stuttering and frantically trying to remember just what he DID do.

Anyways............this talk about unloved trees withering away was getting to me. I pretended to laugh the matter off. She mentioned also that trees had things to tell us......if we would only listen! I said g'bye and signed off.

I stood and looked out my front window. I have four trees in my front yard. They all looked scraggly. One actually looked DEAD! This is Calif. , Southern Calif. at that. I looked across the street at my neighbor's trees. They were all blossoming. I looked at my watch. It was time to get ready for work! I closed the blinds and tried to forget about the trees and what they might be trying to tell me.

I was late to work when I backed my car out of the garage. I looked at the trees on my right. Maybe it was my imagination.......it seemed like they were leaning toward me. I looked to my left. That one still looked dead. I burned rubber all the way to the end of my block.

When I got home that night, it was raining cats and dogs. I drove directly into my garage. I refused to look at my trees that night.

The next day, I went out to get my morning paper. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and birds were chirping and all that kind of stuff. Across the street, a neighbor was mowing his lawn. In the yard next to his, a neighbor was working in her flower bed. I opened my paper and walked over to the nearest tree.

Opening the paper to the front page, I leaned back against the tree. Looking over my shoulder, I said (out of the corner of my mouth) "Hey! How ya doing?" There was no answer. I walked over to another tree. I did the same thing. Still nary a thing to indicate that I had been heard.

I was just finishing up with the last tree when I noticed that my neighbor had stopped mowing and was watching me. The woman had left her flower bed and was tapping on the window trying to get her husband's attention. She also was watching every move I was making. I waved at them both. Then, quickly retreated to the safety of my house.

When I left for work that afternoon, I stopped at the end of my driveway. I was doing my usual lookin' to the right and left to check for traffic when I saw it! The DEAD tree! It had three blossoms on it! WOW! This called for some heavy thinking. I thought all the way to work.

Last night...........when I got home, I put the car away for the night. Then, I went from tree to tree. I hugged each one. Well.............Not the Sycamore. That one seemed kinda like a male tree. I'm not homophobic or anything but, I settled for just a couple of "How ya doin' Big Guy" comments and shook his lowest limb.

I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing till I thought about my new friend's "Lowest limb". I decided........Nah! That's not possible. Still.....I headed straight for the bathroom and washed my hands real good.

Guess what? I got up this morning............and all four trees were in bloom!!!

Well................I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. I don't really believe in this stuff! Still...............When I went out for my paper this morning, it seemed like the right thing to give three of the trees a little pat on their ..........uh...........trunks and a word or two of congratulations. With the Sycamore, I just poked him in the trunk with my elbow and said "Way to go big guy".

It was a little windy when I got home tonight. I'm sure that's all it was. But...........It DID look like they were waving to me as I drove up. All four were in full bloom. No way am I gonna tell anybody at work about this. In fact.......I don't know of anybody I CAN tell.

I suppose I could talk it over with my trees. But, my neighbors are all watching me like a buncha hawks now.

I'm gonna get ready for bed now. But, before I do..............I have this plant on the kitchen counter. It's lookin' kinda puny. Maybe if I just talked to it for a few minutes. Maybe, a little lullaby?

Geez! I gotta get a grip! I gotta get a dog or cat or sumthin' .Don't none of you DARE laugh! It's like I tolja........It ain't easy being a bachelor!