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| Losers, Robots, and Gas Shortages | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| I think we've all seen this symbol to the right here quite a few times. It is not great mystery as to what it is, or what it means. It is a Robot with a gun to his head, and he is telling you that your passenger's lameness is draining your fuel supply. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| This seems like an easy enough problem to remedy. Your friend is a loser, so they should walk. If only it were so easy. You see, it is not just your friend that is lame. It is a general trend which is sweeping through the world. The world is full of losers, and nobody is cool anymore. This lack of "cool" is depleting the world's fossil fuels faster than a Ford Excursion dragging an elephant. How can we fix this? The answer is simple to say, but hard to achieve. |
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| Don't suck so much. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| The thieving, treasonist, gas-wasting, loser that you are. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| The gas-conserving awesomeness that could be you. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| I know what you're saying. "Oh Blake! It's easy for such a suave and dashing fashion plate as yourself that bleeds cool to say 'don't be a loser', but please share with us your wisdom as to how to achieve this! If it weren't blasphemous, you would be considered the God Of Cool! Please help your subjects!" And to this I say, "Ok." Here is a list of tips on how to be cool. |
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| 1. Don't ever bathe. Cleanliness is for Momma's boys and people who are uncool and have to bathe to mask how much they suck. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 2. Wear Parachute pants. It shows that you are not only awesome, but also always prepared in case you have to jump out of an airplane or do a funky dance. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 3. Cut off your legs. This shows all of the women out there that you know pain, and they will instantly swoon. For added swoonage, you can make up an adventurous tale as to how you lost them. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 4. The more you hate white people, the more awesome you must be. This goes double if you yourself are white. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 5. Give me money. That makes you real cool. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| 6. Dress like any of these men, for they are infallible: | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Follow these and you will get better gas mileage. -Blake. |
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| >>BACK<< | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||