The Croons • Abandoned Warehouse #244 • Muggins City, NY 19884

Are you tired of gangs that promise weekly shankings and cappings, but can't deliver? Or are you interested in a new way to spend your time--and maybe make a little money? Or just looking to meet new and interesting people?

The Croons may want to meet you. Don't think you have what it takes to make it in a gang? You'd be surprised-- you may know more than you think!

If you answered Choice D, Glock, you may already have what it takes to join the #1 area gang! Read on to find out about exciting opportunities in The Croons!

You shouldn't make the choice to join a gang hastily. It can influence your whole life-- ask Nelson "Two Fingers" Frampton, former gang secretary and current Attica inmate #118220303. But-- if you have a "can-do" attitude, a drive to succeed, and a love of gang life, The Croons have excellent opportunities for you! Just look at what we have to offer. You might be pleasantly surprised:

	The Crips	The Bloods	Los Bartolillos	East-Side Fools	The Croons
Beginners' Training	•	•	•	•	•
Job Shadowing	•			•	•
Casual Fridays				•	•
Medical and Dental Benefits					•
Annual Retreat (At Beautiful Camp Croon)					•
Comprehensive .45, Baretta, Boxcutter, and Switchblade Training					•
Weekend Picnics					•

But why take our work for it? Ask some happy members:

"I was all thumbs with my switchblade. Half of my shankings ended up as embarrassing accidents -- boy, was my face red! But under the guidance of Herbert [Smithson, member since 1997], I learned how to stab and gouge like a pro! I'm heading up the Sing Sing crew now, and Mom and Dad have never been prouder -- thanks, Croons!" -- Joe D.

"I've been a member of The Lions, The Red Hands, and La Cabeza Muerta, but I've never found the teamwork and great attitude I discovered with The Croons. We went on a wilderness retreat in 2000. I never thought I could trust a guy who'd wasted a whole crew when he was 17 until I closed my eyes and fell into his arms during trust falls. Now, El Stabbero and I are best friends!" -- Terry H.

What other gangs have birthday parties for every member (a piñata guaranteed)? Or father-son job outings? Or a headquarters ranked "good to excellent" by 90% of members? Still not sold? Read one of our monthly meetings. Maybe it will help you decide if The Croons are right for you.

Croons Meeting #342, 12-1-04

Dave Jackson (president): Okay, guys...looks like everyone's here... Let's get started. Jim, you want to take attendance?

Jim Landon (secretary): Looks like everyone's here, except Tom.

Bob Damon: He's a Lamaze classes with Cindy.

Dave: Aww... when are they due?

Bob: Sometime in December, I think.

Dave: Have they picked names?

Jerry Wanamaker: Mitchell if it's a boy... Madison if it's a girl.

Bob: Oh my gosh... those are really good! Remind me to pick something up for the shower.

Bob: Okay, let's get back to business. Allan? Treasurer's report?

Allan Smith (treasurer): Sure, Bob.

Jerry: Oh, wow, nice pen. Where'd you get that?

Allan: OfficeMax. They were half-off. The grip on it is really nice.

Jerry: Yeah, I think I saw those there. Becky and I went in for a new computer stand.

Allan: Anyway, our funds are holding steady at $26.50... That should be enough to get everyone a new boxcutter for shanking.

Dick Kreske (sargeant-at-arms): I hate to bring this up, Allan, but...

Ron Miller (vice-president): Go ahead, Dick. Remember, constructive criticism.

Dick: Well, last month, didn't we agree we were going to save up for new Glocks? I just bring it up because--

Todd Talbot: No, it was Barettas.

Ron: Todd, Dick has the talking stick right now. I don't think he's finished.

Dick: Thanks, Ron. Anyway, uh... I'm not sure about the boxcutters. I know a wholesaler downstate who could get us a really good deal on some new semi-autos. I just don't know if we're headed in the right direction, focusing on shanking...

Allan: You've got a good point, Dick. I'll look that over for the next meeting.

Allan: Well, we also have to decide on the annual Christmas gift... We were going to go with the L.L. Bean pullovers again, but it turns out Ron's allergic to fleece. Any ideas?

Jerry: You know, Ron, Becky had this problem with a sweater she had... but we went to an allergist and he said it was actually mold.

Ron: Mold?

Jerry: Yeah, isn't that wild?

Bob: Well, I've been talking to my friend Derek. He has a shop out on Route 19, I think we hit them up for protection money last year. I was looking at these monogrammed mugs they had. They looked really neat.

Allan: Monogrammed?

Bob: Yeah...like printed with your initials.

Allan: I just don't know how much use they'd get... we're usually outside, wasting some fool for stepping to. I mean, the fleece was really durable, but I don't know how much we'd use a mug.

Bob: Oh, they're like travel mugs. They have a lid.

Dick: I think Allan's trying to say that it's hard to drop a cap from your nine when you're juggling a hot cup of coffee.

Allan: Thanks, Dick.

Dick: No problem.

Bob: Okay... Steve. I think you had a motion?

Steve Dirksen: Hmm? Oh, right. It appears that the Shankazz are stepping on our turf again. I would like to move that we immediately waste those suckas.

Dick: Jerry? You have a question?

Jerry: Yeah, I just wanted to clarify. Are we talking a shanking, or busting a few caps?

Steve: I think a shanking would take care of it, but that would be up to the Turf Protection Committee, really.

Dick: Okay, show of hands. Those in favor?

Dick: Those opposed?

---MOTION PASSED, 16 TO 4---

Bob: These cookies are really great. Who brought them?

Jim: They're mine.

Dave: They are, Jim. These are just fantastic.

Jim: You'll never guess what I used.

Jerry: What?

Jim: You didn't hear this from me, but... I used cake mix.

Dave: Cake mix?! Get out! No way.

Bob: I never would have guessed... they're so moist!

Jim: I'll give you my recipe, but don't tell anyone or I'll have to lay you out with my gat.

(laughter)

If you've looked at The Croons and see what we do -- a gang with a spunky "Can-do" attitude that likes having fun, spending time together, and popping caps -- fill out the Interest form below, and let us know! We're always looking for new members. Will you be the newest Croon to hit the mean streets of Muggins City?

CUT OUT ALONG DASHED LINE

The Croons - Membership Interest Form
Please fill out the application below in pencil, or black or blue ink. Mail this form and a self-addressed stamped envelope to: The Croons • Abandoned Warehouse #244 • Muggins City, NY 19884

Personal Information Name: __________________ Address: _____________________________ Phone #: (__) ___ - _______ Age: __ Weapons (Please count combinations, e.g. brass knuckles/knives, as 1 weapon): ______________ ______________ ______________ Gang Experience: (Please list all previous gang associations and dates of membership) _______________________________ _______________________________ _______________________________

Interests Please check all that apply: Wasting Busting/Popping Caps Shanking Icing Graffiti/Vandalism Stepping To Turf Wars Interpretive Dance Puppetry/Ventriloquism Knitting/Crocheting

Essay
Please write a brief (150-300 words) essay on the topic: "I Want To Join The Croons Because..." Please complete this segment of the form in blue or black ink.
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Thank you for your interest in The Croons. You will be contacted within 7 (seven) business days. Applicants who have been accepted must submit a list of character references. Good luck!

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